I'm going to let it sit. Good things comes to those that waitQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
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I'm going to let it sit. Good things comes to those that waitQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Good idea! Take care of yourself, but if you are in this mindset, just delete it, you'll feel better after a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way
Have you deleted it yet?? Why not??Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
think i should break down and read the message she sent me, i only read the header. there might not even be anything else to read.
i don't want to think this part of my life is insignificant, but i don't want to hold on or get mad about it
Don't lie to yourself. Of course you can be happy, and move on whether she contacts you or not. If you wanted to that is.Quote:
I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way
All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.
Nope, this just shows that you are still hanging on to her. Just delete everything from her. You won't move if she contacts you or if you are thinking of her contacting you. Don't forget you are doing all this for yourself not to show her.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
You would not be able to move on because she contacted you by wishing you a Happy Birthday and you still can't move on. You don't really want to.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll move on. You are still wanting to hang on to false hope.
yesterday has passed, never said anything her about her birthday. Instead went out with one of my friends I hadn't seen I 2 years or so. And had been making plans to hangout with them. As for my ex well I don't know, there's not really anything new, except my friend telling me stuff from the past I never realizedQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
and the happy birthday thing, isn't the way I wanted to be contacted, just something random. But there wouldn't be any contact cause I would not respond, answer, or stay around to see her
That's all the contact you should need and I hope you read nothing else into it. That would be your mind working overtime on her.Quote:
All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.
No you couldn't, but its just the idea you could think she misses you, and maybe..! Forget that, move on regardless.Quote:
I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.
Still is what I'm struggling with. I don't want to only remember the bad things that happened, such as this. Cause then all it does is make me angry and look back on what we could have changed.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
But I don't want to look back on the goods and see this other guy in my place.
But I don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life
Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Then you will never heal, and then why are you asking for advice when you want to just simply sit and wither away. Feeling sorry for yourself.
While your moping your life is passing you by, if you did nothing wrong then why are you punishing yourself for being a good man.
Please get those tears out, so they can clean your eyes so you can see this as a blessing.
(reality slap))
Some women just need to meet bad men, so they can learn to appreciate the good ones.
"Accepting that things happen in life is a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring and growing up. Make a note of it, and continue to move forward.
It's understandable that you don't want to remember all the bad things, and that you want to remember some good things of her. Though, the thing is by that time now, remembering her should cross your mind less often. Ex girlfriend has been part of a good part of our lives, and this is why the healing process is never easy. At least you are not clinging to false hope.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
It hasn't been that long, but there will be a time you will go back and feel nothing. It does take time. 3 month later I still haven't gotten to that place, but as days goes by, I'm getting and better and so should you.
I don't know that I would say this guy is a bad man, but I don't really know who he is. But I do know a lot of women who seem to only go to guys that are losers and/or have problems in there lives. They aren't able to keep themselves together. Is it just the fact of being needed or acting like a mother figure to someone that attracts them.Quote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
I know I'm going through stuff right now, but I don't feel that I am able to live and get through the problems. But all and all I know I'm going through a rough patch
I know I'm still clinging onto some false hope. For example, I would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. Cause now I can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. I would really like for her to send me the necklace I gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when I was 12, I gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause that's why I called her "my baby turtle", but I can't bring myself to tell my mother I don't have it anymore)Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
That is also understandable. I offered an iPod touch and a beautiful coat, but I offered her those gifts at the time I loved her and we were together. Now I would like to have them back but I can't and this is how life goes. Have you started looking for a new place, near your work? This should help you move on and save you money. As this is a personal gift from you mum, in a very very very long future you may talk to her briefly about it and explain how this is part of the family treasure and is very important to you and your mum, and she will probably give it back to you if you ask gently.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
It is time to let go of hope and move forward. Slap yourself if you need it, but SHE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is what you need to put in your brain. You need acceptance of her not coming back. Don't forget that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Well I don't want the gifts I gave her back, like camera, watch, bracelet, suits, ticket to NYC. I just want the one thing that means something to my family. I don't want the gifts that she took from me, chain(which I paid more than 50 percent), there's a lot of other small things there. But wow, I just realized she never really got me things. Heck our 4 yr she didn't get me anything, not that gifts are important, but we have always.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
She told me she would give the necklace back
Lol, that's how life goes, I bought also the majority of things and I paid almost every time we went out. It seems that even during those times of gender equality, women have more equality than men lol. At least you know you will receive the necklace. Time to move on now don't you think ;) ? Don't cling to false hope, healing a long term first relationship is tough but we all are doing it.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Really I don't think I will, she told me that over a month ago. Since then I have sent the last of her stuff to her. She is just avoiding it. I don't know why she wants it, all it will do is sit in a boxQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Your getting good at making excuses to sit on the pity pot and not heal.Quote:
she told me she would give the necklace back
The necklace is not going anywhere and neither are you.
Heal, and I bet the necklace thing works itself out.
Do something good for yourself, or else drown in your own shat.
A bit harsh but right. As hard as it is, you should only concentrate on healing. Don't think of contacting her. Beside be patient it will come back
Dude, you are still on this! Forget about the necklace, you've learned a valuable lesson this time.
Rome's Rule: Never give a woman a family artifact unless you are married
You are looking for every reason to sit around and wait for her.
Here puppy, here's another bone while I go play the field of guys.
