Damn. Congrats? It's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say... do you say... congrats? Either way, glad you're happy. You think he'll contact you again?

Someone wrote: "...it's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say...." How about a bereavement card with an inscription to the effect, 'have you been checked out by your doctor?'

There are new gift cards out there that have a small battery and speaker; you may find one that is just laughing: "Ha, ha, ha, ha", etc.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Just don't get weak, and let him come sniffing around you again.

---

Tal he doesn't have the coconuts to call me after this..

I guess I missed the first part of this ordeal so getting in at this point my opinion might be in the least favored...

It's too bad you did not get the relationship you hoped for. He did what he felt he needed to do in order to achieve his full personal goals. It hurt you in the process, but... women do it to guys just as often... to find the right fit for their lives.

Self-actualization is something people strive for... are you saying that is bad? I know it hurts sometimes... trust me been there... but to be happy when someone else is suffering seems to make you a callous as they are?

I don't think happiness about his dilemma will lesson the pain of yours. Perhaps you need more time to lesson the bitterness, and maybe you will feel that if you truly had any love for the person you would accept their leaving you to do what they had to for their own self actualization.

Don't be the bitter ex. It's not flattering.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by George_1950

There are new gift cards out there that have a small battery and speaker; you may find one that is just laughing: "Ha, ha, ha, ha", etc.

---

Wow George... You don't think that would be to mean? LOL just kidding

Well, MissingHim2Much, I want you to know you are an "advisor emeritus", a dean of wisdom and insight, right up there with those others; don't you even begin to think you have graduated and can return to your private life, ever.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by George_1950

Well, MissingHim2Much, I want you to know you are an "advisor emeritus", a dean of wisdom and insight, right up there with those others; don't you even begin to think you have graduated and can return to your private life, ever.

---

Never George... I'm an addict now.

Wow MissingHim, is it wrong that when I read that I got a big smile on my face and felt like jumping out of my chair and yelling YES!! What goes around comes around! :D

Just a response to the OP's disagreement of my post...

With no warning, my ex- walked out after 10.5 years of marriage and 3.5 of dating before that.. so 14 years in all... Why? To pursue her dreams... wanted other things in life... think I didn't feel betrayed? Still, you can't control someone else, and being bitter only poisons yourself... should I be happy at every thing negative that comes her way? I didn't want bad to happen to her before, and I still don't. Satisfaction isn't going to result from seeing someone suffer. Time to accept what was, and is no more. Often what we think we have is not the reality.

oneguyinohio writes: "Often what we think we have is not the reality." I disagree with this assessment of reality and think it is kind of sad. Maybe that is why you weren't more upset; you couldn't lose something you never had (to borrow from the title of a song).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Just a response to the OP's disagreement of my post...

With no warning, my ex- walked out after 10.5 years of marriage and 3.5 of dating before that..so 14 years in all...Why? To persue her dreams...wanted other things in life... think I didn't feel betrayed? Still, you can't control someone else, and being bitter only poisons yourself... should I be happy at every thing negative that comes her way? I didn't want bad to happen to her before, and I still dont. Satisfaction isn't going to result from seeing someone suffer. Time to accept what was, and is no more. Often what we think we have is not the reality.

---

Oneguy, I agree you have some very valid points and I admire you for being happy for your ex. I also feel a little bit of bitterness is human nature... And your right, often what we think we have is not reality. And just as often what we think we have is because someone else convinces us that it is reality.

I'm all for pursuing your dreams.. What I have a problem with is telling someone daily that you are the dream they were pursuing and not really meaning it... As for being bitter.. that will fade in time and I will be a whole person again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Often what we think we have is not the reality.

---

This reminded me a quote...

“reality, the external world, exists independent of man’s consciousness...this means that A is A, that facts are facts, that things are what they are – and the task of man’s consciousness is to perceive reality not to create or invent it.”

Time makes a difference, and in thinking back... for the first year or two... I felt lots of anger, but having a child... I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child... our lives didn't go the way we both wanted... even if we didn't agree about it... we still have to go on.

Oneguy writes: "...I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child...." That's a horse of a different color; I'll drink to that.

"Missing him", time to change your name on here! I have followed your progress and am estatic for your vindication. I was hurt too, a long time ago, horrible circumstances. No, it does not go away. You learn to deal with it. After a time, we went on to have a better, stronger, happier marrige. Your ex deserves to suffer, how else would he learn? Empathy is gained from understanding pain. You should not add to his suffering, and enjoying it is of course not nice. But hey, I am proud of you. 'the strongest of all warriors are these two- time and patience' Tolstoy

That's great stuff :) vegence is ideal. Even more so when they bring it on themselves


Regards

I love KARMA :-)

Like Tal says though be careful if he comes sniffing around , I know you say you don't think he has the coconuts to but you never know. It's easy for us to see it as that little window of opportunity that we've been waiting for. But remember what he did to you and how he has made you feel for the last 6 months.

I think you are far enough in your healing process now to make the right decision and a lot of that has to do with NC and not being as emotionally blinded as you were. Without NC you wouldn't have come this far this quickly even though it seemed like a long journey.

Well done , I'm proud of you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by friend4u178

I love KARMA :-)

Like Tal says though be careful if he comes sniffing around , I know you say you don't think he has the coconuts to but you never know. It's easy for us to see it as that little window of opportunity that we've been waiting for. But remember what he did to you and how he has made you feel for the last 6 months.

I think you are far enough in your healing process now to make the right decision and a lot of that has to do with NC and not being as emotionally blinded as you were. Without NC you wouldn't have come this far this quickly even though it seemed like a long journey.

Well done , I'm proud of you!

---

Thanks Hon, NC really is a blessing. If only we could see that in the beginning.

Well I just thought I would share the happy news with all of my good friends here at AMHD. My ex and his girlfriend got back together and she has since giving birth to the twins.

They were born on Valentines day no less... How special is that?

They broke up a few weeks ago for a short time because she had told him the babies weren't his. Well I guess she retracted that statement and told him she wasn't SURE if they were his so I guess that was all he needed to hear.

Well anyway I find it funny that he only left 7 months ago and has only known her for a few weeks before that and she's already had the babies. According to my estimate they would've been due no earlier then the end of April or beginning of May but miracle of all miracles they were born 2 months early and were both over 4 pounds each which is surprisingly big if they were born that much to early.

Anyway that makes 6 kids she has all under the age of 7 all with different fathers. WOW it's like the Ghetto version of the Brady Bunch.