Threads merged several times, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread


Hi after a serious 2 year relationship my girlfriend just broke up with me by text.she then got with someone else who she is now not with.I still have no real reason from her as to why we are not together and she claimed to love me forever and now she just wants to be friends even though the day before that she told me she wants to be with me forever.

She now does not even want to be friends she won't talk to me or get in touch at all. How can she just erase me from her life like that when we were planning on spending the rest of our lifes together and we were just about to get a house.can she really spend the rest of her life just forgetting me? I hope one day she will just talk to me again I mean I treated her perfect and she was so in love with me and I believe she has just forgotton that.

My ex and I planned our lifes together and she was so in love with me and I'm still so in love with her but she left saying she needed me time and then she got with a lot of boys which broke my heart,she got back in touch told me she wants me back and wants to make it up to me and the next day said she just wants to be friends.

A week later she does not even want to be friends she won't get in touch or anything.she is erasing me from her life and it hurts so much.for a whole two years she was so loving warm and soft and caring so this coldness just does not seem like her at all I'm waiting for her to miss me but I think she has got me out of her head does this mean the past two years have been a lie.

Can you just stop loving someone the day after you say you want kids and a house with them??

Her feelings changed,over a period,but she didn't discuss this with you so when she broke up with you it seemed incomprehensible.

The two years weren't a lie,but now you should get your life together,heal from the breakup and move on with your life.

Start no contact-as in no communication with her whatsoever.

Keep busy and be with people who love you.

Something changed guy, or she was the biggest, best liar you ever met. And a true coward to boot. I think she led you on until she thought she could have something better, and unceremoniously dumped you. She fed you lies, and false hopes, so you do as she is doing, LEAVE HER ALONE, and see this as a blessing in disguise.

You deserve all the time you need, to get over the shock of such deception, and the betrayal she perpetrated on you. Don't be confused, there are many people out there who prey on those who want to believe them, and that's what you fell victim to.

Be careful out there, the world is full of these kinds of people, who use and abuse, but we heal, and learn, and do better next time.

That's all you can really do.

Thank you for these comments is there no chance what so ever of us getting back together? I still love her and that won't change I don't want anyone else.she loved me so strongly can this not happen again with her?

I am not a psychic, but I do know you are hurt and confused deeply, and can think of nothing else but what you think you have lost. No, I will not feed your false hope, nor raise any hope of her coming back to destroy your dignity, and self respect any further because I do know, in time you will see this whole episode differently, than you do now.

Sorry I can't spare you the misery, and pain of the healing process.

My future was her now no other future will do for me I want to die I'm thinking abouot killing myself on her birthday so she can't ever forget me

Not a good idea,you have a whole life ahead of you.

You need to talk to someone,parents,friends and if you're depressed make an appointment to see your doctor.

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Originally Posted by loveher4eva

my future was her now no other future will do for me i want to die im thinking abouot killing myself on her birthday so she can't ever forget me

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What a cruel selfish idea, to inflict pain on others because you are in such pain!!

Completely unacceptable.

How long ago did she break up with you? How much do you attempt to contact her to try to get her to change her mind?

Do you have any interests in your life other than her? Do you have any hobbies, clubs, friends, etc. that you spend time with away from her?

Something you need to understand is that letting go and moving forward does not mean forgetting everyone or everything. It means healing and learning what wasn't working for us in the previous relationship. As perfect as you want to believe the relationship was, I am betting that you were ignoring the signs that all wasn't right. From the way you write here, I am wondering if you have been honest with yourself about the length of time she has tried to walk away before she texted you. How much guilt have you actually been using to try to keep her planning her future with you?

Time to live your own life. Don't sit around moping and thinking about what you have 'lost'. Get out of the house and look at what you can gain. Keep yourself busy-mentally and physically. Get together with old friends. Make new ones. Allow yourself to live. Allow yourself to heal. As you move forward, you will find that the pain does fade. Give yourself a chance to make new memories.

Take some time to cool off buddy.

