Tal - thanks for your words, I hardly ever think of them anymore, it just took me by surprise when I heard they were together. I knew she would take him back anyway some day.

Like I say, I don't dwell on the past anymore, I have a lovely fella and my lifes good, I just hate seeing people get used that's all but like you said, I learned and so must she

Roxy - you are right, that's her problem and her business and that's why I'm keeping my nose out of the situation and not telling her that he is a pig, if she wants to be with someone that has cheated on her in the past then you are right in saying that's its her business not mine. It just pi$$es me off that every time they argue he comes running to me. If he does come running this time I won't be there after the way he treated me. Im happy at last and finally feel like my life is heading in the correct direction. NC for me ALL the way xxxx

I'm glad to hear that! That NC is still in motion and that you think of it has her problem and not yours and it is an healthy attitude to have: If he comes running, you won't be there!

Good for you!

Hi roxy- no I won't be there for sure. Ive finally woke up to him and his nasty ways. He thinks he can flit from woman to woman when he is bored or got dumped. Well I won't be there anymore, if he does call/text then I won't answer and I delete without reading.

Hi folks - just a bit of an update and a bit of advice please. Well it was going sooo well, 3 months of NC and then bang out of the blue my ex texts me. So what I did was tell me friend that it wasn't my number anymore but the ex was insistent that it was and that he has a mate in the police and checked I the phone was regestered in my ame. In the end I gave up and just text that yes the phone used to belong to louise but acted as now it was now one of my friends. He didn't fall for it and so I said it was me. Anyway he started it all again and I just turned round and said "what do you want me to say to you that I love you and want to marry you" and he said do you? I replied "do you" he said "I would"!! To cut a long story short he was flirting really bad with me and saying to me "you know how I feel as I say it often enough but you just throw it back in my face"!!

By this point I've had enough, so I do something silly, I make a profile up on FB and check to see if his ex is with him and she is!! I wish I hadn't done it now but I just was curious (well I was 99%) certain anyway that they were together. To cut a long story short she cottoned on that it was me friend requesting her (ive denied it) to spy and break up her and my ex. The ONLY reason I friend requested her was to see if the low life scum bag was playing his old tricks and he was. So now she is telling all her FB friends that I'm back after my ex ad won't leave him alone, when in fact that it was HIM texting me after 3 months and telling me he loves me. I told him in the texts to leave me alone and that we were no longer mates.

They are going away in August and it makes me sick, he texts me flirting and saying he loves me, I text him back saying I'm not his friend and to leave me alone and now his ex is slagging me off saying that I'm trying to steal her man off her and that I'm pathetic as I can't let him go after 3 years??

While my ex obviously must be slagging me off to his new girlfriend on one hand then texting me flirting on the other. It just annoys me that HE contacts me and I tell him to leave me alone and the girlfriend thinks I'm trying to break them up.

I know I shouldn't have friend requested her and il delete her today but how the hell am I to blame when its HER boyfriend that's causing the trouble. It made me laugh because of FB she put that I can try my best to cause trouble but its only making them stronger!! He really is playing her for a fool again

Im more happy than I've ever been with my fella and know now that I just shouldn't of replied to his first text, I just wanted to give the creep the benefit of the doubt and that he was single and being a jerk rather than being in a relationship and being a jerk. Anyway, I won't make the mistake of replying again, he will always be a creep and it don't other me that they are together, what bothers me is him trying to play mind games with me and hurt me. He goes out of his way to hurt me :(:( and make me sad. One minute he was being nice and then the other he was being nasty to me, when I ask him why he is always so nasty he replies "its always about you isnt it, everythings is about you"??

NO CONTACT!

Start again,don't let him invade into your life,change your number,once you let him in again,all he knows now is with a little persistence he can get to you,it might take a little longer this time to get rid of him completely.

If he keeps pestering you,talk to the police,have it logged as a compliant,if he tries to find out about you again,re: phone numbers,the compliant is logged.

This guy needs a reality wake up call.

Don't check the Facebook,the girlfriend is to be pitied,and at least she is keeping him some what busy and out of your life.

Boot camp nc for you,he will get the message,you just have to be strong and ignore the teenage antics on Facebook.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redhed35

NO CONTACT!

start again,dont let him invade into your life,change your number,once you let him in again,all he knows now is with a little persistence he can get to you,it might take a little longer this time to get rid of him completly.

if he keeps pestering you,talk to the police,have it logged as a compliant,if he tries to find out about you again,re: phone numbers,the compliant is logged.

this guy needs a reality wake up call.

dont check the facebook,the girlfriend is to be pitied,and at least she is keeping him some what busy and out of your life.

boot camp nc for you,he will get the message,you just have to be strong and ignore the teenage antics on facebook.

