Thanks for the information

The fact is, it is human nature to get very comfortable with someone, and dependent on that person, so when suddenly you are faced to go it alone, of course you're not going to go quietly. You act and do things that to someone else, you are insane. If you're a woman, you cry a lot, spned time with friends, and tell yourself that your ex is all to blame. If you're a man, you call, text, beg, grovel, whatever you can to get back together cause you really miss the convenience of the sex, and everything else. Ultimately, the woman has the advantage because most men will do anything for that little bit of pleasure that women provide. Women like the romantic happy ending in life, men like the uncomplicated, easy chase so they can concentrate on more important things like football, poker, and drinking with their buddies.

I really want me ex back is because:
1. she smells real good although she is not the prettiest
2. she is really understanding until the breakup that she kept to herself for so long
3. she's the kind of girl that if I love u, ill love you more
4. she kept our financial really strong with proper plan
5. she hang out with all my friends and I didn't really join her friends
6. I asked for break 4 times although I'm not serious and she endure that and call me back
7. I blamed myself for not treating her good but 1 thing I can't understand that why she can't sit down and we discuss over this after 4 years but she have a new guy right after we broke up.
8. she's not materialistic. We can't afford luxury and good food, she will understand.
9. gosh, I misses her and I love her.
10. I would definitely want her back if possible but I'm trying to move on.

2 serious relationships in my lifetime.. current one is still in dilema stage (although with great help from people here plan B is laying itself in place nicely) but once he is gone there is absolutely nothing that I'd like back from either.

Neither one made me feel like I was special. The first made me feel more like a welcome/exit mat and for 6 years I put up with 'alot' of physical and mental abuse, wish this place was around back then.

The current, is comfortable. Though I have lost my identity. I spent 4 years after my first relationship 'finding myself' again. Found it and then consequently lost it again because I was to happy to please my current. In doing so he had everything he wanted while I feel I've had nothing in return. Because on your 10th yr anniversary a hug saying 'cant believe we lasted this long' solidifies the love and devotion you've had for such person.

Perhaps one day I will find that someone who will make me feel like Im worthy. Then, god forbid it end, I'd then have something I could reminisce on as having an ex I wanted back.

I'm sorry but if they are an ex there is a reason for that so they can't be that amazing.. It is obviously feelings that are clouding your judgment to mislead you into 'idolising' them.. As time passes you will see that they are not that great... :)