Ask Me Help Desk - Rebound Boyfriend

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You're going back. You may or may not realize it but when you keep finding "reasons" to contact her it's just a confirmation you won't let go. I would send her a card and then do the whole No contact thing until your emotions become a lot more settled down and distant towards her. Otherwise you will keep this situation in perpetuity.

True that, but I haven't spoken to her in over a month and I figured it would be a nice gesture. And yes I am having a hard time letting her go.

I think it would be a bad idea. You still have not let go. You are still looking for ways to be in some kind of contact.

I agree. It is a bad idea. Let it go. Its only been a month and granted its her birthday but you are not in the right place yet to be contacting her for any reasons.

OK then that's cool, I won't contact her

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

ok then thats cool, I wont contact her

And don't contact her for a few more months.. you will find out that it gets easier and some of the advice we have been giving will sink in. And you don't even want to contact her any longer.

Keep in mind a wound won't heal if you keep picking at the scab constantly. And this is exactly like that.

Forget about her, find new friends and a new woman and you will find you suddenly not only let go, but you don't even care about her anymore. And then you have taken charge of your own life and your own happiness.

Answer this.

Please somebody help answer these questions for me, why my did my ex start dating a guy exactly one month after we broke up (we dated for 2 and half years) when she went away to college two hours away while he is here in town? How can you start a healthy relationship at a long distance when they see each other every couple weeks? Why do I feel the need to "check up on her" every couple days (checking her myspace)? Why can't I just let go, I have done everything to keep myself busy and I still think about her constantly, is it time or am I still doing something wrong? Should I hang on to hope or am I wasting my life? Somebody please help me out so I can better understand it.

Hottrodder, I emphasize with your situation. The feelings you have are normal reactions. You have not let go and sill care about her. You need need to cut her off, and continue focusing on yourself. She will come up in your mind, but you need to occupy your mind. My ex is on my mind, and at times it can be overwhelming. BUT I'm still here, you are still here. It will be OK.

Curiosity has gotten the best of you. You want to know what she's doing, who she's seeing. Why does it matter? Does finding out really make you feel better? Don't check up on her. It will only make the situation worse.

I will pass on advice that someone else gave me. If she has found someone else, it has no bearing on what kind of man you are, it only shows how weak she is. You are better than that, you are a caring guy and deserve better, someone who will appreciate you.

It will take time to heal. Time is going to tick away, and you are in control of what you do with the time. Do not put your life on hold, in hopes of her returning. You will only regret having that time past you by. Be strong and take each day at it comes. You will be OK. Feelings and states of consciousness are not permanent, they come and go.

Why do you keep asking the same questions? We have told you toforget her and move on SEVERAL times. Please stop starting new threads with the same old story!

Your were blinded by the light and you'll see it slowly vanish in time. Just let her image recede and try not to feel like crap because it's taking so long. If you must think about her try to mix "the good the bad and the ugly" and never focus on just the good stuff. Hard for you to believe this but some day you'll thank the stars she's not around and you'll be with a much better person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by needofhelp

Hottrodder, I emphasize with your situation. The feelings you have are normal reactions. You have not let go and sill care about her. You need need to cut her off, and continue focusing on yourself. She will come up in your mind, but you need to occupy your mind. My ex is on my mind, and at times it can be overwhelming. BUT I'm still here, you are still here. It will be ok.

Curiosity has gotten the best of you. You want to know what she's doing, who she's seeing. Why does it matter? Does finding out really make you feel better? Don't check up on her. It will only make the situation worse.

I will pass on advice that someone else gave me. If she has found someone else, it has no bearing on what kind of man you are, it only shows how weak she is. You are better than that, you are a caring guy and deserve better, someone who will appreciate you.

It will take time to heal. Time is going to tick away, and you are in control of what you do with the time. Do not put your life on hold, in hopes of her returning. You will only regret having that time past you by. Be strong and take each day at it comes. You will be ok. Feelings and states of consciousness are not permanent, they come and go.

Yea I agree with everything you said, she is weak, she couldn't be alone, as soon as we broke up she ran to him. I don't want to be with a weak person.