So I just got done having lunch with my cousin, while I wait for work to be completed on my car. I don't know what it is about me, but I have this bad habit of flirting with hostess. She was really cute, charming, and engaging. I walked out side for a phone call, and when I came back in she was just standing there, so I spent 5 minutes flirting with her, when customers would come in and she had to take of them, she would smile and say, " give me a minute I'll be right back" then would come back and pick up were we left off.

I finally went and sat back down with my cousin, and she kept glancing over at me while she was working. Also any time she would walk by, would smile and make a comment about what we were talking about earlier. I never asked for her number, but I am a little cocky, so I left her mine. :) while she was flirting with me, after my cousin walked away. Guess we'll see what happens

Ah! You have more balls than most guys I know (me included) and you're taking this NC in a good way. How the hell are you getting this confidence of yourself?

Question for the girls of the forum

If a guy is flirting with you for awhile are you disapointed if they do not ask for your number? How do you feel about a guy gives you his number?

I think by giving a girl a number, shows that your interested in them, but your not putting them on the spot with trying to get their number. Kind of switches things up, and puts less pressure on them

What does everyone thing?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sully123

Akeagle, sounds like your heading in the right direction. She has moved on, and is seeing someone else. Nothing right now you can do about it to change things. Usually rebound relationships never work, very rarely. Give her the space she wants, and if its meant to be she will be in contact with you.. Work on yourself now and your anger issues. Good luck.

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Sully,

Some of my anger issues came fom my depression from what happened to me in the past. Though the more I look at how I am acting now ( very laid back, calm, collected, confident, and charming) it was her putting the stress on me. She would come home and complain about how the roommates were dirty or what not. I saw it upset her, so always tried to fix it, when I couldn't I would get upset. Anything someone made her feel bad, I would jump into protect mode, and do everything I could to make sure she would be OK, which caused mre stress on me.

Not anymore, I'm back to who I liked to be ( for the more part, but with a HEALING heart)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

Question for the girls of the forum

If a guy is flirting with you for awhile are you disappointed if they do not ask for your number? How do you feel about a guy give you his number?

I think by giving a girl a number, shows that your interested in them, but your not putting them on the spot with trying to get their number. Kind of switches things up, and puts less pressure on them

What does everyone thing?

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Just me, and speaking as a guy, I have never been in the habit of giving my phone number out. But after knowing a female a while then things change, and if you see she is interested by calling her, then we progress, to where ever it leads.

Trust me asking for a females number is a time honored method, and gives her the option of letting a guy into her world slowly, and at her pace. Most females deal with this very well, and there is no pressure on them. But be cautious on giving a female YOUR number, because as I said, until you know them better, there is no telling what they are about. Cute and friendly, and HOT, is not an indication of character, and integrity. Unfortunately.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. Blind, cripple, or crazy. You'll learn a lot, and have a great time.

You also will not be so quick to get carried away with your own feelings, or be blinded by attraction, or LUST, as easily. You also keep your options, and opportunities open, until your ready to make a decision, based on facts, and not just feelings, that your comfortable with.

We oft times meet people, and fall to deeply because of the intense feelings, and are not paying close enough attention to the things we learn about them over time. In going slow with eyes open, as well as mind, its easier to be objective and realistic, and not just emotional.

Quote:

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I'm back to who I liked to be ( for the more part, but with a HEALING heart)

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That's a good way to be AK, which is why your moving down the road, instead of being stuck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Just me, and speaking as a guy, I have never been in the habit of giving my phone number out. But after knowing a female a while then things change, and if you see she is interested by calling her, then we progress, to where ever it leads.

Trust me asking for a females number is a time honored method, and gives her the option of letting a guy into her world slowly, and at her pace. Most females deal with this very well, and there is no pressure on them. But be cautious on giving a female YOUR number, because as I said, until you know them better, there is no telling what they are about. Cute and friendly, and HOT, is not an indication of character, and integrity.

