Interesting heartbroke.
But if he acts like this now... then shouldn't his friendship still be good? Why throw that away? But I can see what u say.
|
Interesting heartbroke.
But if he acts like this now... then shouldn't his friendship still be good? Why throw that away? But I can see what u say.
That's up to you to keep his friendship, ask yourself though, are you only keeping him around because he is the last link between you and your ex? Or do you value him truly as your friend. It seems like you still have hope to get this girl back.
Is he your only friend right now? If he is, then you might as well use him, but try making another friend. If you have other friends, try to get closer to them and let this guy do his thing.
It doesn't matter if he'll bring up the ex or not, every time you see him, the subject will be around. Don't worry. If he's a good friend, he'll understand. And if doesn't understand, well, his loss.
Well heartbroke, you speak a lot of truth but unfortunately just like imtotallylost said, at the moment he is my only friend.
Like I have said in past posts.. my whole life was her. She had her girlfriends but I just had her and that guy.
I'm open to making new friends... but at work, there's no one that is cool.
And totallylost, what do you mean by use him? U mean that as long as he doesn't say anything about her, then just hang out until I can make some new friends?
THANKS...
Yep, that's what I meant. But he's not your best choice right now. I'm solidary to your quest for a friend - I'm having a couple of issues with that myself - but keeping common friends around are just a bad idea.
Oh OK... so have as minimal as contact as possible except to hang with him when I need to but then cut him out of my life as soon as I can?
Guys...
Thought I was over this.. but I have slipped back into feeling down. Its like I had 5 steps forward and then BOOM - for today , all I can do is just remember the "good times"... any suggestions other than staying busy?
Be patient...
Thanks kctiger.
Well it was kind of strange today... I was down... then later in the day, I got upset, so I was "fine"... then back to down. Whatsup with that. It shouldn't be like that.
I'm no mental case and that's bothering me enough thinking that I'm not tough enough to just shove it all and be "happy"...
Anyway... just some comments.
Be patient... though kctiger... sucks a$$. I don't want to wait. I want it now. You know?
I've always been in control on everything in life... and now in a matter of 5 months... ive turned everything upside down... no job, no home, anxiety, and no woman. Not self pity but sheesh... cmon now. Enough is enough.
Can't remember who said it on this thread... but yes I am grateful for my health. I have that and the best body I've ever had because of going to the gym and taking out my frustrations.
But the nights sure are lonely you guys.
Hey I have been reading about your situation!! From a girls point of view, OK you have gathered that the way she has treats you is not right!!
But if you really want this girl to come back to you, is NC whatsoever!! No texts,e-mails,calls or ANYTHING!! You watch he will contact you, she will wonder why you have not been in contact and if you loves or even cares about you she will contact you. If she doesn't then just know she doesn't love you and this should make it easier for you to get over her!! Good Luck and wish you all the happiness and you sound like a genuine guy, which is hard to find these days!!
Hi! Thanks for your words depressed lady! I haven't read about your situation but I hope your doing well too.
Yeah, I haven't had any NC with her. Its been real hard and I have always done something with her after fights... we broke up many times and I always texted her... even if it was for once a week...
But this time, I haven't done a thing! Yesterday, I saw her in her car and I KNOW she saw me... but I didn't acknowledge her at all!! I wish I could find out what she was thinking when she saw me... because its been almost 2 months now.
Anyway... yeah, I agree, I put a deadline for her to call me at around late April... if she doesn't I told her not to contact me again. Not even to email me to tell me why she doesn't want to be with me... that I won't answer her emails or taker her calls.
I think that she figures that I would have called or texted by now... shes probably coming to the conclusion that she really mis judged me... but if she was looking for a way out... then I sure am helping her do that.
And yeah, if she doesn't do anything then your right... she doesn't love me anymore. And that would make it easier for me to move on...
Still, after all that we shared... its hard NOT to believe that she doesn't love me... I kindda feel that she does but is trying to fight herself from realizing that...
And another thing...
I know she could get a hold of me through our mutual friend but I changed all my emails adresses and cell phone number, so she can't just text me or email me like before. I made it hard for her to contact me directly but I guess if she really wants to...
She will find a way... dont you think?
Yes you are right, if she wants your number she sill defo find a way to get it- its not hard!!
But just be patient and remember everything happens for a reason. You know my situation now and I find it really hard not to contact him too. Its been 4 years and now he has a GF and that's the hardest part- but I know he is not serious with her because he would NEVER marry her-cause he is Indian and she is half cast, which is against his relegion. Hw told one of my cousins that he is with her to try and move on as he waited 4 years and then the year I got married he decided to move on, but then he was already with this girl when my marriage ended. That's when he started being really mean to me and I know he was upset with me for getting married- but anyone would be right? Anyway we still in contact once in a while and now he has 2 numbers one for me and the other for his Gf and the rest of his friends and family. I love him very much and when my marriage broke down I just started to think what if we are meant to be? I know you may think I'm crazy but do people never change. When I first met him he was not abusive, but began when he heard some rumours about me and became protective. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.
