I would bring a friend along, this way if something does happen, you have a witness. That's how I have always done it when dealing with immature people.
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I would bring a friend along, this way if something does happen, you have a witness. That's how I have always done it when dealing with immature people.
Rome, first off what is the name of that band?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Yeah I'm trying to get a witness, but I think I'm going solo. People are busy, and my cousin (well I don't know what his reason is), oh well. I know one person that will go, but don't want them to, cause stuff will get started
If it's the link in my signature, it's Closed Heart Surgery. You can find them on Myspace Music.
Go alone and be very formal. Just take it and leave. If they say they don't have it or something else, don't panic and just leave, there is too much tension yet. If they say they don't have it, just tell them it's something that is important to your family and you would really like it to have it back.
There is many things to learn especially from the first break up and a lot of the things are learned are similar to yours:
1. Don't make your girlfriend a priority in life
2. Take care of yourself and don't be dependent on someone else for your own happiness.
3. Don't lose friends for your girlfriend
There is many advantages for break ups, I'm just starting to see it now.
When I talked to her mther, she said that shouldn't be a problem. I don't want conferntation, just my stuff. I don't even want to talk to them. Just is this everything. Thank you and have a nice day. I don't need to sink to their level, but also don't deserve being walked onQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Hat if she tries to talk to me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Tell her you have someplace to be
Well that didn't go so smoothly. She is not who I feel in love with. Her brother want to fight me. That god I got outQuote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Eh, boys fight, men walk away with their heads held high smiling at the immaturity of others.
Since I have turned 18, I have been in a fist fight one time, and that was protecting my little brother
Her moter wanted to argue about money, told her if she would like to talk about it we can go to court. I got the things I asked for, but am still being majorly mischanged for it. Her boyfriend was there and just stared, grow up and back off.
It breaks my heart to see her go so wrong. She is a kind hearted person, at least when we were together. All she is now is spitful to me. Doesn't she know she walked out
It's her own fault. My ex is also turning into the wrong direction ( starting smoking, alcohol consumption increased... ) but you know what, they get worse and we get better, this is our ( own ) revenge to them and it goes as far as that. Was she there? Seriously, life is much better without them exes. If it makes you feel better, she is probably not feeling that great herself and is using you as a scapegoat.
Yeah she was there, probably to see how much she affected. I stood straight(can't help it after lifting), was confident in myself, and was calm. It bad to know she'll go downhill. I loved all the good memory's but all I'm seeing is how much time I have wasted with this break up, she see the goods in timeQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
It's great to see a man stand for himself. Don't dwell on memories, you'll create new ones much better. Also you have to learn to not care about her. It's not something cold, but it would just show she doesn't affect you. This takes time but it will come a day when you will hear about her and you won't give a real damn. You're doing great, keep doing what you're doing!Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
I believe that is why she was there, cause it was her parents house, which is not where she lives, but is where the stuff was. And she didn't get that. I hate her boyfriend, all he did was stay inside and stare, heck he could have shocked me by coming out and introduce himself. I would have dropped to the ground.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Good show. Put a period. Retrain yourself now. WHen you think of her name, do something... for me it is say a hail mary... but I am catholic. But you can think of something. When you think of her, think of a happy thought from childhood and make a rule you can not think of the same thought twice. The harder and more time you focus on something different the less you will think of her. I think you are ready for a little retraining.
Really, I am glad you got your stuff and now no matter what else you find missing, put a period at this end and move on!!
WE are all with you!!
Update from Thursday through Saturday
Well as I posted before Thursday didn't go but so smoothly. But I kept by my word, don't say her name, stand straight, be respectful, don't get mad. I showed up on time, she showed me to her car to collect the items, had to talk her into giving me one of them, which caused the brother to come out and want to fight/kill me, didn't move, stood strong, he never made it all the way to me either way. At that moment I knew I was way better off without her with me. The grandmother brought up the relationship saying it just didn't work out, I held my tongue from telling her my point of view. (I understand the saying of blood is thicker than water, but that don't mean that you should treat others like crap) which is how I felt, every time I looked at one of them, or they opened their mouth. At the end they asked if there was anything else she owed me, I said the chain or the money I paid for the chain, they said no (the new boyfriend is now wearing it), I also asked for the money she owed me for rent, and they said cause it was a verbal agreement I wasn't going to get any, (honor and trust mean nothing in this day and age I guess). Then they asked me for money for so things she bought for me, (maybe I should have asked for all the money for the gifts that she kept that I gave her) I told them if they feel I owe them money, to have a lawyer call me. As I look back at the way she acted, and that it had to come to me contacting her to get my stuff back, I know that was exactly what she wanted, but she didn't get the satisfaction of getting to me. She tried to give me back some things I didn't ask for, but I denied them, cause I knew the reasoning behind them. I feel that she hates me, but don't understand why……
After that, I felt like I had taken 60 steps forward.
