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Originally Posted by AKeagle

and just delete the VM, and never call back? no matter what the VM says or if she keeps calling?

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I think it really depends if you're at the point where you are strong enough to resist temptation (wanting her back) and look at the apology as platonic for being wronged.

You have to be able to accept it,without wanting answers.

As a sort of closure

And I'm not talking about the halfa*** "sorry"
And nothing else

I'm talking about the apology where you have to beg them to stop talking,the one that means something,and very few people get.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

nope, your right

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Even more of a reason to forget about her, Many fine things can be done in a day if you don't always make that day tomorrow. Make today the day you forget about her, and stop thinking about what if.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Even more of a reason to forget about her, Many fine things can be done in a day if you don't always make that day tomorrow. Make today the day you forget about her, and stop thinking about what if.

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I don't want her running back right away, both her and I have a lot of thinking to do.

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Originally Posted by 57373

I think it really depends if you're at the point where you are strong enough to resist temptation (wanting her back) and look at the apology as platonic for being wronged.

You have to be able to accept it,without wanting answers.

As a sort of closure

And i'm not talking about the halfa*** "sorry"
and nothing else

I'm talking about the apology where you have to beg them to stop talking,the one that means something,and very few people get.

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Well if she ends up crying and spilling everything out, what's the point of taking the call, if its going to be platonic?

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

i don't want her running back right away, both her and i have alot of thinking to do.

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Yes but knowing someone left you and immediately began seeing someone else, doesn't make you secure either when and if there is a reconciliation. The fear of them always going to do it again will linger in your mind and can destroy the relationship once again.

I don't know that is just my opinion and from people I have talked to, you see this person you loved and all you can seem to think about is them dumping you to hook up with someone else only to come back to you. Especially if you know you are potentially a great person who deserve better than that.

Did your now, husband, hook up with anyone else during that 10 yrs apart, or did you?

Of course he did, but he didn't leave me for someone else, we were on two different life paths, military life, college, many things that made our relationship difficult, neither one of us left bitter. Or left one another for someone else we let go to improve ourselves.

Don't get me wrong we had problems even before we got married, and nothing was perfect even after we reconciled. BUt I didn't put so much hope and thought into getting him back, or what to do when he called. You just have to start living.

How would you ever be able to know for sure, he didn't leave you for someone else?
Like the point is you can never know what someone is thinking or what they are doing, unless you are god or their brain. Maybe he left bitter, but he might not tell you that. Maybe you were bitter about it, but don't want to admit it, or are looking back, and saying there really isn't a reason for me to be bitter about it.

I don't want to offend you, but its just a thought

Not offending,
Truth is as I told him because he is a couple years older than me, He was entering the military before me, and wanted me to be with him, I couldn't promise him that, because we were on two different life paths, I knew that if I sacrificed my goals, I would probably regret or resented myself for that. So we parted amicably, I was still young at the time and knew that I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. Put it this way, after we broke up. I continued to live my life, got married so did he, divorced and remarried him. Never, ever did I think we would be together, It just happened. And to make it even more of a twist he was in another state.
I am trying to tell you, that if someone wants you to let go you have to.

Losing someone you love is devastating, Like I told someone in another post, its like an amputation, losing a limb, it may cripple you but it won't kill you. Eventually, you'll have to cope and live your life without that part of you. It can be done but you have to be willing to accept the circumstances. And make it your priority to recover.

Jolie is right, when a partner leaves for whatever reason you have to let them go.

Cutting all contact with them is the first step in that direction. And will allow your dignity, and self respect, to heal, and you avoid any more misery, and pain, or confusion and not have any false hope of getting her back.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Not offending,
Truth is as I told him because he is a couple years older than me, He was entering the military before me, and wanted me to be with him, I couldn't promise him that, because we were on two different life paths, I knew that if I sacrificed my goals, I would probably regret or resented myself for that. So we parted amicably, I was still young at the time and knew that I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. Put it this way, after we broke up. I continued to live my life, got married so did he, divorced and remarried him. Never, ever did I think we would be together, It just happened. And to make it even more of a twist he was in another state.
I am trying to tell you, that if someone wants you to let go you have to.

