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Originally Posted by talaniman

Dude, you have to have someone who wants what you want, and is willing to work with you to get it. Your going down one path, and your partners are on another. That never works.

Your plans look good on paper, but are unrealistic. Its like buying a car and not knowing how to drive, you make mistakes, and tear the car up before you get the skills to make it go smoothly, to where you want it.

I think you should slowdown with relationships for a while, and just have fun making friends, and dating. You need those social skills, so you know how to pick the right partner, and not think you can make one from just any body.

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I had talk to her about both things, and she understood and agreed with me, she was excited and getting a house, and getting through college. What I didn't talk to her about was where the house might be, how much it was, or when we would be getting it.

As for future relationships, heck I don't know, I'm 22(in 8 days) I never look for serious relationship before, I always seemed to fall into them, as more time past and it becomes more serious.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

i understand that, i don't not believe i ignored her, but i didn't spend every waking second focusing on her

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And you shouldn't.
You seem like a very focused person and that is good but you need to learn to enjoy life.
Perhaps you were focusing on things that she just didn't care about. You were certainly doing things she didn't even know about. Sounds to me like you have a control thing going on as well. Maybe you were so focused on your plans, you were ignoring her and did not realize it.
I think as a 20 year old young lady, she just was not on the same page you are on and that is not to say that's wrong, you two are just not on the same page.
Now it's time for you to let this go and move on.

I think you are too intense, you need to chill a bit. How about making plans for YOUR life, just you. Stay out of relationships for a while. Focus on you.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you are too intense, you need to chill a bit. How about making plans for YOUR life, just you. Stay out of relationships for a while. Focus on you.

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Too intense?

I would like to date, but nothing serious. Just go and have fun

Then do that.
Let her go and have fun. It only gets serious when you let it get that way.

I'm not sure dating is the most viable option for you right now... I would stick to just hanging with friends and having a good time. Ordinarily, after a rough break up, you want to give yourself some time in between dating to get to know yourself and what makes you happy, before you jump into dating, regardless of whether you take it seriously or not.

You can have "fun" without going on dates. Becareful not to fall into the trap of bringing emotional baggage into another person's life.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I'm not sure dating is the most viable option for you right now...I would stick to just hanging with friends and having a good time. Ordinarily, after a rough break up, you want to give yourself some time in between dating to get to know yourself and what makes you happy, before you jump into dating, regardless of whether you take it seriously or not.

You can have "fun" without going on dates. Becareful not to fall into the trap of bringing emotional baggage into another person's life.

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I didn't mean right now. I don't want a rebound girl, that isn't fair to her or me.

You are talking a lot of "what ifs" man. Right now, this is what I want you to do. Go and find a hobby, something that will occupy at least an hour and a half of your time a day. Then I also want you to go and buy and bag of pens, and a notebook. Each day, I want you to put one entry in that notebook about how you are feeling that day. Good or bad, always write in it and date it. Anything you wish to say to her through a phone call or text, do it in there. Then in ONE month, go back and read the first 3 entries and the last 3 entries, see how far you have come.

Don't worry about women right now. You just lost the love of your life. Now you need to experience what life has to offer on your own for a while. Let all of this emotional turmoil settle and go out and have fun. Trust me, no matter how bad things are, fun distracts ALWAYS take your mind off the bad things for a little while.

Also, since you seemed stressed out, try joining a gym. Exercise relieves stress, PLUS, there are women at gyms... scantily clad ones. That certainly passes the time for me for about 1-2 hours a day. After you're done exercising, you will feel great. This also goes for other gym memebers. I find the people at my gyms are pretty friendly... even the women.

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

Don't worry about women right now. You just lost the love of your life. Now you need to experience what life has to offer on your own for a while. Let all of this emotional turmoil settle and go out and have fun. Trust me, no matter how bad things are, fun distracts ALWAYS take your mind off the bad things for a little while.

Also, since you seemed stressed out, try joining a gym. Exercise relieves stress, PLUS, there are women at gyms....scantily clad ones. That certainly passes the time for me for about 1-2 hours a day. After you're done exercising, you will feel great. This also goes for other gym memebers. I find the people at my gyms are pretty friendly...even the women.

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Yeah, I have been working out on my gym at home. As for doing fun thing I like going hiking/rock climbing. After that I don't really care what is going on in the world, cause I'm beat from doing that for 8-10 hrs.

Bad to say but one of my biggest hobbies is computer, since I'm in the IT field.

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I never look for serious relationship before, I always seemed to fall into them, as more time past and it becomes more serious.