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See I looked at it, that if I give her my number then she can let me in at her pace still. I have done that with more than one female, and it's wroked out pretty well. Haven't heard from her yet, but really wasn't expecting it this soon. This way she has no pressure and isn't waiting around for me to call her.

You suggest getting their number instead?

Sorry for the poor spelling earlier, I have been using my phone for posting

I guess it's a matter of style, and what works best for you.

So still no females have answered the question. Do you prefer a guy asking for your number, or him giving you his?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

So still no females have answered the question. Do you prefer a guy asking for your number, or him giving you his?

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I prefer him asking for mine. If I am interested, I will give it to him - and expect him to call me. I like a man to take the lead. If I'm not interested I won't give him my number; simple as that and then there's no game playing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

I prefer him asking for mine. If I am interested, I will give it to him - and expect him to call me. I like a man to take the lead. If I'm not interested I won't give him my number; simple as that and then there's no game playing.

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Are you upset if he flirts and all with you, and doesn't ask for your number?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

Are you upset if he flirts and all with you, and doesn't ask for your number?

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I don't think I'd say 'upset'... maybe disappointed. But then again, it lets me know he wasn't really interested in getting to know me past that initial conversation. Maybe he's not looking for more and a simple, flirtatious conversation was all he needed at that moment.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

I don't think I'd say 'upset'... maybe disappointed. But then again, it lets me know he wasn't really interested in getting to know me past that initial conversation. Maybe he's not looking for more and a simple, flirtatious conversation was all he needed at that moment.

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Well now I don't want to be that guy. I have lots of openning to ask girls for their numbers, but I don't know.

I don't consider myself shy. I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and find a common ground. I've made the first move before -asked for his number, or was the first one to call - but typically those relationship went no further.

I've felt better about things knowing he'd made the first move instead of being lazy waiting on me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

I don't consider myself shy. I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and find a common ground. I've made the first move before -asked for his number, or was the first one to call - but typically those relationship went no further.

I've felt better about things knowing he'd made the first move instead of being lazy waiting on me.

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Well I would never say that I'm lazy. But also I have given my number to my last two relationships, one lasted 6-8 months, the other 4 an q half years (current ex).

I also have no problem striking up a conversation with anyone. I went out last night with some friends, an they were all to shy to talk to her. Soi started to flirt with her, next thing you know had been standing the for 30 minutes talking about places she had been, and concerts that she liked.

Idk, I guess I'll start asking girls for the numbers. I have had a couple times where the girls seems to be waiting for just that, but I don't want to come on too strong

Well I say do what you're doing - talk to them. Make them comfortable around you. If you seem to take an interest in getting to know them, they're going to give you their number so you can talk more.

Girls don't like guys that come on too strong because it comes off as "running game", lol. It's always fishy and makes us wonder just how many girls you're saying the same things to. Conversation comes across as sincere and they will be more open with you if you take the time to talk and listen.

Second thought update

Nothing has changed on the ex side. But I have re thought about what I did when I gave that girl my number. Here's the problem, I was in the town where my ex's family is (its a small town, and news and names travel fast), but I also think I know her from somewhere in my past about a year and some back, I believe I met her at some event I went to, with my ex. I believe they both know each other. On the bright side she hasn't called me, so that might be a good sign.

I am now seeing how important it is to stay busy. Last night was the first night in about 6 weeks where I wasn't doing anything. I just came home and took care of stuff around the house, cause I had fallen behind with being busy all the time. But just taking care of stuff around the house with no one else there, felt really lonely, and she came to mind a couple of times. Each time I felt like I was getting upset about the situation, I would go and lift for 10 minutes, after awhile it stopped happening and I went and read for awhile and feel asleep.

