Posted Aug 28, 2008, 01:06 AM.
I must admit, I admire the guys persisstence in trying to get what he wants in his life, but it shouldn't take this long and be this hard to make a relationship work.
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Posted Aug 28, 2008, 01:06 AM.
I must admit, I admire the guys persisstence in trying to get what he wants in his life, but it shouldn't take this long and be this hard to make a relationship work.
I only mentioned in my post to ask her so that he could sh*t or get off the pot. However, I still say that it is not the right thing to do because he really has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to ask her about any of her actions. However, AGAIN, he took the ONE thing from my post that he wanted to hear. It was more of a "FINE, THEN DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS" statement more than advice, as he asked if it would be okay to ask her. Yes, he can ask her anything, but it still does not make it "right". If there is no committed relationship, then you shouldn't ask. Most likely she will get mad over it and you will probably lose her - this is also what I said in that post as well, but apparently he is not heeding that advice.
By the way, Tab, you don't know what is going on in that head of hers. I think that she is just keeping you around for safe keeping, for just in case. It is something that she has become used to. Apparently she has a lot of stress/change happening in her life and at least her situation with you remains consistent!!
Also, just because she may not want you for sex may also mean that she does not want anyone else to have sex with you - that is simple human behavior. That may be why she is acting jealous.
Follow the advice about not having ANY contact with her for at least one week. We all know that you won't be able to do it for 6 months, so take baby steps and do it week by week. THEN see the results. We don't have a crystal ball and we can't issue guarantees, but the only thing that will result is that SOMETHING will change - which is more than what we have seen happening EVER on this thread.
Hahahhahahahaha...
Just came back from a good night of gym, dinner, drinks, and making out; all with her..
Don't let my good mood fool you... all of you will be getting my responses later... mwahahah
Just let me take a shower, watch a bit of TV first
Regards
A lot of idiots here are starting to get sick of this thread, so simply stop reading.. duhhh
I have said several times that this will turn more into a journal entry than an advice column
So if you don't like reading my "diary", then piss off.. no one forcing u
For those MANY that still give advice and have been there since the beginning, I will always appreciate your input
I also keep writing because you guys ssay smthg, I disagree, so I write back.. and it continues
I'm sure you noticed, that I don't give up easily... so if you say smthg I don't like, I'm going to check you on it... RESPECTFULLY
Unlike some of the idiots here that think they know me and say words like "spineless" and "no confidence".. u don't know me man, the way I see it, I'm still being with the girl I love, but also, until she is ready, able to play the field guilt free... it is a nice deal
I wish I could only be with her, but too bad... u guys say give her time and let her go and MAYBE she will come back... well, I say, we love being with each other again or in an "open relationship"... if smthg changes great, if not great too
Of course sometimes it bothers me... but I can tell you that I'm happier being with her everyday and enjoying each others company, than being single and only with tamales
And about the sex thing... I can agree with you on one thing... she has me on a leash with the sex thing... of course I go out and have sex with tamales (bc I am technically single), but if I'm with a tamale, and my ex calls me that instant and says "come do me", I will ditch the tamale and come running... the power of sex ;)
I don't get why you see this as a weakness? We EQUALLY love being each other (unless for some reason you think I make out with myself and invite myself and call myself, etc.), we EQUALLY care about each other, and we EQUALLY agree that now we are OK with the situation... this is from BOTH our mouths
Its not what I prefer, but for sure better than only being with tamales... im getting her AND tamales
Until further notice, I'm OK with this arrangement
Anyway, I agree.. im also bored of discussing this... I tried to shift the conversation towards the sex thing only, but some people keep taking it back to "what are u doing, gve her time, space, bla bla bla"... we already established this 2 mnths ago.. im not going to do NC... im going to do a mix of NC and flirting and some games... get over it
Hmmm... looks like I'm pretty confident in my posts and decisions
And finally: I did ask her if she met anyone new or she slept with anyone... I said it in a nice way... she got a bit angry, but that was it... I said some nice words, held her hand, did some cute faces, the works.. and back to normal... good as new
She said of course not... she is out having fun with her friends, but the only person she likes being with is me... she did get offended at the sex thing though when I implied maybe she could be shtupping some prick on the side... she said "im not leeping with u, why would i sleep with some dude i meet in one night?! and u know i dont do one night stands"
Maybe it's the truth maybe its not,. can never know, and I'm OK with that...
