So long as you can go on a date and enjoy her company, I highly recommend it, but that's where it stops. Nothing wrong with having fun with a male or female friend.

Just to buck your argument though, according to your posts in this thread you already know females are interested in you and find you attractive. If you just wanted attention, you wouldn't need a date to prove it.

I use the term "date" rather loosely. Also, I tend to post often how I go out with just females but I go out with many male friends too.

But I think in the beginning I was trying to find anyone who would just keep me company because I did feel lonely and just needed to have someone around me. But that has changed now.

As long as it is company and nothing else for now. It doesn't hurt to get some attention just be clear of what your intentions are to any girls.

Yes, I agree. I do not have to proper mindset at this time to be in a relationship. Also, I remember someone saying in this thread that when they stopped looking for someone that is when they found the one for them.

I just want to have fun now and go out and meet new people. If I meet someone special while I am socializing that is great. If not that is fine too. I did not look my for ex when I first met her. Life happened and that is how we got introduced. Life will happen again and I will meet someone else.

Ok, I had a moment of clarity. I am just sitting here studying for a midterm and I just stop for a moment to think. I realized how I need to stop all this pity and wallowing. Damn, life is too good to be depressed. I will be fine. I am a young attractive man with many great qualities. I need to have fun now and let life happen. There is no need to rely on anyone else besides myself. Time to work on myself and my future career. Time to have fun. Time to enjoy and continue exploring. Time to dream and continue working hard to achieve my goals. I've been holding myself back. I've been hurting myself. No more of this crap.

If I have another low, I will deal with it. I will not remain stuck in it. I will not let one person change my life.


I cannot wait until all my exams are done because I am going all out this weekend. I want to go dancing in the clubs and feel happy again. I want to have fun with friends. I have some much confidence, happiness, and strength running through my body.

This is the ultimate high so far. One high that not one drug can come close to. This is the moment where I let go of the past and focus on the present and future.

The one thing I can say about life: the only thing that counts are the memories you make. At the end of the day try and have more good than bad memories.

I agree with that and I also think that life is about the relationships you form with others.

Have a great time. :-)

I love it when people share their good days, and not just the bad ones.

Much luck with those exams.

It is so strange how emotions can overpower your rational thinking. I think this is something I need to work on. I cannot always let my emotions carry me away.

I think there is still a twisty road ahead of me where I will have my ups and downs but I think this time I will be more prepared. I will not let them control me.

Martial arts and sport helps you for that ( I know mine does ). I have a better control over myself when I've trained and I gain confidence along the way. Now you are really taking control of your own life.

Well, my exams are complete and I finally was able to get a full 8 hours of sleep today compared to the 8 total hours I had in the past 2-3days.

I still am working on moving on, I still have this odd hurt/sad feeling inside, and I am still adjusting to this big change.

But I am super happy because I am going to a bar with this girl I met the other day tomorrow and then I am going dancing with her and some friends of mine later on. Also, I am going out with another good friend this weekend to discuss some business plans.

Even though I have been affected by this break up greatly I have not lost sight of my goals. I am currently in the process of opening a photography business with a friend. I have a few gallery openings and exhibits coming within the next few months. I am doing well in school, meeting plenty of new friends, socializing, flirting with girls, working out, and having a good time even though I am busy every second of the day.

I just need to let time pass and heal my wounds a bit more. I am dreaming and standing tall once again.

Update: So I had the best night since the last 2 months. I went on a date with a girl met. I had no intentions besides having a good night. We went to a bar and just got to know each other. From there we went to a club and danced. After that I drove her home. She invited me inside to meet her roomates. They were asleep so o decided to head out. She gave me a hug and we ended up kissing/making out. Twice. I didn't want to go any further so I went home. I am looking for anything nor am I hoping for something to happen. I'm going to let life happen and just have a good time.


I am so happy I could just hug anyone around me.

I think there is a discrepancy between what you say and what you do and that's bad. That is not the proper way to healing *sigh* yet again.

You DON'T use anyone to get over your ex. Even if you say I didn't want anything to do with it, you ended kissing her and that made you feel good. You may feel good for some time, but after that you'll have many lows because you will miss the affectionate feelings of having someone. Even if it is only a kiss.

Having a good time when you just broke up is not about flirting or going out with one girl, on a date, to take your mind off your ex. It is about spending quality times with friends and socializing (with more than one person) and hanging out in a group.

