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Originally Posted by sylvan_1998

Okay, maybe your friend had lost sensitivity, but you know, what if all your friends knew and you bumped into her not knowing? You would have been just as mad. It was a damned if you do and damned if you dont. In this instance, I would not kill the messenger.

Also, grieve for this loss as you need to. But at some point, quit giving her the power to bring you down. When you can do this you will truly be liberated.

And lastly, sometimes misfortune is in the eye of the beholder. Really, change your glasses and start looking at life as if it was not all against you. It just is what it is. And then improve upon it. Always look for a way to improve and make it a little bit better.

Really, I understand your setback. But I would rather have the knowledge than be blindsided. I also agree with tal in that just react with a oh. how nice.

Good luck

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I agree, look at things as a positive learning experience, OK.

I disagree about the damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I wanted to find out about her life it would be all to easy, but I'm busy living. IF I bump into her, doubt full, she moved closer to home, and goes to her parents house all the time. I'm running away fom that place. I work in the city and go further into the city when I can, the only I ever go home, I'm at my families house. I don't hangout or talk to any of her friends. But there is always a chance, but I still, even if I saw her I wouldn't approach her.

Late night thought

Spent the day to myself, then went out with my cousin. In the early afternoon I had a talk to my friend that told me the info about my ex, and told her I would prefer to not hear any information about my ex (unless its something serious), probably wrong.

After I came home from going out with my cousin I pulled out my notebook and just started writing, and my ex came up in my writing. It is not my problem but it helped to write it out and configure my thoughts.

"i can't believe this is happening, i'm mad my friend ruined my great night. but at the same time this info has pushed my further into moving forward. no matter what i think about this situation, my opinion will not matter in the outcome. she has choose to make this decision, good or bad. I do not wish misfortune on anyone, so i guess, "GOOD LUCK"."

I do think what she is doing is a little dumb but who am I to judge? If it's a ploy to receive attention from me, "please do enjoy my silence", I will not react to this, if she is trying to talk to me by doing this, WOW, did she forget that phones exist. ( I have no idea if its true or not ) That said I do need to watch who I talk to.

I have heard too many stories about people getting married at young ages and it just couldn't work, (they don't know each other well enough) it is none of my business I just hope that if it goes sour that there are no kids involved.

On a funny note, anyone here have an idea for a congratulation gift. One that says, ENJOY!! cough, cough

You re doing fine-as for gift-a box of tissues? Well you did say cough cough! :-)

Is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

I feel that I haven't heard the end of this...

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

i feel that i haven't heard the end of this.......

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Just me but I bet she is enjoying her life a lot more than you are because she isn't worrying about you! Get to living!

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Just me but I bet she is enjoying her life a lot more than you are because she isn't worrying about you! Get to livin!

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I highly doubt that. I'm not engaged :-) even more I haven't into something that deep so soon, it's a plan for failure

Who cares about her plans? Stop caring about her and start caring more for yourself... sounds good right?

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Who cares about her plans? Stop caring about her and start caring more for yourself...sounds good right?

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Yes it does

None the less I have been laughing about what has just happening, and looking at it and scratching my head "are you serious, wow, they just need to add gasoline to that and it would be complete"

KC,

Can you honestly tell me that what she is doing isn't crazy, and would probably end in a bad way?

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Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

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Its just you, dwelling in someone else's business.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
I feel that I haven't heard the end of this...

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Stop listening.

Its when we stop worrying about them and what they re doing or thinking etc and start taking care of ourselves that we can start finding out who WE are.we have to let go of the people in our lives who don't empower us.

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Originally Posted by amicon

its when we stop worrying about them and what they re doing or thinking etc and start taking care of ourselves that we can start finding out who WE are.we have to let go of the people in our lives who dont empower us.

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Why do people keep telling me that I'm not living?

Does everyone here think I'm locked in my room curled in a corner or something?

Like seriously, I have work to accomplish everyday, I have stuff to take care of with my family (helping my grandfather take care of his house and my grandmother), I have my own personal computer projects, I workout every week, and have taken up scuba driver (something I have always wanted to learn) and on top of that I have a social life with all my friends. I rarely even talk about her, it comes up in passing when people ask where she is or how is she, other than that it doesn't.

