Damn it!! I will not wallow in this pain. I will not give up. Why hell am I such a dumbass. Screw all this pain . Time to man up and do work.

By the way I have a random question.

There is a girl that I recently met. She is insanly good looking, confident, smart, and very much like my type. I have heard from some of my friends that she is hard to get and many boys chase her.

How do I distinguish myself from the rest and capture her attention. I was told by my friend that I need to be confident, social, and pretend hard to get.

Now I am bringing my A game tomorrow. I will dress up real nice and be the confident man I am. Any advice on how to get a girl that is hard to get?

I am not looking to date her yet but I am looking to go on a date or two. Should I ask her to go out together after my first meeting with her? Do I play it cool and just discuss the subject at hand and not mention anything else?

Don't you think you've got enough Demons going on in your head at the moment without introducing another one??

I don't even know what the he'll is wrong with me. My emotions change by the minute. I need to takecontrol of them.

Hey... im having almost the same trouble as you... got together and I loved it then she broke up and after 6 months we got back together and now we have been broken up for a month... I have been talking to a new girl and going on a second date tomorrow. Just relax and be yourself around her. Don't try too hard and just be cool. You don't want to try and be someone you are not because then she won't like you later. If she likes you for you then that's what counts. But right now, although it's a good thing to keep you busy, you have to take it extremely slow. I have been doing very good and I am very proud of myself considering how much I loved my ex. But since it is still a little in the back of my head I am taking it very slow with the girl I am dating now. Maybe at least for another month which I assume I should be over it totally. I am doing this as a smooth transition.

Yeah, I think my transition is a little more bumpy with all the damn high's and lows I am having.

There are days where I just want to drop everything and say f' it to everything but then there are days were I am so motivated to do well.


This is one hell of a life lesson.
Thank you everyone for staying with me and continue supporting me even when I get like this. I appreciate everything piece of advice and I apologize for not following some of it. I am learning through experience.

There will be a post hopefully soon where I will let you all know that I am fine. I will tell you all how I have moved on and am ready to live life again as a single man.

Hope you get to that part man.

Once again just posting here to let my feelings out.

Here I am. Its almost midnight. I am keeping busy with my assignments. I look out the windows and I think of you. I think of the moments we shared. I think of the happiness that I once had. I am heartbroken that this ended this way. I cannot believe that I had to learn from you that the past six months were all a lie. I do not know why you stuck with me. Why did you hurt me twice? I am praying for time to pass so that my heart can scar and have the bleeding stop. You are most likely in your room studying. You are not even batting an eyelash as you turn the pages of your book. Your heart feels not remorse. You heart does not feel guilt. Your heart is healed. You do not realize the pain that I am in. You do not sympathize for me and the situation that you put me in. I wish I could tell you all this but it would not help me in any way. I truly hope that one day you realize the mistake you made. I hope that one day you realize the pain you inflicted onto me. You are too young and have not realized what your actions have done to me. Maybe you never will. Maybe your heart will always be like this. Here I sit in my puddle. The pieces of my broken heart floating around.

I look at myself and wonder what type of man I am. Am I too weak? Am I too caring? Am I too compassionate? Am I too sensitive? Do I need to change? Do I need to be strong? Do I need to be more masculine? I do not know why you left me? I do not know what changed in me that lead you to loose your feelings for me?

I fell hard because I invested so much of myself into this relationship. I fell hard and now I am having a difficult time picking myself up. I know I will be fine one day. I know I will love again. I know I will find another. I know I will be successful. I know I will do great in all my future endeavors.

I was made to believe that I was in a fairy tale. You professing your love for me kept this fairy tale alive. I never realized that this was a fairy tale. I believed it to be true. This fairly tale turned into reality and you showed me your true colors. Now I am alone. Now I am hurt. Now I am building myself back up. I am learning from this experience. As my heart heals and scars up it is becoming stronger. I am growing and becoming a better man. You will not take advantage of what I have to offer anymore. I will battle through the lows and enjoy the highs.

My stomach is upset, my insides are all twisted up, and my heart is in pain. My mind is exhausted and my body is tired. I have no drive today and I just want to give up. But never have I done this before. When I fall I get up. When I hurt, I heel fast. But this is the first time I feel different. I am sick of struggling and gasping for happiness. I am sick of the emotional rollercoaster. There is nothing I can do besides let time pass. But it feels as if time has stopped for me and my emotions continue to stay the same. I don't know how much longer I can be strong. So these are the consequences of love. These are the lost pages in the fairy tale books that are not shown. She is winning and I am losing. Losing my mind, my strength, my motivation, and my ability to reason.

Today is a low.

AE-. It s not been a month yet-be patient with yourself.
Plus you have to see her in class sometimes.
You can't force the healing it happens gradually.
Are you getting enough sleep?

I usually do but the last few days have been very stressful and I have been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. I need to continue doing this for a few more days until all the exams are done.

Ok so long as you get back to normal soon.
Try to have a good day.

