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You have to believe that it will get better and believe in yourself that you can over come this. Life always throws challenges at us. How we handle this challenges is what really defines you as a person.
You will succeed and you will feel better.
Let time do it's work and you will start seeing the light at the end.
Trevor any new updates?
Uh, no, nothing new really. Still haven't talked to her or seen her, not sure how long its been now, still feel really terrible and can't stop thinking about all of it.
Just kind of wonder how long I'm going to feel like this.
You will feel like this for a while. I keep reading where people say it can take up to 2 months for every year you were together to get over someone. I am a little over half way there myself going by that assumption.
Remember, it takes time to heal. You are doing well. Try to make plans with some friends to keep your mind off things.
You're doing great!
These last few days have been really hard for some reason, I've somehow been thinking of her even more than usual. I keep imagining myself talking to her and telling her how I've been feeling and how I can't stop thinking about her, and that she'll tell me she feels the same way and then she gives me another chance. I know it won't work that way, and it'll probably be more like after I tell her how I feel, she just thinks I'm more weird and stupid.
I just feel so bad all of the time now, I don't know what to do.. and I know I'm just beating a dead horse now, but I really can't handle this, I know I'm supposed to just keep up no contact, but I feel like I'm losing the strength to keep it up. I want to talk to her so badly that it's ridiculous, and I know I'm just going to feel even worse when I see her with her new boyfriend and how I've probably been completely forgotten at this point, or at least to the point that she isn't thinking of me at all.
It's so weird to think that she's constantly on my mind, but I'm probably never on hers now. Ugh.. I hate this helpless feeling, I just wish there was something I could do.
Same with me bud, we went out for a year and its been about 2 months since we broke and I still feel the same way about her. This is my 8th attempt at NC. I stopped talking to her last week on the 13th. It ended bad, me lashing out at her and telling her to fck off. But I'm still in love... how silly do I sound :(
This is still my first attempt at no contact, but I'm really wearing thin. Don't know if I'll be able to keep it up. I think I'm at somewhere like a month and a half maybe? Sort of lost track, but it feels like it has been forever, and I really hate it.
Damn your doing better than I am, but nothing around here helps me, I see her friends everywhere I go, her car, even the last guy that posted on my situation left his name which is the same as hers.
Ah, Heartbroke, I know exactly what you mean, every little thing seems to remind me of her and its like there is no escaping thinking about her even if you manage to for just a moment.
Just today her sister tagged me in three pictures of her and I at a wedding and I get to endure seeing how gorgeous she looked in her summer dress back then and how we were together and laughing and enjoying life, and now I wake up and wonder what the point is in getting out of bed.
This kind of thing seems to keep happening to me and I lose my mind a little more every time something like this happens.
Hang in there, you will get tired of feeling bad, and find something else to do that makes you feel good. Breaking NC will only be worse than it is now.
Go for 2 months, then 2.5 months, and then 3 months. Make small goals for yourself. When you feel like calling her, just keep putting it off a while longer. For example, if you really feel you need to talk to her, tell yourself you will do it tomorrow. When tomorrow comes if you still feel that way, tell yourself you will do it the next day. Keep putting this need for contact off for a little while at a time. Before you know it, it will be another couple of weeks that you have gone NC and another couple of weeks that you have continued healing.
As for thinking about the ex... I think anyone in our situation goes through periods like this. Heck, I've been on strict NC for almost 3 months, but I actually attempted to start NC almost 5 months ago (I had a few slips). I still think about her, fairly frequently. I was on the verge of tears last night.
The point is, you will never forget them or the things you shared with them. It just that the strength of those feelings you had for them get weaker as time moves forward. You have to remain strong through this period and commit yourself to over coming this and moving forward.
You have to do this for yourself, in order to make life beyond this point better.
So.. I have a situation.
Her birthday is coming up on April 1st, and I would really like to get her something, but I don't know if I should.
She got me a PSP and a bunch of games and other nice things for my birthday and it was amazing, I would feel pretty awful if I just blew off her birthday.
Even with what she did for me being put aside, I just feel like getting her something would be nice, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do or not... ehhh.. confusing.
She broke up with you, meaning she does not want you to be part of her life.Give her what she wants. And by giving her a present for her birthday you are just going to look desperate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Entropic
Well.. that isn't entirely true, she only dosen't want me as hey boyfriend right now. She still wanted me as a "friend" - I was the one who decided on this whole No Contact thing.
I don't know, this just dosen't feel right.