I'm just looking at this, (even if she wasn't my ex) that who ever got engaged after 2 months of being with people is just asking for trouble

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

why do people keep telling me that i'm not living?

does everyone here think i'm locked in my room curled in a corner or something?

like seriously, i have work to accomplish everyday, i have stuff to take care of with my family (helping my grandfather take care of his house and my grandmother), i have my own personal computer projects, i workout every week, and have taken up scuba driver (something i have always wanted to learn) and on top of that i have a social life with all my friends. i rarely even talk about her, it comes up in passing when people ask where she is or how is she, other than that it doesn't.

i'm just looking at this, (even if she wasn't my ex) that who ever got engaged after 2 months of being with people is just asking for trouble

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I guess it's an easy answer to tell you to get a life, but you are the one asking yourself all those questions. I guess you are entitled to question her but what we are trying to tell you is that you need to let go. It is going to take a bit of time but you'll forget about her. The why is not important right now.

If you want my opinion yes it's crasy what she is doing, and it is completely stupid... but then again it's her life and not yours anymore. I am a bit more advanced in the healing process, now I tend to not care what happens to my ex. You should soon have other worries than her actually as the memories will just fade away.

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Originally Posted by paxe

I guess it's an easy answer to tell you to get a life, but you are the one asking yourself all those questions. I guess you are entitled to question her

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Entitled to ask her questions... I don't know, I'll never get the chance to ask her or get a straight answer. Its an open ended question... its just what I see, and because of that I question it to at least get it out

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Originally Posted by paxe

If you want my opinion yes it's crasy what she is doing, and it is completely stupid... but then again it's her life and not yours anymore. I am a bit more advanced in the healing process, now I tend to not care what happens to my ex. You should soon have other worries than her actually as the memories will just fade away.

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I already have other thing I am thinking about, and it feels great.

Its only at awkward times that I feel sad about her leaving. For example, I went out with my cousin and one of my best friends and her cousin, we went out to one of my ex and I regular restaurant. I did not tell anyone before we went, cause that is where everyone else wanted to go. When the food came out, I just sat there, I don't know why, I caught myself and started to talk to everyone else. (happened last Friday before my friend called me with the news)

Another one, is when I went to visit some family a couple states away, I went by myself. I hadn't made the trip up there for 4 years without her. I drove the whole way up there without stopping (300 some miles) no cell phone service so I couldn't talk to people on the way up there, so I listened to music I had on my iPod. What I missed what the conversations her and I had during the drive. (was about 2 or 3 weeks ago)

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

entitled to ask her questions..... idk, i'll never get the chance to ask her or get a straight answer. its an open ended question...... its just what i see, and because of that i question it to at least get it out


its only at awkward times that i feel sad about her leaving. for example, i went out with my cousin and one of my best friends and her cousin, we went out to one of my ex and i regular restaurant. i did not tell anyone before we went, cause that is where everyone else wanted to go. when the food came out, i just sat there, idk why, i caught my self and started to talk to everyone else. (happened last friday before my friend called me with the news)

another one, is when i went to visit some family a couple states away, i went by myself. i hadn't made the trip up there for 4 years without her. i drove the whole way up there without stopping (300 some miles) no cell phone service so i couldn't talk to people on the way up there, so i listened to music i had on my ipod. what i missed what the conversations her and i had during the drive. (was about 2 or 3 weeks ago)

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What I meant you are entitled to ask yourself this question, but also you need to let go after some time.

It happens to the best of us. It's a long part of our lives and there is always going to be some things that are going to remind us of them. After a while we just don't care and it's going to be: "oh, I went with my ex at that place, I think they have great pasta", and then you'll think about pasta... makes me hungry.

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Originally Posted by paxe

What I meant you are entitled to ask yourself this question, but also you need to let go after some time.

It happens to the best of us. It's a long part of our lives and there is always going to be some things that are going to remind us of them. After a while we just don't care and it's going to be: "oh, I went with my ex at that place, I think they have great pasta", and then you'll think about pasta... makes me hungry.

