Ask Me Help Desk - Hi Everyone, I could really use your advice

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I figure this fellow has some good points, and I don't take you for a flighty confused female at all, but he has to do his part to nurture this along, or you will be giving, and he takes, and thats not healthy for a future.

Thank you Tal, very much. That is the part that is killing me, 'Will he step up the plate to nurture this relationship along'? Does he want this as much as I do? He really seemed like he did, but then... I just don't know... how to get through to him...

Granted, I am not perfect, no way, I have my insecurities which can be hard to deal with at times, although I do try to keep myself in check, and have gotten better over the years, and I am also emotionally needy at times as well, but I feel I know how to love, respect, and honor someone (Eric in this case), and I take responsibility for my faults.

God, Tal, this is so hard...

Quote:

Thank you Tal, very much. That is the part that is killing me, 'Will he step up the plate to nurture this relationship along'? Does he want this as much as I do? He really seemed like he did, but then... I just don't know... how to get through to him...

Sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves, and accept that somewhere along the way, our dream partner has changed, and no longer wants what we want. That sucks, and bring chaos to our lives, when things use to be so simple.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves, and accept that somewhere along the way, our dream partner has changed, and no longer wants what we want. That sucks, and bring chaos to our lives, when things use to be so simple.

Thank you, Tal. You are so right my friend. He did call me on Friday, and we are still on for the concert. I am going to pull strength from God, you, and all of you here that have offered me support and guidance, and have a real heart to heart talk with him, and whatever the outcome, I have to be strong, and not sell myself short. I know I must...

You'll do fine, and don't forget to enjoy the concert!

All the best Star, I can't really offer anymore advice than that given.

Enjoy the concert and all the best,

JPM

X

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You'll do fine, and don't forget to enjoy the concert!

Thank you so much, Tal. I will keep you posted. I don't leave until next Wed, but thank you for always being there for me :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpm247

All the best Star, i can't really offer anymore advice than that given.

Enjoy the concert and all the best,

JPM

x

Hi JPM,

Thank you so much, sweetie. I will keep you posted. :)

http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/~renglish/...man_pacing.gif http://lh4.google.co.uk/borneomonkey...00/Despair.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/~renglish/...man_pacing.gif http://lh4.google.co.uk/borneomonkey...00/Despair.jpg

LOL!! JB, you are awesome! :) (And of course, as always, thank you, too ;) )

Hi Everyone,

Well, I went to Georgia this past week to see E and to go to the concert. The concert was amazing, we had a great time. During intermission, I said to him that I needed to talk with him (not at that moment, but at some point while I was there), and he said okay. The next morning I was sitting outside, he came out and joined me, and said 'what did you want to talk to me about'? I started by saying that I am sorry for breaking things off in May, but that isn't at all what I wanted to do. The reason why I did though was because I needed to take a couple of steps back, and I needed you to make sure that you really wanted me, and that I wasn't certain that you really were hearing my concerns (about him yo-yoing and the on again-off-again he did with me in the past). I told him that I do want a future with him, move there and, I do want to marry him (and yes, he really did return the ring back in May), but, I need him to really make sure that I am who he wants, and I also said that ALL relationships require work, and that I am willing to put my 100 % in to it, but I need to know that he is willing and prepared for that matter to do the same in return. I also made it known to him that I am fully aware that he does have a tendency to yo-yo emotionally, and that I realize he cannot change, and I either accept that, and if he does do that in the future, he will not leave me or cheat or anything, but that I will give him his space within the relationship, but point out his behavior if he does start acting like this. I also asked him to point out anything that bothers him about me if I do or act in a way that bothers him, so that I too am aware of it. Bottom line is I told him he needs to see the person that I am, and really feel the love I have for him.

His response: After I broke up with him in May, he actually admitted that he realized how I must have felt when he broke up with me in the past. He also said that when he returned the ring, a part of him had a sense of relief; when I asked why he said that he was scared in a way and he felt a little pressured. He wanted to wait until I actually moved down there before he proposed. But, thinking back, I did say to him (and I didn't realize or mean to pressure him), I would feel more comfortable with things if you proposed before I moved there. Either way, it is water under the bridge. I digress... so he said that in the past during the on again off again relationship, he always got scared, and felt somewhat guilty about how we even got together in the first place. In addition, some of his family (his mom and one of his sisters) where not happy about him and I (because they totally love his ex-wife - and to this day, they still do), so that added to his behavior and him not being able to see a future for us. At the end of this conversation, he said to me, you know it is ineveitable that we are going to get married and have a future, don't you? I said to him, I do feel that way, but it can't be one-sided. You know how I feel about you, Eric, you just have to make sure you feel the same way about me. If you really want this, let me know. You don't have to let me know this instant either. And that was the end of the conversation.

