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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

If you were my son, and I'm old enough to be your father, I would advise you to wait AT LEAST 5 years before you even THINK about being married. Take some time to have fun, and learn about yourself. Date, but nothing serious.

In a sense, you are still a child looking for acceptance.

If a man was constantly getting bitten by dog, after dog, after dog, I would recommend starting with a hampster.

When I was your age, I took time to play. And play I did. I have no regrets. Well....that's a different thread.

I SMELLED the roses, but did not run nakedly through the thorns.

You are the first "little pig" who is building his house of straw.

Wait until you get some bricks.

You will be a bitter old man unless you take the time you need to have fun, and just be Joe.

Solo Joe.

And go back to school. Make the most out of your life.

Go talk to your biological Father.

I sure wish I could talk to mine.

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I was just going to quote the naked through the thorns part because I about choked on my pop over here reading that one. But the entire post is great. Very good points, great analagies and very direct. Well spoken sir.

I think I will take the advice. I know I am dang good looking, I am 24, I deserve a good run at all that life has to offer me before I settle down. I deserve to see what's out there, who is out there, and what they can offer in the way of fun. There is time to look for a life long mate later. Right now I need to get my life strait and get some money saved, a better car, and a place of my own for once.

The time I was living in that apartment alone was the best month of my life. I could go anywhere or do anything I wanted any time I wanted. God I loved it. I guess this is why I have been feeling so pressured lately, I have been seeing my freedom go right out the window and I am sorry but I am just not ready for that to happen. I do't think it should ever happen. I guess I have been blaming a lot of this on her, when its really my growing frustrations that are causing the issues.

She hasn't changed, I have. Our wants and needs have changed and are no longer the same. She is the same person I met and fell in love with almost 2 years ago, I'm just not the same person I was. She is going to hate me for this, like I was leading her on this whole time. I screwed her life up and now she is going to have to completely fend for herself. I feel so bad, because I know I'm falling out of love with her. I'm already to the point that I don't want to marry her anymore... I just don't want to hurt her now... I don't know what she'll do... She is so tightly bonded to me that ripping myself away like a bandage is going to drive her to desperation.

Do I think she'll kill herself? no. Do I think she will stauk me, call me, write me, beg me, cry those heartbreaking tears, yes. She will fight to get me back. She doesn't want to lose me. I just don't know how to break this to her in a way she will understand and accept. And what will I do for comfort myself? Being alone is not a good idea for me after something like this happens. But staying in the house is a horrible way to do it too. I'll get fat again.

Oh god what the heck do I do? I'm just so scared to break her heart, so scared of hurting her and the kids. Though speaking of them, I should get out before I get further attached... :( but Macey and Alex... They mean the world to me... This is not fair!!


So lost




So very very lost...

And scared...

And angry at myself... I let this go on too long... I'm a bad person for this...

You're not a bad person,you're human-as we all are.

Your feelings have changed and you should act accordingly.

Of course it's a tough decision,
But you can't drag this out anylonger.

That's not fair on any of the people involved.

Call your Dad and talk to him.

Sounds good. That will be a much easier conversation... I just feel so horrible.

That's normal,Joe,so get talking to people-you need face-to-face advice and comfort.

Its about you now,your feelings and your growing as a human being.

You are not responsible for anybody else's happiness.

You are not a bad person. You stayed longer than most.

Her happiness is not your responsibility. Yours is. Go find it.

I'm caught in words. I don't know what to say right now. Sorry, I'll check back later...

You are not a bad person. You are a young man just starting, trying to figure things out.

I doubt she will take it as hard as you think, she knows what's up.

She is not your concern, you are. Do what is right for you and ultimately for her and leave this relationship

She has a job now, she can shop all she wants to, after she pays her own rent.

But it is difficult to decide when your attached to her kids. They do grow on you. Just imagine your own someday though, and that's something to look forward to with the right person. You found her, you will find someone better, because you will be better.So will she.

Geez guy after 27 failed relationships, you should know that all break ups suck, and hurt like hell, but you break up anyway, and cope with the feelings, and move beyond them. By rights you should never have gotten involved with a female that was divorced, and living with another guy in the first place, but you will learn sooner, or later to pay attention to obvious red flags, before you cultivate attachments.