But I did ask, like I said I would... I asked in the way I said I would... she got a bit angry, but I made things back to normal... had a great evening... and now back talking to you nice people (some of u)
Feel free not to write back :P
For those that do, always appreciated
Regards
Hehe, that last post of your was too funny.
AGREE :)
I probably would have worded these 2 sentences a bit differently if I was you Tab , but hey it's your thread :)
a lot of you here are starting to get sick of this thread, so simply stop reading..duhhhQuote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
so if u dont like reading my "diary", then don't..no one forcing uQuote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Like you say it's more like a journal for you and I think if that helps you fair enough. We all have the choice to leave ;)
I think some here are just getting a bit bit frustrated with hearing the same things now as we were hearing 2 months ago , and with no progress in sight.
I told you.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Once again, you prove me right.
No disrespect... take care guys
I agree.
Look we are not pisst at you for posting so many times..
Its just that all you do is say the same stuff over and over again.. with no sign of any real mental help in sight.
You think this is good ( its not)
You think you are tough and strong (nope)
You think she loves you and likes you (nope)
You think that maybe she will come round and want to have a relationship only with you (Nope)
And yet you lie to yourself so much.. you make up all these pathetic views in your head.. to justify your actions and your so called feelings.
It honestly makes me laugh.
I feel sorry for you.. I really do.
I do wish you luck though. As you will need it when you get so upset that she will never give you what you really want.
Which is a Puer. Honest loving relationship.
Maybe you will get it. When you gorw up more and learn what its like to really love some one.
And yeah I am done with this post.. this will be my last coment.
I hope this goes on for years I really do :)
Its like old re runs of t.v shows.. you just know what's going to happen all the time.
Your last post? Oh no! Please stay!
Look man, your views are right if I really felt that all I want is her or nothing... if I had to decide between being with her in a full committed relationship, or being single again with my tamales...
But since I'm OK with an open relationship... and since I'm in no rush to have smthg serious, and since I'm enjoying the ride most of the time, I feel my views are right
No one is right or wrong... its just that I've settled into a place where I believe its better to be with her AND tamales, instead of tamales alone
Until things change I'm OK like this... not what I prefer, but I'm comfortable
U may believe me, you may not.. i guess we'll just have to agree to disagree
Other than that... good riddens... maybe see you in another post
No need to be nasty, bud, that's what happens when you post on an open forum. You will get many opinions.
No one can make you do anything so relax. Our advice, or comments, are only food for thought, and its your choice to do as you please.
But don't you think its telling you're the only one defending your position? That's only food for thought also.
Its telling after 4 months, and then being dumped, then spending 3 more months, your still in the same spot, with the same posts. That's the rub, as I see it, as no where are your feelings, or hers expressed, other than the kissy face stuff. No where after all these posts, have you made a mention of any heartfelt convos, that real couples have. That's telling when you only recycle the same justifications over, and over.
I tell people to pay attention here all the time, and get facts to go along with there feelings, so they can make good decisions for themselves. That's all I want from you, and again, just my opinion, so take it as food for thought.
I already know, like all roller coaster rides, when the thrill is gone, you'll get off, or she will.
Its just a shame to see two people using each other, with out the sharing, and caring, and growing, and building.
Enjoy yourself then, its just something to do while you wait for something to change.
"I already know, like all roller coaster rides, when the thrill is gone, you'll get off, or she will. "
"Enjoy yourself then, its just something to do while you wait for something to change."
I AGREE WITH YOUR TWO COMMENTS ABOVE, TALANIMAN
But there are facts to go with the feelings... I mean we really like each other, and enjoy being with each other... this is from both our mouths... and if you were in dubai and see us together, you would think we were newly married or smthg
We actually did have a "heart felt" conversation... forget if I mentioned it amongst all these posts
But I brought up the fact once about how we're seeing each other everyday and making out and acting like a couple... so why not just be a couple again?
She agreed, and said she thinks about it sometimes, but she is not fully ready to be in a serious relationship now because a) her ex still in pic and b) she needs some time to take it easy and relax.. another serious relationship now would be more stress
She said she does love being with me though and seeing me everyday and kissing etc..
