Can you block them?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Can you change you email address?
|
Can you block them?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Can you change you email address?
I think my server provider can.
Don't want to change my email though
Rome's got it right. Way to go!Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
She wants to make herself feel better by explaining something to you. Whatever she says is for her. She would love for you to participate, to applaud her courage and forthrightness, to help her cleanse her soul.
She represents an episode in your life, one that is almost over and will be over when those bad feelings don't last for more than a few moments if at all. But, while they are there, why not study them and gain a little power from them? If you take this opportunity to study your feelings, each one you understand and accept can give you strength.
Stand your ground NC-wise. Breathe consciously. Discover more of your depth. You might find that you are a free man.
Tao
Im not sure even how to respond right now.
I guess this is yet another hurdle I need to jump over & look to the day when I can simply shrug it off.
Yep, I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 2 months into my NC. I was offered a job in California, kept it from a lot of people so my ex wouldn't find out. She found out somehow and sent me a text. I still remember it word for word "Hey I know we haven't talked in awhile but I heard you're going to California. That's awesome! I wish you the best of luck and maybe I will come out there a visit"
Was just thinking how this is purely at her convenience. She's here for a wedding
She dumped me over the phone and after 5yrs didn't have the decency or gave a crap to even do it in person, even though she went to LA the week before.
Sh!! ty
My ex broke up with me by sending a text to my cousin telling her she was going to end it, and then texted me telling me it was over
Nice one.
Van, I can bet your heart jumped right out of your chest receiving that email. But as others have pointed out, its not about you and her, its all about her.
Know she wants to clear her own conscious, and satisfy her own curiosity.
Be unavailable, and heed your own feelings for a change. It doesn't matter what she does or why, but what you do that counts. Make a plan to be busy that weekend.
Yeah, I guess you could say, your blowing her off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
Make a plan.Quote:
Talaniman agrees- Just because its true to the max! She knows she can pop in and pop out, and not look back!
Yup it certainly did.
And I bet getting off the plane here and taking a taxi right by my place won't be comfortable for her. The first time she isn't coming here for me.
But you're right, Im going to blow her off.
Thanks to everyone yesterday.
Just wanted to raise a glass to celebrate 2mo. Of NC today.
Wanted to tell you that a couple days before my ex emailed me, I get one from a photographer friend of ours that lives where she does, not really saying anything.
Then today, I get a call from another mutual friend on my VM saying that he's in town & wants to hang out.
These are really her friends & I find the whole thing a bit weird.
Can't tell what's sincere, makes me suspicious. Regardless, NC for anyone that is in her life.
Thanks again guys.
Stay on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I'm toasting you with a Dr. Pepper right now!
I find it suspicious as well. I also think that you are starting to see the value of NC. She didn't just skate away after 5 years without some guilt or loss. She is fishing and using her friends as bait to get that answer that what she did was okay. She is seeking something to fill some answer she has. You aren't seeking out answers from her, but she is from you. You are showing her you are stronger then her and stronger then she ever gave you credit for. You are showing her you do not need her. You are showing her that she is not in control of this situation. The theme here is you are showing her, not the other way around. I'm toasting you for this as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Toasting you with a one of a kind, God only knows what it really is, smoothie that my 7 year old old just made for me. It's kind of purple, and chunky. But, good for you. Go forth and find a deserving mate.
Thanks guys, appreciate all of that
Hey,
Been feeling anxiety & a heavy heart as my ex is here.
The universe has rewarded me with a project wed due mon, so its been keeping me busy. But I can't help wondering.
Then, I just get a text from her:
Hi, I am wondering if you want to meet for a walk or coffee on sunday afternoon? I would really love to see you. I hope you will, amy
I still won't respond, but makes me nervous and anxious for some reason...
I know I shouldn't think this but, I wonder what she thinks when I don't respond to any of her communications...
She misses you, but don't want to be with you. If you are OK with NOT getting together and just want to be friend, then it is OK. ELSE, I recommend you to stay away and not respond.