If you went way the hell out of your way to get someone a very expensive gift among many other expensive gifts and you gave them an incredible birthday, wouldn't you feel under-appreciated if (even after you decided you want a "break" from them) they completely ignore your birthday and do nothing?
Eeeee...
Wake up and smell the coffee, she still wanted to be friends that's the bull sh-- line they feed us when they are breking up with usQuote:
Originally Posted by Entropic
The friends line is nothing more than them trying to ease their own guilt. You have done nothing but go against every piece of advice we have given you. We say don't write a letter, you write one. We say don't talk to her, you talk to her. Obviously your way is not working, so why don't you take our advice. It hasn't worked your way, so give ours a try
Hey Gear, DON'T DO EEET! No good can come of this. Let's play "what if" for a minute. Say you get her something and send it to her but she doesn't respond. Now you're going to be fretting over if she got it, if she didn't like it, etc. etc. So what if you get her something and she says thank you. Now you're going to be analyzing her reply trying to figure out if "she still likes/wants you".Quote:
Entropic;1625573, So.. I have a situation.
Her birthday is coming up on April 1st, and I would really like to get her something, but I don't know if I should.
Seriously, don't do it. Save yourself the time, money, and energy. She's moved on so let sleeping dogs lie. Trust us here, you'll feel better for NOT doing something like this down the road.
You owe her nothing. No presents, no happy birthday, and no card. She lost the privilege of getting all of those things from you when she broke up with you.
You need to start devoting your time and emotional energy you are wasting on her toward something else.
This has been going on so long it seems like it's just a big joke..
My friend, all that lovey, dovey, caring, and sharing, stuff stopped when you broke up!
That's a clear and undisputed fact you MUST accept, and deal with.
All that, is in the past, enjoy the memory, but look ahead. No gifts, cards, or emails!
Stay with NO Contact.
What are you talking about? I never wrote her a letter (or at least I never gave one to her) and I haven't spoken with or seen her in months now. Pay attention guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I think this birthday gift situation is a pretty reasonable thing to be curious about.
I think some of you are getting me wrong here, my intention in getting her a gift isn't to get a reaction out of her or even see her, I kind of figured I would just get her something nice and thoughtful and leave it at her house for her when I know she is away at work or something. Then I'd just leave it at that, I don't expect anything back, it just seems like a nice thing to do.. is that so crazy?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Don't try to change our minds or convince us your right. You don't have to justify your actions either.
You're the only one to convince what the right thing for you to do is. You do what you feel like, and you will get the blessings, or the consequenses of your actions.
Reread your whole post, and think "what would I tell that guy to do, for his exes birthday"?
That's your answer. Now be honest with yourself.
Then the next thing you know you have christmas gifts and next years valentines day gifts lined up. Don't give to people who are only takers. Save the money and buy something nice for yourself. Its Trevor time, your money baby money!! Who's the man? Trevors the man! I've got my eye on a new crotch rocket since I got rid of mine in January. Buy something nice for yourself bud..
Hi Trevor or is it Entropic?
Hmm, I read your post and I'm a newbie here so I'll give it a try to share some.
I cannot judge if your ex's reason of your breakup was the truth or an excuse. But thinking about it I can say that some women I can add myself can't really function well especially if we're aspiring for a higher level of excellence or wants to focus on our goal. I cannot give you the logical answer to that but personally I busted suitors when I was in HS and College when I wanted to concentrate on finsihing my studies and graduate with flying colors.
And you said you were in love but love is a feeling it comes and it goes. It's you and only you who can decide when and how to ease your feelings. Sometimes you have to love more when you are hurt until there is no more hurt left but only love. :)
When the years passby and you run into this thread I'm sure this will make you smile.
But remember this, Friends can be lovers but lovers can never be really friends :)
Edited for chatspeak, and lousy spelling
It could go either way... she said she still loved you so that means there is still hope for a possible relationship, but her giving your stuff back isn't exactly the best sign. If you guys continue to be friends you will never lose her for good, so just be happy being friends for now. Good luck!
Funny how you tell us to pay attention when you have had this thread going for months are still stuck in the gift giving stage. When will YOU realize that it's over and you are not fooling anyone. We have all had those "gift" ideas, and next thing you know you are sending flowers because she said it was sweet of you to give her a gift on her birthday.
BTW, what I said about the letter was what we call an analogy. Let me know when you're tired of hitting that brick wall
Oh bloody hell! This is still going on?