Later that night, out of the blue so to speak, he said to me, 'I think you should move here'. I said 'You have to be sure that you want this (me and a life with me) Eric. He said he does, and again said 'It is inevitable'. I told him I would love to.

So, I am taking my time because I wouldn't be moving there until the fall anyway, so I am going to really see how he sounds when we talk, and how he is when I visit him again (which will be this weekend for another concert).

So, how did I do? How does he sound? Your responses and insight is always greatly appreciated!

Thank you all. I'm sorry this is so long.

You did really well, no begging for him or anything. I am proud and hope everything works out, just take things very slowly so neither of you feels pressured!

I think you did good and get all the answers to the questions you needed to know. In the meantime, you two should keep the honesty going and see how the cards play out. At least now you know all the fear he had and about his family feelings towards you. This talk was needed and you did exactly what you planned to do but tread slowly and I hope he does not let his family input have an impact on your starting over. I had this time around everything work out just follow whatever your intincts tell you. Whenever you start to second guess, speak to him instead of pulling back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

You did really well, no begging for him or anything. I am proud and hope everything works out, just take things very slowly so neither of you feels pressured!

Hi Rome,

Thank you so very much. I really appreciate your feedback, and your advise on this whole crazy relationship. :) I am going to continue to take things slowly and hopefully this will work out, for good!

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

I think you did good and get all the answers to the questions you needed to know. In the meantime, you two should keep the honesty going and see how the cards play out. At least now you know all the fear he had and about his family feelings towards you. This talk was needed and you did exactly what you planned to do but tread slowly and I hope he does not let his family input have an impact on your starting over. I had this time around everything work out just follow whatever your intincts tell you. Whenever you start to second guess, speak to him instead of pulling back.

Hi Liz,

Thank you so much. As always, I appreciate all of your help and advise. You are right, if there is something that bothers me or if I do second guess, I am going to bring it up, instead of being afraid or nervous/pulling back.

As long as the lines of honest communications are open, things have a good chance to work I think, but know that going slowly, and paying attention to his actions, as well as his words, are the way to go. If you have any doubts about it, TELL him then, not later.

Your in my prayers, but if he acts a butt, I'll get my friends in Georgia to kick his azz!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

As long as the lines of honest communications are open, things have a good chance to work I think, but know that going slowly, and paying attention to his actions, as well as his words, are the way to go. If you have any doubts about it, TELL him then, not later.

Your in my prayers, but if he acts a butt, I'll get my friends in Georgia to kick his azz!!!!!!!

You are the best, TAL!! And I will take you and your friends up on that! ;) Thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart for all of your kindness and help! I will definitely keep you all posted!

You did good Starlite. You said what you had to say, and I am so glad that he admitted his reservations.
You and he will have plenty of time to 'iron' out a few more things until the fall and I sincerely hope that you find the happiness you deserve together.

My hopes and support are always with you.

Now go out and have that wonderful weekend. While together concentrate on quality time, as there is always time for talking about fears when you call each other - that way there will be more hugs, kisses and warmth to remember between visits.

All my best wishes dear.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Chery

You did good Starlite. You said what you had to say, and I am so glad that he admitted his reservations.
You and he will have plenty of time to 'iron' out a few more things until the fall and I sincerely hope that you find the happiness you deserve together.

My hopes and support are always with you.

Now go out and have that wonderful weekend. While together concentrate on quality time, as there is always time for talking about fears when you call each other - that way there will be more hugs, kisses and warmth to remember between visits.

All my best wishes dear.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Thank you so much Chery. You are so wonderful, and honestly? I don't think I would have been this strong this time, without all of you. You all mean the world to me. I will keep you posted on everything. Thank you so much!

Hi Starlite
I too thought you did real well , you almost sounded like a "Relationship Expert" LOL :)

Well done!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Hi Starlite
I too thought you did real well , you almost sounded like a "Relationship Expert" LOL :)

Well done!!!

LOL!! Thank you, Friend :) You see, I am learning a great deal here! LOL! Thanks again, honey, I appreciate it!