On a some what positive note. I would like to thank everyone here for the help I have received so far. It has taught me a lot, not just about this situation, but also about looking at others situations and helping them. Recently one of my close friends has been going through the break up roller coast with her 3 month boyfriend, and she has been coming to me for advice. So I have been listening to her, and giving her points of view that she is ignoring, and I hope that I have lead her down the right path, though it is all up to her on how she handles it

Bad news update

There have been problems with my car, so I made arrangements to take it in this morning at 8AM. The person that was taking care of my car, was one of the girls that I had talked to before. Her and I flirt every time she calls me or I come in to get work done on my car. Anyhow, she was talking to me and I happened to turn my head and there is my ex. She is far away and can't see me. (I'm not ready to be around her, by just how I reacted when I saw her) I was talking back to the girl helping me, and then I lost focus and said something, "oh crap" I said it quietly, she asked me what was wrong and I tried my best to shrug it off and stay off that topic.

My heart dropped after we had finished talking, and recollected myself right away. There is no possible way I am ready to even bump into her on accident. One of two things would happen, I would be messed up for the rest of the day/week, or assuming this guy is with her, something would get started. Neither of those do I want.

Dude it happens. No worries. You handled it fine so just keep on keeping on. No harm no foul man! Happens to all of us at some time or another.

Yep, happened to me not so long ago, I bumped into my ex while she was with her new boyfriend... I was pretty shock up and wanted to beat the hell out of this guy... but I didn't. The thing is that the healing process is always constant, it doesn't really stop so you have to continue whatever you were doing before and it will pass by. Don't worry it's not as bad as you would think. Next time you'll see her it will hurt less and less until you absolutely don't care about her.

This sucks update

I was having such a good day too. I went to work, came home and lifted, then when out with a friend and her cousin. Came back to my place to hangout. And I get a call from my other friend, asking if I had checked FB, I said no. the she told me my ex is now engaged to this guy. (I'm not friends with my ex on facebook) I would have felt so much better if my friend had never told me, why in the hell did she have to tell me...

I have no idea how I'm going to be able to sleep tonight ( its 130am here)

When I found out the news I hung up on my friend and walked out the door. I walked for awhile till my friend that was at my house caught up to me. (she has been one of my closest friends) she didn't do anything to talk me down from the anger I am having, though its not that much, I'm just stressed. We talked for awhile till her cousin had to get home.

Why in the hell would a friend ever think that telling me that would help me? I was doing so good with everything also

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I don't not want to hear anyone tell me "now its time to heal", "its time for you to move on and get over her", "that she made the choice that was best for her" (yeah at my f ing expense), "she is a ......."(put whatever you want in there)(I already know, there is no way she just got with this guy)
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Are you ******* kidding me? She left you and a couple of month later she is engaged with that guy? Either she is playing a game with you or she is really engaged and after 1 month... well she is pretty darn stupid and doing one of the biggest mistake of her life. She is going to have only pain down this road.

It's pretty understandable that you are upset, but just think about it... Isn't it for the best? It just shows you what kind of person she is. Don't worry about sleepless night, I also had them together with diarrhea, loss of hair and hair turning white :D.

You'll get your sleep back. You need to tell ALL your friends you don't want to get any news from her. It may seem dull that we tell you you need to heal, once again... but it IS for your own sake. It's not a sentence we're trowing out there, it's something you have to change with your life. These things happen and it's part of life.
It's 4AM here and I'm a bit drunk after going out lol. I was dressed super classy and all the girls were eyeing me and also one hot chick grabbed my butt lol. That's the kind of fun you need and helps you forget about your ex.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Are you ******* kidding me? She left you and a couple of month later she is engaged with that guy? Either she is playing a game with you or she is really engaged and after 1 month... well she is pretty darn stupid and doing one of the biggest mistake of her life. She is going to have only pain down this road.

It's pretty understandable that you are upset, but just think about it... Isn't it for the best? It just shows you what kind of person she is. Don't worry about sleepless night, I also had them together with diarrhea, loss of hair and hair turning white :D.

You'll get your sleep back. You need to tell ALL your friends you don't want to get any news from her. It may seem dull that we tell you you need to heal, once again... but it IS for your own sake. It's not a sentence we're trowing out there, it's something you have to change with your life. These things happen and it's part of life.
It's 4AM here and I'm a bit drunk after going out lol. I was dressed super classy and all the girls were eyeing me and also one hot chick grabbed my butt lol. That's the kind of fun you need and helps you forget about your ex.