This is the worst thing you can do for a couple of reasons. First and foremost you are likely to come across as the pathetic stalker ex-boyfriend that can't get it through his thick skull that IT ENDED MONTHS AGO! That will certainly drop your stock right there. You say you don't expect anything back and if you believe that then you are BS'ing yourself as much as you are us. I almost guarantee that you are hoping that this little token will open some sort of door back into her life in the way that YOU want, not the way it currently is and when that doesn't happen you are going to be crushed all over again and back to square one. The bottom line is that it was over months ago and since then you have been given advice on how to start dealing with it so when it got to this point you would be as prepared as possible but you chose to ignore it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Entropic
You keep running into that same brick wall and I guarantee you that it ain't going anywhere hoss! Instead of throwing yourself at it head-first, try side stepping a few feet and knocking on the door. Eventually there will e someone there to answer it someone that deserves this type of dedication... because it sure as hell ain't her.
OH MY GOSH!. 39 pages of GREAT advice and you are still struggling with the whole concept of NC.
First and foremost... READ Rome's sticky on the NC rules.. that should be a starting point!
You should NOT, I repeat.. NOT send her anything for her birthday. You are not her boyfriend, you are not her friend (at the moment)... I'm sorry but you need to show some strength dude!. we have all gone through it or are going through it right now...
You need to focus on yourself... improve yourself, do things that you can be proud of... don't waste time my friend.. you will regret it!.
We are only trying to help... 39 pages of great advice.. LISTEN TO IT!. STICK WITH NC!. IMPROVE YOUR LIFE!. its for the best dude.
Okay, this post gave me the answer I was sort of looking for. Didn't think that I might come across as the "pathetic stalker etc. ex-boyfriend." So it looks like I'm going to just let it go by.Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkwithaK
.. and for the rest of you who are hammering me about NC, I haven't broken it yet at all.
Thanks again for the advice and help with this.
Considering how quickly she jumped into another exclusive relationship, I'd say it dosen't have much to do with her school work or job.Quote:
Originally Posted by tinkersnow
You Trevor your ex and mine gave us all the bull excuses. They don't know what they want.
Sure they do. They know that they want something other than what they currently have... or would it be had? Anyway, the "bull excuses" are nothing more than a way to soften the blow. People will say anything if they feel that it will make it easier on the person who's heart they just ripped out. "Taking a break" is just saying that they don't want to be with you anymore but they still care enough to try and make it as easy on you as they can.Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
I agree with you Mark... I was given a bull excuse as well... she told me she wanted to live the uni life single because she "felt uncomfortable in a relationship and didnt know why"... in reality she just wanted to pursue the other guy she had been getting friendly with over the few weeks... All this was clear to me when I was thinking straight. NC is great... you really can think objectively once all the emotional dust settles.. it was only once I finally realised this that I was able to really make progress on my healing... hopefully the OP can save himself some time and start the healing right away!
I just don't understand why I'm not feeling any better about this yet. Its been sort of a long time now, but I still can't stop thinking about everything. When does NC start to help?
It takes time. I have been doing NC for 6 months now and even though I think about m ex almost everyday it not as bad as it use to be when I first started.Be patient with yourself.
When you change your attitude.Quote:
Originally Posted by Entropic
When you stop thinking NC is a miracle cure and get out of your own head and start to truly move on.
Make some changes in your life.Do a mental/emotional housecleaning and decide to get rid of the habits and thought process that are keeping you tied down.
Shout This Is Enoughand mean it!
Get out of the shell of pain and whenever she pops in your head and you are about to feel that same old lame sadness yell *NO* and turn it around.
If you have to mentally yell *NO* ten times a day ,do it,until that is your new habit.
You are getting into a pity pot mode and you have to force yourself out of it!
Believe in yourself and your ability to have control over your emotions.
You do have control !
Had to spread the rep, Artlady, but waiting for NC to work, is a waste of time.
Staying busy, and changing habits, takes a plan of action, and then there is a lot of work to do.
She showed up at my house today out of the blue and talked to me for a bit, and gave me back something I had left at her house, and then she got home and I (which you probably are going to castrate me for doing) spoke to her on MSN and she started telling me that she is really unhappy and her relationship with the new guy isn't working out at all. Then she sort of seemed angry with me for not responding to any of her e-mails, and I apologized and tried to explain why. We started to talk about the two of us, and she was saying that she was happy with me and that her head is screwed up.
Is this a good thing? Or am I just setting myself up for another fall? (I am keeping in mind that it probably won't go anywhere so I'm trying not to get my hopes up.)
Sorry this thread has gone so far.. but this is the only real advice that I get.
So whenever she fells like hanging out with you, you let her, but when you fell like hanging out with her she is not there.You are setting yourself up, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, she is just using you.Over 40 pages of advice and still, come on man using your head for once
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