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Originally Posted by kctiger

I think trying to put a deadline on when you think you will be over this is pretty unfair and unrealistic. It happens when it happens. You will have moved on when you no longer talk about it and it becomes instinctive to just live your life without wondering about her.

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Absolutely right, I am going to enjoy my single status and be happy again. I am not ready to be in a relationship. I still get thoughts of her, but less and less. I have a few female friends all telling me the same thing, she was not worth it and was'nt treating me right. Why do we want to go back to a person that was'nt respecting us? Why go back to arguments and incompatibility? Why do we hope that all this will change and that everything will be fine.

I do not know why our brain likes to torture itself. I willl miss her a lot because of all the moments we shared. I wish everything would get how it was in the beginning, but I know this is a fairy tale and it won't happen. We did not have the same view on the relationship and I think this was the main problem.

I guess the best thing to do is to see all the good that came out of this breakup. Freedom is a great thing, you can do anything you want without anybody complaining or nagging about it. I can spend my money how I want, I don't have to constantly worry about entertaining anymore. I feel less stress.:D

Hi guys, a little update...

Today marks the 3rd month since the break up.
I still think of her, but a lot less, I don't have anymore dreams of her. I am able to focus on my portfolio and job hunting. I have a job interview next week.

I am still doing NC with success, I haven't spoken to her since April 3rd. I told her I wasn't going to call her back ever. It's up to her if she wants to reconciliate. I won't beg or try to get her back because she decided to leave, not I.

I refused casual, I told her I hate that word and never want to hear it again. So now I am moving on, I am actually able to concentrate on working on my PC for long hours without thinking of her anymore. My life has other priorities now and I am focusing on them a lot more than before.

I believe I will be able to be 100% over her once her birthday has passed...

No contact is the way to go. I'm glad I found this site.
Thanks for the tips everyone they really helped me.
Nobody deserves to be downgraded, and if they think they are better than you, kick them to the curb, you know you don't deserve to be manipulated by anyone.

Good for you , glad we could help :)

Sometimes just takes a while to sink in that what we're saying is for a reason.

Hi guys, a little update...

It's now April 30th, 4 days until her birthday, I am wondering how it will be on that day...
It's almost time to say goodbye forever... I think it will finally be over in my mind on that day.
No turning back, just moving forward.

It is hard to look back and realize what happened, it's like a bad dream.
All I can say is I am glad the bad dream is almost over. One of her girlfriends talked to me on Facebook and was asking me questions about me, if I met someone, if I am doing OK... etc...

I was polite and answered back, but tried to don't give too much info on myself. Do you guys think she is trying to find out what I am up to? I did not ask anything about my ex... I don't want to know.

I have kept NC since April 3rd and kept away, no text, no email, no phone, nothing...
It will be 4 months on June 14 that we are broken up. I still get flashbacks and think of her occasionaly, am I on the right track to getting over her?

You would be when you stop letting her friends stir up those old feelings again

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You would be when you stop letting her friends stir up those old feelings again

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Yeah your right, I was feeling weird again after talking to her friend, it's like it woke up old memories that were sleeping in me. Why is she doing this to me, it's like she enjoys when I suffer.

Ok, I'll reply to this question without going through all 232 answers. Sorry if I missed any updates.

I'll tell you one thing: I broke up 1.5 month ago. There isn't one single thing I regret most about doing: NO CONTACT. When you constantly bombard her with SMS, emails, etc:

(1)you give her ALL the love that she can get. Even if your texts are simple, of the type "hi, how are you?". It shows that you're still interested. Just think about removing all the love from her, let her feel empty, let her feel what it's like without having someone having true feelings for her. Every human being desperately needs to be loved & cared for, it's human nature. If you don't give it to her, she'll come looking for it.

(2)It's a hard pill to swallow, but you'll have to get used to the fact that you won't know who she's with, what she's doing, etc.

Let time pass, and there are chances she'll come back. But don't hold your breath. Move on with your life. Easier said than done. I'm still in the process of trying, soon I'll be over my ex. I feel you.

You know what's the worst part? Similarly to your ex, my ex has been doing the same sh!t things: she chose the bad way to break up, she's treating as if I am her enemy. You say you've sent her some emails she didn't reply to. I hate it when somebody does this. There are stupid mind games, just to make the other person feel jealous and let him wondering. She does not deserve you.

tree56 I been doing no contact and it helped me a lot. On the other hand I feel like it pushed her away from me, she wanted me to pursue her to try to get her back, she admitted this to me 2 months ago. Maybe I would have got her back, but on her terms, and she could break up again easily.

So yes, I am taking away all the love I gave her and everything she took for granted. The last words I told her were this: '' I won't call you anymore, fix your mixed emotions and when you feel ready, you know my number.''

If she calls back, it's all good, if she doesn't, well I guess it's over for good. I cannot be with a woman who is half way there, confused, mixed emotions, etc...

