Scouts honour-good thinking.
(speaking of scouts-listen to Scouting for Girls latest-says it all.. . )
Keep well and take good care of yourself.
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Scouts honour-good thinking.
(speaking of scouts-listen to Scouting for Girls latest-says it all.. . )
Keep well and take good care of yourself.
Louise, and keep his name out of your volcabulary. He is in the past. One day you will say to yourself, why did I every even give him the time of the day. The day will come, just continue on the path you are going.
Thanks to you both - sully I hope that day comes soon as my heart is breaking even though I know it's the right thing to do (staying away from him). If it is the right thing then why do I feel this pain, hurt and betrayl? I won't contact him again I promise but I can't understand why if its such a bad thing to be his friend does it hurt so much
The thing is,you can make your mind up to not allow yourself to feel this pain anylonger.
So long as you keep going over the hurt and the pain,you become the victim of that agony.
Make a conscious choice to not stay stuck in that mentality.
Your right ami (as always :p:p), from today the hurt and pain he has put me through will go, I'm keeping myself busy and trying not to wonder what he is doing or where he is but its hard. Il get there, I just need a kick up the backside every now and then from you guys ;);)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Im not going to be a victim any longer, I'm getting on with life as we only have one shot - thanks ami you're the best xx
Thanks for the vote of confidence-:-)-come here when you need to,but I trust you are moving on now!
Oh yes I'm moving on from him and his mind games, but il stick around to give my help and advice on others problems. I like to think I've been through the mill and can offer some helpful advice as others have helped me xx
Just remember you are a better person that him! Remind yourself, of what that man has put you through. The abuse and cheat he is. I shouldn't even call him a man, he doesn't even deserve that title.
Wow louise I just read the whole thing. You should be really proud you got through all of that. Gj :). Gives me a lot of hope.
Thanks Sully, I know that I'm a better person than him and that's what keeps me going. I just hope I can help others on here like everyone has so kindly helped me. Il never forget the kindness you have all shown xxxQuote:
Originally Posted by sully123
I'm glad my story shows that you are not alone, just keep NC and you will heal a lot faster then keep going back to the ex. She will think that she can play mind games with you if you keep going back for more BS. Please feel free to vent on here xxQuote:
Originally Posted by bloooooper7
Hey, you split up 2 years ago. Probably a godsend.
"My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with."
"his actions just dont match his words"
Why are you still even thinking about him? Let alone conversing.
Get on with things. Geez.
Hi Louise,
I hope this is not too harsh and I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just read your entire post from the beginning and I must tell you, it was absolute torture to read. I'm going through the same thing with someone who has not done to me half the things this jerk has done to you and I refuse to give my ex another chance. Loving him is completely irrelevant.
You keep asking how can he do this to you and why, and the answer is simple, he does this because he gets a reaction out of you, Every time! And any reaction from you, be it positive or negative, equals attention towards him and a huge ego boost! And he will continue seeking a reaction from you and will not stop as long as you CONTINUE TO REACT (i.e. reply to his texts/calls). The only thing you are good for in his eyes is an ego boost (I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh).
You are like an elastic band. He keeps the tension by contacting you and releases it by ignoring you so that YOU START TRYING TO PULL HIM TOWARDS YOU. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect he has on you and he just sits back, ignores you and watches you feed his ego by feeling hurt and reacting to him. This is incredibly satisfying to him and that's why he keeps doing it, not because he loves you (he only loves himself).
The only way to break him and break this sick cycle is to act as if he was dead, as if he does not exist. How do you interact with a deceased person? YOU DON'T! EVER!
Please do not let this jerk have any effect on you whatsoever. Repeat after me 'I do not love this low life!' And remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE. Fake it until you make it. Fake indifference until you feel nothing but indifference towards him.
I wish you the best of luck!
Girl with a story - many thanks for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate however harsh the response. Im in a better place at the moment and have cut all contact with him and don't care if I ever see him again. It hurts me that he calls me all the names under the sun e.g. slag, whore etc after he says he loves me but I'm trying to get past that hurt. I keep remembering that he can only hurt me if I let him!!