You were feeling really bad a couple of days ago and now you're feeling a super high? That's the low and high you were talking about and you have to control your emotions. If you want to do this the proper way, don't fool around and take time to heal properly. I've been there and I had the same low's and high's but it's unealthy on the long term.

I agree with you for the most part. I have been socializing with friends. I've been going to parties, doing photography with friends, lunch, hanging out, watching movies together, etc...

But also I have been going on dates because it feels good getting attention from the opposite sex. The kiss wasn't planned and it just happened. I've been trying to control my life in many ways but now I am just letting certain things happen. Yes I felt great.

The more I do things like that the faster I move on. I realize that I still need time to heal but I am not rushing into anything.

I think as long as your honest with yourself, and treat others the same way, nothing wrong with having a great time. A kiss is just a kiss, at this point, but you did well for a first date, as long as you stay within the bounds of good behavior, and not get carried away by YOUR OWN feelings.

You done good for yourself grasshopper. Just don't go having sex, and think your in love after a few dates.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny or tall. 18-80, blind cripple, or crazy.

Hard to get attached to one, when you like them all. And that's what you need, to stay uncommited, unattached, and have fun getting to know them all.

There is plenty of time for romance later, when your really ready, and not lonely, or in lust.

What I'm really saying, it is excellent to have a good and fun time. Just don't overdo it.

I can probably explain with my own example. After my break up, about 3 months later, I was overally happy and getting high's all the time, but it became a drug. I wanted it more and more, just keep going out, flirting with girls, making sure they were checking me out.
It affected a lot of things especially my studying.

Now I have much better control of my feelings and emotions, I can go and have tons of fun, but I'm remembering all the other important things in my life (school, future, familly, sport and volunteering). In time you will learn to control emotions and see that everything is mostly back to normal without her AND you have become a better, fuller person, who doesn't NEED the attention of girls to feel good.

You should feel good alone with the things you do in life, not with the people you attract.

I love talaniman rules.

I think if I really wanted to I could have received more than a kiss but I knew better than that. Also, she is a sweetheart but I am not thinking beyond a date. I do need to be honest with myself and her so that I do not hurt anyone. But I do enjoy dating and I will only keep it at that for a while.

But it is so hard to keep it at a kiss only. Damn!

This is strange. I am experiencing a low but it is very different this time. I am not thinking about her. I am not thinking about how I miss her. I am not thinking about what she is doing. I am not thinking about anything related to her.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I miss being in a relationship. I miss having someone by my side. I miss caring for someone, etc... I feel good about being a single because I have the opportunities to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. I love meeting new friends, flirting, and just socializing in general. I am accomplishing a lot more too. I am working out again 3 days a week, spending more time on my academics, and hanging out with my friends more.

It is weird. I am not thinking about her anymore. I am not sad that we broke up. I still love her but I do not care about getting back together. I know this is a low and it will go away by tomorrow.

I wonder why it is that I am missing being in a relationship? I am happy as a single person and have come to realize that I do not need another person by my side. But I still miss being in a relationship. I do not need a relationship to make me happy but it is a different type of happiness when you are in a meaningful relationship.

But, maybe I am just lying to myself. Who knows.

I guess I still need to let time pass.

This is normal... It has only been about a month since you posted here. You had a high the other day and now you are experiencing a low. This will happen for a while so don't over analyze. Give it another month and you will be a bit better. Take your time and just make sure during this OH SO DRAGGING time that you don't slack in your work because you will feel more down. Don't worry too much. You are cool and of course you want a relationship because you just came out of one. In time you won't feel that way. I'm going through the same and maybe you can answer my question now in I can't TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND... LOL Feel free to email me at... can help you any time with advice as I've been through all this just hangin in there going through it again but this time I control my emotions a lot better and I'm not making the same mistakes. You will be fine and that's the bottom line. Just hang in there. You will have better times with someone else or maybe you will find a new way of enjoying life without a relationship for a while. Your life can be unique. Who knows? Enjoy life my friend. Its too short to stay down SO GET THE HECK UP!!
Lol... stay cool friend! Stay cool.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I wonder why it is that I am missing being in a relationship? I am happy as a single person and have come to realize that I do not need another person by my side. But I still miss being in a relationship. I do not need a relationship to make me happy but it is a different type of happiness when you are in a meaningful relationship.

But, maybe I am just lying to myself. Who knows.

I guess I still need to let time pass.