After a year or two, you should be already aware of what you like and don't like about your situation, and it sounds to me like you are seeing more reasons not to stay, than to stay, as you have had enough of a preview of what life will be like if you stay.

I just don't see you marrying someone that's not as committed to you as you are to them. I just don't see that happening.

Just so you know, love is a verb, that describes actions, not a noun, to describe a feeling.

Wow tal, that last line was like insprational and stuff. You should use that as your quote.

Yeah I do know break ups suck, too bad I'm usually the one on the receiving end of it. Here we go, after today's hike, I guess I have to talk to her about this... I guess I got to leave... this sucks...

OK I need some tips here. I want to be gental with this, Remember that I do love her and I want her to understand the reasons. I just know that it isn't going to work out. I am not going to do this on a work night for her, she is going to need the night off.

You need to be gentle with yourself-breaking up is a tough thing to do-there is never a 'right' moment,but you have to bite the bullet and just do it.

As for understanding reasons,the main thing is that you understand what you are doing.

Thanks. I think I know how I'll tell her. I'm hoping she takes it better than I think she will. But I know she is going to cry for hours. Can I be there for her for that part?

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Originally Posted by Larken85

thanks. I think I know how i'll tell her. I'm hoping she takes it better than i think she will. But I know she is going to cry for hours. Can I be there for her for that part?

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Be very careful that you don't feed into her reaction. She may not fall apart as much as you think she will unless she thinks it will have an affect on you.

Do try to make the break as clean and quick as possible.

All right... I'm just nervous. I have never done this and did so without becoming mortal enemies with my ex.. That is something I don't want.

Two mature people can end a relationship without becoming enemies.

Don't allow her reaction to suck you back in, but she may not even react in the way you think.

She is going to say that she "will change". She won't.

She will promise that things are "going to get better". They won't.

She is going to play the sympathy card. Our sympathy, here, is for you. Not her. Where were her tears when she was arguing over you paying your own MOTHER a little rent money.

Write down all the bad things about this relationship, and memorize the list.

You've made your mind up, stick with the plan.

The bottom line is that you are a young man, go live your life.

Go make some memories.

The world is an amazing place. Go enjoy it.

Do you want a smile on your face, or do you want a grimace?

276 and counting...

Joe,

There really is no good way to break up with someone, and for some reason my heart goes out to her. However, when a relationship is not meant to be, it's just not meant to be.

I wish this breakup could be easy for you. I can see that you really care about her and that you don't want to hurt her. Unfortunately this is going to hurt her. Everyone has given you good advice on how to go about doing this.

You are right though, about breaking up with her when she has a day off. That way she can think about things and get herself together.

Again, my heart goes out to you and her, but this too shall pass, and the both of you in time will move on.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Larken85

I guess I gotta leave... this sucks...

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Ya well, when you tell your buddies about the break-up and they say, "hey man you made the right decision, here's to you, lemme buy you a beer" you'll feel a lot better. It's an ego boost when you realize you did the right thing.

Going off what jmjoseph said, stick to your guns. It would be in your best interest to speak your piece and leave immediately before she can convince you change your mind (it happens to the best of us). It's time to look out for No. 1, from what I gather, that's what she's been doing throughout the relationship. She earned the caliber of pain she may receive from the break-up, remember that.

I know your heart is in the right place slapshot, but a beer is a bad idea for me. I have an addictive personality and the last thing I want to do is have a been to feel better. But thanks anyway.

I don't feel like hurting her and I am going to do everything within my power to break this to her as easily as possible. The less she suffers, the less I suffer. And if I explain it right I can do this without too much heart ache. She doesn't know its coming, but she is starting to see the change in me. I am trying to fool her until I can get some alone time with her (just the two of us). Its not working that well.

But my mind is made up, I am leaving and staying gone. That's not hard for me, I can turn off my emotions. Its useful sometimes. So if all else fails I will just become cold and displaced.

Fact of the matter is that we are not right for each other and we have been searching for two different things that neither of us can deliver. And as I have grown I have changed a lot and sadly the change is that I found out how much I like being independent.

Good luck to you!