---

Oh yes back to NC for sure, I ask him to delete my number as I deleted his but he won't. If it contiunes then il change my number, I can't block his number as I've already tried. He just loves playing people off against the other, it must make him feel important. I don't understand the girlfriend though, she thinks I'm trying to break them up?? I've never talked to her for months, all I wanted it too see if they were together and that he was still a creep. Im glad they are together, like you said it keeps him busy and away from me for periods. It just annoys me when it is him that is causing all the trouble and his girlfriend is slagging me off. She was told what he was like last year but he must have told her it was me pestering him?? So she now thinks I'm out to break them up which is the furthest thing from my mind

Ah sure,better to be the hot topic of conversation then ignored.

She is not your friend,family,sibling,you don't have to listen to what she says,you don't have to eat dinner with her and you don't have to listen to her deluded fantasies of her 'poor boyfriend'... shes to be pitied.

Your free from him,you don't have to listen to his crap,and you know he has no honesty no integrity and he's a donkeys a$$, ( that's kind of insulting to donkeys!).

Rise above the crap talk and get on with your life.

I really feel sorry for the girlfriend (even though she is adament in slagging me off) as she is getting played by him. Maybe he does loves her, amybe he doesn't? I don't know and don't care. It just pi$$es me off that a man wants to play two women off against each other and that's why I'm not responding this time as I don't want him to think that he is so worthy of my time!!

How can he say he loves me and at the same time be planning a holiday with her?? Confused.com!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

i really feel sorry for the gf (even though she is adament in slagging me off) as she is getting played by him. Maybe he does loves her, amybe he doesnt? i dont know and dont care. It just pi$$es me off that a man wants to play two women off against each other and thats why im not responding this time as i dont want him to think that he is so worthy of my time !!!!

How can he say he loves me and at the same time be planning a holiday with her ????? confused.com !!!!!

---

Perhaps because he wants an easy shag,you on the side,cant think of any other reason,its certainly not love.

You fell for the love line before and he's using the same line again,the guy needs to get some new material!

He does not love you,he does not love her,there's no bones about that.

Redhead - she thinks they are madly in love and that I'm trying to come between them!! Ha ha

Id never touch his dirty skanky a$$ again if you paid me, he must be laughing at us both. Me because he thinks he can text anytime and say the "i love you crap" and get away with it, and her because he is playing her for a fool and she thinks the sun shines out of his a$$. How can you have a girlfriend and behind her back with me and probably many other be telling others you love them and want to be with them? Whether he does or does not love me (I don't think he does) its still very wrong to treat your girlfriend in that way. Id love to tell her that her boyfriend is a scum bag and show her the texts he sent me but I've done this before and even with the texts in front of her eyes she didn't believe me!! So this time its her own fault when she finds out what a lying scum bag he is

She will no doubt find out on her own in time.

You need to perserve your integrity,be a lady through out the experience,and do NOT entertain conversations about him/her or about them.

Let it go,and move on with your own life.

Thoughts of his behaviour are only toxic to you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redhed35

she will no doubt find out on her own in time.

you need to perserve your integrity,be a lady through out the experience,and do NOT entertain conversations about him/her or about them.

let it go,and move on with your own life.

thoughts of his behaviour are only toxic to you.

---

Thanks Redhead - that's what I'm now trying to do, retain my dignity but its bloody hard as all I ant to do is scream and say... ITS NOT FLAMING ME THAT IS GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR BF IITS VICE VERSA!! But I won't do that, il let her think that she is the better woman and that she has her man and that I'm trying to break them up!!
I don't understand how deep down she can trst him, maybe she can't and that's why she needs to tell the world how happy they are. Anyway, I've deleted her on FB and now there both out of my life for good I hope xx

Good for you,and I think you are right in sayng that she does know.

Anyone who needs to always bump up their partners profile,knows there are serious flaws in the relationship and just can't admit them to themselves.

Its annoying when someone is sayng things about you that are not true,and in the normal course of events I would say,stand up for yourself,but in this instance I see no point, as she would not believe you and only see you as interfering and causing trouble,it would benefit no one.

You've taken the higher road and you will be better for it.

Thanks redhead - I hope it's the better road, I think it is but I'm just so angry inside that he is laughing at us both... grrrrrrrrrr

I wish I had never met him, I was at a low point in my life when we met as otherwise I would not have even gone near a geek like that. I mean to lie about self harming and writing my name in his arm so we would be together forever is a bit strange!!

