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Originally Posted by asking

Rebecca,
I am impressed with your resolve in the face of all that (inappropriate) pressure from David. You are very strong! I find it offensive that David and your ex are dangling the "carrot" that he'll marry you if you come back, as if that is what you have been holding out for. Why would you want to marry someone who is so not in love that he is actively and secretly looking for other women during the period when most people are most likely to be faithful?

Take care!
Asking

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Asking,
Thanks for your strong support. We are in the same boat! It makes me keep going straight.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I wonder what David's wife thinks of the situation and if David might have some bridges of his own to mend.

It sounds like Will is good for the self-esteem. I don't suggest getting into a new relationship any time soon. However, I think Will just showed you that there are men out there who can be caring.

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I agree with you 100%.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Rebecca,
I am impressed with your resolve in the face of all that (inappropriate) pressure from David. You are very strong! I find it offensive that David and your ex are dangling the "carrot" that he'll marry you if you come back, as if that is what you have been holding out for.

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Asking,
I could avoid the insane pressure because I LEARN EVERYDAY HERE HOW MUCH I WAS CONTROLLED BY EX! I now know how wrong it was!

I was just stupid to hold up everything in side of me, and allow myself to be controlled by the cheater FOR THE MARRIAGE! As you said "Why would you want to marry someone who is so not in love that he is actively and secretly looking for other women during the period when most people are most likely to be faithful?" Right, it is just INSANE! And I did not know it before, and try to be "the nice girl" by losing my mind.

I am so glad I found this board, and get all help & support from all of you, who are so kind and considerate! Thank you all!

You ve learned a lot in a short space of time and you re handling this very well.
Let us know how you get on.

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Originally Posted by amicon

You ve learned a lot in a short space of time and you re handling this very well.
Let us know how you get on.

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amicon,
If I did not get appropriate support from here, I would end up going back to my ex, and keep living with lies and insecurities. And I will wonder why I am not happy with the relationhsip... Thanks, god, I got the wisdom here.
I really appreciate you have given me the insights and wise advice constantly.

I am blushed, because I do not feel I handle it well. I am still struggling with my pain and self-doubt. I will be here until I feel heal enough.

Thanks a lot!

Love & Respect,
Rebecca

I think you have handled this tremendeously well. You have been brave to face up to and accept the unpleasant truth. You will learn a lot from this, and will be a stronger person. In a year or two you will look back on this and laugh, and realise what a selfish/emotionally destitute person your ex is.

Good luck. Stay strong. Keep your head up high. :-)

Rebecca, I am sorry about what brought you here, but I am not sorry that I am getting the chance to know you. You are a very special person.

What might have happened didn't. You did find this place and I am glad you did.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Rebecca, I am sorry about what brought you here, but I am not sorry that I am getting the chance to know you. You are a very special person.

What might have happened didn't. You did find this place and I am glad you did.

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Cat1864 ,
It was really my pleasure to meet you here.
You gave me all the support and help I was looking for unconditionally, you made me go through the tough time, and I cannot thank enough.

Yes, I believe everything happens for purpose. I think my nasty ex actually gave me so much opportunity to grow up.
1. I had opportunity to meet so many nice & wise people on this board. It would not happen if my ex did not cheat on me. It is a REALLY good side of the heart wrenching experience he gave to me. (ha ha)

2. If my ex did not cheat on me right now, I would end up getting married, and found out his 'real personality' later, and would need up with divorce. It could be disaster. I have to think it is the best side of this painful experience.

3. I never cheated anyone, and will not do it in my life.
However, for those who sees the perfect (?) opportunity & temptation, I like to tell them not to do it proactively. It just hearts everyone include themselves. I guess it will be my mission to tell this from my lessons. Just like you helped me, I should help others too when I see chances. Right?

Have a good evening, everyone!

Love & Respect,
Rebecca

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Originally Posted by sandalwood7

I think you have handled this tremendeously well. You have been brave to face up to and accept the unpleasant truth. You will learn a lot from this, and will be a stringer person. In a year or two you will look back on this and laugh, and realise what a selfish/emotionally destitute person your ex is.

Good luck. Stay strong. keep your head up high. :-)

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sandalwood7,
You are so kind, but I am far from it. I will constantly try to live RIGHT though. I know I will not give in, but I still have to go through huge pain for long time...
I wish I can have a day I am completely healed, and be proud of myself not to caught as a victim of the cheating drama. Thank you for your encouragement!

Love and Respect,
Rebecca

Blackmailing Ex Over Weekend (3rd weekend since broke up)

My ex frantically started to call me again Friday night, and obviously he seemed quite drunk.
He was keep telling on my voice mail, I should give him a chance to let him prove how much he was regretful and changed.
He insisted he became a new person since we broke up.
“I am ready to marry you now, and I do not want to fool around anymore. Will you marry me please?”
He almost yelled at the voice mail, and background noise indicated that he was in a bar or someplace else.
He seemed totally lost.
I felt deeply insulted, since the drunken ex was trying to make a marriage deal with me.
He must misunderstand me as a woman who wants to get married with him desperately.
Saturday 3 am, I finally had to pick up the phone.
I could not resist any longer. I said to him calmly without emotion.
“What made you think I would marry a cheater to ruin my future?
Find someone else in your class, and have a good life ever!”
I hung up.

