Ask Me Help Desk - I can't trust my girlfriend.

Cat, I need a response to what I wrote. I am seriously thinking of contacting her... I miss her... What am I doing wrong and I keep blaming myself which is why I need a response to what I wrote... please.

Emo, you know the answer to contacting her-DON'T.

You are running yourself ragged trying to place blame when you need to put that energy into things that make you feel better. Thinking about her and what happened isn't helping you.

Only you can forgive yourself. Only you can let her and the past go.

Here's the thing... She was jealous of my cousin... so we were having a sleep over and I told her that she will be there... I was honest and I even invited my ex but she didn't want to go and fought with for no reson... I was confused but said OK. Then as I went to the family sleep over, she decided to go out with her sister even though she said she would be sleeping and she turned off her phone. I called her because I figured she would be worried about me but when I called her phone was off. Then later on she called me and said she was out with her sister but I said why couldn't she just text me that? Then she got a crazy attitude and fought with me so I cursed and hung up and the next day she broke up with me. 6 months later, we get back together, mind you she had a boyfriend while we were broken up and he was from her church where she went that night... hmmm go figure. Anyway we got back together with some of my begging and 3 times she did the same thing. Going out sneaky with no text and each time saying she won't lie again... I always let those go because she was apologetic... This last time she wasn't. She said she doesn't have to let me know anything and that it doesn't matter if she lied to me and she cursed me out. She even said to pick a break or break up and if I don't pick she will. Mind you all I did was work that night and being sooo good as usual while she lies again! Then she ignores me for hours and then calls me and says "f you, I been doing this!". Altogether with her not wanting to talk about it the next day and her being the way she was prior made me react in payback mode. I would have let it slide again had she treated me good and said "babe I'm sorry for lying...ill go home soon and ill call you and I won't do this again. I thought you would get mad but I will tell you next time because I want to build trust." Or something to that affect that showed she cared for my feelings especially since till that point I was so good.

Do you understand what I am saying? It's like she wanted to break up before.

Emo-I wish you would stop beating yourself up-concentrate on moving forward-you re doing much better than you were a couple of weeks ago.
You write poetry you re an artist and you ve just made a good career choice-see that you have all these things going for you.

I'm sooo mad!! This guy comes to my job and says he works next door and says he is locked out and needs $20... so I give it to him and its been about 4 hours and he never came back! He said he would be back in 3 hours! I feel like a jerk!!

No he s the jerk.
Some people are just morons-but most are nice decent folks.

Its all right, its just small matter :)

I can see why your girlfriend took advantage of you. You are too trusting and too kind to give a stranger $20 for a story he made up.

Just thought about the time we were upset at each other and she decides to make a good day out of it and she wasn't sad at all. She was going to design a guys hair at her house and it sucked because she usually had me around for that but all of a sudden she does it alone and leaves out the fact that she was going to do a guys hair. I don't know why that is bothering me right now... Maybe the fact that I let it slide to be a good guy again.

I feel a little better now... I just miss the company at this point. Its like you get so used to seeing one face and you love it and you can't imagine anything else ever being the same. I'm just scared I won't have that again. It won't be the same nor the same feelings. I don't know what to do.

Every relationship brings new feelings. Yes, they are different, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are better or worse than the old ones. It just means they are unique to that relationship.

Oh OK.

Darn!! Manny Pacqiou or whatever beat up Miguel Cotto! My ex is phillipina and I am puerto rican. She is probably celebrating and I'm miserable now! She probably uses this to not ever think of me as if this boxing fight proves I'm not worthy!! Darn! I hate this!

Same for me emopunk, I'm missing it.. But I got to stay strong, I broke nc, although it was only 5 secs, it sure did gave me a lesson :)

What did you do BSWC? You should have came here instead!

It's a long story, I grew up in a quite family, we're good but we never really communicate, we never really talk heart to heart. So here I am a very mysterious person in real life, I can't name a person who understands and know me, not even my 2exs for 5 yrs. I've decided that I have to change, I have to express myself better and release the things I hid in my heart.

I started with my first ex, I told her I cheated on her ( less than a week) and she said she nvr want to talk to me. Then I want to go on with my 2nd ex, telling her my feelings inside during the relationship, she doesn't tell her family anything good about me, and my emotions and things I kept from her. I tried to take off my mask, its bringing me no where in life.

I called her, but the background is abit noisy so I asked her to call later. That's all, she didn't of course. Now I'm not feeling like telling her about it, but this way I couldn't lift the mask off me. Do u think its necessary? I hid my disappointment, my anger, my joy, a lot.. just a lot... I need to improve in expressing and communication. Therapy?

Post your problem and see what responses you get. Don't blame yourself too much. Relax.

I still keep thinking about my ex. I want it to stop. If I can't be with her then I want to stop thinking of her. Its not like she is thinking of me because if so she would have called or something by now. Every time I wake up my heart beats fast and I think of her at different points of the relationship and it makes me want her back... I miss how sexy she dressed and just loved evrything about her! Please help! Someone help me remember the bad because I can't seem to do it anymore!

Emo

Make a list of all the bad things about her (and be honest with yourself) then whenever your thinking about her bring out the list and read it.

Its hard to make this list as I have only thought of the good all day. Well here it goes...

