Okay never thought I'd do this, but hey here I am!

My girlfriend broke up with me after 4.5 years and I'm really heartbroken.
She told me she has doubts about our future, even though she told me 2 days ago that she loves me so much, want to live together and be with me forever! BAM! 4 days later and she's like I've doubts about the future. I don't know what to do. You should give me some time. I really love you so much and I really miss you like crazy. But you need to give me some time, maybe we could be together in the future.

This was 5 days ago. We've spoken to each other many times still. We even kissed one day! Short little kiss, but we enjoyed it. We even held a powernap together, holding hands and giving each other kisses on the cheeks. And she loved it! But she refuses to come back with me. So I probably should go NC, but I find it really hard to do!

I don't know why but I always end up calling her (I've read the stickies about NC). We cry together, she tells me she loves me but don't want to be with me AT THE MOMENT.

I went out yesterday and guess what, she was there too! We gave each other a great hug and we both loved it. Our eyes glinted and she said I love you so much. Then I had to go, cause we were both out with friends and couldn't stand together all freaking night.

Now when I read what I've written I know what to do. Probably go NC. But I really wanted to tell my story to the people on here and I hope you could give me some advice (about being strong and that everything would be all right. I know it sounds stupid but I'm really down and out

Thanks in advance, and sorry for my bad English lol!

You should give her time... I know how it feels... even my boyfriend is always busy with his job... it hurts a lot... you should understand her problems and feelings... just talk to her and try to sort out evrything... she loves you and I am sure about it...

Yes, go NC -- not to get her back, but for you to heal and be able to move forward (and not keep spinning your wheels). We want YOU to be the best you can be. And we'll be here if you need someone to talk to.

Thank you for making me feel so at home right from the beginning and the fast reactions :)
It is just so hard to go NC. We met when we were 15 and became great friends. When we were 16 we started dating and we were in a relationship. Although we had our ups and downs, which I think is normal at that age, we really loved each other. We really had a great time and we were the first for each other in almost everything. First time on vacation w/o parents, first time on a city trip, first sexual experience. Really almost everything and that makes it so hard. Everywhere I go we've been together and then I miss her like crazy.

What makes it even harder is that I am a 100% certain that we should be together and she's not a 100% certain that we don't belong together. She's just in doubt. I just wish there was some way to get her back. 4.5 years is just too much to let go of, especially after what we've been through. We went through a lot and every time we fought for each other and our relationship was much stronger than the beginning. And now it seems like she's just giving up.

From today I'll start with NC, hope you all can help me to keep me from calling her. Again thank you for listening to my story.

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Originally Posted by Vakantie

From today I"ll start with NC, hope you all can help me to keep me from calling her. Again thank you for listening to my story.

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I wish you the best.

I understand about all the time the two of you have had together and how much you miss her. I was with a guy for six years (age 15-21), and then we broke up because of circumstances beyond our control.

Stay busy with school and other interests. You will help yourself to continue to be the interesting person you are and won't end up in a weepy puddle of self-made misery.

And we're always looking for help here on this site, for the Teen and Relationship boards especially. You have a good way of writing and thinking, so I hope to see more of you.

Thanks a lot. It's just so hard not to call her. Even when I call her she is so sweet for me. She tries to cheer me up, make me laugh and she just helps me from totally breaking down. I'm just in denial mode. I don't understand it. Off all the hard times we've had this one wasn't so bad. Actually I was totally optimistic about the future, that's why it hits me so hard.

I'm trying to do something all the time. Going to the gym, for a walk, going out with friends but it just don't make me happy at this point. I just want to be with her. Tomorrow I'll try to pick up my schoolwork again. And maybe later this week I'll start working again, I just can't do this at the moment. Also tomorrow my best friend will be gone for the until Friday and I just don't know how to survive the week.