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Its not like she knows I'm holding on, how would she. Unless she is holding on

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

its not like she knows i'm holding on, how would she. unless she is holding on

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Way too much false hope... I sense.

She will know you're holding on/don't forgive her until you call her and say

"hey ___ everything is fine,can you believe how dramatic we were a few months/years ago,hope all is well,I got a new gf,a new job,ect,call back if you get the chance"

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Originally Posted by 57373

Way too much false hope ...i sense.

She will know you're holding on/don't forgive her until you call her and say

"hey ___ everything is fine,can you believe how dramatic we were a few months/years ago,hope all is well,I got a new gf,a new job,ect,call back if you get the chance"

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Well why don't I just run her over with a car, would take less effort, lol

But seriously, she doesn't see me, I don't talk about her with any of her friends, I don't write about her, how would she know?

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

its not like she knows i'm holding on, how would she. unless she is holding on

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Well she broke up with you, so she probably knows your feeling pretty bad right now. Does she care, probably not that is why she is with someone else. Reading your post she pretty much made it seem like she broke it off because of you, when she really did it because of her own needs.

Her actions clearly suggest to me that she is not holding on. I could be wrong, I don't have all the answers but you seem like a caring guy, who deserves a little more respect.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

well she broke up with you, so she probably knows your feeling pretty bad right now. Does she care, probably not that is why she is with someone else. Reading your post she pretty much made it seem like she broke it off because of you, when she really did it because of her own needs.

Her actions clearly suggest to me that she is not holding on. I could be wrong, I don't have all the answers but you seem like a caring guy, who deserves a little more respect.

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If she wasn't holding on, then why contact me this morning at one am. I didn't expect anything from her. She knows nothing about what I am doing, where I am at, who I'm around, I keep silent about it all. I not shocked about someone else, when you are emotionally weakened, people will turn to the first person that is willing to comfort them. I would probably do that, but I tend to stay away from people when I have something going on like this.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

if she wasn't holding on, then why contact me this morning at one am. i didn't expect anything from her. she knows nothing about what i am doing, where i am at, who i'm around, i keep silent about it all. i not shocked about someone else, when you are emotionally weakened, people will turn to the first person that is willing to comfort them. i would probably do that, but i tend to stay away from people when i have something going on like this.

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She text you because she knows she has that control or so she thinks, NC is important its not about playing games this is just so she knows that the decision she chose to make to break up with you. She has to deal with the consequence of her action otherwise, she will keep doing it. I know she doesn't know you are holding on, but she is testing you to see if she still has that authority.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

She text you because she knows she has that control or so she thinks, NC is important its not about playing games this is just so she knows that the decision she chose to make to break up with you. She has to deal with the consequence of her action otherwise, she will keep doing it. I know she doesn't know you are holding on, but she is testing you to see if she still has that authority.

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Well you say its not a game, but it sure sounds like it. Reading bluffs, trying to guess the other persons next moves. She is shooting in the dark. Cause I have been unreachable. But I also think that by acting this way will make her forget about what we had, and not come back. Not saying that I would contact/see/text/etc her. But ultimately the only thing I'm doing is building a wall with no way to get over, under, around, knock down, which sucks, cause even months. Years, days, weeks, whatever, I will realize I am fine and life goes on (I already know that), but that I still want her, and all I have done is push about the person I want, to just prove a point to her

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

well you say its not a game, but it sure sounds like it. reading bluffs, trying to guess the other persons next moves. she is shooting in the dark. cause i have been unreachable. but i also think that by acting this way will make her forget about what we had, and not come back. Not saying that i would contact/see/text/etc her. but ultimately the only thing i'm doing is building a wall with no way to get over, under, around, knock down, which sucks, cause even months. years, days, weeks, whatever, i will realize i am fine and life goes on (i already know that), but that i still want her, and all i have done is push about the person i want, to just prove a point to her

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“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future” This is what is going to happen, you will do everything in your life with the thought in the back of your mind that she will come back. Deny me that, but I can tell just by your response that is exactly what you are doing.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future” This is what is going to happen, you will do everything in your life with the thought in the back of your mind that she will come back. Go ahead and deny me that, but I can tell just by your response that is exactly what you are doing.

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At this moment and all the ones before this, I want her to come back, I can't hide that.