Saturday, I got up early to go to church for the town food drive, my sister helps with it. I thought it was at her church, but only to find out, just before heading there, it was at her grandmothers church. Sadly to say I bumped into her there, and she came up to me and my sister to say hi, I acted respectful even though I feel very bitter about what happened. Didn't talk about anything that related to my ex and I. After the food drive was over, I walked over to her, said “mrs. ----, thank you for helping out at the food drive, we are leaving, hope that you have a good day.” She said the same. Then the part that gets to me, she hugs my little sister, and places her hand on my back as she use to when I was always around. I use to go over to visit her grandparents without her, and we got along great, but I feel very hurt, being treated like crap over this, then two days later, being treated well.
Well done. Keep moving forward.
Wondering what others think, I know I broke NC, but does it really count when the purpose of it was to progress and is what was accomplished?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Though it probably doesn't matter, cause I lost count from the previous one
Eventually a lot of us break NC, only to find out that we are better off without them in our lives.
I think you did great, it's a true mark of how far you have come. Go back to page 1 and read your whole story, see how far you have come
You think too much.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
You got your stuff back, now move on.
well its been over a week since my last post
everything seems to be doing great. Finally been able to get my head straight at work for the last week. Haven't had any contact, but haven't expected any either, nor have I been sitting around. Though I never plan anything, except work and lifting, I always seem to be getting into things, like going out last minute with a friend, randomly leaving town for the weekend and visit friends/family that live a couple states away. Also been helping out my family and grandparents as much a possible.
I did wake up one morning awhile back and smiled cause I realized I was single, get to go out when ever, stay out till whenever (as long as I still get up for work the next day), and I don't need to worry about working my things into someone else schedule.
the one thing I need help with though, which I think time is really the only thing. Is I keep having random dream with her in them. They don't happen all the time, just every once and awhile. They don't really affect me once I wake up, but I do sit there an ask myself, "why did i have that dream?"
She is still in your heart and mind, it's normal. You will have them for a while.
You are doing great.
Yea, you're not alone in this. I am starting to have no dreams about her actually and I don't get worked out when I think or hear about her ( my ex ). You're doing great. Keep taking care of yourself. I think you are starting to realize the advantages of being single as I said before. You can even start long term plans for yourself ( moving somewhere else to get more life and work experience ).
anyone here ever had a feeling that something was going to happen? Good or bad, it just seemed that something was going on, and you're the only one not seeing it.
I have had 2 people contact me recently, one on FB as a friend request, lost since I have known her for 8 years, but never really were friends, plus her brother and I almost got into a fight at one point. But either way we were never friends
the second person is a old co worker of her's that I have met and we use to always go out with him and his girlfriend, but him and I have since lost contact after everything happened. Out of the blue sends me a message saying "hey whats up? what have you been up to?" I write back of course and say everything is going good, been busy though with work and traveling, and what not.(def, said too much of my business) but as the conversation goes on he asks me the question again like he is fishing for something. Anyhow he later talked to me about coming out to this bar that does happy hour, which I use to go to when we were together. But I told him yes and left it at that, but I don't think I'll end up going. It all just seems way to random. I'm not worried about something being started, but I want him to become the person that goes back and tells her what I'm up to, but at the same time I don't want to be a jerk to people, it would be nice to have other people to hang out with.
not really worried about what to do, just pretty much sit on it
Don't even go there.
It could be random, but stop thinking that way. If she does not get in touch with you on her on, what good is that!
This sounds like me and my husband to a "T" and let me tell you. Your heart is never wrong. Sometimes we get heartbreaks but, your heart is the one that tells you "this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with". I remember fights about marriage and anger issues, and the same responses too. I did break up with him once over everything. Then I treated him like crap, I was hurting and didn't know how to express it. When I saw how much he was hurting I realized he did love me we talked and got back together and that christmas I got engaged waited till he finished school and I planned our wedding and now here we are. We didn't communicate and which we are learning to do still as a couple and we have been together for 6yrs. She sounds like she is ready for a commitment, you may not want to take a step in yet if that is so then you need to let her go. For the anger my husband has anger that is explosive but is from holding things in sometimes or tking a bad day out on me, anger is always needs to managed because even if you don't get physical you might get scarry! She might be waiting for you to fight for her did you try stopping her when she picked up her clothes?
I don't want to seem rude, but what are you talking about? Let me give you some rational explanations of what the "heart" is: The human brain is basically divided into three main parts, the reptilian, the mammal and the human brain. The mammal brain is where the "heart" is situated and it deals with emotions. The human brain is situated in the front cortex and this is the one we use to make rational and logical decisions, which it seems you are not using. If you want to get hurt all your life and not use your brain, then listen to your heart.Quote:
Originally Posted by ginger casarez
I did try to stop her when she came to get her stuff, from day one till the day she got her last stuff, but it doesn't change the fact that she was with another guy SIX HOURS after leaving me. There are probably a lot of things I could do to show her I'm serious about being with her, but not with this other guy in the picture. And since I don't speak to her or go around where she is, or talk to any of her friends, I wouldn't even know what is going on with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by ginger casarez
I can't do anything else. But I'll be moving offices soon, and moving houses soon, and my boss says that he needs to get me a company phone, so as I progress in life, all ties to me are being cut, only one will remain (for a long time), which is she knows where my parents live, but I rarely go home.