What's also hard for me is that when she's going out and when she has an opportunity to dance and/or kiss with a guy she would do it. She just said that to me She's not going only to kiss with some guy. She just wants to have fun and when there is a guy she likes (for the night) she won't reject him. I just can't believe that. 4.5 years together and only after 5 days there's a possibility that she will make out with a total stranger. Is this just really weird or am I the only one who find this a bit strange, actually totally disrespectful.

Will keep you up to date because writing this really helps me out! :)

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Originally Posted by Vakantie

She just wants to have fun and when there is a guy she likes (for the night) she wont reject him

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You've "monopolized" a lot of her growing-up years, when she should have been out having fun with lots of guys, dating in groups and singly. Maybe that's what she trying to capture before it's too late and she's locked in a permanent relationship. In other words, she wants to sow some wild oats while she still has the chance.

Stay NC-stay busy;all the best and come back and update us.

This is a break up, a break down in the relationship, its not 'i need to think about us and the future'!

She wants to have fun and kiss other guys, but has no qualms about keeping you on a string, she's not taking responsibility for the break up, cause she keeps you hanging on with hugs and kisses and saying I love you, it's the old cliché, I love you but I'm not in love with you.

Breakups suck, and they hurt like hell, you both grew up together and had many first experience's there's a strong emotional bond there, but often young couples growing up together grow in different directions.

No doubt you learned a lot about love and being in a relationship, now is the time for learning how to cope with a broken heart comes into play.

Your doing all the right things to keep busy, but you need to give her what she wants and that's BREAK-UP, this is what she wanted, and she really needs to let you heal, drawing you back in time after time is not 'loving' you, its her not knowing how to breakup, about not knowing how to be single, she's keeping you as a 'blankie' ( a child's blanket for comfort), because she knows you and your familiar, but she's not being fair, and probably does not realise the damage she's doing to you while see sows her seeds.

Move on,the relationship is over,contacting her is just a bad habit you need to break now.

Thank you all for the replies!

Well here's an quick update. She kissed with some guy yesterday. First it hurted, but now I'm okay with it. I find it really disrespectful (am I just overreacting about this, or is it really very fast after 5 days) and maybe this was the push I needed to set me free from her. I was with her this morning and we had a great time! We just had fun and it feels like I'm over it. This evening I'll drop by to pick up some of my belongings and we go into NC.

And what you said redhed, I learned an awful lot and it will help me out in the future. Today is the first day that I feel I CAN move on. And it feels great!

Thank you all for the replies it really helps me and this won't be my last reaction on here. Because now I'm feeling OK. But I probably will need some support in the future haha. Also I want to give updates about how the NC is going, so I'll speak to you all soon.

NC starts with you disappearing from her life and getting your own. You get over it in time, and realize that what she does now isn't disrespect, just her thing.

Just as what you do is yours.

So I went to her place tonight to pick up my belongings and I saw her cellphone. I picked it up and she had about 25 text messages with that guy from the bar. About going to meet each other, he told her that he's going to make love to(in other/stronger words) her. Which she replied that he shouldn't talk like that. But after that they send even more flirty messages. It hurted like crazy to read these messages. When I told her that I read the messages she was like it's non of your business. Then later she told me she still loves me so much, still isn't over me and she's going to miss me like crazy.

I have moved on from now, the only thing that is really bothering me are those flirty messages. She's not over me, loves me so much but she CAN text flirty messages to some guy she just knows. This is the only thing that hurts atm. I have to move on so today the NC officially has started! I'll keep you updated and if you have any more info/tips for me please tell me :)

Oh man it's so hard not to call her. I called her this morning because she was very down when I left her place yesterday, I just wanted to know how she was doing. She said she was doing OK. But she didn't want to call atm. So we hung up and now I'm back here again lol.

Really the one thing that is really bothering me is the fact that she already met some guy, whom she's probably going to meet this week at his place. Actually it's not bothering me, it hurts! I know I have to move on. I actually moved on a bit, but this one guy is bothering me. I know she's only doing it to forget me. One moment I think ''screw her! I'm moving on'' and the next moment I'm like "Man, she's already meeting a new guy and going to do all crazy things with him'' She said she wouldn't go to his place, but I just don't believe it.