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yeah I know, that's why I do that every once and awhile, helps num the pain more after each time. Though I am doing a lot of things I use to do with my ex, I'm enjoying the alone time, like going shooting, riding (she wouldn't ride cause of something happened in her past), scuba diving (never could convince her to do that, I will, lol) some of these offer chances to meet new people. I'm very random when it comes to talking to people, if I see a car that looks cool, I got introduce myself to the owner and start talking. Someone that looks like a rider (can usually tell by the outfit) I start a conversation about horses and what not. Etc

Don't give up Akeagle, your on the right track. You will always have memories, and its just that certain times that trigger them off. You wouldn't be normal, if you didn't feel that way. Your heading in the right direction, just stay strong and work on you. Good luck.

Its just a matter of getting use to her not sharing in your life. It will get better and your doing fine. Just takes time.

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Originally Posted by Jeha

adding from wht the last answer said,
while your expericeing this break up, try to control your anger, because if u want any relationship to grow , u must find a common ground, limit your self don't let your depression get the best of you.

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Seems to me the majority of my depression left when she did. (maybe with her around I could never get past the times I could have lost my life. Just a thought)

Other than that, sometimes when I'm lifting, but that could be cause I have a goal and I'm focused trying to achieve it. (it goes away during my cool down period) after that it only occures when my friend decided to shoot my in the foot. I have since talked to her, asking her to not tell me anything about her, if I would like to know I will find out for myself. I don't want that to be our only bound in our friendship

Well it seems you're mostly over of getting over her as long as you try to forget her slowly.

I think I need to cut ties with a couple more friends of ours.

other thought and I think a couple people will disagree with what I have done.

first off, I have no problem approaching people randomly, males or females its easy to strike a conversation. When it comes to girls I kind of get carried away with flirting where I have to walk away before I dig a grave for myself.

my friend (no connection to ex) is having her 21st Birthday party soon, in the city. She asked me if I was bringing anyone with me. I said I hadn't really thought about it. I thought right away about this girl that I knew, for some reason I never seem to get into the groove when it comes to talking or being around her, whenever I try my best I always mess up. The catch is that she has had feelings for me for the last 4 years, so we haven't done a whole lot of talking cause of my ex. After my ex left, we talked for about 3 weeks. Then she got got mad cause she thought I was trying to use her ( I wasn't), so she told me not to contact her, which I did up until about the beginning of this week. Today I asked her if she would like to go with me to my friends birthday party and she said yes.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

I think i need to cut ties with a couple more friends of ours.

other thought and i think a couple people will disagree with what i have done.

first off, i have no problem approaching people randomly, males or females its easy to strike a conversation. when it comes to girls i kinda get carried away with flirting where i have to walk away before i dig a grave for myself.

my friend (no connection to ex) is having her 21st Birthday party soon, in the city. she asked me if i was bringing anyone with me. I said i hadn't really thought about it. I thought right away about this girl that i knew, for some reason i never seem to get into the groove when it comes to talking or being around her, whenever i try my best i always mess up. the catch is that she has had feelings for me for the last 4 years, so we haven't done a whole lot of talking cause of my ex. After my ex left, we talked for about 3 weeks. then she got got mad cause she thought i was trying to use her ( i wasn't), so she told me not to contact her, which i did up until about the beginning of this week. today i asked her if she would like to go with me to my friends bday party and she said yes.

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Don't get carried away. Dating might be a bit too early for you and you really need to appreciate your time alone. Be frank with her as you know she has feelings for you. I probably have 4 month ahead of you and I'm having a dilemna between the girl I'm going to date on Friday and another girl that has feelings for me and invited me to her party... or girls from my university which are hot or being single.

Actually it's quite a good trait to be able to approach people randomly, I'm almost at this stage but I'm still a bit shy.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Don't get carried away. Dating might be a bit too early for you and you really need to appreciate your time alone. Be frank with her as you know she has feelings for you. I probably have 4 month ahead of you and I'm having a dilemna between the girl I'm going to date on friday and another girl that has feelings for me and invited me to her party... or girls from my university which are hot or being single.

Actually it's quite a good trait to be able to approach people randomly, I'm almost at this stage but I'm still a bit shy.

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I doubt things will get carried away. She is the one that pushed me away before so I stayed away, so I doubt she will have that many feelings for me still. But I guess we'll see what happens, the party is in about 2 weeks.

I'm pretty shocked she said yes, I was kind of expecting that she would get mad for me asking her

So I got out of town yesterday after work. During the drive and the time just relaxing last night I thought. Here is what I have come up with.

