Live in T.O. for you. Yes, man.

Its funny, growing up in NY, spending most of my career there, moving to Van, spending lots of time in Toronto,
There's this sense of who's rocking it here in Canada (fascinating). Overall jealously & insecurity. NY vs. LA thing. Ones that killed rappers.

Success is about being happy and feeling love. Not where you live or where your from. Actions, right?

Doesn't sound like either one of us are feeling too much love in the past few days...

... aand as I'm dosing off here..

Ha, I liked that post ^.

It's almost as if... if 'them' came back into our laps... would we feel the love? I don't think we would... and yet, I still don't mind.

Fighting those demons. Yup.

Locked & loaded, again. The ammo is waiting on the floor.

Shoot straight.

.. how we doing today van... we got a little dark there..

Not much love in this thread guys. Are you actively healing yourselves and trying to meet new people everyday?

Im doing better.
Spend the weekend with some really good friends.

Sorry for the lack of love here, had a pretty rough week.

Hope to reconcile with myself the week.

Yes, I try to meet people as much as I can.

It's OK to feel down I guess, but try to stay positive and energetic. Take care.

Tomorrow marks 4mo. Of NC.

Not sure I even think about it that way. As a milestone. I made this commitment and stuck with it. Im like that. I feel glad in hindsight that Ive kept the physical drama at bay, amongst those attempts from her.

It also in a way, makes me sad at times. To remove her as she did me. The lingering curiousity and assumption that she is happy as a clam & I am simply a repressed thought. To be forced, in a way to go NC, while still in love & turmoil. And later, to try & face my own demons and learn how best to cope.

Sometimes I feel like Im in a dream state where this whole thing was all in my mind, other times clear and hope for this bringing me happiness.

My salvation has been my gratitude for my friends and the people I have in my life. My talent, my goodness.

I never thought that this road would be so difficult. But, Im still driving after some serious crashes.

Thanks everyone.

Hi I'm sorry to hear about your loose. You two have a deep Bonding wich is why you feel so down and left out. To me she seems like she has dreams and has many ideas and goals.But also she lives too much in a imagination, she likes to do many things at ones and gets bored easyly with one thing .Artistic Wise. I would give you the Advice to give her the time she needs sometimes its good to take a little break.I believe ones you let her go. She may return to you. You will not loose her.But its important do not pressure her. And next year around Springtime all may be forgotten (March April)What I do not like is the fact that she ended the Relationship over the Phone.Also I see Money issues around this. But it all will sorted in time.I wish you all the best
Greetings
Carmina

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

I never thought that this road would be so difficult. But, Im still driving after some serious crashes.

Thanks everyone.

---

The road is difficult but you will get to a time where you look back and realized how much you gained from the experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I never thought that this road would be so difficult. But, Im still driving after some serious crashes.


Carry on and don't look back.

Just remember that the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror.

Thanks.

Actually scribbled that one a while back. A good one.
Its about practicing it. And how.

Ive been going from despair to enlightenment all through this.

Takes time I guess, were all different. Different circumstances, different skills. Different levels of awareness. Different analogies.

Im breaking through another door. Feel silly still posting, in a way.

And thanks, carmilla.
You've pegged her to a T.
One thing, Im not waiting for anything from her, never want to see or hear from her again. And yeah that phone call is a big trigger in so many ways.

"Reach out & touch someone"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks.

Actually scribbled that one a while back. A good one.
Its about practicing it. And how.

Ive been going from despair to enlightenment all through this.

Takes time I guess, were all different. Different circumstances, different skills. Different levels of awareness. Different analogies.

Im breaking through another door. Feel silly still posting, in a way.

And thanks, carmilla.
Youve pegged her to a T.
One thing, Im not waiting for anything from her, never wanna see or hear from her again. And yeah that phone call is a big trigger in so many ways.

"Reach out & touch someone"

---

Hi Y'all,

I've been away for a while, and for some reason, wasn't getting notices on new posts. Glad to see the love and liberation continue.