---

I think you realize you need to let more time pass. As you know I have kept up on both of your threads and it is clear you are still deeply hurt by this break up. We all like that feeling of having a special someone to comfort us and to hold, hug and kiss. That is fine and dandy, but try and remember there are also drawbacks to being in a relationship (see my thread in regards to "Joys of being single"). For everything there is a reaction we may not enjoy, the key is to at least enjoy what we have regardless of what we may miss.

Missing a relationship can easily result in rebounds because you will be tempted to find a quick replacement for that missing part in your life.

That's why you need to focus on recovering and learning how to be single again.

Once you've completely recovered, you will be in a better position to start a new relationship.

Yes, I agree. I am realizing that I need more time. I really enjoy the freedom right now. Before I was very constrained. Most of the time I did not mind being constrained because I loved hanging out with my significant other as much as possible. But, there were time that I felt like I needed space. Now I do not have to ask for space.

Also, I enjoy the freedom to be able to talk to anyone I would like to. I can hang out with my friends any time that I am available and do not have to think about my partner. If there is a girl that I like I can flirt with her without getting into trouble. I can go out on dates and I can hang out with different groups of friends.

I guess I am just overlooking the positive aspects sometimes of being single. I really enjoy being able to work out again 3 days a week and also being able to do more of my photography.

I wish, you are correct too. If I want to be in a relationship it needs to be because I have strong feelings for a person. Right now I do not know if I do. I enjoyed the first date very much and there definitely was a connection but I think I need to staying friends with her in order to 1.) continue healing and 2.) figure out who she is and if this is a person I would consider dating.

So today after class, I left just as I do every time. I had my headphones on and was minding my own business. She approached me from behind and touched me on my arm to get my attention. She asked me how I did on an assignment, how my day was and other small talk questions. I kept things short and polite. She said have a great day and left me.



Weird. That does not help me at all but I actually didn't get angry or sad.

You did good. Keep it civil, put on a happy face. Don't bring up the "heavy" stuff. You are doing fine.

Why does she do that? To be friendly? To start a friendship? Because she misses me?

Only she knows that. Don't analyse her actions-it ll only confuse you. Take it in your stride and forget about it.

I found out yesterday through a good friend that my ex has already a boyfriend.


*Sarcasm alert*

But I thought she needed to go and explore herself and find out who she is. I mean that's what she told me. Not go out to go explore new d**k. Not the first time she told me a lie.

So what did I do when I found this out. I went to my taekwondo school and punched the bag until I couldn't punch anymore.




Here is my whole deal with this. I don't care that she has a boyfriend. It was going to happen sooner or later. The thing that bothers me the most is that she could get over me so fast. It took her only a month, if that, to get over me. Now she is already in another relationship.

Whatever, as long as she is happy. Right?

Well there you go-all that explore oneself speak often means Im thinking of testing the market,doesn't it?
But he s her rebound whichever way one looks at it so it ll probably not work.
I hope knowing that she s a liar will help you moving on.
Keep punching that bag!

Hey buddy! U did great in taekwondo, and I have to disgaree that its not about as long as she is happy. Its as long as u don't give a da*n what she's doing. MOSTLY, its not in a short period, the guy has already appear somewhere during the relationship as a "new fren". That's what happens when some girls can't stay within boundaries... U don't need such fancy girl as a wife material :)

Keep it up in taekwondo! Channel the energy!

Through meeting new people and by seeing my ex's actions I now know that she is not the one for me. I thought that she used to have every quality that I was looking for but she did not, I realize this now. I can do better then her and by better I mean I can find someone who will match me better. They will not compete with me. They will not continuously want to be with me. They will also not make me look and feel like crap.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I found out yesterday through a good friend that my ex has already a boyfriend.


*Sarcasm alert*

But I thought she needed to go and explore herself and find out who she is. I mean thats what she told me. Not go out to go explore new d**k. Not the first time she told me a lie.

So what did I do when I found this out. I went to my taekwondo school and punched the bag until I couldn't punch anymore.




Here is my whole deal with this. I don't care that she has a boyfriend. It was going to happen sooner or later. The thing that bothers me the most is that she could get over me so fast. It took her only a month, if that, to get over me. Now she is already in another relationship.

Whatever, as long as she is happy. Right?

---

You are bothered by it, hence the anger. She isn't with you anymore so let her be. It's kind of hypocritical to say that about her, when you yourself went kissing, dating and sleeping around. Don't judge her on her actions, just let it go and concentrate on yourself.