It's obvious she has low interest and there is nothing I can do about it. The hardest thing about this breakup is that we had so many high hopes and long term projects. It's all down the drain.

During the relationship she frequently suggested we break up because we had arguments, so I had her feeding me with relationship insecurity and at work the bosses constantly saying our project might be ended, I had job insecurity too.

In the end all this was too much for me... too much stress.

Pirandello, I am exactly where you are, right now.

I'll tell you this: if only I could be as much wise as I am now, 2 months ago. Then, she wouldn't had dumped me. Whatever I was doing, was completely wrong. But, I had to let 1.5 month pass, doing every mistake you can imagine.

You know what's the best approach? Your ex suggests you have to break up? Then, you go like "ok, no problem. if that's what you want". And then leave her 2-3-4 weeks with NO contact. Then, she'll be looking for some sort of "closure", she'll want to discuss again. She'll think "oh hell, what have I done".

And I did the same damn mistake every other guy does when we're in panic: I begged for 2-3 days. Don't say that 2-3 days is quite short time. It was enough to push her away. What's more, I screwed up my last chance, by sending her a long regretful email, 3 weeks after our break up. Aaaarrgghhhhhh, I want to slap myself..

What happened is that my actions were constantly giving her the "closure" that everybody needs after a break up, either if they are the dumper or the dumpee.

Sorry pal, it looks like you've screwed up your chances. As I have, of course.

But, you know what? My break up just made me more wise. I grew up from it. I learned a lot of things.

The most important: you don't have to let your life be dependent upon anyone. Live your life by yourself, just think of other people as "a good/pleasant addition" to your life. Nobody should be that necessary for us to be happy, let alone when THEY don't think we are necessary for theirs.

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Originally Posted by tree56

And I did the same damn mistake every other guy does when we're in panic: i begged for 2-3 days. Don't say that 2-3 days is quite short time. It was enough to push her away. What's more, I screwed up my last chance, by sending her a long regretful email, 3 weeks after our break up. Aaaarrgghhhhhh, I wanna slap myself..

What happened is that my actions were constantly giving her the "closure" that everybody needs after a break up, either if they are the dumper or the dumpee.

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OK but the thing is, I did not beg after the break up, I did NC until I had no choice to talk to her. Yes I asked her to reconsider, but never I begged her to come back. I even refused her offer for a casual relationship. But when she said she had mixed emotions, I knew her feelings were not real, and if you love someone will you offer them casual ? I do not think so.

She was a superficial woman and unfortunately I cannot accept a woman with this behavior in my life. If I saw some effort from her part I would have done something to try to save things.

But when your dealing with a selfish woman who just cares about her needs and has a philosophy of: ''i can replace him anytime I want'', it's a lost case, don't waste your time.
Why beg her back ? She's the one that ends things and we suppose to beg them back? Doesn't make any sense. Bro, I closed all contact with her and I did'nt give her any closure. One of her friends tried to get info out of me on Facebook, so she is trying to find out if I am with another woman.

What will you do tree56 if she calls you back ? Will you talk to her ?

I wish she calls me back. Not because I want to re-ignite our lost spark.

Just because I need to take revenge. Yes, as pitiful as it may sound, I need to hurt her as much as she did. Plus, I'm more clever than just tell her "Hm, please don't call me again, I'm over you, I'm with a new girlfriend".

What I'm going to tell her will really hurt her, but without exposing a desire to do so. I will let it seem natural, as it just happened, as if I didn't have intention to hurt her.

I know that many of you will disagree. Many of you will think how selfish I am.

You said that she made a friend of yours pull out information about you on Facebook. That reveals that she still cares. She is just so selfish, that she wants to move on with her life without you, but at the same time is so jealous that doesn't want you to move on, without her divine presence.

Anyway, this post is about your situation, not mine, therefore I shall ask the same question: what will you do if she comes crawling back?

Hmmm, good question my friend. I do not know at this time how I will react. For sure I will give it a long reflexion before I make my decision.

I think some people may regret what they did, in this case they deserve a second chance. But if she doesn't regret it and continues to be selfish and just thinks what she is getting out of it, then she doesn't deserve a second chance.

Like the saying goes, ''if you love someone set them free. If they come back they're yours forever'', so if they come back and they are truthful and genuine, then you got to give them a second chance.

Even though the temptation of revenge is there, we won't get anything out of revenge, but regret only. In my case the last thing I want is hate between her and I. As much as I got hurt by her attitude and behavior, I learned a lesson.

So to answer your question, I think yes I would take her back, but I would not be easy with her, she would have to prove to me that she really loves me and would never pull a thing like this again.

How long were you guys together, if you don't mind me asking tree56...

