Well I have been doing semi-fine. I decided to make a list of all the bad things and see if it would work and it is helping. This is my list so far:
She rushed me off the phone and said she was going to bed but she lied and went out.
She said she would be honest the next time but she wasn't.
She gets mad when I have fun without her.
She curses me out when she is mad.
I never gave her a reason to not trust me nor did anything behind her back.
She cursed me out in public in front of cousin and cousin's boyfriend.
She cursed me out just because she was sad and I was having a little fun with my family after our vacation. Though I text her to not be sad, everything is okay and I called her but she ignored it. Then she called me an hour later cursing me and saying I don't care when I did.
Swinging her hands at me in public.
Ignored me for 5 hours while she hung out and I was at work worried.
She would slam my car door and throw things at my car when mad.
She attacked me and scratched my face.
She received a text once and deleted it quickly and then when I asked she cried and told me to leave.

This list helps me not be too sad but sometimes good times still creep up and it gets hard again. I still feel bad for paying her back and it kills me when I think of that but then again I couldn't dump her and talking to her for the third time wouldn't be an option so I was lost.

I suggest you make a list stating everything you can do to make you feel good about being you.

Emo, I am really at a loss, you have all of this helpful advice that you keep overlooking for your own demise.

Your focus shouldn't be her, it needs to be you.

As usual Emo, your trying to rush through a process that takes time.

Nice vent/rants though. You need that, too!

What do I do while at work and my heart starts to hurt. And how do I know I will be able to find good love again?

Focus on your job, and stop worrying about the last female, or the next one. That's crazy, and a waste of time.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Emo, I am really at a loss, you have all of this helpful advice that you keep overlooking for your own demise.

Your focus shouldn't be her, it needs to be you.

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I agree. Focus on what you can do to make yourself better. It's past the time to make a list of her wrong doings. Long past that. You know what she did, you know she's not worth it, and you should be thanking your lucky stars that you're a free man now. So focus on goals

I'm sorry... I had to vent a bit... I find myself so down and sad and I feel like I ruined everything. Is this normal? I want to be happy. I just keep rethinking everythin that happened like every detail... I miss the good times so much. Will I ever find love again?

You're a hard nut to crack :P

Sh*t, man, quit rethinking and go forward. You will find love if you let yourself heal and quit putting so much energy into thinking about this deceased relationship

Its just that she was the only good thing I had to look forward to... that was my mistake.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

its just that she was the only good thing I had to look forward to...that was my mistake.

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That is what we are trying so hard to get you to see, yes, it was your mistake.
You revolved your life, your thoughts and your actions around her. You have lost your own identity.
You have to find you, if you want to be a successful and happy person.
You have to love yourself, you can't love others until you do.
If you can't refocus on the person that is most important in this situation - YOU - than all of your relationships will run this same course and be just as dysfunctional.

You said the same things last time, no more questions, you know the drill, its time for action.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

its just that she was the only good thing I had to look forward to...that was my mistake.

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I've made that mistake too with my first love. I'm dealing with it now getting over it. I don't know who I am or what I want any more.

I'm a senior in high school and time is running out. But I take it one day at a time

I called and I know I shouldn't have... it was so hard. Its my first mess up but it wasn't so bad because she didn't answer and so I text saying sorry I called by mistake. I will try my best not to call again... I want to make a goal and do everything to keep it. From now to Oct. 30th... no contact at all!! I may need support. I know I kind of messed up but it wasn't so bad... I won't get close to it again. I feel like a drug addict. This sucks.

I'm having such a hard time accepting the break up... ahhhh!! I hope some of you pray. Please pray for me... I really want to feel stronger and be an example but right now I can't lie. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.

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Originally Posted by I wish

You don't need to criticize her actions anymore. Whether it's right or wrong is irrelevant. She's your ex. She can live her own life and you live yours. She's in the past and leave her in the past. Focus on the future.

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You still have time. L thought l will not be able to move on after a long time relationship. Broke up with my four year guy but now l have moved on... take your time l know its painful.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I feel like a drug addict. this sucks.

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These may be some of the truest words you have typed.

It is one of the big reasons that you need to keep up NC. It is also a big reason to stop focusing on the relationship. You are using the obsessing over the details as a way to get your "fix".

One day at a time. You will get there.

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Originally Posted by DerelictHerds

I've made that mistake too with my first love. I'm dealing with it now getting over it. I don't know who I am or what I want any more.

I'm a senior in high school and time is running out. But I take it one day at a time

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Not to get off track, but why do you think time is running out Derelict? You still have your whole life ahead of you! Your time as a child may be running out, but the adult world awaits you :)

I am feeling horny lately... I will go to the gym today and then to the movies. I find myself wanting to go home and watch TV... is that okay? I feel bored and lonely.

Gym and movies are great -try to keep busy. Feeling bored and lonely are OK too, normal feelings in the aftermath of a breakup.
Try to make plans to do something that makes you feel good every day.