Looks like this is carving out some real space in you, Van. Despair to enlightenment is not a bad path. You already have overflow (of energy) from which you are supporting others. Should be fun breaking through those doors. (Some are unlocked, you know.) Enjoy it all.

Tao

Tomorrow marks 4mo. of NC.

Not sure I even think about it that way. as a milestone. I made this commitment and stuck with it.

Van,this is the first time I am posting anything on your thread but I have been following your posts very religiously.I especially appreciate the journal-like way you write,which gives an update of your progress,ups and downs.Reading your posts and the replies to them are so informative.And learning and evolving never stops:D

I know exactly what you mean when you say that these 4 months of NC,while a great achievement in many ways(which I know that you are aware of),don’t really feel like a milestone precisely because it feels so forced,so absolutely tedious at times.Van,that’s why it takes so much of an effort,so much of our mental stamina,perseverance,grit,simply because it isn’t easy.It isn’t easy at all.Most of life’s valuable lessons come at a heavy price,I suppose, and a few of us have been chosen to learn our lesson really well:)

You have come a long way in the last 4 months and the best way to acknowledge that and feel good about this journey so far,is to go back to your earlier posts and compare them with your recent ones.Thats the only way we can really remind ourselves of the reason why we chose to undertake this road,of learning,growing,healing and transforming and also applaud ourselves for making it.Its still not over and you still need to plod ahead till the time when you really and truly feel changed and healed inside out to the extent that your post reads something like : Today marks __months of NC and it feels exhilarating ,almost like a fresh lease of life.

You might even want to buy ALL of us some beer that day:p

Thanks starry for posting.

I appreciate your kind words.

Yes, AMHD has been my journal for the past 4 months, aside from my daily notes to myself. Believe me, I owe all of you a drink or two.

Still feel in limbo at times, spinning my wheels. Guess I haven't truly shedded my skin fully. Still a day doenst go by where I don't think about her.

Can't wait for that day you mentioned

Hey,

Need a bit of advice.
Got a VM from a friend of my ex's yesterday.
He is friend and acquaintance, not super close, but a photographer that I have worked with many times, and spend lots of times with. I met him through her.

He called to see how I am & gave me a potential job tip.

I didn't respond. I made myself a pact to not be in contact with anyone of my ex's friends or associates, past or present.

I wouldn't mind following up with the lead, but feel weird about it. Feel like if I do, I should respond to thank him.

Just makes me feel paranoid. Not sure if its 100% sincere. Is that totally crazy?

Thanks,
Van

Never mind.

I answered my own question.
NC. No Drama. Screw that tip. Haven't heard from him in 6 mo. Or more.

Nice tip. Thanks, yo. More enlightenment.

Read this series as a teen and again recently.

I was about to put the book in a gift pile with a bunch of music for my friend and decided to look at the authors notes again. Read this then put it back in the pile.

Timely with my thoughts & postings.

A leading quote from "The Teachings of Don Juan"

"For me there is only traveling on paths that have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to transverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly"

Now, lets party...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Nevermind.

I answered my own question.
NC. No Drama. Screw that tip. Havent heard from him in 6 mo. or more.

Nice tip. thanks, yo. More enlightenment.

---

Van,this is how it pans out gradually,the NC and recovery thing.You begin to get to a point where you're thinking things through and are able to decide what benefits you and what doesn't.

You did right.Maybe in future you will also reach a position where you're able to decide to follow-up on tips like this from friends of your ex(what the heck,work's work and sometimes you do need to think very professionally when it comes to what's best for your career).But again,that's when YOU decide YOU want to do it.

Keep up the good work.

Thanks starry,

As annoying as it is, I don't need the extra drama.
Its strange, when you become the invisible man, it brings incredible empowerment at times, other times moral weakness.

I just don't need or want my ex or any of our mutual friends to know what Im up to.

Privacy is cool, beating yourself up is not, gives me headaches.

Lets split an aspirin then.