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Darn if that doesn't happen to us all. Once you have sex, your both hooked. Until the lust fades. Then the stuff hits the fan!

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after that I don't really care what is going on in the world, cause I'm beat from doing that for 8-10 hrs.

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Then that is EXACTLY what you need. You need to do something that makes you not care what is going on for a little while to keep your mind off her and elevate your mood for a while.

You need to get out and stop dwelling on things. I'll tell you what... for the next month, do not turn down ANY social invitations (unless you absolutely have to) from any of your friends. Go out or hang out with some friends at least 4 times a week. Then come back and tell us how you feel...

Tal:

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Darn if that doesn't happen to us all. Once you have sex, your both hooked. Until the lust fades. Then the stuff hits the fan!

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After lust... that's when you really know what you have.

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next month, do not turn down ANY social invitations (unless you absolutely have to) from any of your friends. Go out or hang out with some friends at least 4 times a week. Then come back and tell us how you feel...

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That's exactly how I got through being dumped, back in the day.

Smile at the goods, laugh at the bads

Day 15,

It's gotten better, I have been hanging out with my cousin for the most part. And listening to his situation, though it doesn't take my mind off mine, it gives me a problem to solve and help him through the stages that I have gone through. His is recent, and he will finally be away from her in 2 days. ( I never thought I would he this close to him, we never really talk when we were younger) anyhow it feels good to be able to hang out with someone going through the same thing. I have take a lot of the advice all of you have given me and passed it to him. Thanks again for all the great advice, I will be back in a couple days to give an update on my situation

Group therapy is the best. That's why this website helps! Everyone on here has, or is, going through the same thing.

I'm glad to hear you're not dwelling anymore. The more you help your cousin, the more it will help you.

Day #---

So I took my cousin hiking with me yesterday, 9 mile hike burned off a lot of stress, and was able to take his mind off his situation, though for some reason it didn't help me distract my mind. I felt that I had 10 steps forwards, now I feel like I just took 40 backwards.

I'm back to not sleeping. For eating, I never have time, I'm running constantly, which is probably part of my sleep problem. I wouldn't wish this on an enemy, I'd rather go back in time and go through my 3 surgies, that was less painful and scary

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

day #---
i felt that i had 10 steps forwards, now i feel like i just took 40 backwards.

i'm back to not sleeping. for eating, i never have time, i'm running constantly, which is probably part of my sleep problem. i wouldn't wish this on an enemy, i'd rather go back in time and go thru my 3 surgies, that was less painful and scary

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AKeagle,
I have been there years ago, and I know exactly how you feel... It is miserable, and that is what is about break-up. I could not eat or sleep, did not want to breath, and I did not care about anything around me include my job... I was lost and actually hate myself without any reasons. I dragged myself to work, but could not focus on anything.

HOWEVER, manage yourself with DIGNITY. DO NOT contact your ex girlfriend. If you do, you will regret more in future, and feel ashamed.

The healing process have multiple steps, and you feel worse now because your mind is finally accepting your loss after the initial shock & anger. It is very natural, and you should feel empty. I felt more miserable by the fact that I miss (instead of hate) my ex who put me in the great pain. Life seemed unfair to me, since the ex is getting more power over the break up while I miss the person, and the innocent person is suffering alone in pain.

HOWEVER, do not worry. It will pass, and you will be rewarded. Your ex did a good thing for you actually. You should be happy since you are single, and entitled to search your REAL soul mate instead of settling down with less. I found my soul mate and am happily married now.

You need some sleep to function. In my experience, the anti anxiety pill helped me to relax & sleep, and you need doctor's prescription.

Be strong!

It's all part of the healing process, but you will soon feel better. Try to do whatever you are doing and not reminiscing about the past. Change the subject with your cousin, see other people...

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

That's EXACTLY what I am saying. My ex would call me everyday after the break up, every night it would be the same story "I don't know if this is what I want, but it feels right" And then apologizing for hurting me.

After a week of these mind games, I deleted her number, myspace and everything that I had up about her. For every picture I had on my wall, a new motivational quote when up in it's place. I got into the gym, got toned and bigger. Felt good about myself, kept going NC, even worked with her and for 5 months, no talking. I met a terrific woman, got engaged and are now to be wed on June 26 2010.

My ex, still calls occasionally asking for another chance. I have learned that the past is that, a sunken old ship. No matter how many times you raise it, it will still sink and never be the same again.

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Wow, that is a nice outcome. Was the new woman better than your EX?

How long after she broke up with you that your EX wants you back?