His opinion of me isn't relevant anymore like it once was, one of the last things we said to each other via text was this... I said to him "you dont passionatly love me do you"? And he replied "no I dont but I do love you"!! I don't know what was meant by that. One day he loves me and the next day he treats or should I say treated me like dirt e.g ignoring my texts and calls and slagging me off verbally.
I used to ask him why he would say such cruel things that are not true and he knows that they are not true and his answer was that he is stupid and says stupid things at times?? He may say stupid things but things like calling me a slag and a whore and telling my boyfriend that if he goes near me then he will need to go to an sti clinic ASAP is so cruel and upsetting.
He is no longer your problem.
He can call whoever names. Who really cares?
"have cut all contact with him and dont care if I ever see him again"
Thatta girl!
I didn't think that id ever have the strength to do it but I did it!! :p:p:pQuote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I really don't care if I don't ever hear from him again, even if he does call il never answer or reply. He says he still loves me but my love for him is getting less and less by the day
That isn't love.
Your right, and then I used to think omg he didn't love me and it was all mind games and then I go tumbling back down and have to start from square one, I'm a little stronger now and I'm glad a person like that isn't attracted to me :):)Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
"im glad a person like that isnt attracted to me"
Now you can make room in your life for the good ones...
I never thought that id get back to that place where I was happy without him, but if I can do it then anyone can do it!!
Its like I feel free and don't have to worry if the next text or call is going to be a nasty or a nice one, I'm happy with a lovely guy and life couldn't be any better at the moment. Im looking forward to finishing my course in June and starting a new direction in my life in September.
I thought I was so having a bad time of it, then I looked around around and so all those people around me that are ill and have far more to worry about than I do. Im really glad I had my wake up call so I can start living my life again and not pondering on his every action xx
Just a quick update to say that I'm keeping to the NC and have not felt this good in ages. NC really does work wonders!! :0)
Im feeling more positive and no longer keep my mobile phone underneath my pillow at night waiting for that text or call from him (looking back that now sounds such a silly thing to do)
Im living proof that NC can be done and it WORKS :0)
Good-stick to it!
Hi ami - hope you are well and enjoying the sunshine!!
Im doing well, and NC is working a treat, no longer am I pining for hin. Don't get me wrong I'm not 100% OK and think about him everyday but try and keep myself busy and hope NC will eventually allow me to think about him less and less.
I read a post that really helped me when you said something about "silence is dignity". That's what I'm trying to do, get my dignity back and not text or call him asking him why he treats me this badly or why he all of a sudden wants nothing to do with me. It does hurt that he has turned on me again all of a sudden but I'm trying not to let it hurt me this time. Like you said, he can only hurt me if I let him and I'm not letting him hurt me ever again. XXX
True-nobody can hurt our hearts-unless we let them.
Its all about h o w we handle our own emotions and how we choose to react when others treat us with disrespect.
(no sunshine here-drizzly rain.. . :-( )
It hurts like hell that someone I loved and trusted could treat me this way but I'm not letting it get me down this time. I have one life and I can't waste it on someone that cares so little for my feelings and emotions. Its hard just switching your heart off but NC does help ad I'm getting there bit by bit. I do think of him every day and my heart aches when I think of the things he has said and done to me but il be OK and its made me a stronger person in a way
The sun has now officially gone in and the cloud has arrived :0(
Emotions can't be just switched off,but you will heal much more quickly when you go NC and stick to it.
Just see it as an investment in your future happiness.
And remember,all the loving words in the world are just that-words.
People prove their worth by their actions.
Hi all - just thought id give you all an update!! After stupidly texting him for ages and receiving no reply which you all know about I found out yesterday he is back with his ex girlfriend. She is all loved up with him etc etc. I personally can't understand why she would have him back when approx a month ago he was telling me he loved me but hey ho.
Part of me considered telling her AGAIN what a low life he is and that he was trying to be with me up until a month ago until he blanked me AGAIN. Its funny how he cut off all contact with me the week he started seeing her. But the week before he was telling me he wanted a life with me??