Saturday 5 pm, Dexter, my nice door man called me I have a flower arrangement delivered.
I had to walk downstairs to sign on the paper. The delivery man did not want to leave the flowers on Dexter at all.
The flower had a huge black ribbon just like it was for funeral.
The card says,
“I died inside of me since you dumped me. Can you see me bleeding? Would you care for saving a life please?”
Even he picked up a funeral card, and drew a heart with his own handwriting on the card next to the black roses. It is blackmailing…
Dexter told me my ex tried to come to my building, and he did not let him in another day. Dexter told me my ex did not look good at all.

Now my ex is not only cheater, but drunk, low, lost, and perfectly a drama king. It is just pathetic.
I handed the flowers to Dexter and came upstairs.
Where did the man whom I loved so much with my full heart go?
I wonder how low he can go further. It is scary, and I am disturbed deeply. Is his behavior normal or way off? I am not sure...

Everyone, I need your opinion on this again... thanks... and sigh...

Things look different when the blinders are off.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Things look different when the blinders are off.

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TAL,
It is very scary when I realize I even did not know this person very well for 1.5 years.
Are we all blinded when we are in love? If then, love is bliss and curse... I should be very careful when I start to date again in future... thanks for your reply. Have a good weekend!

Yes, we are very blind when we are in love. I remember my ex turned out to be a different person when we broke up. She turned out a crasy alcoholic and she used my weakness to control me. I knew her for 6 years and dated 3.
You should be very careful about who you date next time AND you should take your time. Enjoy being alone, I know I am. If they are not patient, that just shows you their own character.
Don't let him control you of that sort, you are not giving in, this is why he is feeling at a loss, TRUST ME. I gave in and well, I have still huge scars I need to heal from.

Rebecca, I just read your post re the pathetic flowers he had delivered to your doorman, its sounds like he s losing the plot and I agree with you you didn't know him-you saw what he allowed you to see.
Continue to take good care of yourself.

Hey rebecca,althougth I have not posted on your thread for sometime I have been following reading the posts.

I'm not quite sure if anyone else is picking up the movements of your ex to contact you,but my alarm bells are going off after reading the last few posts.

1. he is getting people to talk to you on his behalf.
2. he is sending flowers with black ribbons.
3. he seems convinced from your posts that he and you should be together.
4. your own alarm bells are going off with his behaviour.

Don't ignore this rebecca.. I certainly don't wish to alarm you,but just be careful.

If he becomes more persistent and you get afraid perhaps speaking to the police may be in order..

I know how extreme that sounds, but if he is starting to obsess about you some sort of barring order or protection order may be called for.

Perhaps I'm over reacting.

I agree Red, no telling how far he will take this. Staying alert would be wise.

Rebecca,

Again, I don't want to scare you, but other than losing you, so far your ex hasn't suffered any consequences. He still believes he will get you back by continuing to harass you. It sounds like you work for a law firm as you have mentioned the lawyers at work. Have you considered speaking to them? It seems that a letter from a lawyer is warranted here, to put it on record that you consider this to be harassment and it will not be tolerated. You should not have to live with this anxiety.

Harassment is a crime. It can refer to the actions of a person who is repeatedly sending you threatening letters, calling you on the phone, or repeatedly sending you unwanted gifts. It can also involve behavior such as following you, watching you, and coming to your place of work or home. This behavior is commonly referred to as "stalking". He is trying to prove his “love” for you, but it is making you uneasy. It is not necessary that the harasser intend for the conduct to produce feelings of fear or intimidation in the victim, only that the harasser has reason to know that the conduct would cause such feelings. A warning from an attorney will show proof of this. This has been going on for 3 weeks now, and his efforts do not seem to be lessening.

Had to spread the rep j-lo, but excellent advice.

The only thing I will add to Just Looking's advice is to have one of the lawyers other than Will send the notice/letter. Since Will has expressed a personal interest in you and showed up at your building, it might lessen his effectiveness in this matter.

Also, be honest with Dexter that Mr. Ex is getting worse and you are concerned about his actions. Since Dexter has had interactions with him outside of his Doorman duties, I am a bit concerned that he might not be seeing the seriousness of Mr. Ex's behavior. Though this latest floral arrangement might have shaken him, too. Dexter is also one of your first lines of defense.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Yes, we are very blind when we are in love. I remember my ex turned out to be a different person when we broke up. She turned out a crasy alcoholic and she used my weakness to control me. I knew her for 6 years and dated 3.
You should be very careful about who you date next time AND you should take your time. Enjoy being alone, I know I am. If they are not patient, that just shows you their own character.
Don't let him control you of that sort, you are not giving in, this is why he is feeling at a loss, TRUST ME. I gave in and well, I have still huge scars I need to heal from.

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Paxe, tal, you are ritght. Things look totally different now...

The man I loved:
1) Confident
2) Charismatic
3) Determined
4) Successful
5) Focused
6) Proud
7) Decent

The same man, but now I found as EX
1) Cheater
2) Pathetic
3) Liar
4) Self pity
5) Self-destructive
6) Stalking
7) Childish
8) Blackmailing
9) Regretful
10) Weak
11) Drama King