I said I like being with her too... I like being "good friends that like each other"... no pressure... lets just both take it easy and see what happens
So basically what happened was that she is not ready to be bf/gf, but still wants to be with me... I am ready to be bf/gf with her, but don't mind this situation because I can be getting guilt free sex with tamales on the side
So now we are in this "grey/open relationship/its complicated" kind of thing
Both taking it easy and enjoying the ride until the thrill of the roller coaster ends... and then we will see what happens... we will obviously either get back, or one of us gets bored/meets someone else and this whole thing ends... no third option
I love the fact how some fools here thinhk she is controlling the situation and I'm being "weak" etc...
I know what I'm doing.. fully aware of what's going on... I AGREED to what's going on... she ALSO AGREED to what I had to say... we both are in this situation WILLINGLY
The only thing she has a "leash" on me is the sex! Not having sex with her is bothering me... sure I get some on the sode with tamales, but its meaningless... everyone wants what they can't have.. the power of sex... maybe some guys out there can understand that
Take care
Like everything else in life, sex only has the power you give it.
We all can make mistakes, when our nose is open though. That's when sex has power.Quote:
The only thing she has a "leash" on me is the sex! Not having sex with her is bothering me
In need of advice:
Last night we finally slept together.. we had a great week and a great day and night last night.. in fact, SHE suggested we go back to my house... the sex was great and we had a good time...
But this is what happened: while she was at my house, she kept getting messages and calls that she wouldn't answer... I didn't say anything, because technically we still are single... but after we had sex, when she went to check her phone, I could see she seemed a bit uneasy and nervous... so I asked her what was wrong and to tell me the truth, and so she did...
Apparently, she met a guy, they went out a couple of times, and speak on the phone sometimes, she said they like each other, but its not serious...
She said she LOVES me, and that she wouldn't have finally decided to sleep with me if she didn't really only want to be with me... she said you know I only sleep with guys if I love them or really care about them... and you know that I have only slept with my ex of 10yrs, so it's a big step for me to sleep with u.. I hope that shows you how I feel about u
I got angry (dont know if its because she liked another guy, or because she didn't tell me till now, maybe both)... she said that this has been going on for about 2 weeks only.
I told her that I love her too much to share her with anyone... if she is confused or also likes this other guy, then I will say goodbye and wish her the best; because I can't handle knowing that she is out with another guy..
She started crying and tried coming to me and hugging me, and kissing me, etc. I moved away and dropped her home
She called me today, I didn't answer
Now the question is this: we were in an open relationship... sure we really liked each other, but we were technically single.. so did she in fact do smthg wrong?
Am I bothered only because she liked someone first?
Shouldn't the fact that her finally deciding to sleep with me even after she met this guy, mean smthg?
When I dropped her home, her last words were, you are a smart guy... I know when you are calm and think about this, you will know that I only want to be with u, and know how I really feel about u, and what I want with u...
I didn't say anything
She did ask me if I slept with someone, I told her yes! I told her that it was a girl I met in a club, and I did it when me and you were not talking or weren't as close as now... it was when I didn't know what was happening between us and you had recently told me that you were talking to your ex again
She got pissed and tried to turn it on me, but I didn't let her... I told her you liked someone when things were good between us... I had meaningless sex with a girl when I didn't know what was going to happen between us...
She closed the subject
So, finally, tabbarat is looking for advice :)
From what you have now told us, my opinion is that she is more manipulative than I originally thought.
Yes, you were in an open relationship, but I still feel that even if you guys were in a committed relationship together, I would not be able to trust her. It is apparent to me that she likes drama, manipulation and your lives would be in constant turmoil.
My advice is to give this girl the boot. I just don't see how someone can profess their love for someone else and then still agree to go out with someone else. Something just does not seem right.
Whdn your in an open relationship you can date who you want because your both agreed to this. Therefore, no one should get mad at the other person if they take an interest in another person.
Don't you think that if your dating people you might take a liking to another person? Your free to do so because your not committed to no one.