I remember the trip we took to Cape Cod. We had a blast together, spending our time on the lake, swimming in the ocean, kayaking together, visiting surrounding towns, strolling through Province Town, getting lost, roasting marshmallows, and much much more.

I remember our trips to Montreal. We enjoyed visiting Notre Dam, eating in old Montreal, sight seeing, sleeping in a sketchy hotel, shopping, and dining at different places.

I remember visiting NY & NYC. We enjoyed listening to different cultures, rock climbing, hiking different state parks, visiting family, sleeping in late, visiting China town/Little Italy, and enjoying the company of our friends.

I remember the countless hours spent together. I remember the experiences we shared. I remember the countless adventures we went on, the countless miles driven, and the new places we explored. I remember the white rafting trip we went on even though I had a fractured rib. I remember teaching you taekwondo and how to grapple. I remember the skinny dipping, the passion, the love, and any other feelings associated with you.

I loved waking up in the morning and feeling your warmth on my skin. I loved your soft lips. I loved running my hands along your beautiful thin and curvy body. I loved your curly brown hair. I loved your intelligence, your maturity, and everything else.

I remember our first kiss, our first date, and our first time. I remember the time I randomly took you to the outlook. I turned on the headlights, blasted the music, and took you out to dance in the middle of the night under the stars.

I remember how we talked all summer before we saw it each other in college. I remember the 8+ hour conversations we had on AIM. We stood up all night until the sun peaked through the windows. I remember running through the sprinklers with you, dancing in the water fountain, and dancing at the clubs.

I loved but now all this is gone. All these memories and many more are inscribed in my heart. But now you are gone. Here I am sitting in my bed with tears running down my face as I write this down.

Do you remember living before you met her? Did you not have a life before her? Are you not capable of living after her?

Quit wallowing. She's just some girl. When you finally get her off this pedestal you've placed her upon you'll figure that out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Do you remember living before you met her? Did you not have a life before her? Are you not capable of living after her?

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Yes I remember living before her. I remember hiding in the closet with my sister at age 5 because the soldiers were knocking at our door. I remember my mother telling us not to come out no matter what we heard. I remember fighter jets flying a few feet above our house. I remember the bullet holes in our house. I remember my uncle sleeping in front of our house with a gun in his lap. I remember having to leave my country and moving to Germany. I remember being discriminated by others. I remember not being allowed into a certain school because I was foreign. I remember having to leave that country too and loose everything once again. I remember coming her and watching my parents divorce after everything that has happened. I remember my dad attempting suicide. I remember having to be the parent and not the child. I remember my sister screwing up and constantly fighting with my parents. I remember working my off to be accepted by my peers in school because I was the new kid. She opened my eyes to new experiences. She took me in and accepted me for who I was. I did not have to pretend to be strong or be anyone else besides myself.

I am capable of living after her but it is hard to let go of what I had.

Well stop remembering the past and start living for the future. I realize you have been through a lot, so start using your experiences to get over your freaking self pity! It is getting borderline ridiculous! You still have a heartbeat... utilize it!

Dude... read your posts again. Hard to let go?!

She not only crushed you once but several times. From what I gather from YOUR accounts she's a self centered, self serving little trollope. This hag has been wiping her feet on you for a damn long time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Well stop remembering the past and start living for the future. I realize you have been through a lot, so start using your experiences to get over your freaking self pity! It is getting borderline ridiculous! You still have a heartbeat...utilize it!

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Borderline ridiculous? No, this is ridiculous. I do not want to feel this way. I have never in my entire life been this weak. I have conquered all this s*** above and never looked back. I don't know why this is so different. Compared to my past this should not be this hard. But it is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Imabadman

Dude... read your posts again. Hard to let go?!?

She not only crushed you once but several times. From what I gather from YOUR accounts she's a self centered, self serving little trollope. This hag has been wiping her feet on you for a damn long time.

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She might have done that but she also gave me more than anyone else.

Buddy your doing this to yourself. I wish you luck.

Ciao.

I don't care what you have to do to fake it, but you need to stand up, look in the mirror and repeat until your freaking throat hurts, "I will NOT let this beat me!"

No one owes you anything in life, no matter what you have endured. Fight the battle, continue progressing and stand true to what you want to be. Are you proud of yourself right now?

I am feel ashamed of myself for being this weak. I am far from proud.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am feel ashamed of myself for being this weak. I am far from proud.

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I am ashamed that you aren't proud of yourself. Get off your a$$ and start telling yourself you will get through this. NO MATTER WHAT!! You aren't weak, you are human. Welcome to the club. Just like any other human, you too can defeat this.

It seems you are wallowing in self-pity and it's a defense mechanism. You still don't the realities, she has left you that's it. And no, you cannot equate good times to you dating her. You seem to be a bit weak, so try this: count the days of NC, and set yourself a goal. For example, your goal, would be to have 6 packs. If you have 6 packs, then 8 packs. Or if you are learning something new, set yourself a time limit to learn it... Basically start focusing on yourself. Also take a chill pill, you probably need it.