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I know what she is doing is stupid. I have no idea if it's even true. She knows I have friends around where she lives, an if I wanted to could find out pretty anything that is going on back home, but I don't. I don't care that much, I'm busy moving forward in life, advancing my career, college, enjoying meeting people.

I'm not that mad about what she is doing, I'm more mad that my friend ruined my week. My college friend(the one that told me) said that she thought it was the best thing for her to tell me. After she told me that, I said "is there anything else you want to tell me, that my head is to small, my mother is fat, any other way you would like to ruin my great day? No, good bye" after that I jumped up and walked out of my house, my life friend(from hs) finally caught up with me and talked to me for awhile. My friend is stupid for even bothering me with the information.

As for sleeping I did fine.

Conclusion: fishing for something or she is just that weird

I'll bet if you reply to anyone who gives you updates on your ex, with "so what??" they will stop.

Especially giving them a blank stare with it. Sometimes the least reaction, is the best action.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I'll bet if you reply to anyone who gives you updates on your ex, with "so what??" they will stop.

Especially giving them a blank stare with it. Sometimes the least reaction, is the best action.

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Yeah I was calm on the phone, and just hung up after. Since then my college friend has been tryingto get in contact with me to talk. I don't need to talk about anything, is done and over, and I've not been dwelling on it. At the same time I don't need updates on my ex's life.

Wow at this rate of bad luck, I should go buy lottery tickets, cause my lucky streak has to hit soon

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

Wow at this rate of bad luck, I should go buy lottery tickets, cause my lucky streak has to hit soon

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It's true that this shouldn't make you feel great but on the grand scheme of things, and in all the events that can happen in someone's life, how significant is it really?
I cannot compare this episode with my life, but I do think of my ex from time to time. More importantly I have other problems that are much more important and much harder to deal with... but I still deal with them as hard as it may be.
Life brings misfortune but we have to grow over them and be stronger with every problem that comes in our path.

I feel that it is significant enough, it has shaped how attitude about life after the beginning of my life on my own.
Everyone has problems in their life.
Life sure does, no argument there. But at some point I would like to stop receiving misfortune on all fronts(family, friends, relationships, personal life)

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

but at some point i would like to stop receiving misfortune on all fronts(family, friends, relationships, personal life)

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You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.

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Darn it Pax, couldn't give you a greenie for that statement, but your so dead on, that's why you do your best to control what you can, and that's usually what you do about the curves life throws you.



Talaniman Rule #1-
http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/seren.jpeg
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

I liked that one:

Accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference

I think many of us here need more wisdom...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.

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I have accepted that life is that way. I make sure I give as much attention as possible to all of them.

I would really like to know how I should feel. Not that anyone came make me feel a certain way. One part of me is, I hate my friend for telling me (as if I cared) I need to forgive my friend... I know that some people in this forum might say I'm still dwelling, but actually look at what I do day to day, and I just don't have time, the only time I seem to talk about her is when my cousin is talking about his situation, and I tell him what I have done to get him to move forward.

The other part of me says, what was I unable to offer her, that was unable to make her happy. Now of course people can say we grow apart and in separate directions. OK. If you say becoming more dependent on your family and going to the first guy that would say I love you every second (no matter what this price) then yes we did grow apart. But that still doesn't justify the blind side hit. Either it was going on for awhile, or she is just really needs to know someone loves her (either are bad)

Positive not: I am going through this complex and really hurtful heart break at a young age, it has taught me how to protect myself against it, but also what I am really looking for in a partner.

Question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? First is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. I think I have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me...

About the 3 loves... I had 3!

My first at school, I was 17, very very much in love, she ended up cheating with my best friend!

Then my now ex-wife, we have been together 20 years, very bad breakup, but 3 kids together

And now my current ex, although probably the feelings are so strong because of big expectations and hope from my part...

I sure hope there will be more love to come! So I am not sure about the 3 loves you mention.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by harriejansen

About the 3 loves... I had 3!

My first at school, I was 17, very very much in love, she ended up cheating with my best friend!