1. She smokes more often towards the end of the relationship.
2. She curses me out during arguments.
3. Embarrases me in public with yelling and punches when upset.
4. Almost never trusted me.
5. Always brought up the past during new arguments and wouldn't stick to the problem.
6. Scratched my face during an argument and throws things at my car and slams my door as hard as possible.
7. Almost always threw me out of her house for dumb reasons.
8. Was very jealous.
9. Hung up on me when upset even after we agreed we wouldn't do that.
10. Would never say sorry first no matter what.

emopunk7, I think it's time you go out with someone new. Maybe this will help you to forget your ex faster.

That's a good list, if you'd have this list before you met a girl the first place the list will end is in the trash bin!

I'm going through the same emotions you are emo. Just work on that list, and start writing a journal if you haven't already, that really helps.

Good News:
I was taking the train at night and I saw this pretty girl walk by so I was like hmmm. Then I see she is not sure of where to catch the train but she doesn't ask me so I realize I'm on the wrong side. So I go to the other and later she realizes that she has to go to the other side as well. Now we are both waiting for the same train and I start talking to her and she starts laughing and I keep making her laugh... Then I ask where she is going and she said towards the ferry and I said me too. Then she asked me if I was going get on the ferry and I said yes. So she said good and that she will tag along... We talk the whole way and laugh the whole way and I actually enjoyed her company a lot which is strange and we have cool things in common. We both like to workout and play sports and in school and our favorite movies are the same and we love restaurants. I found her to be very interesting. Well I asked for her number and she gave it to me and I said maybe we can get drinks sometime and she said she would love that and then we hugged and kissed on the cheek and went our way.
I woke up pretty okay today and I am not getting my hopes high and I know to take things slow. I haven't even text her yet but I will tomorrow. We will see how that goes... The thing is that I have 2 girls I'm talking to but I'm not interested in them. I actually enjoyed this one and would love to go on a date with her. Any thoughts?

YES YOU SHOULD
Don't rush into it though
At least now you got your mind off your ex lol

Emo, I am glad you are having fun. Just take it easy and be yourself. Enjoy getting to know someone new who sounds like a nice person. :)

Thank you Cat and Cardinal... I feel so good right now. Not because of the girl but because I just finished reading Sdjosh's story... It was such an inspiration. I really believe his entire story should be a sticky. I really believe this will be easier now that I read that. I have new strength now. 7 years with many great memories (which sounded really good wink wink) and he was able to move on and found someone else. There is this song by Damien Rice called The Blowers Daughter. The ending goes like this...
I can't take my eyes off you, I can't take my mind off you...
Til I find sombody new!

There is always someone else no matter what. Believe it!

I am so happy because although I have been coming here and talking nonsense too much I realized what has been going on the last 2 months. I have been working out every day and always determined no matter how tired or sad I am. I have read 2 books already! I have been still practicing with my band and not giving up on them as down as I feel. I have written some new poetry. I am getting more confident day by day and reflecting on my past mistakes and I know to let my partner have their own space as well with their friends and to trust until cheated on and if so move on but just not letting affect the relationship if it hasn't happened. I am taking accounting in college to better my life. I will love with all I have again when the time comes. Most importantly I have found strength in myself compared to my first break up. From the moment she said "whatever, enjoy your life" I have not called or text or anything. I deleted all pictures and all memories cold turkey. I deleted her on network sites and made a decision to go the difficult road for greater results at the end just like the gym. I am determined to live a great happy healthy and good life. This may be hard but I can already see the light. I guess hard efforts do pay off and I am sure there will be great rewards for all this hard work in the future!! Thank you everyone!!

You sound happy Emo-that's great!
Take care.

It's great to see that you're doing better emo, gives me hope as well. Good luck with the date :)

I am happy for you.

Your starting to sound more like EP instead of emopunk. :D

Take care of yourself. :)

Hey all! I have a date with the girl I met on the train the other day! Wish me luck! I'm so happy for the first time... I feel better to go on a date and I actually like this girl.

Good for you Emo , hope you have a great time. Just a little hint , don't mention anything about your previous GF or relationship ;)

Thank you for that advice and hint... Great reminder friend... I will let you know what happens when I return tonight.

OmG!! Greatest date ever and I guess this confirms me being over my ex! I really enjoyed my time. She looked 100 times better than last time. We watched a movie got a drink and then I went to show her a spot but we weren't allowed there and the cops came... gave us both a summons but we were laughing the whole time and we enjoyed every moment. We cuddled during the movie and kissed quite a bit... but that's it. I really like everything about this girl thus far but I get doubts... like does this make her seem easy? Will I get a disease? What if she's not as good as she seems and is hiding something? Too many thoughts... but nonetheless exactly what I needed! A great time!! She is sooo much fun and she is very smart! Beautiful girl with blue eyes. I feel so lucky. Don't know how to feel right now. I'm older but somehow I feel she is more experienced. I guess all this is better than being sad over some stupid ex who doesn't want me!!

Don't start overanalyzing Emo, it's one date-take it one step at the time and get to know each other if that's what you both want.

Slow down just a bit. :D

Take it one meeting/date at a time and continue having fun getting to know each other.

Is it possible that after thinking and feeling like you are over your ex for the same bad feeling to come back again? I felt a little down earlier and a few thoughts and now I'm scared I can go back to that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

is it possible that after thinking and feeling like you are over your ex for the same bad feeling to come back again? I felt a little down earlier and a few thoughts and now I'm scared I can go back to that.

You're still not over it. Keep giving yourself more time. You need to be more patient than that.

However, even if you think you're over the break up, there is still a chance that you might have these feelings again down the road. It's a normal occurrence. As they happen more often and as you overcome them more often, you will realize that it's easier and easier to overcome these types of feelings.