You gave her something 4 years ago and now you want it back, (If it was that important you would have asked for it right away) now she owes you money, I would imagine next week you will think of another reason you need to talk to talk to her or another reason to keep the door open. You're not ready to give up and until you are you will not get over this.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Put it this way bro, here's a list of crap my ex "owes" me
- $300 for school books that she "promised" to pay back
- countless cds she wanted to "borrow"
- A few EXPENSIVE computer programs
- I left a few movies over her house
- Jewelry she only "borrowed" from me(necklaces)
Never saw ANY of it again, and after we broke up, after a week of making excuses to text her about it. I wrote all of that stuff off
I did ask for it back right away. I'm not coming up with reasons to leave the door open, those things are what I want her to give back, but it's been over a month, I doubt I'll see them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Rome, I listened to the song linked in your signature. Its my new favorite.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I keep going through my house looking for things that I need at that point, and I think she walked out with more than I thought. Lol. I also found out that she had been pushing away some of my friends, kind of annoyed to hear that at this point, cause I wouldn't have let that happened, I had thought that they just had their own stuff going on.
If they are really your friend they will stick around. It only shows you what type of person she is. You're doing fine, keep doing whatever you're doing and stop thinking about her. It's not healthy. If begin thinking about her, start thinking about something else that you really enjoy.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
They left, cause she got mad at them, and saw I was happy with her, so they never came to me and told me about what happened. And they are here for me now. When I think about her I get mad, just cause some of the things she walked out with I didn't realize till now. Like the other day I was going out to shoot pool with a friends, so I went looking for my cue sticks (I had 3, 1 she paid for) and I couldn't find any of them, she doesn't even play pool, lol. Whatever, I'm going to see someone later today to see how much I can buy a new one for. But come on, you know.
Like I said it shows her character and you should be happy she's not in your life. By the way have you found another apartment yet?
Not yet, I have talked to some people, but nothing has been signed. I'm not sure if I'm going to move, cause I have a bowflex at this place, and I doubt I could take it with me. My current room mates wouldn't care if I left it there, and kept a key to come by and use it. But I also signed a lease till the end of January, so I wouldn't walk out until they find someone else to take my place. Other than the price, I like where I live, so I got to see what I can do at work, and where else to cut costs.
Come on, doesn't anyone see the funny side of this?
Nope, not at all...
Well I find it funny how she had the nerve to walk out with those pointless items, and how I had know idea for 4 weeks. Oh well.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Still been staying with no contact, though I think I might be having to go around where she hangs out all the time, her parents house which is next to our old high school, I talked to my old coach the other day, and he has been doing summer practices for all ages and has tournaments going on all the time, so I'm considering jumping into that.
I decide to just throw those letters she gave me before, instead of putting them away
Don't dwell on those things, on what she did or did not take. She obviously forgot about you time to do the same thing for her. Also if there is a high chance of you meeting her don't go to that place. I fear it's only an excuse to see her. Throw everything that you have of her if you can.
OK, have talked to a couple people to see what they say.
They suggest I sent her a text, cause I know she won't answer a phone call, telling her my mother is asking where the necklace she gave me is. Then also bring up the fact that I'm missing my pool cue (she had to have taken it). Then get those items from her
No! I strongly suggest you don't do that. If you need to contact her whatsoever ask one of your friend to do it for you, and that they get the necklaces for you. Also, tell them not to ask any question about her and that they don't give you any information. Don't break NC! Sometimes it is also important to let go sometimes of possessions.
Maybe I should put a kick me sign on my back
I can't even think of someone that I would want to contact her to get the stuff
I think its over man. It seems pretty clear to me. Keep doing no contact and let your heart heal. Don't wait for her and do this for yourself because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are and it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.
Update
Sent her a text yesterday saying I would be coming by to pick up the necklace my mother gave me, and also the pool cues I bought, she can have the rest(1400, and what not). No response. Had a friend check the number to make sure it was still hers, it was. Called her left a VM, then texted her about it. Then called her parents house, and talked to her mother, listing the items I would be picking up around 8 tonight, and what not. Told her I would like the money she promised me she said no, then told me I owed her daughter money, for some stuff. I told her that I had offered it back and that she said no.
So hopefully this goes smoothly, I just want to be handed the stuff and walk away, don't need a conversation or anything else. I am tired of being treated like I'm the bad person, when I'm not. I have given her all the things she asked for, and she took more, that I am now finding out about now. I didn't cheat on her, and I'm tired of people thinking that what she did to me was appropriate, "true love" or not.
I know I need healing, but I'm done being the nice guy. I am upset about this, but am focused.
You have made a decision, stick to it, and follow through!
I can respect a guy, who is willing to stand for himself, and do what he has to do.
Well if she refuses, I don't know how much more I'm going to be able to follow through. But hopefully she and her family will stop acting like I'm the bad guy. When no matter what happened I made sure we were good.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
This has taught me valuable lesson's:
-no joint bank account till marriage, and even then there should be kids and or a house payment.
-never move have a girlfriend move in, until engaged, but be careful there also.
-never do things bases on emotion, such as paying bills for the other, and sacrificing my relationship with my family and friends, and my grades. Not when she isn't doing the same.
-be there next time the girl is moving out, they have sticky hands and will take what isn't theirs, it will be painful to get it back
That said, I deserve better than this, even if the next serious relationship ends, I would prefer someone who is mature, and someone who I willing to walk away clean, not to another guy.
Also eating great, lifting everyday (though I messed up both my shoulders), and taking time to myself, like hiking and running, sleeping well, but sometimes too much cause of sleep deprivation, also hanging out with my cousin(he's not talking about his thing that much, might be moving in with him, cause he's looking at buying a house), and have been reconnecting to a lot of my old friends
Thought:
Think I should take someone with me, so nothing is started (nothing physical) but her family gets pretty childish with stuff. Not saying that someone else there would stop that, but would limit it or keep everyone civil
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