Lol @ sophie: :) see, I'm not a bad guy! Just someone that knows what he wants, and is willing to work for someone I think is worth it... trust me, I'm not a jealous guy or overprotective... but thank for your wishes :) take care!

Maria: thanks for the advice... I agree that I won't call tmrw... she "worked" today and called... I shouldn't be too hasty... take it slow and easy and enjoy myself, then make the best of the times we talk or see each other... ur a smart one, your boyfriend is a lucky guy ;) hehehe

We'll see if he realizes that... told you went through the same thing...

But I kind of know what works... hahaha so I'm using my advantage to help u. ;)~~

But u know mostly what to do... ur a smart one too, and she's also lucky! Thanks

Well u know what they say, "great minds think alike" ;)

When u post a question, I'll be sure to post my two cents and try to help :) see you

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

lol @ sophie: :) see, im not a bad guy! just someone that knows what he wants, and is willing to work for someone i think is worth it...trust me, im not a jealous guy or overprotective...but thank for ur wishes :) take care!

maria: thanks for the advice...i agree that i wont call tmrw...she "worked" today and called...i shouldnt be too hasty...take it slow and easy and enjoy myself, then make the best of the times we talk or see each other...ur a smart one, ur bf is a lucky guy ;) hehehe

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You want your girl back, and I really wish you can get her back. But may I ask you this:

Do you call it a "success" if you get your girl back by influencing her thoughts, by being manipulative, etc? Let suppose you will get her back. What then? Who may say she will not reevaluate her "decision" influenced by you?
Anyway, as I see, you didn't came here for advice. We have heard these kind of situations a million times, and all of them ended the bad way. I was in your shoes before 1 year. I tried everything you are trying. Even the "balancing" strategy, like you want to call it. You may read my posts too, if you want. I came here, and to be sincere, I was not looking for people who will tell me to move on, to go nc, or whatever. I came here to speak, I came here to find people who will have the same thoughts like me. People like talaniman, cherry, etc, told me to stop doing what I was doing. But I didn't. Now my ex lies somewhere else, but not in my arms. Not that they told me to go nc, so that I can get her back. But how to get myself back and save myself from all that pain. Is this what you want? To "fight" for something, loose, have more headache, and in the end, tell yourself: I should have gone nc? I hope not. But anyway, everyone chooses his own path. In a friendly way, I suggest you to ready the following posts.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...187766-13.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post774551

I always like hearing from you because I can tell that you say things with truth and experience... thanks, I'm going to read the posts now

And the questions you asked me, of course I think about them.. that is why after we finished making out yesterday, I was left with a confused look and thinking "what the fcuk just happened? and what does it mean?".. but taking it easy, step by step

But I think by using words like "manipulating" and "influence", your making me look like a bad person... the way I see it is, I love this girl, I love what we had and can have, I feel that it ended before its time... I rarely fall for a girl, but when I do, I do with all my heart

I told her yesterday, if you want me stop calling u, tell me... if you want me to get out of your life, tell me, and I'll gladly do it, because I don't want to put pressure on u, and because I don't want to cause problems between you and your boyfriend.. I told her that I'm trying to move on, etc. and I do give her space also.. I really mean it when I tell her I want you to be happy even if its not with me

I'm sorry, but if I wanted to be manipulative, I could have played a dirty game... and pressured her, and told her what do you want with your boyfriend, he is probably cheating on you in ukraine, long distance never works, etc... so many things I could have said or done, but I never take the low road

I told her straight... I care about u, I loved what we had, if you want to get back its cool... if not, its cool too... and she knows I mean it, because she knows I love single life...

So I give her space.. if she calls, I call... its a give and take...

The moment I feel I'm doing all the work, and she has lost interest, trust me, matteus, I will stop following her and go back to partying... I'll even go to albania and party with u! :)

I'm going to read your posts now.. take care

Where to begin. Your not going to believe this, but having seen this plot used millions of times, let me ask you a question. Knowing exactly how you feel about her, why would she throw you a bone? Is that because she has feelings, for you that surged to the front, and she couldn't help herself?? Or is she keeping you close?

Sorry guy, running over to her place, and letting her play kissy face is something, you'll reget. Take some time, real time to back off, and let the emotional dust get out of your eyes, and see whare you really stand. She is calling every shot, and you are only reacting. You should be highly upset at this point, not smitten.

I know, what does a dusty old guy know of love, and females, and your unique situation?