Well like I said in the past I'm well over hin, not doubt il hear from him again when they have split up or had a row and he is bored, I'm not going to bother contacting her and telling her what a low life he is, sh has been told many times before but thinks people are lying to her and want to break her and him up!!
I don't understand why she would ant to be with someone when all through there 6 month relationship last year he was begging me to go back to him even asked me to marry him. She even saw the texts and still didn't believe it?? Well they say love is blind don't they. It took me long enough to learn but thankfully I have.
Don't worry about their comings and goings,just carry on with your life and let the past stay the past.
NC forever.
Go enjoy your life. Don't give him the opportunity to "blank" you again.
Good luck to you.
Thanks you both for you kind words, I'm going to keep on the path and try not to think of him and her together. She deserves all that will be coming to her when he cheats and lies to her once again.
I just can't understand why she would want to be with him when she was telling me last year that "i can have him, im fed up of his mind games" she even told me that I'm welcome to him as he can't be trusted!!
Very strange for her to say that and then jump back into bed with him at the first opportunity
Lou,it's a waste of time trying to understand people such as these-and it only stops you from moving on completely.
It doesn't matter what they do,think or feel,what matters is that you allow yourself to have the life you deserve-without them in it.
Thanks ami - why does it still just a little hurt that she is with him after all he has done to her behind her back??Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
I say this then in the next breathe I really don't care what they do as long as they both stay away from me. It does hurt a little how someone who said they loved me can move on or should I say go back again to this woman
That's why you should distract yourself and not think about them-you need to see how toxic the entire situation/relationship was and feel happy that he is not in your life anymore.
I do ami - I know how toxic the relationship was to me, and I am glad that I'm out of it and don't have to be subject to his mind games and insults of him calling me a s**g, wh**e and a whole host of other names. He told me he loved me yet went off to be with someone else, so now I can see that it wasn't love that it was just him being a d**k and thinking with it as well!!
I try and keep myself busy and I'm doing well at it but I'm fed up of having to put a brave face on whilst they are out enjoying each other :0(
All I ever did was be there for him, even stupidly after he insults me and what am I left with... nothing but bitter memories and an aching heart somedays.
Il survive like Gloria Gaynor says, it just sucks that all I've done for him and the time I invested he chucks back in my face and walks into the sunset with the woman who I told that her man asked me too marry him :0(
Granted it sucks-but let it go,because if you have a serious think about it you will realise how unimportant it really is.
Ami - why do you say its unimportant hun? Do you mean because they deserve each other, him because he is a liar and a cheat and her because she has been told time and time again about him but just won't listen and thinks that everybody is lying to her
Its unimportant as whatever they do or will do,or have done can't hurt you anymore-unless you you allow yourself to feel hurt.
When we move on,we come to realise that the ex has no power over us,unless we let them.
Very wise words, he can only hurt me if I let him and that will never ever happen again, I never want to feel the way I did back then. Il leave that for his girlfriend to suffer me thinks. Im looking forward to the future and what it holds, those two are very welcome to each other, he thinks he is gods gift to women and she thinks the sun shines out of his a$$ :D:DQuote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Actually its no longer your business, and would be well done with them both. You will never understand how some people tick, but for sure she has done nothing that you haven't done, so leave them alone. As you learned then someday so shall she.
We all learn at our own pace. I am really surprised you still dwell on this, as you say your over it.
I now that others already have addressed this... but let it go hon! Let go o it!Quote:
Originally Posted by louiseismyname
He is not your problem, she is not your problem and this is non of your business. Its time to edject yourself from the situation completely!
You got to let go of things you can't control and the love life of these two people are non of your problem and if she is setting herself up for heartache.. well quite frankly, that's her problem and her business.
You should focus on saving yourself and controlling and caring about yourself and things that are a part of your business and your life...
Best of luck! Keep going strong with NC (which also contains.. not listening to stuff about his life As I see it)
Roxy
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