I settled, I was too comfortable in the relationship and because of that I never pushed for it to become more, nor did she. I also ignored myself, I want to get out and experince new things. I'm look at going sky driving and taking up scuba. But I also ignored the things in life that were important to my success, college, my job, family and that is just not healthy for me. I should not stop growing because my partner isn't growing.

She was the perfect girl for that part of my life, but she wasn't the perfect girl for life. I want someone who is independent, driven in all aspects of their life, and out going. Not saying I want someone who will go try everything, but someone who would like to do something more than just go to the same places and do the same things.

Just my thoughts after a five and a half hour drive. This does not mean I do not have feelings for her, but it does mean that she was important part of me growing up. Good lesson learned.

That is good.
Sounds like you are coming to realize that you two were good for where you were in life, but you both have grown and changed. It's time to move on to the next phase of life.

You should never sacrifice your own growth for someone else, and you should not stop growing because someone left you. I realized that with my ex, I sacrificed a lot of my growth because I was with her. I should never have given her that much importance.

I've been having a hard time lately. My ex before her, has been talking to me a lot. She has been wanting to talk about our past (not a good idea) and what happened between my current ex and I. I have been doing really well with keeping myself occupied with work, social life, reading, learning and what not. I have also slow separated myself from some of my friends that are keeps the situation going.

All and all, life is good. Classes start up in a week. But for some reason I'm just down about all this

Ignore the ex-exs attempts at conversation and keep away from those friends you mentioned.maybe you're a bit down because classes are starting up and things are changing around you even if you are looking forward to this.we all have our moments! Good luck with your education and your life.

I kind of figured my ex ex conversations would be a bad thing. She has seemed to fill in the girlfriend part of my life, except there is nothing going on between us, just talking about life. At the same time when the past is brought up, I just shut down, cause I prefer to not talk about it, I'm looking forward not back. Not saying I'm looking for anything to happen between her and I. (I would prefer if nothing came of her and I again)

Time to ditch the past and create a future that involves an all new outlook.

Yes leave the past where it belongs-in the past.they re exes for a reason.

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Originally Posted by amicon

yes leave the past where it belongs-in the past.they re exes for a reason.

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My past ex, I don't not have a problem with. Her and I get along, its just when she wants to talk about my situation or what went wrong when her and I dated. I might just ask her to not talk about what happened for now and what just happened.

I think I need to come up with names, cause this is getting confusing.

Are you talking about this ex?

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Originally Posted by paxe

are you talking about this ex?

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No I mean the one that was before her.

Oh yea,
It is getting confusing, didn't know you had another ex, I thought it was your first break up. You should have experience by now :D. Joking aside, first breakup are horrible... lost hair, started getting bald at 22 and my hair started to turn white... but now my hair has grown back and I have no more white hair!

It was a tremendous shock to my body. Honestly if I was able to get back in mental shape, so could you... but I guess you should have by now.

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Originally Posted by paxe

oh yea,
it is getting confusing, didn't know you had another ex, I thought it was your first break up. You should have experience by now :D. Joking aside, first breakup are horrible... lost hair, started getting bald at 22 and my hair started to turn white... but now my hair has grown back and I have no more white hair!

It was a tremendous shock to my body. Honestly if I was able to get back in mental shape, so could you... but I guess you should have by now.

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Well my past ex, the break up wasn't as bad of a break up. It was also a shorter relationship.

My current ex was the first serious relationship. So I do consider this my first break up. Yeah I'm pretty much back to normal now. It gets to me every once and awhile, when ever I'm walking around the city. Lately I have been writing at night in a notebook, not just about my ex, but about work, ideas I want to pursue in the future, and what not.

As for the ex before her. I enjoy talking to her, but she has lately said she has feeling for me again. Problem, she has a boyfriend and I am sure as heck not going to do to him what happened to me. Besides I do not want anything to become of her and I.

Update.

She is married...

Wow!

2.5 months for a proposal
An extra month for marriage

That moving right along at a pretty fast pace. I think you dodged a bullet, honestly.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

That moving right along at a pretty fast pace. I think you dodged a bullet, honestly.

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Yeah, that is what my close friends have told me. It doesn't hurt that much to have found out this information, just a deer in the headlights. Kind of wondering the is going through her mind. Most of my friends are saying it's a failure waiting to happen. Not meaning that will affect my future.