Van

Go to Brain, Mind, Consciousness and Learning and watch the talk by Dan Gilbert about being happy.

Tao

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by taoplr

Van

Go to Brain, Mind, Consciousness and Learning and watch the talk by Dan Gilbert about being happy.

tao

---

Also found at: Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy? | Video on TED.com

Thanks, Tao.
That was great.

Tao, you have a knack for understanding the process & where everyone is at.

I appreciate that.

For me, what's has been so hard is to let those big triggers not crush or detain me & stop dwelling and get on with being happy again.

The rejection, and wondering if she realizes what she's done. Anything? Put her in my shoes & me in hers.

Both answers that I already have. Way before 4 months.

That doesn't matter, other than the road. One thing that I didn't realize truly and still haven't practiced fully about NC is that, that person is gone from your physical existence, now its on you to deal with that.

Sounds all good, until... well. Everyone, I guess everyone takes there own time. Sorry Ive taken so long to make the turns.

Its getting easier. The more I really understand and be on it. Like I was before. But better.

I was fighting the clock so hard to get over this that sometimes I didn't stop and truly let it be. Take those deep breaths.

No comparing anymore.

Thanks.

Some may have read this before, but found it in my in box tonight looking for an email.

It's a good one...

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings
but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend
more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger
houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have
more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more
experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too
little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too
tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk
too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years
to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and
back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We
conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things,
but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the
atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan
more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We
build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies
than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and
small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are
the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken
homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway
morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do
everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is
much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when
technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can
choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not
going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is
the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a
cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it
comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person
will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the
precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away."

Cheers, van.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Tao, you have a knack for understanding the process & where everyone is at.

I appreciate that.

For me, whats has been so hard is to let those big triggers not crush or detain me & stop dwelling and get on with being happy again.

The rejection, and wondering if she realizes what shes done. Anything? Put her in my shoes & me in hers.

Both answers that I already have. Way before 4 months.

That doesnt matter, other than the road. One thing that I didnt realize truly and still havent practiced fully about NC is that, that person is gone from your physical existence, now its on you to deal with that.

Sounds all good, until...well. Everyone, I guess everyone takes there own time. Sorry Ive taken so long to make the turns.

Its getting easier. The more I really understand and be on it. Like I was before. But better.

I was fighting the clock so hard to get over this that sometimes I didnt stop and truly let it be. Take those deep breaths.

No comparing anymore.

Thanks.

---

I just saw your last post. Cool statement.

Don't be sorry, Van. I don't think that anyone on this thread has any expectations for you; you can't disappoint.

You've got the formula: experience what is. Personally, I like the discovery of inner selves, unconscious patterns, ways some part of me is making things happen without my knowing. Then, I get to wake up and make conscious choices. Your way is unique to you, mine to me.

You explored some parts of your mind. You let this whole thing do something positive in you. So you're better for it. Maybe it's time to stop trying to stop the pain and, as you say, "truly let it be."

Tao

Thanks, I like those things too. Every day..
Its time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks, I like those things too. Every day..
Its time.

---

Let it happen, dude.

I am, thanks.

Hey all,

This week marks 5 months of complete NC. Yup, still counting.

I just wanted to thank everyone here for their support & commitment.

Not anything specific to report.

Ive had a few pretty low days & some fulfilling ones. There still isn't a day goes by that this doesn't affect me in one way or another. She is still on my mind. I wish it was more fleeting at this point, but not denying that 5 years is a long time to remove what has become part of my life and daily commitment.

I try to keep the loneliness as bay and try to further understand.

I try not to equate this as a mistake of loving the wrong person or to place blame. Not to say a person is good or evil. To become more in tune and realize who I wish to be close to & recognize what feels good. And let others recognize my goodness unconditionally.

Believe me, I still have moments and downfalls, but I am glad that I removed any further unnecessary drama. I feel sorry at times that this also involves friends and contacts. Some people don't understand that position.

I miss having a woman in my life, but my focus has helped understand the difference between need vs true companionship.