Ha, why should I mind you asking Pirandello? :-)

You can always check my thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ve-352627.html

But I'll give you some brief info about myself & my ex:

I'm 27 years old, (there is a typo in my thread, it says 31, wrong) have been with this lady for 7 years, got engaged 2 years ago. She's 24. We are not Americans, we come from Western Europe, although it doesn't matter, because while spending time on AMHD I found out that when it comes to emotions & relationships, different cultures come to play very small role. For any other info you might need, check my thread.

Our situations look alike, apart from the fact that your ex kept her dignity, and broke up in a much more mature way.. Mine did the break up as if she was 15 years old.

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Originally Posted by tree56

Ha, why should I mind you asking Pirandello? :-)

You can always check my thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ve-352627.html

but I'll give you some brief info about myself & my ex:

I'm 27 years old, (there is a typo in my thread, it says 31, wrong) have been with this lady for 7 years, got engaged 2 years ago. She's 24. We are not Americans, we come from Western Europe, although it doesn't matter, coz while spending time on AMHD I found out that when it comes to emotions & relationships, different cultures come to play very small role. For any other info you might need, check my thread.

Our situations look alike, apart from the fact that your ex kept her dignity, and broke up in a much more mature way.. Mine did the break up as if she was 15 years old.

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Mine broke up over the phone, which I find was very immature :-)

Can somebody please explain how on earth can a woman walk out of a relationship (let alone an engagement, in my case), and throw away 7 wonderful years? Full of joy & happiness? So suddenly, without any signal!

How can a woman be so strong, to remove all her feelings out of the blue? And then pretend as if she doesn't care about the break up?

I'm not criticizing women, every sex has its own characteristics. But, I have the impression that women tend to dump much more easily than men (just count what the ratio of men vs. women thread starters on AMHD is... I bet it's something like 10:1)

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Originally Posted by tree56

Can somebody please explain how on earth can a woman walk out of a relationship (let alone an engagement, in my case), and throw away 7 wonderful years? Full of joy & happiness? So suddenly, without any signal!!

How can a woman be so strong, to remove all her feelings out of the blue? And then pretend as if she doesn't care about the break up?

I'm not criticizing women, every sex has its own characteristics. But, I have the impression that women tend to dump much more easily than men (just count what the ratio of men vs. women thread starters on AMHD is... i bet it's something like 10:1)

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It isn't good to piggyback your own question on somebody else thread. Now your free to go back to your own thread and ask this question.

Your searching and searching for answers and you received some good answers on your thread.

Nobody knows why your fiancé did what she did only she does. We aren't mind readers and when can only guess reasons she left but sometimes things happen for a reason and it best for you to do your best in moving on.

Now your trying to say that all females do what your fiancé did by leaving and that isn't true. Every female aren't the same just like any male isn't. You might have thought everything was okay and the relationship you and her once had was perfect but it wasn't.

Would you have prefer her to leave now or later? Would you have prefer that she cheated on you down the road or ended it like she did? Sometimes when we are hurting it clouds our mind from seeing the bigger picture.

My answer was a direct response to Pirandello's post, with supporting evidence from my case.

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Originally Posted by tree56

My answer was a direct response to Pirandello's post, with supporting evidence from my case.

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it's OK you can keep posting here tree56, you been helping me understand the whole situation.

Whatever the reason they left us, it don't matter anymore, they are gone and our life continues without them. Hard to accept, but hey, like I said earlier, if you love her, set her free, if she comes back she still loves you, if she doesn't she was never yours to begin with.

That's the way I see it. Harsh eh? Life is harsh. We wish everything would go smooth and perfect, but no, sometimes it sucks. But just remember that when a door closes on you another one opens. Always look for new beginings, new challenges. Get a fresh new start and put the past behind.

I wish I had the solution or answer why they left? Unfortunately I don't. There is a lot of things she said to me that did not make any sense and I also know she had mixed emotions, so what's the use trying to understand? Mixed emotions = no logic.

My logic tells me to get the hell out of there when a woman has mixed emotions.
and that's what I did.

tree56 keep posting here dude, let it out it's going to help you brother.

cheers!

Pirandello, how easy will it be for you to trust a woman again? What was your ex like, when you first met her? Did you ever expect such a behavior from her?

When I met my ex, she was shy, polite, she could barely look me in the eyes, because of her shyness. She thought she was the most lucky person because I chose her as my partner, and I would always try to make her feel we are equal.

What about your relationship? Did you ever expect she could walk away so easily from your relationship? Ever expected she could demonstrate so much power to dump you for silly reasons?

Tree, I respect that you feel bitter about what happened, but get over it. This is life. There are a lot of things that will come your way that you just flat out don't expect. It is the way of the world. People change, without notice and without fair warning. The best thing you can do is chalk this up to reality and the acceptance that it wasn't meant to be. Walking around in a pity pot, however, does nothing.

When someone dumps me, it is their loss, flat out. Have the same mentality and get moving buddy.