They are both welcome to each other, they are both losers who have no life, no qualifications and obviousley no trust in each other

Come on Louise, block him from your phone. Then this cycle ends.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Come on Louise, block him from your phone. Then this cycle ends.

---

I've tried Tal - I promise but I can't do that on a PAYG mobile, if this continues il just buy another cheap sim and transfer my number xx I'm not getting into the cycle again for sure x

Seems to me the ex b/fs loving all the attention and lying his arris off to them both, wouldn't be surprised to find out he has a 3rd or 4th on the go too.

Love is blind, and his g/f is bound to take his part, she won't want to admit that he's a lying toe rag, because that would mean she too will have to deal with it or be the laughing stock.

Sad sad people, however OP you're on the right track, keep up with the NC, and you'll soon find he doesn't even enter your thoughts, and think how wonderful it will be to live a truthful life, finally, when you live with Walter Mitty out of it.

Pinochio...

Delete without responding, or do you need some really tough love to break the insanity of your actions?? :confused:

Yup, this all could have been avoided.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Delete without responding, or do you need some really tough love to break the insanity of your actions???? :confused:

---

Hi Tal - yep the next time he texts il just delete without responding. It just hurts as a few days ago he was saying that he loves me (a lie I know) and then goes on Facebook and tells his ex on a public forum that he hasn't heard from me who he now classes as "LOOPY LOU" for a few days YYYYYEEEEE HAAAAAAA??

Why would he text ME one day saying he loves me and then when I tell him to delete my number he goes on FB and says that thank god he hasn't heard from me to his girlfriend?? Its just so weird. Anyway, I've deleted all FB contacts etc as I don't want to know the hurtful things they are saying about me publicly. It just hurts that one day he says he wants to marry me and the next he is going on FB saying to his ex that thankfully he hasn't heard from me "LOOPY LOU" IN A FEW DAYS :(:(

I'm 31 just like you. I share your pain and I feel so sorry for you that you have met with this type of person --- such a jerk. But what made me wordless is your obsession over him. You let this guy continue to have influence on you, still open almost every channel of contacts and connections with him, and also your non-stop same type of questions "Why he do that?, why he do this?"

May I ask you why? Why doing this to yourself? Even I don't know you before, I feel that this is absolutely unhealthy and come on... we are 31 now!

When my ex dumped me 2 months ago saying that he never loved me and he just can't pretend any longer. I was in deep shock, after all the nice things I have done for him for years. I feel being used, being lied to, and feel so worthless. I spent time figure out what's going on and there are thousands of stuffs going in my head for weeks. Then I just come to a conclusion that "I deserve a lot better --- than this jerk who always suffer me, the one I deserve will be the one who is a good kind person in his character, who won't leave me for other girl, who won't lie to me, who won't cheat on me, who will always stand by me, and who truly care for me." And the belief that I deserve better give me strength to get over him and I know that one day I will totally get over him. I still feel so hurt sometimes and think about it a lot but my strong will to keep moving forward not backward make me get through it day by day.

And you know what I have done since the day he dumped me? SINCE THE FIRST DAY HE DUMPED ME, I changed all my numbers he knows, I blocked him from all possible connections he had with me, I even blocked all mutual friends, and blocked all the emails, and tell mutual friends to totally shut up about him, so he has no single way to reach me at all nor do I care if he tried to do it. And for me, do I want to contact him or visit his Facebook or ask some friends about him? Yes! I really want to do it a lot. But again it’s my strong will to move forward and I realize that doing all those things are useless and will only cause me pain, so I never do it. I never contact him in any way at all and I know that this is the right way to go. Dignity and pride make me feel good about myself.

You should stop figuring out someone as it consumes so much energy! And all your “why” questions come up with only one answer that “It’s so clear that he is not a good person and even clearer that this guy doesn’t love you at all!”

I think your problem is that you never really want to give up with this guy, to be honest. You stuck and you obsess and you just can’t quit this cycle because deep inside you don’t really want to do it yet. You still seem to enjoy suffering yourself and enjoy texting and knowing about him and then come here and ask “why” and “why”. I think you should ask yourself “Why I still holding on to this?”

This has to begin with the strong will inside your heart and your mind that you want to end it and really feel enough with it. You have to see by yourself what’s good and what’s bad for you. It’s so clear for us but maybe it takes more time for you.