I think now your upset because you don't have her ex to worry about because like you stated before he's in another country miles away. But now you know there is a guy in town that she likes and most likely like her back so now you've a threat, something that you mention before over and over in your past threads that you wouldn't be handle.
This want happens when your in an open relationship. Also, you can't get mad because you was out having your fun too so your both was. Maybe you took it a step further by having sex but you can't be for sure she wasn't and if she really wasn't then you was doing more then her.
It was inevitable that the stuff would hit the fan. Now all cards are on the table.
Go fishing, or whatever guys in Dubai do, to get away, and let the emotional dust settle, and give yourself a chance to regroup, and think, WITHOUT HER INFLUENCE.
3 days should do it. There is a great danger in making decisions based on just feelings, and not facts.
I find it amazing, you finally get what you wanted, in this OPEN(?) relationship, and now your mad, and hurt, and confused. Hmmmmm!
I want to rephrase some things. Yes, you were in an open relationship so therefore there were no boundaries. In that regard, she did nothing wrong and you can't get mad at that. She also can't get mad at the things that you decided to do while in an open relationship. That is why I don't believe in these kinds of relationships because there can be a lot of confusion.
At any rate, what it comes down to is this: WHAT DO YOU WANT?? It seems to me that you want a more committed relationship with this girl but you are too afraid to admit that to yourself, to us or to her. You need to come to terms as to why this is. You need to determine what it is you really want. If you want this girl and no one else, then you need to admit this. I don't think that you really like this open relationship.
When I said that I thought she was being manipulative it is because it sounds like she is trying to make you decide. "I know your smart and you should know I really like you...." Does she want you to make the decision in this situation? She said that she likes this other guy but that she loves you. If this was a true open relationship, then no one truly loves anyone.
In the overall story, I just don't have good feelings about this. I say cut your losses and find someone else who is more deserving of your time. Otherwise, your life will continue to have an over abundance of drama in it. She can't decide what she wants. It's always an excuse with her as to why she can't move forward with you. Also, I don't think that you REALLY know what you want either.
Well said MOM, and maybe its time to stop seeing her as the poor confused female, that can't make up her mind, because she sure seems to know what she is doing to me.
No, she is not confused. Move on. You made a little bit of progress in that you slept with her. Now that is off the table. However, sex really does not mean anything unless you are in a committed relationship, WHICH YOU DO NOT HAVE.
Questions to ask yourself:
1. Can I go on like this?
2. Can I trust her?
3. What do I want in a relationship?
4. Is she able to provide what I need?
5. Am I able to provide what she needs?
You have to be TOTALLY honest in this. I honestly don't think that she is capable of giving you what you need.
We all saw this coming! You reap what you sow.
So now are you going to apologize for getting mad at her for doing half of what you do? And the move forward to a mutually respectful closed relationship?
Or are you going to break up because she's been following the very rules that you established--an open relationship?
Sorry I'm being harsh, but I do not understand on what basis you got angry.
Mom of 2, I think that both of them are playing games with each other and they both ar at fault here.
Tab, was already warned in the past by her about her still being in love with her ex and instead of that being a sign to leave her alone he decided to stay in hopes of her changing her mind.
Then for whatever reasons an open relationship was form, another stupid thing. Now he can't handle it because now he knows she has been seeing some else and she confess that she him. Meanwhile he's up meeting girls at clubs and having "meaningless sex" with them but he don't like them but is getting something from them that she wasn't providing.
The main reason that he is angry is because he have to worry about this new guy in town instead of the boyfriend that is in another country.
This is what happens when games are played and your emotions get involved. Neither one of you have cleaned hands in this and sadly other people are just going get caught up in this web.
Yes, both of them ARE playing games. On top of that, he found out that she was doing the same things that he was doing and he is upset with that.
I only posed those questions to him because he sounded like he was FINALLY asking for real advice. He needs to ask those questions HONESTLY to find out what he wants.
Personally, I don't give much hope for this relationship. Too many games have been played and not a lot of honesty has been shown. Yeah, I know Tab, you claim that both of you have been honest with each other, but both of you have hidden agendas and both of you are guilty of keeping certain things from each other. So, NO, you really have not been honest with each other.
We have been saying from the get go that there are a lot of games going on, you continued to refute it and then look what happened? I hate to say I (we) told you so, BUT...
