Ask Me Help Desk - My life is in bits...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Well, as we have been preaching here the last year - TAKE IT SLOW!!!!

This is a marathon with Pete. You're doing greta by not applying presure - that was the best thing in the world you could do. Most young women would have nagged, begged, cried, pleaded, stalked, threat etc. for him to come around.

You laid low and gave him the space he needed. Excellent!

This WILL take more time. But, you have handled it sooooo well so far.

Your baby is GORGEOUS!!!

Thanks wildcat - she is just like her mum lol

I don't do nagging etc - space and time is all I could give him - just not quite sure what to do now - we keep having awkward moments every time we go to leave each other.

Last night I borrowed a phone charger off him (because I left mine at my friends in another county) and when I returned it to him and thanked him he replied "your welcome, if you need to borrow it again or need anything else don't be afraid to ask"... so I am not quite sure how to handle things now. I still want to take it slow and give him time - but I don't want to give him too much where by he thinks I just want to be friends and that he has blown things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Its progress, I personally would still be curious on what the hell happened. Like others have said just take your time. At least now he seems interested in the baby and you. That is a good sign. Everybody goes through situations, some people learn from them and some do not. It is all about letting go of the past hurt and moving foward to even happier times. Smile and Congrats on the little girl.

My wife and I have less then a month to go before our little one is born.

Joe

Thank Joe and good luck with yours :)

Eventually your going to have to talk though. Be prepared. Obviously there is a little more at stake.

Maybe some of the ladies here can steer you in that direction and how to handle it... because, surprising, I don't have any experience in this situation.

And it looks like Pete won't bring it up. You have to take the lead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Eventually your going to have to talk though. Be prepared. Obviously there is a little more at stake.

Maybe some of the ladies here can steer you in that direction and how to handle it.....because, suprising, I don't have any experience in this situation.

And it looks like Pete wont bring it up. You have to take the lead.

You are spot on Wildcat - Pete has never been one for making the first move. He and I would not have got together if I have not taken lead and made the move on him... that's why I am unsure of what to do. I don't want to push, but I don't want to lose any chance I might have either.

This is totally new territory for me too, otherwise I would not be here asking. I have handled things well so far because I have learnt from past mistakes etc and just taken all my knowledge, experience and wisdom into consideration... I have learnt a lot in the way of relationships... it is just difficult because there is another issue involved. It is not just about he and I getting back together it's about being a family which is obviously a lot bigger and lot harder to deal with. I just don't know how long I should wait - if I should just let him know I have accepted we are not together and quite happy to move on with my life; but if he has changed his mind but just needs time, then I am prepared to wait for as long as it takes... I just don#t know. After getting this far; I don't want to do something to put us back to square one. It is very delicate and difficult.

If anyone has any ideas or has been in my predicament then I am all ears, I need all the help and advice I can get right now. For the first time ever I am totally clueless.

GO Slow very slow What's the hurry!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

My little Isla Elizabeth :)

beautiful pic.

I had the ultrasound pics up for months before mine was born, and still have one where I see it now and then.

I don't know what to say about pete. As far as I'm concerned, a few nice moments just don't fix it. I think you might have some reasons to be hopeful, and reasons to be cautious. Slow is good (as many have said).

you need to continue to find your strength outside of the context of pete in your life... and if he chooses to be a part of it, that will hopefully only make it better. Only time will tell, dear.

beautiful pic though! =)

Yeah that pic was awesome. How great does it make you feel to look at that. I thought it was great and I don't even know you. It must be beautiful for you.

I think you should just continue to take it real real slow with pete. Just continue to go the way you are. No pressure.
I know you have lots of pressure on you right now and probably want some answers, but id imagine pete is feeling quite a lot of pressure as well right now. The last thing he probably wants is more.

So just keep being how you are being. Include him when he wants to and be as lovely as you have been so far.

Although I think that you owe him nothing and he has treated you so so poorly. Id just hate to see you upset again right now because you were pushing for answers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that right now make your main concern you and Isla. Not pete. If pete is about then so be it. You can treat him how you have been.

But don't let thoughts of him occupy your mind. Let the magical thougths of being a mother and all the excitement that comes with it be in your mind for a while.

Deal with him when it arises. Don't push it!

You have to take the lead. Sometimes a woman has to take the lead. Sometimes a woman has to take the lead.

You need answers.

Ummmm... I have lots to think about. You all have valid points and are right in what you are saying... I am going to use my holiday to Croatia next week as a time out to think about how to achieve all that you are suggesting.

I have just this moment returned from hosptial after finding spots of blood this morning. Thankfully both Isla and I are fine - but it did scare the living crap out of me. I did not call Pete on the basis I did not want to worry him uneccessarily - however my mum who came to me told his mum in passing on her way to the hospital and his mum told him. He was worried... kept asking "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN MUM" - Just phoned him to let him know all was OK as he had text me to see if I was OK.

I have never felt so scared and upset in all my life - made me realise just how much I could have lost - does not compare to anything else in life. Puts things in perspective.

Thank you for all your support and advice.. will keep you posted. Xx

I'm sorry to hear about the scare. Spotting happens and its always scary. You are always a little on edge no matter how good things are, because you want them to stay that way. Even after the little one is born, it takes time to not always be afraid of the worst all the time. Its an intense love.

I remember when ours was under 6 months my wife asked whether the way he rolled his eyes back sometimes, like with a yawn, was a seizure or some neural problem. She was in trouble 1) for thinking up such a thing and 2) for thinking of it before me. =) no... all was fine. Eats too much, too little, not enough sleep, sleeping too much, too restless, too quiet... you're always looking for the problem. And when you are pregnant obviously there are legitimate concerns... glad this one was nothing but a scare.

but glad to hear he sounds sincerely concerned. Seems like it was heartfelt and honest. Which means if he could just keep his head from screwing around with some of his instincts and heart, then things might just be going the way they should be. That's the silver lining from the scare I guess.