As for my anger, everyone has it, and just like your husband, I do also hold stuff in, but that is my family back ground. But for the last 6 weeks my anger has been dropping like the stock market a couple months ago. I do not go a day without working out for at least an hour( which greatly reduces all the stress I have, and I feel a lot better doing that before going out for the night), and I have been accepting a lot more of a work load at work. Other than that, I am always moving.
So I don't know what you mean by she is waiting for me to fight for her... If that's is what she wants or wanted, she sure didn't show it, by getting her entire family to treat me like sh*t, or walking out with things that weren't hers and that she didn't want, but only wanted them to be able to hurt me. Or getting another guy right away, or going on vacation with the guy, or (the list can keep going, most of it is in the previous posts)
If you have an idea of how to fix this, I'm all eyes...
There's only one way to "fix" this and it is to continue what you were doing. Don't listen to her, it doesn't make any sense.
Paxe,Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I agree and disagree, there is always something more to be done.
I am choosing to do what I'm doing, cause; 1) its easier on my heart and the affect on my life, 2) I'm not willing at this point to fight for someone who treats me like crap, when yes I made mistakes, but I didn't deserve how things have been handled.
As for ginger's comment "she sounds like she's ready for a commitment" I don't know how that has been interpreted from how she has acted towards me
Well now I'm having a point of weakness, and want to get in contact with her. I have no idea what would happen or be said, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way, why now?
A friend of mine is going through a break up (3 months) and is acting like this is the end, I told her to calm down and let this calm down, and not to worry. She look at me and said "you know that if your ex came back with her bags packed and crying, cause she wanted to be with you or cause of something this guy did to her, you know you would try to get back at the guy"
I was shocked. I really didn't have a good answer to that. My first response was, "why would you think i would let her into my life that easily, after all she has done to me?" she never gave me a straight answer.
I don't want to be taking steps backwards, its just with being around all these people that are going through relationship problems and are always turning to me about them, just keeps stopping me in my tracks. Especially when I look at the small stuff they are going through and are acting as if life will never go on
Sometimes people don't read the whole story and only respond to the original posting. Especially on the longer threads.Quote:
As for ginger's comment "she sounds like she's ready for a commitment" I don't know how that has been interpreted from how she has acted toward me
Like you said a moment of weakness, probably triggered by the talks with others having problems. If you have no good advice say so honestly and stick with your own NO CONTACT, and that weak moment will pass.Quote:
Well now I'm having a point of weakness, and want to get in contact with her. I have no idea what would happen or be said, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way, why now?
This moment of weakness is normal. We all pass trough it, hell I always have from time to time moment of weakness but it fades away as time pass by. This is the time to stick hard to NC. Your head knows that you shouldn't talk to her or even want her back for that matter. If you are feeling a moment of weakness do something else, do more sport, put the music loud, go out with friends, go and flirt a little with girls... but don't break your NC. Remember she is out of your life and it is for the best, and you said it yourself. If you want to see if life does go on after break up, go this thread it's mine:Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...up-381806.html
Well last night was awesome, I ended up going into DC for a political thing, which was more like a bunch of people meeting up and having drinks. Shock part of the evening, I have been riding and competing in the equestrian field for about 13 years, and at the event last night I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in 9 years (wow has she grown up :D ) we talked for awhile and caught up on our pasts, it was great. There is another event this Wednesday, so I'm going to go to that in hopes to see her.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Its crazy though, since my ex left I can't stop bumping into people from my past, that I haven't seen in years
Well there you go. Next time ask for her phone number, it should be easy since you've known each other.
Yeah I met this girl last night, that kept pushing me to go get this chicks that into me, my thing is I just love flirting with them. But I know I already had an in with this girl, I should have got the number. I think she was expecting me to try and get hers, cause after we went back to talking to our friends, she just kept making glances over at me. Oh well...Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I doubt last night is that last I'll see of her
You mean there are other females out there besides your ex?? Who would have thunk it!! :eek:
It is funny, I also never figured that out!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Lol, thanks.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I know there are other females out there, I'm just not one to pick up random woman. Though I think I'm starting to piss some of them off, cause I'll be at a place for over an hour flirting with them, and at then end I say, " it was great to meet all of you, have a good night. Hope to see you again" smile and leave.
Always have a chance at a number, but it's so much fun to just flirt. But I need to stop dissappointing appointing all these dolled up women, lol
Akeagle, sounds like your heading in the right direction. She has moved on, and is seeing someone else. Nothing right now you can do about it to change things. Usually rebound relationships never work, very rarely. Give her the space she wants, and if its meant to be she will be in contact with you.. Work on yourself now and your anger issues. Good luck.
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