As for your history, it is sad but you shouldn't wallow in it. I know my family passed through a similar situation of genocide and war. We never let it affect our present or future, for the sake of the people who lived in the past.

I am over the past. It has brought me here and made me into the man I am. I am not wallowing in the past but I am wallowing in this. Once I started college and started dating her everything finally seemed to feel normal. Life was good. All my hard work paid off. Balance finally has been achieved and life for the first time was everything I dreamed of.

Wrong, everything is what you are dreaming for, not dreamed. A girl should not be your dream, what you have achieved and what you are going to achieve is. You know that life is going to throw you obstacle that is going to be much harder than that, it's basically a lesson. If you don't learn and cope with this lesson you'll never grow and you'll never be able to tackle much harder obstacle in life.

I find it funny though because everyone is telling me to stop wallowing in my own pain. But when I asked how do I stop I was told that I just need to let time pass.

I know I am the one who needs to take responsibilities for my own actions. I know that I have the power to control my emotions.

Maybe you just need to come up with new dreams.

What do you mean?

You are speaking in terms of complete absolutes, as if this is as good as it gets and your dreams, once fulfilled, are now history because of a break up. So, dream more, come up with new dreams, whatever. Evolve your goals towards something that doesn't revolve around a female.

You know the one thing all dreams have in common? They END. So we come up with new dreams and a new life to adore.

We always have to adjust our hopes and dreams and goals to fit the ever changing life around us.

Read Emopunks story, and see where your both similar. Keep in mind this is his second go round here.

Quote:

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But when I asked how do I stop I was told that I just need to let time pass.

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That where the stickies come in. And patience.

What's fun to you? (excluding anything to do with her)

Well I enjoy photography very much and martial arts. I love learning and meeting new people. I enjoy being active in every way. I love traveling. I love enjoying life. I love accomplishing and challenging myself.

Okay, I don't get on her much anymore but I was familiar with your story. I was you, back in high school. I dated a girl for a few years, she would feed me the line "I need to find myself" and break up, only so she could go find her legs wrapped around someone else, foolishly I took her back and she did it again, only this time it hurt more, because you have always been told "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you then you know" Well needless to say, that was wrong.

Now, you are stuck at a point where you have reached rock bottom. You are looking at all the negatives, think about the one true positive you have. You can only go up from here. It's hard but it's life, it's going to beat you down and it won't offer you a hand. If you won't pick yourself up, then maybe you don't belong on your feet.

You have to ask yourself one serious question, look in the mirror and ask "Am I going to beat this or am I going to allow this to beat me?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You know the one thing all dreams have in common? They END. So we come up with new dreams and a new life to adore.

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I like this a lot

I agree with you completely. Just like you said the second time around is more difficult. When she came back I believed her that she was committed this time around and I believed that she would not have the feelings anymore. Also, I invested myself completely because I was made to believe that she was committed.

But today was a good day. I think it was important to go through this because it helped me let out all the emotions that were kept inside.

I will pick myself back up and I will be strong again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

But today was a good day. I think it was important to go through this because it helped me let out all the emotions that were kept inside.

I will pick myself back up and I will be strong again.

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Things will become bad, but just accept the horrible feelings because you know things will become better. A good way I'm dealing with this rollercoaster. I have my down days. Yeah it can hurt like hell. But I still keep in mind that it will pass and just let it come and go. As time passes, you'll notice a drop in the daily percentage of depression you experience. Especially if you're keeping busy socializing and setting goals for yourself.

Thank you all for helping me today. Today was a rough day. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep that I've been getting the last few nights or the added stress of this week. Either way today I had a big time low and you all helped me through it.

THANK YOU!!

Rest is important also for healing. Take time to relax and do whatever you really like (video games, music... ).

I will do just that once Friday roles around. This week is hell week and I have been bombarded with exams and essays. It will slow down after tomorrow.

I met another girl today. She is beautiful and has many qualities that I adore. We talked about possibly getting together this Friday and going out for a drink.

Random question. So the girl I talked to today was very cute and her and I got along well. We talked about this bar where you can play board games and she said to me: "maybe I will see you there this Saturday and we can a round of apple's to apple's."

Does that have any underlying meanings or does it just mean that she wants to play a game of apples to apples?


AND don't worry, I am not moving into another relationship. I just want to know if this girl is into me.

My advice is to think less and do more. Quit thinking about an inherent meaning behind something and just go, explore and enjoy.

To be honest, from the sounds of it, you sound like you are looking for female attention, which usually hints at feeling lonely. I hope you aren't trying to replace one female for another.

Its not as much loneliness as it is meeting new people. I was given this opportunity now to go out and date. I always have been the relationship type and now I just want to have fun and meet as many people as possible. Also, I am doing this to keep my mind busy and it feels good knowing that females are interested in you.

I do not want to be in a relationship any time soon because as you can clearly tell, I am not ready for one.