Are you saying if your EX comes back you won't take her back?
Its easier for me I guess because I'm in uk and he is in Africa. But just by meeting him once or even having one phone conversation with him, I would be able to tell if he has changed or not.
I haven't rang him and waiting for him to make the move now-if he doesn't then I will defo move on.
So you are no the only one- I don't sleep at night, go mad thinking about what he is up2? What he is thinking. I know he loves me and he even told smeone that I will always love her but tell her to be patient. I can't just dump my GF - she has feeling too. So I'm confused. I think he is doing this all to make me realise- he plays a lot of mind games so I never know what he means and what he doesn't.
What do you think?
U doing well by not contacting her-so congrats!! :)
Hi everyone!
An update... I still have been doing NC and its working in so far as although it still hurts.. it doesn't as bad as it did a month ago. Don't get me wrong its still torture, but I'm losing some feelings - if that makes sense... I can just feel it.
Anyway, I still am in contact with our mutual friend though and he has NOT said a word about her because of my request. So, that's good but I don't know if she's asking or he's telling he anything about me.
No, I'm not whining to him about her. I'm not saying a word. Anyway, I'm going to have a beer with him this Friday... see what happens... it will be THE test as far as if I can hang out with him or not.
Comments? If not, cool... I ll let you know!
But you know people... im sure in a big way I'm using him to still have her somehow connected with me in my life.
I don't know its letting go but very slowly... its not that I'm in denial.. but it seems easier for me to gradually ease into it...
Just a thought.
Man you are like me. My girlfriend broke up with me after 5 years, today is a week we have been broken up. In the past 5 years we broke up twice and the same day I was the one that went back to her, this time I decided I won't go back. If she really loves me then she needs to contact me. 5 years, talking of marriage, but the issue was she was relgious and wanted me to convert and I said no. Relgion is evil, it breaks hearts and souls, I say.
Anyway, I'm in the same boat. During the day I feel fine but then at nights its like a f$King roller coaster ride. Last night I couldn't sleep and I haven eaten anything for dinner for the past few days.
But I see you have progressed a lot, you went from being out of control and wanting to text her to not giving a now. I hope I move along as you did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Tony, same advice I gave to crazy, when you have those sleepless nights, grab a book or watch a movie. If you have an xbox360, hit up that for awhile. If you fill your day with activities, you will be so tired when you get home you will pass right out
Rome,
I'm thinking of getting Xbox360, but I think I will try to workout too.
Thanks for the advice.
Hi Tony,
That is a great thing to do! It will keep your mind off her, and allows you to focus on yourself.
Hey tony... yeah... its a good thing to focus on something else just like they all said! If it wasn't for them, id be even CRAZIER now! Lol
Cuz, she has a support group, be it her slu&& friends or not... I only had this forum... cyber but its real to me.
Its good because you get a lot of opinons instead of just a few like your friends would normally have... anyway... my advice is to not only keep busy but at night... sorry to say guys, what's helped me was a couple of beers and unwinding from the day.
I still think about her late at night when I'm lying in bed and my thoughts turn to companionship but I think of all the DRAMA that I'm not having AND how many people besides me, have gone through my same thing, and it makes me not HAPPY but at least "understood" and not alone with what has happened or is happening to me.
That said, although you'll have feelings for her, like me, they're just going to slowly fade away and it will be strange but if others can go through my type of pain, I think I can.
Still I'm wounded though... but I'm not in self pity and I think that that's because, I'm SURE she's not caring about me and having the time of her life! Because if she did love me, then whatever I said about a timeline or ultimatum... and pleaded with her not to contact me till then... it wouldn't have mattered if she wanted me very badly... she would have caved in by now, I think
What does everyone here think? Although I told her "if you love me, then leave me alone until then"
Don't you think that she would say "dam the situation but i want you back NOW?"
Thanks... and please feel free to comment you guys.
I'm at work, feeling alittl down. I think tonight I will drink a little which makes me happy.
What sucks is my close friends they all moved to CA, one of them has been in relationships and had a few break ups and he has helped me out. In fact we are all going to vegas end of the month, hopefully that will take my mind off her.
The thing here is I wanted to marry her but at the same time 50% of me didn't. My family did not like her and she did not even try to make them like her. I know she has been depressed about this, but this time the ball is in her court. She needs to call me this way I can tell her if she wants to get back she needs to drop the crap about me converting to any religion period.
Crazyoverher,
I been reading your posts from the beginning and you have changed since 2 months just judging by the posts. You seem to be less depressed than you were at the beginning, you may not know it but we do.