Read the other posts of guys who sound just like you do, and learn from them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

im sorry, but if i wanted to be manipulative, i could have played a dirty game...and pressured her, and told her what do u want with ur bf, he is probably cheating on u in ukraine, long distance never works, etc...so many things i could have said or done, but i never take the low road

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Hold on are you saying she is still with the guy?

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can't put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn't come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..

----> true... I know what single life is like, now I'm in the phase where I want to be in a serious relationship again, so to me she is worth it... but of course, still not having high expectations and trying to be realistic

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

---> I agree.. but this advice is for the "wussies" as you call them.. the ones that cry and stalk and call everyday begging... I was never that guy.. from the first minute she told me she realized she still had feelings for her ex, I wished her the best, appreciate your honesty, take care, and went NC

All in all, it's typically a lot easier to just get on with your life and start dating other woman than it is to try to get a woman back.

--> of course its easier, buanyone can date a woman, but not what I want now...

3. Pining away over the woman for weeks, months, or even years after the fact. Too many guys (and women) will just sit around hoping that their relationship "fixes itself". This creates all kinds of negative emotional states, unrealistic expectations, and strange vibes when you do communicate with the ex.

---> I have to watch out for this... its only been 3 weeks... the moment I see it taking too long or she lost interest, I will bow out gracefully and party with you in albania, or we party here in dubai!

And never forget the power of jealousy. You are not trying to play any tricks in here by going on with your life. It's the ex who sees you and your reactions as a challenge. If your ex learns that you're getting on with your life and seeing other people, she's FAR more likely to take a renewed interest in you.

---> true, she sees me moving on, I told her I'm moving on and trying to forget her, she knows how much I love single life.. so the jealousy is there

Just like when you meet an attractive woman who's used to getting a lot of attention from men... you must GIVE HER THE SPACE TO MISS YOU. You need to get on with your life, don't call often, play "hard to get", tease her and have fun, and let her know that
You're dating other people and moving forward to enjoy your life.

----> that's what I'm doing.. being friendly but flirtatious... teasing, etc... I let her miss me for about a week, then either she calls or I call, and we have this "fun" that gets attraction

By the way, I honestly believe that women can tell ALMOST INSTANTLY if you're the kind of man that she's going to feel ATTRACTION for.
How?
By the way you look at her, the way you hold yourself, the way you speak to her, and kinds of things you say.

--> I'm pretty good at that ;)

You give yourself a second chance to be happy again (by going on with your life)!! And in the same time you give yourself "a second chance" with your ex, by letting them know that you aren't feeling down as they thought you will, and they may see you as a challenge after that. Is this a game? I don't think so. They wanted out, and you are letting them go out. Why should you act like you don't like their decision? They already knew you won't like their decision, before leaving you. There is no need to chase them, or beg them to stay, as it won't change nothing for better. Neither being rude to them. You act like yourself, and respect their decision. Do you feel happy? Sure. A little down, but you have to tell yourself this: No one can make you happy, but you! No one can take care of you, but you!

---> didn't beg, she sees me happy and not wussy, she knows I'm cool with whatever she chooses... all I'm saying is I'm OK without u, but prefer to be with u.. and that's how I'm "balancing"

But I have to agree... u seem like you have a lot of experience and people trust your advices... I will always appreciate your posts to my question...

I am going to have to disagree to that wussy statement. Because someone cry's over being heart broken does not mean they are a wussy. Instead they are human, to be cold would mean your not human. I am afraid regardless to what everyone has said you will continue to feel you are the one in a million exception. In which I hope you are for your well being.

Honestly... I think what happened yesterday was a surge of feelings that culminated into us making out.. happens to the best of us... but this proves that she still loves me, but is still confused... no way do I believe that what happened yetserday was us getting back... im still being realistic... all I said was that it was a step in the right direction

When all you people where telling me to go FULL NC, get out, save yourself, etc, forget about her, I was with her on the phone yesterday for 1.5hrs, she finally said she loved me, and wanted to kiss me, even when I was trying to cut the conversation short...

