Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Wants Space/Break

Uh, yeah. That's the kind of thing that should get a person kicked to the curb immediately.

If it's an ex, it counts as stalking, and is most likely already a criminal offense where you are.

I'm not saying I'M the one doing this, I think someone is reading my emails. I don't know how they are though.

Contact a computer expert?

I would change your passwords.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Is it wrong to read a current/ex's emails without them knowing it?

YES.

- UPDATE -- UPDATE -

Well 2 weeks later and we've hung out and such, she also stayed over my place last week. We talked at length last week and she says that she knows that I'm the one that she would settle down with and marry- our compatibility is incredible. She says that if we get back together, that it means it's for the long haul (eventual marriage). She also promises that I'm not the back up plan and that she's got to make up her mind soon - which I agreed with. I didn't talk to her over the weekend because she had a lot of family visiting and I didn't talk to her yesterday- waiting for her to call me. I really feel that she is afraid/scared it's almost like she has to figure out if she wants to spend the rest our lives together. Also not helping matters her family isn't totally in agreement for us to get back together (being protective) and I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks.
Well that's where we're at - I'm not putting pressure on her.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Change your passwords is the best way to stop someone. If he can access your emails he can most likely change your password to where you can't get into your own email. So hopefully you do it first. Also maybe there is a virus out there that allows him to see your files, but I think that is only possible with programs like Outlook Express... I doubt the person knows how to mak a comp virus if he isn't some high tech nerd

I hope I'm wrong but she is feeding you a line of complete BS! You seem to get enough to stay at a distance(false hope) but not enough to be happy. Take time to get your own thoughts and emotions together without her feeding you her side. You do have some say over this relationship, not just her.

I Think I Did The Right Thing? Did I?

So the saga continues and this morning I finally told myself enough is enough. I know some of you are familiar with my story but basically I finally told my EX whom I love with all my heart - "don't call me anymore until you know what you want". We've been doing the I don't know what I want crap for over a month meanwhile she goes out with this guy who she knows she has no future with. I came to this decision and I told her flat out "I have to do this for me, don't call me anymore until you know what you want".

Any ideas on what will/could happen? Thanks for all your support and guidance over the last few months.

From this post, I think personally you made the right decision.

It is important to do what is best for you and your ex needs to make decisions best for them.

The back and forth and going out with different people. Obviously she does not know what she wants.

Yes, you did the right thing and as far as what could and will happen, who really knows. Just live your life and not worry about her anymore.

Joe

Remember you telling them not to call you does not mean they won't, so you may have to be strong enough not to answer their calls either.
Ex's will call just to mess with you because they can and want to.

Telling you what we think will happen in the future is like expecting us to look into crystal balls. Sorry, but mine broke when I was old enough to realize that there is no guarantee in any relationship. We can trust and hope for the best, but that still does not wind up being a sure-thing.

Is this the girl you 'talked' about since July? Well,then I can 'guess' what might happen - and believe me it's not good for you.

This yoyo life your are leading is going to make you physically and mentally sick.

I suggest you dismiss this chapter in your life and get a new perspective, if you can forget your obsession.

You could ask yourself one question... what will your life be like without all the trouble you've experienced through this particular relationship?

It's your choice to make, and I wish you all the best. Keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_14.gif

Thanks. We talked before and she said that I would be the one she'd marry and settle down with but that she's confused and doesn't know right now if she can make that commitment. By me telling her this now she has to come to grips and realize that she can't yo-yo me anymore and really has to evaluate things. And believe me I'm totally okay with things there's no turmoil/down in the dumps poor me stuff anymore. I've already been down that road.

We'll see what happens I guess.

That is all you can do. You need to let it go and she needs to get all her stuff together. It is better you do this now, instead of it happening while your together, or married or worse have kids as well. You do not want it to happen then. It is better you do it now. Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now.

I completely agree with you.

I think many people need to learn to speak like you do!
Good job, short, simple and clear!:)

Thanks.

"Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now."

I completely agree. What if she contacts me and wants to get back together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Righthearted

"Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now."

I completely agree. What if she contacts me and wants to get back together.

Take the old horse out back, place loaded rifle against shoulder, and aim.

As simple as that, or do you want more of what she dished out. If that's the case, you obviously are into pain.

Stay firm and tell her flat out - NO.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_33_16.gifDon't let her drive you to this point...

Probs won't happen. You can deal with it when or if that comes up. You will probably say no!

Sorry about this but I'm back looking for some MORE advice. After I told my EX not to contact me until she knew what she wanted we "bumped" into each other and we ended up hanging out all last week and we even spent my birthday together. So I'm thinking everything may be working out between us until she tells me that she's going to see this other guy next weekend-I wasn't sure she was still in contact with him, she hasn't seen him for a month (who lives a distance away, so of course she's spending the weekend with him). I ask her why and she can't tell me, so we end the night in a bad way and of course she calls me and wants to talk - says that she has to make changes. Whatever that means- I'm at a loss. Should I finally just walk away? Or should I see what she has to say?