A new year is coming soon are you going drag this into the next year? Because as you stated "your both are single".
I agree with liz28 that now I have a threat... the new guy actually doesn't live in Dubai, but visits here every once in a while... she met him at work, called her several times, and he came to dubai last week for work and she went on a couple of dates with him
So yes, what got me angry is what I have always ben saying: I can handle her not being fully ready to move forward because of her ex, but not because of some new prick
And what bothered me is how he picked her up from work and took her to dinner (smthg we always do), and it bothers me that she likes him!
I had so many girls that I could have liked (nice, decent, pretty girls) that may have given me a stable relationship. But I would always tell them I'm busy with my ex or I would stick to partying with my friends... I was always holding back from liking another girl... apparently she wasn't doing the same
Today, I went to the gym, and she was there! I obviously ignored her, but she comes says hi and tries to hug me.. I don't hug back.. when she is talking to me, I'm giving one word answers
She left, but then she called me later.. she asked me if I'm talking to her or not... I told her that today I just want to be left alone.. just wanted to go to the gym and be in peace... didnt want to talk to her or anyone else
She told me she wants to see me to talk about last night... I didn't mind that, so we met up
We had a nice dinner... over dinner I told her straight out: "its true u can do what u want, and i can do what i want..but what bothered me is that u like someone else and u had dinner with him and he picked u up from work, the same things we do...i love u too much to share you...if u really like this guy and want to see where it goes, then i will tell u goodbye and wish u the best...i would love for things to stay the same way or more between us, but i can't handle sharing u with anyone...but apparently, its ok to like someone else and maybe kiss them, so i guess i will go out and do the same"
I asked her if she was going to continue talking to this fool, she said "i dont know" (which means yes obviously)... I told her, do what you want, but if I ever feel like I'm sharing you, then its goodbye... and until then, I guess its OK for me to actively like and date other girls
After the nice dinner we kissed, changed the conversation, and dropped her home... she said she wants to see me tmrw, I said we'l lsee
I know some of you are wondering why I got angry if it was an open relationship... I got angry because she liked someone else... sure she said she loves me and she finally had sex with me (which is a big step in her book), but it still bothered me
In fact, I'm still angry, and I'm going to use this anger to go out and actually meet someone else... no more tamales (bc it seems me and my ex are fully physical now), but I guess its OK for me to like someone else...
I won't lie, part of it is so I can give her a taste of her own medicine, and part of me is a bit disappointed, so I don't mind meeting a girl now that will love me equally and treat me with no drama
Anyway, I will take it slow ith my ex... now we are in a new phase where we have the emotional bond, and finally the physical bond... this is also interesting to see where it leads
Mom of 2: she was trying to make me decide, but then I transferred the ball to her court... I told her I decided: if I'm going to have to share you or I feel like I'm sharing you, then bye.. bc I love you too much to do that... but until then, I guess its apparent that I can like other girls and go on dates and maybe kiss them... so I will do that
If she is going to keep talking to this guy.. let her do it... I can't tell her what to do... but now she knows that I will be liking other girls, not only tamales, and that if she gets serious with this fool then she will lose me forever...
In fact, she reiterated today that she doesn't want to lose me, I mean a lot to her, etc... I told her "then dont lose me"
The truth: I want to be in a fully committed relationship with her.. she knows this.. and you guys know this... she is the one that is not ready and has excuses
My agreement to the open relationship and me screwing tamales was as a REACTION... I prefer being with her only... but if she is not ready to be serious, then I will be out looking for a girl that will or screwing tamales until she is ready... being in an open rlationship has its positives as well
asking: of course I'm happy we finally had sex, and appreciate the step forward she made... that is why I decided to see her tonight and we had a good time, etc. and I'm interested to see where it goes now, since it became physical
But you can't tell me that me sleeping with meaningless tamales when we were broken up(and when she wasn't sleeping with me), is worse than her LIKING and maybe KISSING someone else when things were good between us
Anyway. Like talaniman said... all cards on the table.. she told me about this new guy, I told her abou me sleeping with someone, I told her that I can't share her and that I will start dating other girls, and now we finally have the sex thing... im interested to see where it goes... I guess take it day by day
If she is going to keep talking to him, then I'm going to go out Friday night with the boys ONLY, put on my pretty face ;) and turn up the charm, and see what goes down
Take care all, thanks
Oh my gosh, that's great, have a hissy fit. That's the perfect solution.