Then my now ex-wife, we have been together 20 years, very bad breakup, but 3 kids together

And now my current ex, although probably the feelings are so strong because of big expectations and hope from my part...

I sure hope there will be more love to come! So I am not sure about the 3 loves you mention.

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What I heard was the a man will have three main loves in his life, that doesn't mean that there will be only three. 1 and 2 could be done more than once, but three is the one that is the perfect one for a man. Now someone could go straight to 3 or skip 1 to 3, but the concept is still the same.

Quote:

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question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? First is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. I think I have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me...

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You mean I was dumped all those other times for nothing?? What a bummer.

And I recently broke up with number seven.whoops!
Your heart will mend and you ll love again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

and i recently broke up with number seven.whoops!
Your heart will mend and you ll love again.

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Guess the theory was wrong

Which is a good thing I think.take good care of yourself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

i have accepted that life is that way. i make sure i give as much attention as possible to all of them.

I would really like to know how i should feel. not that anyone came make me feel a certain way. one part of me is, i hate my friend for telling me (as if i cared) i need to forgive my friend........ i know that some people in this forum might say i'm still dwelling, but actually look at what i do day to day, and i just don't have time, the only time i seem to talk about her is when my cousin is talking about his situation, and i tell him what i have done to get him to move forward.

the other part of me says, what was i unable to offer her, that was unable to make her happy. now of course people can say we grow apart and in separate directions. OK. if you say becoming more dependent on your family and going to the first guy that would say i love you every second (no matter what this price) then yes we did grow apart. but that still doesn't justify the blind side hit. either it was going on for awhile, or she is just really needs to know someone loves her (either are bad)

positive not: i am going through this complex and really hurtful heart break at a young age, it has taught me how to protect myself against it, but also what i am really looking for in a partner.

question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? first is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. i think i have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me......

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Well I also had my break up at a young age ( the same actually ) and I finally understood that there our exes are not unique persons. On the contrary there is many different girls that are much better and some of them are much worse. I think there can be more than 3 loves, but sometimes less than 3. It is very rare to only have 1 love.

The fact that she is engaged to this other guy (truth or not) is meaningless. It's not your fault it's her own. I heard a lot of crasy stuff about my ex but it is none of my business anymore. I would rather care about my friends and my family which I have lost focus on. If I think about my ex, I change my thoughts to something more positive like my bounds with my family, my future, or my friends. Break ups make us learn important lessons.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

Well I also had my break up at a young age ( the same actually ) and I finally understood that there our exes are not unique persons. On the contrary there is many different girls that are much better and some of them are much worse. I think there can be more than 3 loves, but sometimes less than 3. It is very rare to only have 1 love.

The fact that she is engaged to this other guy (truth or not) is meaningless. It's not your fault it's her own. I heard a lot of crasy stuff about my ex but it is none of my business anymore. I would rather care about my friends and my family which I have lost focus on. If I think about my ex, I change my thoughts to something more positive like my bounds with my family, my future, or my friends. Break ups make us learn important lessons.

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Fact: I have no idea if it is true or not. In my mind it is true, only cause then I don't need to worry about thinking she is playing a game with my mind.

The three loves in a guys life. It makes no sense I know it's just something I read about. That guy will have three main female loves, but you can go over the first and the second more than once and number three is the one the that is perfect. Sounds cornny, I heard about it, just thought I would pass the idea around

Okay, maybe your friend had lost sensitivity, but you know, what if all your friends knew and you bumped into her not knowing? You would have been just as mad. It was a damned if you do and damned if you don't. In this instance, I would not kill the messenger.

Also, grieve for this loss as you need to. But at some point, quit giving her the power to bring you down. When you can do this you will truly be liberated.

And lastly, sometimes misfortune is in the eye of the beholder. Really, change your glasses and start looking at life as if it was not all against you. It just is what it is. And then improve upon it. Always look for a way to improve and make it a little bit better.

Really, I understand your setback. But I would rather have the knowledge than be blindsided. I also agree with tal in that just react with a oh. How nice.

Good luck