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Originally Posted by snow124

She's the girl of your dreams...but...

If she was, there wouldn't be a but.

My ex was perfect for me except for the fact that she slept with someone else. Losing her still hurts terribly but I realize it wasn't right.

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What wasn't right?

We got back together after a break during which she had cheated on me and lied to me about it. I couldn't get past my bitterness and sense of entitlement, and she just wasn't interested in me as she once was. She said she felt that she was forcing herself. And I know I didn't feel the same way about her after she let another guy enter the picture... hate to say it, but you probably won't either. I miss her, but not the her that she was since things went wrong.

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Originally Posted by snow124

We got back together after a break during which she had cheated on me and lied to me about it. I couldn't get past my bitterness and sense of entitlement, and she just wasn't interested in me as she once was. She said she felt that she was forcing herself. And I know I didn't feel the same way about her after she let another guy enter the picture...hate to say it, but you probably won't either. I miss her, but not the her that she was since things went wrong.

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Yah true that. I won't ever be able to forgive her for cheating on me. I'm not that type of person. I want someone that can stay true no matter what.

Remind yourself of that when you want to contact her. Eventually, it'll sound less like you're just telling yourself that and more like the truth.

Do you guys know usually how long of NC would you need before you can completely move on and heal?

There's really no answer for that... in one of those FAQs it estimates 2 months per year of the relationship, no idea how accurate that is.

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Originally Posted by snow124

There's really no answer for that...in one of those FAQs it estimates 2 months per year of the relationship, no idea how accurate that is.

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okies snow =P yah NC is getting hard. At times it feels hard and at times not so hard. Have you did NC before? Howd it go? O_O

Doing it now after a three-year relationship... three days, contacted her the first day to discuss joint accounts. I'm doing all right but I had a trial run of it during our "break" in December/January.

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Originally Posted by none12345

omg survivor how do you know im listening to sappy love songs? >_< lol

okies ill keep NC till i get home. How do i reward myself? O_O

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Because love songs always drone on and on about fighting for your love, blah, blah, puke, puke.

Real life isn't like that. Listening to the love songs is okay for a while, but there comes a time where you draw the line. If the song reminds you of her, makes you sad, turn it off!

And on rewarding yourself... well, what do you like? If it were me, I'd buy a new CD, a new outfit, get my hair done... go out for a night with friends... have a one night stand... (kidding, but that might work lol).

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Originally Posted by snow124

Doing it now after a three-year relationship...three days, contacted her the first day to discuss joint accounts. I'm doing alright but I had a trial run of it during our "break" in December/January.

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Oh how have you been keeping? How long have you been in NC?

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Originally Posted by Survivor07

Because love songs always drone on and on about fighting for your love, blah, blah, puke, puke.

Real life isn't like that. Listening to the love songs is okay for a while, but there comes a time where you draw the line. If the song reminds you of her, makes you sad, turn it off!

And on rewarding yourself....well, what do you like? If it were me, I'd buy a new CD, a new outfit, get my hair done...go out for a night with friends...have a one night stand...(kidding, but that might work lol).

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yah... listening to the songs make me sad and makes me want to fight for love. I keep thinking in the end if I fight for it, I would have that happy ending that I want but I don't think its going to happen anymore not with her. I can't trust her anymorez. She threw it all away to be with another guy...

But yah I have plans for the summer, work, start up a band, work on some music, change my hair style, drinking with they guys so yup I guess I'm going to do that =P

The heart pains are starting again I don't know why... I seem okay but why is my heart hurting. I guess I still have feelings for this girl... why is it this hard? Why can't I just forget about her?

Because it's not as easy as simply forgetting about her. Moving on and forgetting are not the same thing.

Snowflake makes an excellent point. You will never forget her, but coping with that memory is the goal. Its more about you having a plan to deal with those feelings, when you have them than trying to suppress them.

So what do you do when you have those feelings? Do you get up and get busy with something? You should.

Guys I'm still keeping strong and still in NC haven't broken it yet. It gets harder the longer you keep NCing and I feel upset with the thought that my ex with another guy right now so fast after we broke up... I'm trying to keep busy but it still hurts I don't know why...

What I did for this girl?

-i took the bus 200 miles to her and 200 miles back 3 times?
-and once I got robbed in detroit while waiting for the bus.
-i came to this school because it was closer to her
-i spent most of my time with her
-the phone bills were so much because she kept texting me and talking to me
-spent money on hotels so we can have our special night
-i waited at the bus station for 12 hours that's when she could see me
-i bought her gifts from my home town
-wrote her love letters
-slept outside because I had to wait for the bus
-ran in the rain to get her a cd of her fav band
-took her to her favourite restraurant all the time when we see each other
-did all the stuff a boyfriend was supposed to

Only for her to leave me... for another guy without hesitation

Hi None,

You were a great boyfriend to her, and cleary it is her loss. I hope you see that. You WILL find someone who you can give your love to again, but this time, the woman will love you back and treat you with respect. Keep looking forward to that. She is out there.

That list tells me that you made her life, your life. You did everything for her, and nothing for yourself. You lost yourself in this relationship and became someone she was not attracted to. You lost your individuality that drew her to you in the beginning.

You must now work toward getting that individuality back by building a life of things that you find interesting and that you love. When you get yourself back to the point where you were before you met your ex, someone a lot more special will come along. Just remember to maintain your own life and individuality when the next person comes along.

Use what you have learned and experienced in this relationship as a way to make your next relationship that much better.

As far as how I am doing at this point of my own healing process... I'm doing pretty good. I still have some down days here and there (very few). The thoughts that I have about her are only fleeting at best. I'm not angry about anything that happened, anymore. I think I have got to the point where I can say I finally let go, but not to the point of being able to see or talk to her. That will require much more time, before I could forge any sort of "friendship". Honestly as much as I would like to be friends, I don't know if I could because I don't think the feelings of true love you have for someone ever go away.

I am going out with friends and making attempts to meet new people. The only thing is, all of this going out and partying are wearing me out. I need a vacation, so I'm heading down to Florida next week with my family. It will be a welcome retreat from everything.

Keep up the good work, soon enough you will be at the point where me and many of the other posters on here are.

have fun in Florida =P. I'm going home in a couple of weeks for the summer when school is done. Can't wait either. Anyway yah I've been in NC for almost 3 weeks now and I don't think I will ever be friends with her. I'm gone from her life now completely. Sometimes I still feel confused but I'm more reassured. I don't want to fight for her anymore or wait around for her, its not worth it.

So guys week 3 of NC. It got easier than it got harder but I've come to realize it will never work out with her and I can't be with her anymore... yet I still have feelings for her and I would want to be with her if things could be different but I know they can't be. I still find myself left thinking abut her... I really don't know what to do now. Any suggestions? Something that you guys haven't told me yet. What's next?