You ex is a visitor but that Vancouver is YOUR hometown. She's the visitor, so well I understand your feelings don't forget she's on your turf not the other way around.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Good stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Boy she just won't quit. Remember that means YOU are winning. The opposite of love is not hate, but actually indifference. The more you avoid her, the more you ignore her, the more you are indifferent the more she needs to know why. Look if you told her to F off as I have been known to tell a few ex's they know they have control over you. It may be hate but they control an emotion in you. But to be indifferent means she has no control over you and furthermore it makes her realize she misjudged your strength.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
She thinks, "Why won't he give me attention, I thought he'd be begging to see me, and now I can't even get a text back." Subconsciously she can't understand why what she's doing isn't working since it's always worked in the past. She's thinking you are strong and you have strength she never knew existed, "why didn't I notice this before, was I wrong about him, I have a made a mistake."Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
The answer is yes, and the confirmation is your continued silence. You are winning Van and you are proving to her that you are one tough dude. I hope more importantly you are proving it to yourself, because a life gut check like you've been through should be appreciated and celebrated.
Okay, Vancouver is home to Joe Sakic, so you better not give up your home turf or his!
My ex told one of my friends this about me ignoring her "All I wanted to do was see how he was doing and if he was still mad at me. It's really kind of childish to continuing ignoring me when we spent 2 and 1/2 years with each other."
My response to my friend "yeah, we did spend 2 and half years together, and after that time you would think I would have deserved more respect than getting an effin text message to my cousin telling her she was ending it with me"
I love how she whines about you not talking to her and then calls you childish on top of it as though that would bring about a conversation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
He retired, huh? Im sure you know that the Canucks blow it every year.
Anyway, I know you guys are right & its another selfish attempt.
I guess, even with all Ive learning about her, there's still feelings in some way that's keeping me from really letting go. Maybe its just the physicality that she is a person & still "out there" And Im a kind person.
Hard to describe...
Dude, where did all that parts work go? You did some nice process in yourself in the heat of things, and got closer to the part(s) still hanging on. It might have been hard, but recall the feeling that you had when things opened up for you. Would you rather feel anxiety or that amazing sense of getting closer to wholeness? Am I mistaken? Did you feel that or not?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Her presence and her efforts provide you with an opportunity to serve the whole of your life. Don't p*ss it away by letting some vague discomfort work its way through you without awakening your resourcefulness. We're not dealing with Kryptonite here. Take charge and ride this wave.
You don't have to change anything on the outside. You've got a project due Monday that will keep you busy, but not all of you engages in that. While you are working on outer art, let some inner art happen.
Ask. Listen. Relax. Let your inner self reveal more of itself to you. It's a long life, and there will be other women. Heal this wound and you won't have to bring it to your next love.
Tao
Of course I feel it, and still digging deeper. I am continuing on that path.
That text just got me nerved up, that's all.
Chuff, yep! It made me want to pick the phone right up and give that girl a call. NOT!
Van, keep up with NC, it will avoid all of the confusion. If you want a play by play of how that conversation would go, feel free to ask and I'm sure myself or many others on here could tell you
I have an idea of how it would go.
Maybe she's rehearsed something after 2 mo.
Im sure it wouldn't be pretty.
But, give it a shot, if you weren't joking.
May help...
She will apologize, saying how much she didn't want to or mean to hurt you. She will ask for your forgiveness(to ease her own guilt) and then say how she misses the connection she had for you and hopes you two can be friends.
Before this talk takes place, it will be filled with awkward time filling half heart ed "how are you" and other meaningless questions about your life she really isn't concerned with.
Avoid this
Thanks, Chuff.
All of the stuff she already said, in so many words.
Don't mean to sound like a wuss or unaware, but its just the curiousities that come with NC & the situation, I guess. (denial again, hmmm... )
Like Tal, said: Know its just about curiosity and guilt.