You did the right thing. Now stick to your guns and, like you said, don't let her call you unless she knows what she wants. And you don't call her.

Should I Call Her?

Hello everyone I'm back for some answers and possibly a little support. It's been almost 6 months since I've been here but here goes. I feel like I'm living out some bad Hollywood romantic-sitcom. About 6 months ago or so my girlfriend and I decided to try AGAIN after taking the summer off (we broke up last April). Anyway we spent the holidays together and things seemed to be going in a positive direction. Until December when she got a new job about 2 hours away. It is a good move for her and I was/am totally supportive knowing the potential pitfalls of long-distance relationships (I have done them before and unfortunately have never worked out). We see each other almost every other weekend and it's worked out well. But I also know that she's been kind of secretive about some things and this is where it gets dicey. Her MySpace page which is private so I have no idea who she's "friends" with, I've got to trust her right? And she has this EX that calls her every now and then supposedly just to talk, which is a major issue with me (it turns out that they went out recently because he lives closer to her now because of her recent move) I got really upset about it when I found out, but I thought it ironed itself out as we just spent last weekend together. So this last Friday comes around and I don't get a call or text message, then Saturday, Sunday and now it's Monday no communication whatsoever. Should I have called her over the weekend, she always calls me or texts me to see what's going on. We talk everyday especially to say goodnight, now I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not a mind reader and I won't have my heart ripped out again, should I be preparing for a let down again? Thanks in advance.

Why didn't you call her over the weekend?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions... it's hard to do, as I know I would have already, but if you two are seeing each other, you jumping to conclusions will only make it worse. As long as she's just friends with her ex, then leave it alone until you have something more to go on.

Is there a chance she might go back to her ex.. yes... there is. But there's also a chance that they're just hanging out. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply.

I don't know why I didn't call her, I just felt like she would have called me like she normally does and when I was calling her it just seemed like she didn't have anything to say. For her to not call me at all over the weekend is really odd.

I understand what you mean. Perhaps she was busy hanging out with her friends.. maybe she was just busy? I'd say... send her a text or give her a call and see what's up. Say something like, hey I missed you... how have you been?

And that should give her a segue into what's been going on.

We don't know this girl, you do... if she's the type of girl that initiates conversation via texts or calls with you and she hasn't lately; yeah she may be just busy; and you shouldn't jump to conclusions. But if you're up to it, you could perform a little test and see how long it takes her to contact you. Or perhaps is she stubborn?

Im in a LDR as well and my guy does the same thing (not calling, texting) when he's doing 'something out of the ordinary'... call it paranoia but it's a gut feeling I have since I caught him contacting his ex without telling me.

Anyway, its too late to say you should have called her but to be honest, I do the same thing when Im looking for a sign if he is hiding something again. Frankly speaking, its not a good feeling.

Forget paranoia, act using your heart. You love her, then trust her and show it to her. If you miss her, call her. If you don't, then don't call her. Be honest to yourself. Maybe that's what your girlfriend is doing.

I do love her and she loves me, but it seems like I'm the one that is doing all the heavy lifting, maybe I should be because I'm the guy- I don't know. My gut tells me that she isn't calling me because she knows I'll be upset that she's hanging out with the EX.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Righthearted

I do love her and she loves me, but it seems like I'm the one that is doing all the heavy lifting, maybe I should be because I'm the guy- I don't know. My gut tells me that she isn't calling me because she knows I'll be upset that she's hanging out with the EX.

Women are funny... and stupid.

Yeah I said it.

Thanks for the advice. I really love this girl and I want to fight the good fight, so I'll just wait it out.

The worst thing you can do is sit, and assume, so give her a call, and forget the games.

Games normaly back fire I understand why you wanted to do it though its normal.

But confront her about it. Let your issues be known. Nothing worse than letting things carry on

Yeah but why isn't she calling me or anything? What do you think?

... question is, why aren't you calling her?

Because I felt every time I was calling her it was coming off as needy, if she really wants to talk to me she'll call me - I'm over being always the one putting effort into US.

She didn't call me for over 4 days and she finally text messaged me tonight and she knows I hate that kind of communication.

I don't know what I'm doing, I'm really confused/lost. I stopped calling my girlfriend because she stopped calling me and then she finally text messaged me. I didn't contact her and then she text messaged me again on Saturday and left a message the same day and then sent me a couple of texts on yesterday to see how things were.

I don't know why I'm not calling her. I don't play games and this being a long distance relationship only makes things that much more difficult. Am I not calling her because I'm afraid to hear something that she may need to tell me. And if I call her what do I say because it will certainly be awkward. PLEASE HELP!!

No offense, but there are a lot of people on here that are probably flipping out. Most of us want our ex's to call and here yours is calling and texting, obviously wanting to talk. You need to sit down and think to yourself if you want to talk to her or not... If not, tell her through a text or anything that you no longer want to speak with her. She is making an effort, the same thing you were complaining she wasn't doing a couple days ago... So which is it that you want?

I don't know. I really don't know what to do.