I have bailed off the depression boat because I have found my new passion. If you feel down listen to that song "hope it gives you hell" by the all american rejects, works wonders. I couldn't do this to myself anymore, and I feel wonderful.
I'm listetning to the new Depeche Mode album, even thought it is not out and the song that stands out Peace, makes me realize I can move on...
They also have one of their old song called Love, in itself...
Whenever I was down or depress, I always listened to this band and they get me through.
Of course some of their songs are sucidal, but I stay away from those. Lol
Hey tony71... I don't feel like I've progressed much but maybe your right.. I hope you are... well, I too wanted to marry my girlfriend... we talked about it all the time... mostly it was her but then she stopped. I should have picked up on that... I did in a way.. but I really think that she broke up with me because she knew that I wanted to move forward with her and she was just using that marriage line to argue with me until I was ready... then she couldn't say anthing anymore... and she left.
heartbroke... I too am tired of being depressed, trying to pick myself off that..
Crazy,
Last night after drinking it felt good and I was happy, but this morning its depressing again.
Funny you mention marriage, my girlfriend constantly talked about getting marriage but towards the end she stopped too. She then said she couldn't marry me if I did not convert.
I have a question, if I had doubts about marrying the girl then is that a sign that I didn't want to marry her?
Here is how you have progressed, in the beginning when you first posted you wanted to contact her so bad, everyone here were saying you should do the NC and you agreed, but then you come back and posted that you are going crazy and you need to contact her just to see how she is doing. Honestly, the first 10 or 20 posts, I started to think maybe you are just joking around on this board, but as I read more of the post it was obvious you were really looking for good advises and you got a lot.
But now it has been a few weeks and you haven't called or texted her or emailed her.
So a lot has changed. I guess my situation maybe less drama, since in my mind I sometime wanted to break it off myself, I loved her but she was either happy or mad. There were times I loved her to death and times I wished she would get the hell out of my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Thanks tony71... I appreciate your comments... and I don't think that if you had any doubts that that in itself was a sign you shouldn't marry her.
I think that you should have doubts. I think that you should do everything in your power so that you DO have doubts... and if you still love her in spite of all that... then she's the girl for you... if SHE feels the same.
My update...
Well I feel kind of I guess, "accepting" or resigned to what is happening if that makes sense to any of youall.
I hel! Still love her but I don't want to be unhappy and like heart... im tired of being down. I want to do so much and I really wish she could be there but if not... well that's life. Its really good to see (dont mean to be happy about this) that other guys and gals share my same emotions.
Anyway, last night I was thinking about all my emotions and how she shouldn't be soooo happy and enjoying her life if I'm suffering!! She should suffer too. BUT the reality is that maybe she isn't suffering... maybe she really is having fun etc... with out me.
It's a hard pill to swallow.
Its like I'm greiving over her for nothing... and I realize that and that makes it even worse!
Well anyway, our mutual friend inadvertenly said in one of his emails, that he hopes that we reconcile... welll that my friends is him telling me that she still doesn't want me... at least that's what I think...
When I read that, I was kind of emtionless. I thought that that was strange. It was like, well if we do we do... if we don't then we don't.
And then I thought... let me enjoy what I have, because soon I won't. We only live a short time and then that's it...
Comments?
Did you or did you not tell your "mutual" friend to keep his mouth shut about ANYTHING revolving around her? Does he understand EnglisH?
I know I know... some of you out there say... "ive heard that before from him" yeah, but that's honestly what I'm thinking. I mean would I take her back? Probably. But I wouldn't take her abuse anymore. Would it last then? Probably not. But learning about yourself and how to handle this rejection is a good lesson.
I'm looking at it like the more I suffer and the way I've had this relationship and all... I could better advise my children... and THEIR heartaches... when they experience what I'm going through... I don't have kids yet but I want some and so having "daddy" understand what they feel.. because I felt it too... I think will make them healthier and happier in life.
Kc... let me forward u the email... and u all out there tell me... maybe I'm just "looking" for things... u tell me...
Here is what you need to do, take a vacation with friends. Go out and have fun and try to forget about her. I may sound superstious, but when you are not thinking about her and having fun, it will be vice versa and she will be the one thinking about you.
I'm going to vegas end of the month, that should be fun will ease my mind that's for sure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
I want more than anything than for you two to reunite and continue your love affair. I know you want that more than anything too but I too pray for your reconciliation with her. I know what it is to have your"soulmate" so close but yet still so far away... I look forward to spending time having a beer
That's what our friend said to me today...
Tell your "friend" to continue to keep his mouth shut about this stuff... clearly he is a drama queen!
What is this dude's name? He sounds like the type of dude that reads Cosmo
That's funny Tony71!! Maybe that does happen... when u have fun.. it switches... :) yeah, vegas will be a blast... ull have a great time.
His names TODD
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:32 AM. |