The stings of abuse, selfishness, cowardness and disregard still are present, but I try let them help me move on.

My friends have been amazing and all of you are included when I say that.

With love & thanks. On to the 6th month of NC.

Van

Virtual cheers van.

Personally, had a real rough day a few days back, but like you said, roll with the punches, and, importantly:

"my focus has helped understand the difference between need vs true companionship."

Yep.

Van you are remarkable!

Nice! I love to see when people get better with time, it just shows what we can if we put our head into it.

That's actually great, continue taking care of yourself and if you feel any down, let us know we are always here to support you.

Your attitude has made my day. Go for 6; and happiness.

Ya know,

Was thinking about all of those clichés, I use to pass over.

"Parting is such sweet sorrow".

Its true. For me, anyway.

Awareness and spirit, written between the lines, for those who choose to listen.

Thanks.

Dude, you are so right. Keep going and never look back!! The future is bright for both of us and we all will find someone that truly deserves out love and commitment.

VAN , VAN , VAN!! Listen to me. Stop anticipating " WHAT IF " she comes back or " HOW CAN I GET HER BACK ". MOVE ON! Because after reading a few of your last posts, it seems like she's still very much on your mind! Even after 4, 5 months! That's a long time!

VANHEART! STOP COUNTING THE MONTHS! Sorry for sounding harsh but be a man! I been through this road once and was heartbroken. I know it hurts. I really do. It feels like your heart falls to your stomach and stays there. That's when I applied the rules below and moved on and turned into a DIFFERENT, STRONGER MAN. Its hard but a man got to do what a man got to do.

#1) ITS OVER! No going back! Do not talk to her anymore. No matter what. Including ALL OF HER FRIENDS. If she calls you, be unavailable. Do not see her anymore. When she said she needed time and wanted to be single, she was putting you on the back burner, while looking for a new prospect. Woman are smart creatures, lets be smarter... Do not be used... Do not be a good man to her anymore. She doesn't want it! She doesn't deserve it! Save that good man for a good woman. You will find one, trust me. Love goes BOTH WAYS. Not one way. Do not disrespect yourself the way she is. She is shady! You are a MAN!

#2) No contact, no contact, no contact. I guess you already know that. Its already been 5 months, so it shouldn't be as bad.

#3) Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. All her pictures, letters, gifts ( sell the expensive ones ) HAHAHA, anything. She never existed! F*** HER! Learn to hate her! She was probably screwing another man while keeping you on the back burner and coming to you for Emotional support when that other man wasn't around. How selfish! What do you think now?? Still love her? You do not deserve that. You deserve a woman who will love you when your at your best and at your worst! And you will find that...

#4) Always keep busy. Better yourself. Buy some new clothes. Exercise!! Exercise!! Better YOURSELF! SWEAT to release natural, feel good hormones. Exercise as much as your heart hurts! Find a new hobby. Fix your car. Lift weights. Do push ups. You will feel good about yourself that way. Join a club. Martial Arts, Art Class, Dance class, meet new people, go clubbing, Anything!

#5) You must follow rule #4. Its imperative IMO because one day in the future, when she, her friends, or mutual friends, ever sees you again, she will see what she missed, THE NEW YOU and she will want you back. By then, you are already a changed man and will not want a shady, piece of crap like that.

You can do it VAN!

Had a nice revelation tonight.
Ran into my ex's close friends. At a restaurant.

Ones we hung with, & ones my ex has a history with, The girl she went traveling with & go married this summer...

Was quick & weird. I gave hugs, made a 10 second hello. Then booked inside. (They were leaving, I was coming in)

First time since the breakup. 5 months of NC & being invisible to that crap.

I had a moment. Then it was actually perfect, cause I don't really care about her or them. Glad that happened actually. Gave me a good reminder of you and what I care about.

Not even sure exactly what I said. "Im ok," then "later" basically.

I was wondering when that would happen. & I handled it in my usual cool self. Aloof, as if I could care... No time for you.

So glad to be away from her & those people.