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Originally Posted by paxe

It seems it's the day of good news lol! Keep it up Rebecca. Dont worry about your mom, she doesn't understand.

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Yes, you are right. I like to keep it up. I am crying your loss anymore. It is another good new.
You guys understand me more than my mom. Perhaps because I shared my inner thoughts with you guys, not with my mom? My mom is wonderful lady inside and out. She spends a lot time to help community, and of course has great reputation. She is sweet, caring, and giving person. She only missed this part though.

So, how is your volunteer work going? How is your healing? Are you completely healed?

Of course there are ups and downs in healing, the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments. Redecorating, volunteering, shopping, a long relaxing bath, anything that helps boost your spirits. The down moments will pass and they won't come so often after awhile. Be patient with yourself.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Of course there are ups and downs in healing, the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments. Redecorating, volunteering, shopping, a long relaxing bath, anything that helps boost your spirits. The down moments will pass and they won't come so often after awhile. Be patient with yourself.

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Cat1864,
It is wonderful advice I can get only here.
I like your every word. Nobody wants breakup pain. I like to avoid it as much as possible, but there is any speedy way to pass the breakup period without pain.

I love this, "the trick is to give yourself ways to lessen the impact of the low moments". I will stick with it. Thanks again.

Women's re-decorating post break-up:

I thought about my impulsive purchase of new bedding set and re-decorating plan.
It seems it is beyond simple women thing to make us busy, but actually strong subconscious reshaping is going on us after break up.
1. by re-do, we are getting rid of the old time evidence with 'the ex'
2. by getting rid of the old time evidence, we are unconsciously making our break up as permanent. The old memory stays with the old environment which now it is not reversible.
3. by re-do, we set us up in the new setting which we can comfortably open a new chapter

So, all that means we are preparing for ourselves for next relationship and enforcing the healing process by doing this.
Ha! It is very good for healing.
I wonder what men do after break up to reshape the life.

I like the way your mind is working. :)

Positive thinking is the way to go.

I have gone as far as changing my hair colour and shopping till I dropped...

At least its better then crying into a tea towel,not washing,listening to sad songs, and eating my body weight in choclate...

Your way is better!

You doing really good,keep positive,you'll get there.

Hey Rebecca,
It's very healthy to redecorate your room or to change something in your house after a break up. I'm all for anything that is constructive. If you want to do what I did, I just listened to the stickies lol, gym, friends, family and enjoying myself and after 2 weeks I was getting much better... until she called back.

My volunteering is time-consuming, but I feel so much better with that. See if you can join one too if you have some free time.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

i have gone as far as changing my hair colour and shopping till i dropped...

at least its better then crying into a tea towel,not washing,listening to sad songs, and eating my body weight in choclate...

your way is better!

you doing really good,keep positive,you'll get there.

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I have not thought about changing hair color, but sounds really fun. The 'tea towel' sounds really funny.
I started to order too many stuff for re-do my apartment, and it really makes me feel good. It will cost me money though. Who said that everything has price?

I am going to have the best & happiest life without my ex ALONE in my beautiful place~!

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Originally Posted by paxe

Hey Rebecca,
It's very healthy to redecorate your room or to change something in your house after a break up. I'm all for anything that is constructive. If you want to do what I did, I just listened to the stickies lol, gym, friends, family and enjoying myself and after 2 weeks I was getting much better... until she called back.

My volunteering is time-consuming, but I feel so much better with that. See if you can join one too if you have some free time.

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So, how did your ex approach to you? How did you feel and respond?

For me, I started not to care about what my ex doing, and am talking to myself "whatever..." when my ex mumbles something really means nothing to me now.
I do not even think I want to bother to change my phone number. It really means nothing to me now.

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Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

I have not thought about changing hair color, but sounds really fun. The 'tea towel' sounds really funny.
I started to order too many stuff for re-do my apartment, and it really makes me feel good. It will cost me money though. Who said that everything has price?

I am going to have the best & happiest life without my ex ALONE in my beautiful place~!

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Hah, I've gone everywhere from blonde to brunette, but I always come back to red - it suits me. :D I'm hitting the salon on Friday - hair, manicure, pedicure. I bet that will be next on your list - a little pampering.

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Hah, I've gone everywhere from blonde to brunette, but I always come back to red - it suits me. :D I'm hitting the salon on Friday - hair, manicure, pedicure. I bet that will be next on your list - a little pampering.

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Yes, that is in my list too. Oh, boy. I love to be a woman. What about collecting brand name handbags? It is in my list too.

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Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Yes, that is in my list too. Oh, boy. I love to be a woman. What about collecting brand name handbags? It is in my list too.

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I bought my favorite one in Italy... put that on your list. :D

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

I bought my favorite one in Italy ... put that on your list. :D

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Thanks, I will keep it in my mind.

I think I am all set to be a beautiful & happy woman again.
Do you know my ex did not support my handbag collection hobby?
I did not know until now, but I am more realizing everyday he even controlled my hobby, and ruined my little happiness & fun as woman.
Now I know what to do, and follow my own check list. Ha!
Life is getting better and better.

Thank you for supporting!

