Ask Me Help Desk - My "first love" story revisited

Stay strong man, it's hard but not impossible. Did you tell you don't want to talk to her? Make it clear and tell her you are trying to get healed.

Keep staying strong and taking care of yourself, it's a horrible dark path but the light is in the end of the tunnel even if you don't see it.

You are also putting her on a pedestal so that doesn't help either. Think of yourself and the dreams and goal you have set for yourself. For example you set a goal of moving out of your city once you finish your degree or you can plan a big trip alone or with your friends. That will help you a lot.

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

Well, if she doesn't listen next time you talk to her you can say out loud in front of everyone that you don't want to talk to her and to keep out of your life. That will calm her down, and you have every right to pass the message to her that way.

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. First I become depressed and now I am furious. What the hell comes next and when does happiness come in?

It takes time, a lot of time but it's the proper way of healing. You could also go party and get drunk all the time and try to hock up with the next girl that passes by. Like that you can end up like my friend in the hospital with a heart attack (he's 25) by drinking too much.

Take it slowly, it's always hard in the beginning.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I stood strong. I did not let me see me in the state that I was in. I left the class and went to my next one which I have with her too. The only difference here is that I am one of 3 guys in that class so no flirting happening there. As I came in she asked me how I was doing. I told her calm mannered that I was fine and left to sit down in my spot. The whole time during class she kept on looking at me discretly but I did not give her the chance to make eye contact with me. I paid attention to the class and walked away after it was done. I can't believe what she did to me and I can definitly see her ugly side. This is helping me get over her much easier.

I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel. I am not the one to ever get angry at anyone. I am very calm mannered but I just want to tell her off. But I won't because I know it would only feed her.

Its good to know that you are not giving in to her. Gosh I would never do the crap to my boyfriend that she is doing to you! Its so despicable what she is doing, I don't know how she can hurt somebody so badly. I swear to god, she is thinking well I want love, affection from someone who truly cares about me, (you) then once she's with you, she craves having freedom and experimenting with other guys. Then once she's had her period for screwing around with other guys, she wants you back because she then lacks and misses the love, affection and attention she needs from you. She keeps rebounding back to you, and using you for emotional support and love, because you always take her back. But she is too selfish to realize that to have a relationship you need to be committed and show the same affection back. I feel very sorry for the mind games she plays on you, its pathetic to put it bluntly. I despise girls like this and know many girls like this. You don't deserve the crap she is doing. I don't want to make you feel worse, but to put it VERY bluntly, she uses you for love, affection... (I mentioned earlier) gets bored, than goes off screws around with other guys, than comes right back to you. It's a sin that you allow her to do this, and from what it sounds like, she's trying to get into a relationship again with you... the cycle will never stop... the pain you endure will never stop as long as she is in your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

Good for you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by A4Effort

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

I hope you don't there are too many beautiful women in the world inside and out to save yourself for.

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

Yes, I agree with you white-rose. Now that I am a little further in my healing process I can see that there are others. I have met some beautiful girls with wonderful personalities. I am very thankful for all the support around here and the support I am receiving from the people around me. I am channeling all my anger into motivation. Every day I am learning something new, meeting a new friend, or learning something about myself. I know I will have more rough days as well as many more good days. But I have gone through too much in my life to let a girl slow it down. This whole journey has been a huge learning experience and I am glad that I have been able to go through it. I see nothing but positives coming from this. I was caught up in this routine with her where I kept on doing the same thing over and over again. I did not have any personal time and that kept my motivation low to do anything else besides work, school, and being with her. Now I am very much into working out again and I even was able to get my six pack back again in just a month. I have my first gallery opening coming up for my photography and I will have another one in January. Also, I had a local business interested in selling my art. All of this I wouldn't have done if I was with her because she needed me to be with her at all times. LIFE IS GREAT!!

I have no clue why but that scene from yesterday has been replaying in my head all day. They were talking about how the two of them should get together and study this upcoming Sunday. The guy then said that my ex should give him a call since she already had his number. It pisses me off so much that she would be so insensitive in front of me. Also, the fact that she knew the guy while we were dating and never said a word about him or even spoke to him in class while we were dating. But suddenly we break up and she is chit chatting away. It pisses me off so much. Its as if she already picked guys she wanted to date and then just waited to break up with me to go out and date them. I just want to explode on her and let her know how I feel but I won't. How can somebody do something like that. I shouldn't let this bother me but I am so angry at her.

Id say the anger is justified and will actually help you on your road to complete recovery.
You ll get to a place eventually when whatever she does or whomever she speaks to won't matter.

Her true colors are showing my friend. That is extremely unclassy to do and I would be pretty pizzed if I were you as well. Handle your anger and move on. Don't give her any satisfaction.

I won't give her that satisfaction but won't she always think that there is nothing wrong with treating me this way? What can I say to her? Or should I just shut my mouth and continue playing it cool?

Play it cool. Karma is a beeyatch... you take care of yourself and let life take care of the rest.

I sure hope it is. I hope that one day she realizes what she had and how she can never get it back. I didn't ask for anything else besides commitment. I didn't ask for marriage. I didn't ask for her to change. I just wanted her to be herself. I committed myself to this relationship 100% and gave her everything she wanted plus more. I just wish I could have seen this before. But it happened and I can't change that. I can only learn from it.

So what comes next?

I went from being sad to being sad and angry. When does happiness come in?

I am so stressed out by everything and I don't know how much longer I can stay this strong. I average 12 hour days, 7 days a week. Having to go to school, three jobs, psychology lab, other clubs/activities and doing homework on top of all that is draining me very fast. Also, having to deal with a break up on top of that does not help.

I am so sick of always having to be strong at all times. Why is it that since the age of 5 I had to grow up and start working my butt off? I am so fortunate to be where I am today and I am not complaining about what I need to do but when will I get a break?

Why don't you take a weekend off and get out of town for awhile. Do something to clear your mind.

I wish I could but I work the weekends and I have already taken a day off recently when I first broke up with her. Also, this month is a tough one when it comes to paying the bills and I need all the hours I can get to pay for everything. I am under pressure with school work too. I am trying to do things with friends but when I do those things then other important tasks get pushed back.

But its not just this instance. I have been under pressure my whole life and that is what I do not understand. Why have I been dealt these cards? I am staying positive and making the best out of what I have been given but sometimes I just question my life. Why?

This is life A4. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are the only one working their a$$ off to make something of themselves. You are never given more than God thinks you can handle... and no, I'm not a religious man. There are a ton of people on this board alone that have gone through tragic situations. We make our lives what we want them to be, but the path isn't always crystal clear nor easy.