You have to love yourself. I don’t think you do. Sorry to be so straightforward but people who love themselves will not do what you do to yourself right now. As for me, even if I cry for 24 hours everyday for months (which I’m not!), I will never ever contact or want to keep in touch or want to know anything about anyone who dumped me, or used me, or lied to me, or suffer me. I don't want my dream guy waiting for me out there for too long by stucking on this past nightmare. Case closed.

wonderlife thanks for your reply. I think you were right in that you said I was trying to figure him out and that consumes too much energy. I had a unknown number missed call on my phone last week and knew it was him but I just deleted it and moved on. Im ot interested anymore in what he is up to, I know he is with her and that's enough for me to pack my bags and get the hell out of this cycle. I really do hope they are happy together but I doubt that will last for long with his lies and cheating ways.

I agree that I was living in the past for a long time and stupidly dwelling on the whys all the time instead of moving on and looking forward to my future. I don't really think of him much anymore, and one the few occasions that I do I just think of something else and the thought soon passes.

He has just left me with a bitternesss that I can't seem to shake off but I'm trying so so hard, that's maybe why I always ask the why why why questions, as if I understand why he treated me so badly then I could try and figure out how to get over it?? But from the advice on here I understand that il never understand why he did these nasty things to me so I need to try and move on without answers

That's life-you move on-strong and never mind the answers- just being you-and trusting that life is good. Don't spend another moment thinking about him.
Ok?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

Thats life-you move on-strong and never mind the answers- just being you-and trusting that life is good. Dont spend another moment thinking about him.
Ok?

---

OK hun, I'm doing my best to move on and forget that chapter of my life, it's a chapter I regret so so much. Anymore messages and il just delete without reading I 101% promise xx :):)

I would have done the same thing, change my number and blocked every possible way he could contact me, and Louise you haven't done that yet. I don't understand what your hanging on too. He is still consuming your life, it's over and he should have been over inside of you a very long time ago. Like wonderlife said, it's dignity and pride.

NC, when you make the decision to do so and are committed, becomes easy & after a while, second nature.

The hard part is the soul searching & digging deep into ourselves to recognize why we make certain decisions in our life.

In essence, we are in control of every action we take. And the successes & failures that come with those decisions.

Im happy to hear that you are starting on a new path.
Good luck, you can do it.

Van

Thank you all for your messages, I'm going to delete any messages without reading as sully I can't change my number as I'm on contract, that is the only contact method he has with me as he is not one of my FB friends etc. I just regret ever meeting the jerk tbh, it makes me mad that he used me like that but it is an event that has taught me a few good lessons in life.

I would look into that Louise, that isn't true you can't change your number, because one of my friends just changed her number recently, and she was on contract. We all are! When you call them and tell them you are being harassed they have no problem changing it. You don't have to keep that number. You get so far Louise, and then you fall back in that same path of wondering. It's over, he is a jerk!

A year is far to long to have carried this on. He has made a game of harassing you and it may be time to take more aggressive tactics against him.

I agree with Sully, contact your contractor and simply explain your situation, and see about changing your number, or contact the police.

At some point, you may have to consult a male family member, or your new b/f, to have a word with him.

By now you already know that passively talking to him only fuels him further, and that has to stop, and you will have to eventually accept that evil, trifling people are in the world, that want to hurt you, and you have to protect yourself from them. Being nice is not an option, nor dwelling on why they are the way they are.

Being timid, and allowing their behavior is NOT an option either. Get that number changed.

Lou.let it go-too much time-too much energy wasted-ok? Be strong ignore,ignore and ignore. Lol x

Why he did all these nasty things to you from the past up until the present time?

Because you let him to. And if you enjoy it and you love this type of person and don't think you deserve better, then please stop reading all the great advices posted by lot of nice people here. If not, then, you should take some serious actions to get you out of this painful cycle.

When someone hurts you once, it will be a lot smarter to figure out all the smart helpful ways not to let them do it to you ever again - than to figure out why they did what they did.

I strongly suggest that you have to start with the first step, which you should start it strictly and seriously long long time ago. It's a total No-Contact with the person and not let him have any channels to contact you. It will still affect you emotionally and negatively if you still have to see missed call and text messages from him or else, even if you deleted them all. I think you know what I mean --- make it total clean and clear.

And when you continue to do it for a period and continue to distance yourself from the past by not involve with him at all, there'll be a time when you will be able to see the past as it actually happened in a more rational ways --- like you are outside viewer. You may finally know what was going on and what you should do that will be best for yourself.

For me, I start thinking rational, seeing things clearer, and knowing what to do when he was totally out of my life.

For you, please begin with the first step. And NC in my book doesn't mean doing it for a week and after that visit his Facebook, or reply to his text, or answer his call, and then back to NC again like a cycle that never end. You can't let it happen at all, not even once.

Clean and clear, I have to stress here --- not involve with him at all and don't let him involve with you at all. Go forward only.