It just hurts with the moment and I'll get over it in time but I'm just writing it here cause I'm not really an open person in the real world and just needed to let it out a bit.

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Originally Posted by Vakantie

this one guy is bothering me. I know she's only doing it to forget me.

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Why are you lying to yourself?

LOL, she has moved way beyond you my friend, and has for some time. Its you that are stuck and need the time to get over her.

Yeah maybe you are right. I thought this way because she still tells me how much she loves me and how much she is missing me. I'm actually over it that we are not together anymore, I find it just annoying that she's so quickly 'with' someone else.

Yeah she is indeed. I'm actually at the part that I want to be friends with her. Nothing more, nothing less. But she can't handle it right now, because she's not completely over me (that's what she said, but she probably said this just to make it not so hard for herself or something like that). I'll give myself more time and I'll keep you updated!

Again thanks for your time! :)

I find it just annoying that she's so quickly 'with' someone else.

That's because she's so quickly over you -- and has been for a while. You do know why she tells you she loves you, right?

The problem is your obsession with keeping her in your life as a friend. That will never work, because its important that you forget about forcing this friendship thing, and get your own thing to do with out her, PERIOD>

When you say you need more time, think in years and months, NOT days. Your next updates should be about building without her, not another BS conversation like the last BS conversations.

I'm actually at the part that I want to be friends with her.

There is no part like that.

To keep me around.. or to make it a little less hard for myself? Something like that?

Yes it actually is an obsession.. Just to make one thing sure I'm not forcing her to be friends with me. We both agreed that we need more time to see if that's actually possible. And yes maybe my expectations were a bit fast with just a couple of days/weeks. It's getting clear to me that that just isn't possible.

The building without her is going pretty well. I'm in the gym a lot (I already did that, but now I'm there 2 times a day), practicing other sports, talking with my friends much more(not about her, but just funny and great conversations) and for school the next 5 weeks are going to be really important so I'll be busy with that too!

One question we go to the same gym, and at some days we're doing the same group work out. What to do with that? Just a small chat like "Hey, how are you doing?'' and that's it.

I think I'm on the right track and you all help me out so much, so thanks for that!

I find it just annoying that she's so quickly 'with' someone else.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's because she's so quickly over you -- and has been for a while. You do know why she tells you she loves you, right?

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To keep me around

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss.

or to make it a little less hard for myself?

Nooooooooooooooooooo.

Ok OK. Well I'm not around anymore. You people also helped me out so much. Made everything very clear to me! Now just getting on with my life without her. I know sometimes it's going to be hard, but I need to stay strong!
And I'll try to let go my feelings about being friends with her, it's just impossible.

I'll keep you updated and I'm making some great progress.

Report in every day. Thank you.

Ok here I am again, today is a tough day for me! The fact that she's probably going to spend the evening/night with that guy is constantly in me head. Really annoying I'm seeing all these pictures about those 2 what I really don't want to see lol.

Today I've worked out in the morning, went to school and now I'm back home again and it's going to be a really long day. I'm going to meet a friend of my in a couple of hours so I'm happy with that. What I don't like is the fact that I don't have anything to do for tonight. And I really want to know if she's home or she's with that guy. So it will be really hard for me not to call her. But I know that if I do call her I'll be dissapointed in every way. 1) in myself that I broke NC. 2) She won't pick up the phone and I'll be overthinking everything 3) She picks up the phone and tells me she's not home or even worse she tells me that she's with him (and that is one thing I really don't want to know!) 4) She picks up the phone and is annoyed that I called her.

So I'm really struggling not to call her, but I'll try my best and keep you updated how today went.

Stop getting all these updates on what she might or might not be doing!

And find something to do this evening-and don't break NC!!

Do not contact her in any way. She has become your "white bear."