My friend, how is he calling all the shots? I went NC, she called... she called today... I messaged her last time, she called... she said she wants to kiss me... the way I see it is I have some control too! She called to say I still have feelings for the ex, lets take it easy/break up, but last night it was like the good ol' days... ur saying that was all her? Come on, cut me some friggin slack :)

Again, I'm not smitten, I'm satisfied, but not out of the woods yet.. and still not high expectations

I don't think your old man! :) I appreciate your honesty.. really

As for juggalo: if you read from the beginning, he was out of the pic physically the whole time we were together, but when she was feeling pressure at work she contacted him and realized there is still smthg there... but he still lives in ukraine and not with us in dubai

I never called anyone a wussy... the other people did... I respect any way someone reacts... I just reacted in the reverse psychology way.. take care

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

honestly...i think what happened yesterday was a surge of feelings that culminated into us making out..happens to the best of us....but this proves that she still loves me, but is still confused...no way do i believe that what happened yetserday was us getting back...im still being realistic...all i said was that it was a step in the right direction

when all u ppl where telling me to go FULL NC, get out, save urself, etc, forget about her, i was with her on the phone yesterday for 1.5hrs, she finally said she loved me, and wanted to kiss me, even when i was trying to cut the convo short...

my friend, how is he calling all the shots? i went NC, she called...she called today...i messaged her last time, she called...she said she wants to kiss me...the way i see it is i have some control too! she called to say i still have feelings for the ex, lets take it easy/break up, but last night it was like the good ol' days...ur saying that was all her?! come on, cut me some friggin slack :)

again, im not smitten, im satisfied, but not out of the woods yet..and still not high expectations

i dont think ur old man! :) i appreciate ur honesty..really

as for juggalo: if u read from the beginning, he was out of the pic physically the whole time we were together, but when she ws feeling pressure at work she contacted him and realized there is still smthg there...but he still lives in ukraine and not with us in dubai

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No. Just no.

She doesn't know who she wants. She doesn't love you; if she did, there wouldn't be any "omfg! I love my ex of 10 years! I love you too!" If you think clearly about it, you're in a lose-lose situation here. Even if you get her, what are you going to prove yourself? Ability to be very independent and enough income to support you and her? Enough to last few months in case you or her get laid off from work? Ability to be commited?

After 19 reptitive posts, you keep rebutting your same argument which is a bit irritating and trite. We told you to go NC, you refused to do so.. she calls you, you pick up.
We told you to stop contacting her at all, you two meet up.
We told you to consider "friends", you argue that she loves you.

The real questions are:
Why does you love her?
Why does she love you?
How are you sure she's the one female?

By the looks of this, you only want to hear THE USERS WHO AGREE WITH YOU, NOT CRITICIZE OR DISAGREE WITH YOU. I'm fine with that cause it's not my problem...

If you lived in US, I'd recommend some dating books....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

i always like hearing from u because i can tell that u say things with truth and experience...thanks, im gonna read the posts now

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That is what people in here have to offer. Not just some theoretical phrases, be it "NC" or not, be it "move on" or not. Not any pieces of the content of a "How to get your ex back" e-book. Its our experience.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

and the questions u asked me, of course i think about them..that is why after we finished making out yesterday, i was left with a confused look and thinking "what the fcuk just happened? and what does it mean?"..but taking it easy, step by step

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As I told you, I did everything you are doing right now. And is funny, because we have both the same stories. An ex in the picture, rebound, etc. She was with him for 6 years, and I was with her for like 2 years. And no matter what, in the end they always go back! But I didn't knew it before. Than one day I really asked myself the same question I made you. I understood that that was not the right way. You can't do anything to get someone back. People do not loose. They come or go by her own choice. The only way is by manipulating. If you do, "its not fair" and is dangerous, because one day, that someone will understand. And you will have the same results. The only way is to win them back, but you are far away from that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

but i think by using words like "manipulating" and "influence", ur making me look liek a bad person...

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No, you shouldn't feel like that. We all want to have something, and we will use everything we know and have learned, to get it back. But someone is not a thing. Again, you are not wanting to win her back, but get her back, and that is a difference.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

the way i see it is, i love this girl, i love what we had and can have, i feel that it ended before its time...i rarely fall for a girl, but when i do, i do with all my heart

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Common words, sorry.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

i told her yesterday, if u want me stop calling u, tell me...if u want me to get out of ur life, tell me, and i'll gladly do it, bc i dont want to put pressure on u, and bc i dont want to cause problems between u and ur bf..

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1. Never ever ask a girl what to do. Never wait for her approval. Be more decisive, and as a result, you will be more attractive in her eyes.

2. You can't ask someone if they want you to leave. What are you expecting? Her to tell you YES?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

i really mean it when i tell her i want u to be happy even if its not with me

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1. Who is saying the opposite? But as I told you, these are common words.
2. What are you expecting here ? Her to tell you "OK than, let me be happy?", or "I want to be happy with you?" You don't need her approval!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

im sorry, but if i wanted to be manipulative, i could have played a dirty game...and pressured her, and told her what do u want with ur bf, he is probably cheating on u in ukraine, long distance never works, etc...so many things i could have said or done, but i never take the low road

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That is being desperate, not manipulative. Everyone knows the meaning after those words.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

i told her straight...i care about u, i loved what we had, if u want to get back its cool...if not, its cool too...and she knows i mean it, bc she knows i love single life...