It always happens, a girls break up and dates the next guy in town. It's called a rebound and the people are too weak to be alone.

You are correct. I shouldn't be mad because I am doing my own thing too. But I really do not think that I could have just brushed it off. I needed to take my anger out. I feel better today. I am not dwelling on it as much.

Its funny though how just the other day she came up to me to chat it up and now I find out she has a boyfriend.

Next time she comes up to talk to me, I will politely tell her not to talk to me anymore.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

You are correct. I shouldn't be mad because I am doing my own thing too. But I really do not think that I could have just brushed it off. I needed to take my anger out. I feel better today. I am not dwelling on it as much.

Its funny though how just the other day she came up to me to chat it up and now I find out she has a boyfriend.

Next time she comes up to talk to me, I will politely tell her not to talk to me anymore.

---

What you should have done in the first place. Make it clear though.

All right. An update for you all who have not been followng the dating thread.

I would say I am 90-95% over my ex and have been doing great. I have been able to do whatever I want and whenever I want. I've been focusing on school for the most part and just having a good time.

I have met a new girl and together we have been entertaining the thought of getting into a relationship. She is head over heals for me and I like her very much. I have concluded though that I am still not ready for a new relationship and I asked her if we could take things SLOW.

I still need to tell her how I am not compeltely sure what I want right now. I do not know if I want to be single or be in a relationship. I need to make this clear to her because I do not want to hurt her feelings.

I really enjoy this independence and just having time to myself. Another thing I need to ask her is what she wants in a relationship and also tell her what I want. Right now I am looking for someone who will challenge me mentally, philosopically, and academically. I am also looking for someone who will make me see new ways of thinking, new places, and just different life styles. I do not want to become stagnant and want to be very active in my life.

This first love break up has been one hell of an adventure. I never new that I could think so irrationally, that a girl could screw me up so bad, and that I could overcome it. Reflecting back on it I am glad that it ended for many reasons. I was also able to gain so much insight about myself. I have learned much and will take this new knowledge and apply it to the future.

Was my "first true love" worth it? YES! I have enjoyed many great times with the ex. She is a great person and will always have a spot in my heart. I can see now that we are not compatible and that we just need to part our ways. Maybe one day we can become friends but I am not counting on anything.

So to all those going through a break up I would recommend reading this thread because you can see the process that I underwent. You can see where I messed up and where I succeeded. You can see the ups and downs. You can see how NC really helped me get over my ex.

Good luck to all those out there and I hope I can use this new found knowledge and share it with others.

Big THANKS to all those who have helped me through this. You all know who you are.

So I am having ex withdrawals. Out of the blue I became really depressed over her. I have been doing so well the last month. She even came up to me and was telling me how she had a new boyfriend and how I didn't know him. She was trying to throw it in my face and make me jealous. That did not bother and all I said to her is that I hope everything is going well for her. I kept on seeing her in class and that didn't bother me. Nothing bothered me and that made me believe that I was over her, hence why I continued pursuing this new relationship.

But I am so sad right now and cannot stop thinking about her. I keep telling myself to stop and focus on something else. I know this will pass but I feel so sad that I do not know what to do anymore.

Also, please don't tell me that "I told you so..." or "Rebound". I just can't handle that at this point.

What do I do and why do I still feel like this?

It's been a little over two months?
What you're feeling is normal,it's yet another dip and it will pass.
Plus she told you about her new BF which makes the breakup very final.
You were together for quite some time, be patient with yourself.

2 months is not very long in terms of healing from a painful break up. You need to continue to be patient with yourself. You can't rush the healing process. Take whatever time you need to recover.

Your impatience is going to make you fustrated.

Be patient. Time does heal all wounds. You just haven't given yourself enough time yet.

Yes its been little over 2 months.

Another thing that hurts is that all my friends and her are getting back together and I am being excluded. This is a long story but basically freshman year we all met each other. I introduced my roommate to the group and he became good friends with everyone. Him and I had a disagreement because he started having serious drug problems. The group disliked me because I was trying to help him out. Then the drug problem affected the rest of the group and they stopped being friends with him. Now that my ex and I are done, the entire old group of friends are back together. My ex is hanging out with my freshman roommate and the rest of the group and here I am on the outskirts. So not only did I loose the girl I once loved, but all my friends that I met my first year.


This is very hard for me to see and hear about. I am able to make new friends and have made plenty of new friends but I feel so excluded.