"hissy fit"? Where? When? Elaborate..
If your eluding to me getting bothered that she went on dates... lets see how she will act if she gets a taste of her own medicine
Might I recall the "her following me to the club at 2am" incident
TrueFaith starts to
-----bang his head on a wall---...
----Blood starts to come out---
---Screams WHY!!!
Well Tab, I seem to think that sex is worst then kissing and liking someone.
The game continues! I wonder will you two let the other people on to what your doing? Because in the end I only feel sorry for them.
Take the guy for instance that likes this girl. Does he know she is in an open relationship or is she not telling him this. I think he would have more of a right to get mad than you do.
Again, you can get mad that she had dinner with someone else. That's what getting to know someone is all about.
Your both are playing with fire and sooner or later someone is going get burn.
Tab
You are a far more patient man than I would ever be.
If I remember correctly wasn't the ONLY reason she wouldn't be with you because of her Ex of 10 years , well it looks to like she's found a NEW reason.
I thought relationships were supposed to be FUN!!
Hissy fit- what kids do when they can't get their way
You have to admit, as hard as you worked to get some tail, and then to go off because, she had dinner while in an open relationship, is the stuff of... kids.
You did agree to an open relationship didn't you.
Now what?
Was that tail worth all this drama you put yourself through?
Seems you should be walking around with a goofy grin, and bragging to the boys, how you broke yo' b... down.
Naw, all we get is a hissy fit, because she played your game better than you did playa'!
Classic!! Now go fishing, and forget the boys.Quote:
U are a smart guy... I know when you are calm and think about this, you will know that I only want to be with u, and know how I really feel about u, and what I want with u...
That my advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Im sorry... But..
HAHA!!
Dude,
You have been honest on here. And I respect that. You just fell for the wrong girl and if you look at my original posts the answers are ALL THERE.
Love is blind but AMHD ain't.
Hang in there man. Sorry you got hurt. I'd refer back to my original advice and let this gal go. Just bad timing. Perhaps time to stop letting her whip you... and you yourself :-)
1) it wasn't just dinner... they went on several dates and she said she likes him... I didn't like any of the tamales, so there is a difference... thats why I had a "hissy fit"
2) she did eventually sleep with me, that's true... even after she went on the dates with the guy... and she is the one that suggested to come over... so of course that is a plus and a step forward
talaniman: your saying that I should be bragging to the boys instead of having a "hissy fit"... but smthg tells me that if I did that and I wrote this here, all of you would be all over me saying "look at tabbarat, he doesnt care about this girl...he is bragging...see, we always said that he was only with her for the sex, etc.".. u guys always find a way to criticize
Well now I had sex with her after 7mnths... how come I'm still with her and how come she still wants me? Hmmmm
This proves that I'm with her for more than just waiting to get sex
Look, there are feelings there of course... she wouldn't have stayed with me, and I wouldn't have stayed with her if there wasn't... there is a bond we have... if you guys see us in dubai, you would think we were newly-weds or smthg
I guess the problem is being in an open relationship if you have feelings... u should have little feelings if you are in an open relationship... this is where I might have made a mistake... I did agree to an open relationship, but having the feelings of a "closed" one
But her telling me that she is actually out dating, instead of what I'm doing (tamales), makes me realize that I should do the same and think less with my heart
I didn't appreciate the "she played ur game better than u playa" comment... sure she met someone, but I also was out having fun, and more importantly, she decided to have sex with me, and she is still with me... I told her that I don't want to share her with anyone.. so if she is going to pursue things with this guy then it will be over, and I told her that now I will be out DATING as well... yet we are still together... we actually saw each other today... picked her up from work and had lunch
Later we might go to the gym.. if not, then I will go out with my friends and try to pick up chicks
The truth: I know that I should probably cut my losses and leave... and knowing this and the bit of anger I have, is what is going to help me go "fishing"
And I will do that... but for now we BOTH like being with each other everyday, and we BOTH like the sex.. so I ask myself why dump her?