Do not disappoint us!!

I've decided I'll go for a run this evening(leaving my phone at home so I won't be tempted te contact her), then going to watch sports on the telly. Also have to do a little bit of schoolwork so that's what I'm going to do. I'll try to stop on these updates about her, but it's in my head almost every single time. I have to stop thinking about her, because it's about ME and getting MY life back to normal!

Thanks, reading this kind of comments really helps me not to contact her! I know it's silly but sometimes I just have to hear/read it again. I will NOT contact her tonight and I will not dissapoint you nor myself!

I will NOT contact her tonight and I will not dissapoint you nor myself!

We will be your sponsor, like you're in Alcoholics Anonymous. If you feel the need to partake, contact us. I or another of your sponsors will be here to talk you down.

Hit the library to study, that gets you out of the house. Need groceries, go get a can of peas, or a few ears of corn, and talk to other people. When you sit alone, thinking of her, get up and clean that mess in your closet, polish your shoes(?), do the dishes, clean the bathroom, any thing that needs doing, do it, just look around you. In this way you distract yourself, and make new habits and routines, for your brain to focus on.

Once you find other people to talk to, and interact with, you change your thoughts, and actions, with different people, places, and things.

The key is to stick with it, and make it easier on yourself. So get busy, no excuses.

A few more ideas:

I had a couple of friends who I could always call and knew they would distract my mind.

Do something active. I played racquetball, for one. It did two things for me - one was to reduce my anxiety as I hit that little blue ball as hard as I could; the second was that I was having so much fun I was laughing and really enjoying myself. I realized how much more fun that was than worrying about a relationship that was over.

Have a list of things you can do when you start feeling weak.

Need to get out of the house - go see a movie.

When I needed to do something and it was too late to go out or call anyone, I'd read threads in here. I found some that always lifted me up and gave me things to think about (Thank you vanheart - again).

I always felt that having a plan kept me on my plan. I knew where I wanted to be in my life and it wasn't where I was. I'm there now, though. You have to take it a day at a time, and keep making forward progress.

Thank you you said some nice things to do to distract my mind. Now I'm going outside to play basketball. Dunk it a couple of times to get rid of my frustrations and just having fun.

The Hangover 2 is almost out over here, so I'll go that movie with a couple of friends and have a great time.

Thanks!

Sounds perfect.

I just saw the new Pirates movie, and of course there is "Bridesmaids". Well, maybe not... :)

You seem to have a good attitude. That is going to help so much.

Well I haven't called her today! So yay for me! It was really tough but I didn't want to dissapoint you who are helping me. Besides that I really didn't want to dissapoint myself! (like I've said before, I can only dissapoint myself by calling her. First off all that I broke the NC, that she wouldn't want to talk to me, or she's with that guy) So I'm actually pretty happy about today :)

Now I'm going to watch an hour long episode on the telly and I'm straight of to bed! Thank you all for the help otherwise I probably would have broken NC today!

Tomorrow my day is pretty packed with activities. First I have to do some schoolwork, then I have to go to school, dinner, going to watch some sports, going to the gym and then to bed again.

Thursday will be a different story, but I'm doing this on a daily basis.. so I don't have to worry about that atm.

Again thank you all!

Don't slack off. I'm watching you.

You really, really don't want to disappoint me, do you?

Glad today was successful. One day at a time...

No I really don't want to dissapoint you nor the others who are helping me. You are giving me your time and have given me so much support and that is helping me so much. I'm really happy with that otherwise I still would have been crying, calling, begging everyday.

You give me the info that I NEED to hear, not what I want to hear. That is what I need and how I can get totally over her. So again, thank you! :)

You're welcome.

Enjoy the day tomorrow. We'll be here waiting for your report. :D

Ok today was a tough day. Really tough. A real setback in my progress actually. I know this was bound to happen, but I feel really bad. Going to bed right now and hopefully I'm feeling better tomorrow! :)