Believe me, all of this helps and I know when she spilts, I will feel more empowerment and know that this hurdle may be what it takes to release my grasp on her & this.
Keep your senses on the alert for signs of that release process beginning. When it comes, and it will come, enjoy the ride!Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
You'll have earned it.
Tao
So I take it school's still out for summer?Quote:
Originally Posted by o0FirstSnipe0o
Great.
Is troll season almost over? :(
I think your seeing ANY contact with the ex will trigger some weird feelings and thoughts. Stay on the NC path. You have better things to do.
Thanks Tao,
My release button has been collecting dust. I even drew a crude picture of that button about a month ago. Then put it away as I do my notes every night.
Tal,
You're right, I have better things to do. Thanks for that.
Van
Hey,
Well just wanted to say that I truly understand and rejoice in the value of NC.
And, Tao, you're right, its not Kryptonite.
I kept busy, socialized and held my ground, even with bouts of anxiety, even until today. She leaves tomorrow and boy am I glad.
I leaped a big hurdle here, one that I knew I would have to jump. And feel good about it.
I know that her coming here and seeing her oldest friend, the one she traveled with and hated, felt jealous over (and always ed to me about) wasn't going to be a good trip for her.
Not to mention the fact the she also wanted wipe her hands of this breakup at the same time. This was, in her escapist way, her plan.
To let the dust settle, practice something then deliver it in person (not on a phone call) pegging me to a T.
Last night, I get a phone call from one of my very good friends here (I actually met him through her) saying that he ran into her at the beach. She was having that walk that she wanted, but once again with one of her superficial girlfriends that she only has time for when she pleases. Believe me, the friend is not one to give any advice.
At first was mortified, then asked if she asked about me or if he mentioned me (as I had asked him not to, if that ever took place) but, no mention of me. My friend is not one to get too deep, but what he said was, and I believe him is that "she looked upset"
One of the last times my ex & I spent time was at a dinner party I had with my friend, his girl and 2 other close friends. I bet she felt weird after that one, knowing that she knows he has my ear.
Even though Im venting, Im spending less and less time on this. Feels like a LONG time coming.
Thanks to every word here. It has all helped.
The path has gotten wider.
So, how's your art project going?. ;0)
Hey, that's a fine piece of inner work. Yeah Boye! You're a big step closer to freedom.
Keep the flow going in yourself and you'll find that your positive trend will accelerate.
Enjoy it all.
Tao
Its done as this recent episode is.
And thanks, This is becoming less of my "project" Thank god.
Im going to keep it going.
Cool. If you haven't yet done so, this is a good time to read The Prophet, by Kahili Gibran.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Amazon.com: the prophet kahlil gibran
You are growing as a result of all this! Your "project" is now you.
Tao
Yes,
I know him well from my youth. I kind of forgot about him. Thanks.
Been reading a lot of some lost and neglected ones. Classics, Biographies and eastern stuff.
That's a great idea,
Van
I don't recall if I have recommended it to you, but there's a lot in A General Theory of Love:
Amazon.com: a general theory of love lewis
Check it out and see if it's a genre that you like.
Tao
Thanks.
Ill check it out at the bookstore.
Been getting lost in other works lately, not so much in the self help, although I really liked the Hollis book, fascinating. I go back to some of those paragraphs...
Van
What kind of works are you into? What draws you in so you get lost?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I'm currently reading How to Win a Cosmic War: God, Globalization, and the End of the War on Terror, by Reza Aslan and find it enlightening.
Some recommendations from my favorites, guaranteed to make you think differently:
Finite and Infinite Games, James P. Carse
The Gift: Imagination and the Erotic Life of Property, Lewis Hyde
A Brief History of Everything, Ken Wilber and Tony Schwartz (all Ken Wilber books)
When Nietzsche Wept, Irvin Yalom (all Yalom books, great psychological/philosophical novels)
The Power of Now, and A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle
Be well,
Tao
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:25 PM. |