She supposedly met someone she likes... why doesn't she dump me?
We both have a chance or reason to cut it now, but we are both not taking it... I thinks it's a mixture of 1) we are used to each other... 2) we still really like each other 3) we still have fun together 4) both still not fully ready to be in a serious relationship with someone else
After her ex of 10 yrs, she isn't ready for another serious relationship... so she isn't looking for one...
And I'm only looking for a serious relationship with her AT THE MOMENT
So for now, we are in this strange kind of relationship... I nwhich we really like each other, have sex, but we are free to date other people
Yadda, yadda, yadda. Blah, blah, blah. It's more of the same reationalization. Do what you want, because you're going to do it anyway. There is no one but yourself to blame when your master plan does not work out the way that you wanted.
She is not with you. If she was, she would not be with someone else.
Isn't it interesting that she conveniently has these guys that are not from Dubai. Makes you wonder, huh? Does she have an itch to perhaps go somewhere else? Does she want to escape AGAIN! Maybe she was trying to escape from her ex of 10 years and that is why she moved to Dubai. Yeah, I know it was because of work. BUT she did not have to go. She could have gotten another job - people make the CHOICE to move for their job. It is not a due or die situation - no one stuck a gun to her head to do it.
Just some thoughts.
Again, the more things change, the more things stay the same. Or perhaps the less things change, the more things stay the same!!
So you have gone from an openQuote:
We really like each other, have sex, but we are free to date other people
Relationship to FWB, friends with benefits. Is that progress?
You keep asking for advice, then arguing, and if you can't stand the truth quit asking for it.
Now get real with yourself, and if you don't, we will continue to be amused by your ineptitude.
Its not like we don't care as I think we all do but your to stubborn for your own good and just refuse to step back and see where she is leading you... playa.
One day you'll be talking to a young guy who asks questions and doesn't believe what you tell him, and you will understand. Till then... need more advice? I got plenty for you!Quote:
U guys always find a way to criticize
If I didn't care, I would ignore one as stubborn (make no mistake hard headed is the term I want to use) as you.
That's just an expression, when one needs time to remove himself from a situation, to gain insight, and perspective, with out the influence of those around them.Quote:
what is going to help me go "fishing"
A great technique for problem solving, or stress relief. Or to get over your anger.
Clears your head of CLUTTER.
So, Talaniman, THAT is why my boyfriend is so into fishing - literally!! Thanks for clearning that up. (Another subject, different day, different thread).
Yep. Have to agree with you on pretty much all points, Talaniman. Sometimes, however, I don't think that he has been asking for advice as much as he is TRYING to prove all of us wrong. So far though, we have been pretty much on the money regarding how everything is coming out. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they realize/learn their lesson. This girl has become almost an addiction for him. He can't stand to be away from her, even though he MIGHT think that it is not a good thing.
Also, I think that he is afraid of being alone. He would rather put up than get out (fear of the unknown). Also, the only other people he is meeting are in bars - not the greatest place to meet someone for a long term, quality relationship (at least 80% of the time).
Tab, you need to spend some time ALL BY YOURSELF!! NOT with your guy friends. NOT with this girl. NOT with another girl. You need to clear your head, write some things down, REALLY think about who you are and WHAT YOU WANT!! As well as WHAT YOU DESERVE!! Believe me, when I was going through my own personal situation, people would tell me the same things and I just did not want to believe this. However, over time, I realized that if I did not define things in my own life, then I was going to continue to run around in circles and get no where. A person has to love themselves first before you can love someone else. If you don't, then you will continue to find the same kinds of people and find yourself in the same situations. If you REALLY loved yourself and had more self respect, then you would not still be in this situation. Stop acting like a little kid, throwing out threats of what you're going to do because of what happened, trying to get back at her and make her jealous (oh that's VERY mature - NOT!! ).
You need to sit back and analyze what has happened. What lessons did you learn? What did you want to happen? Can you see what you did wrong in the situation (it's NEVER only one person's fault - everyone is to blame for their involvement). Is the result what you wanted? If it is not, then are you still able to live with it? BY THE WAY If you were able to live with this situation, you would not continue to come on this thread and let us know what is going on. Again, you're trying to prove us wrong, but so far we have not been.
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