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1. No, she doesn't know. Because you are not giving her any sign that you like your single life...
2. These kind of conversations from your part are tendentious. Still, saying these kind of words like "if you want ok, if you dont still ok" are provocative and they do influence one's mind and thoughts. Stop.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

so i give her space..if she calls, i call...its a give and take...

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You have given too much during your relation. Now its not the case. Only if the girl wants too. And she will let you know. Stop asking yourself and killing yourself with questions like "what to do, what is the next step, etc". And live your life without her now.

There is a saying. Its better to life your life with your girl around, and not your life around the girl!

Take care

Your last post sounded rational to me. You seem to be the man with the plan and I wish you lotsa luck!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

If you lived in dubai, I would recommend some "how to get ur ex back" books ;)

Bro, I do appreciate your posts... but what do you mean why do we love each other? Why do any couple love each other?

I fell for her even though she was not fully over her ex of 10 yrs, and she fell for me at a time when she wasn't expecting to fall for another guy so soon... those are just the cards we were dealt

Who said that I'm getting her back to prove smthg? I want her back for the obvious reasons.. trust me, its not to prove anything

My question is, if I went NC and didn't answer her calls like you all said, where would I be now? We would probably still not be talking... and how would that help someone who wants to get back with his ex?

But if you ask any guy that wants his ex back, would you rather go full NC and hope she comes back, or do the "balance NC" and have a shot of getting her back; see what he says

I do listen to all your posts, but in the end I do what I feel my situation requires... if you guys want to wish me luck or not is up to u... I come here to get advice and talk to some neutral people, not to be told what to do

Matteus: I agree with you that my chances might be low, but I'm still lwilling to try.. dont like regret.. I never walk away if I know there is a chance of getting back.. and I always say, if I feel she is completely over me, then I will gracefully walk away

Yes, I want to "get" her back, not "win" her back

I wasn't asking her what to do, I was showing her I'm cool with or without her... dont make me sound like a "wussy"

She knows I love single life from before we were together, she knows my history.. and she has met girls that wanted me while we were together.. so she knows I'm fine either way (but prefer to be with her)

Thanks, take care

Thank u... "rational" and "fair" are much better words than "ur being manipulative" :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

if u lived in dubai, i would recommend some "how to get ur ex back" books ;)

bro, i do appreciate ur posts...but what do u mean why do we love each other?! why do any couple love each other?

i fell for her even though she was not fully over her ex of 10 yrs, and she fell for me at a time when she wasnt expecting to fall for another guy so soon...those are just the cards we were dealt

who said that im getting her back to prove smthg? i want her back for the obvious reasons..trust me, its not to prove anything

my question is, if i went NC and didnt answer her calls like u all said, where would i be now? we would probably still not be talking....and how would that help someone who wants to get back with his ex?

but if u ask any guy that wants his ex back, would u rather go full NC and hope she comes back, or do the "balance NC" and have a shot of getting her back; see what he says

i do listen to all ur posts, but in the end i do what i feel my situation requires...if u guys want to wish me luck or not is up to u...i come here to get advice and talk to some neutral ppl, not to be told what to do

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It is fairly simple.
Why pick this girl over 1 billion other girls?

What makes it sooooooooo special between the two of you?

Personally, going NC and not getting my ex back was the best thing to ever happen to me as I'm now engaged to the girl I met afterwards.

And for the record, my ex(after 5 months of NC) texted me asking if I missed her and if I wanted to give it a shot again.

hjpan: I don't know my friend... I don't know why its so special.. it just feels right.. I mean it was an amazing 4mnths, fell for her from the moment I met her, was on vacation partying and travelling, etc. but couldn't get her out of my mind... dont want to sound too sappy, so I'll leave it at that.. the important thing is that she knows why I think she is special, and she told me why she thinks I'm special.. u can't pick who you fall for

Rome: I'm happy for you bro.. wish you and your fiance' the best... but I don't want to generalize and say that I will get engaged to the next girl I meet if I go NC

And honestly, I don't want to wait 5 mnths seeing if she contacts... as long as it has still been only 3 weeks, and the feelings are still there, I'm going to try to work things out... if not, you guys will be the first to know, and hopefully I'll be drinking a toast at your wedding! :)

Take care all