Hello. You probably don't remember me posting when you first came here with this question but I was just checking in on you and seeing how you are?

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Originally Posted by adam_89

Hello. You probably don't remember me posting when you first came here with this question but I was just checking in on you and seeing how you are?

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WOW! What a perfect timing! You just re-visited me at the very moment I realized how stupid I was!

Did you say I would not remember you? Can I politely ask you, are you kidding me, Adam? When I join here on September 27, exactly a month ago, while I was crying morning to night without eating, you told me the below.

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Wow, it doesn't matter what you are thinking right now, just get in your mind to get this piece of crap out of your life. I am sorry for being mean here but after reading that it really makes me mad that someone could do that to somebody. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve his bullish. Kick his lousy a$$ to the curb and be happy about it. You should never even consider marrying him in the future, nor seeing him again. He can't treat you like a piece of candy and try out the different flavors and see which one he likes the most.

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When you called my ex immediately 'piece of crap', I felt relived, but somehow honestly I thought you were little harsh. Back in my mind, I wanted to reconcile & wanted to be with my ex if he could be clan up to match with my expectation somehow. Oh, well.

Now, after a month of Painful debating & intensive self realization, I just realized that it was not worth to ruin my life for THE MAN really! I was in illusion with wrong person!

I made him to be gone for good as ex now.
I cleaned up my past.
Now, at this moment, I just started to wonder why I was so miserable for the man. It was not necessary, nor worth it really.
He was cheating, immature, self-centered, weak, and would not make me happy because he was not good enough for me. I really have to think I was saved by finding out his real doing. I just did not see it before!
I have to admit I must be blinded.

You won. I happily admit it. You were right, and you were way ahead of me. I can be happier without him, and I am already happier than before. I do not need him, should not have him, and he did not deserve me.
I do not have to torture myself by dwelling in pain morning to tonight anymore.
I know my life will be getting better and better from now on.
Thanks for your support.
I really THANK YOU, Adam & All.

Rebecca

FYI Rebecca I have followed your story and I am glad you seem to be doing much better! Hope you continue finding the happiness you deserve. :)

Good Rebecca. I am so happy and relieved to see that you are happy and you have bettered yourself. Things like this do take time and it did but it was worth it in the end wasn't it. We all want the things we used to have and try and believe it can happen but we have to face the truth and you did it and I am very happy for you. You are a perfect example for a lot of people and you should help out around here if you haven't already. You would do great. Just live life to the fullest right now and have fun. You deserve it!

You know all relationships are learning experiences but don't you agree its so liberating when we wake up to the fact that we ll never have to bother about them and their little lives again?:-)
Good luck my dear!

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Originally Posted by adam_89

Good Rebecca. I am so happy and relieved to see that you are happy and you have bettered yourself. Things like this do take time and it did but it was worth it in the end wasn't it. We all want the things we used to have and try and believe it can happen but we have to face the truth and you did it and I am very happy for you. You are a perfect example for a lot of people and you should help out around here if you haven't already. You would do great. Just live life to the fullest right now and have fun. You deserve it!

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Adam,
You make me emotional, and make my eyes wet. You sound like you are congratulating me at the post breakup healing class completion ceremony. Did I accomplish something then? Yes, I went through the dark tunnel, and start to see the light. It was only a month long, but I feel like it has been a year long, and it seems I grow up a lot.

You guys are all wonderful, this site is greatly helpful, it seems all we went through the same painful path no matter what kind relationship, partners or background we had. What I am amazed about is every piece of advice is not empty comforting words, but actually came from you guy's vivid life experience. Moreover, everyone is willing to pass their hard learned lessons to others unconditionally. All of you guys are perfect example of Samaritans who help people are going through lonely & painful journey.

I am so thankful I have lived by all the support for every sleepless night and painful moment. It is really valuable experience to feel the beautiful souls in tough time.

I read so many posts here, learned a lot, and am convinced I must saved my time by not repeating the wrong relationship with the wrong person. If I was still confused, I might take him back, and start another round of heart wrenching relationship, or get married to suffer more for life time. I am so glad I borrowed you guy's wisdom. As you advised, I would not see him again or marry him no matter how hard he try.

Regarding to helping others though. I love to, but I am not sure I am qualified to do it. Overall, I was the one who blinded by love with the wrong man. I am not sure I can wisely help others as much you guys do. Let me see. I have to confess I am developing addiction to this site.

Have a good day, guys.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

FYI Rebecca I have followed your story and I am glad you seem to be doing much better! Hope you continue finding the happiness you deserve. :)

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Kctiger,
Thanks for your warm support. I did not know you are following my story.
I have read all your posts as well. I am seeing your advice is help many people who are going through lonely & painful journey evidently, and seek support on this board. It is very nice of you. I hope you are keep doing it for many others. It seems every minute, heart broken people are joining this site.

I like your signature, but am afraid you are getting a trouble for the credit card company commercial copy right. :) Just Kidding. It is charming as much as your post.

You said women are irrational on another thread, but like to point out that it is partially true. Maybe we are more emotional focused? But certainly we have well functioning brain too. It is a great news for guys because if women are not compatible, you guys' life will be very miserable. Ha Ha Any thoughts?