Any break up can be very traumatizing at first, but it gets easier with time. Be patient with yourself, it will get easier. Once you overcome this, you will find happiness again.

You have an opportunity to start over for the better.

Thank you for all your comments. I realise now that I was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and I now know that she has cheated on me and she isn't the person I thought she was. The other day she again told me she wants to be friends and I told her about my mother getting cancer and that I was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was... "k" that's how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it". Can someone enlighten me on this behavior please?

Threads merged


Recently my ex girlfriend of over 2 years cheated on me and dumped me.in my eyes she was perfect and the most soft loving caring sweet funny person I have ever met... not a bad bone in her body.I realise now that I was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and I now know that she has cheated on me and she isn't the person I thought she was. The other day she text me and told me she wants to be friends and I told her about my mother getting cancer and that I was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was... "k" that's how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it".she has really turned the other way from what she was. Can someone really be that mean to say they don't care about your own monther getting seriously ill? When I was with her I saw her through some major family deaths of hers and she acts like I never existed. Can someone enlighten me on this behavior please?

No,I can't enlighten you,other then remind you that she's not the person you thought she were.

Friends?
Why?

Go no contact and heal;let her do her thing while you do yours.

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Originally Posted by loveher4eva

thank you for all your comments. i realise now that i was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and i now know that she has cheated on me and she isnt the person i thought she was. the other day she again told me she wants to be friends and i told her about my mother getting cancer and that i was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was......."k" thats how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it". can someone enlighten me on this behavour please?

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She doesn't care about you or your mother, or anything else that concerns you. She just wants you available to be her emotional tampon.

Let me first say I'm very sorry about your mother... sadly and oddly my boyfriends mother also has a very aggressive cancer at the moment and there's not a chance that I would ever be anything but sympathic to my boyfriend even if we weren't together I know I would always want to know how his mother was doing, I love her just like my own mother and we haven't been together even 2 years like you guys were.

So yes, in my opinion your ex is just a plain ***** and your better off without toxic people in your life, especially at this sad time, she doesn't deserve a place in your heart or your life. I wish your family the best of luck and health.:)

Thank you very much. I think my problem is I like to see the best in people and I hate to think people could be that evil especially someone who I was with for over two years. I just have to hope I don't bump into her and hope she does not ruin my life any further

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Originally Posted by loveher4eva

thank you very much. i think my problem is i like to see the best in people and i hate to think people could be that evil especially someone who i was with for over two years. i just have to hope i dont bump into her and hope she does not ruin my life any further

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No one can ruin your life unless you let them. The girl has issues and its nice that you see the best in people, because there is good in everyone, but there's just some people we shouldn't waste our time on when they just don't get it and there is no point in trying to make them see that. You had a lucky escape if you ask me!

Thank you so much you're the only person that has actually listened and not just said MOVE ON like I'm a robot or something lol

Well I do suggest you keep her out of your life, you said she wanted to be friends, well I would have hated to hear what she'd have said to you if you guys were enemies at the time! Its hard to hear people tell you to move on, but everyone on here does realize its not so easy. :)

Check out the no contact related threads in my signature. I think it's best that you go 100% no contact with her. As the others have pointed out, she no longer cares about you like before. In which case you're better not having her part of your life anymore as it only brings you grief.

Thanks to this site and its posts I am starting to realise everything that my ex was too scared to tell me face to face or even at all! So I am really going to stick to the no contact rule. I have written her a letter stating what I think we both did wrong over the past two years and everything we did right.I am chosing not to send her this letter because it would be breaking the no contact rule even though it would make me feel better having her know how I feel.however what happens if she gets in touch with me? Do I ignore after all the bad things she has said to me lately?

No contact means no contact,so if an ex gets in touch,you ignore them.

Writing a letter and not sending it is a good choice,so stick with it.

There is a lot of confusion often about the "What if?" scenario. Amicon is correct. No contact means strictly no contact. It's over, let it be over (this goes for both of you).

And yes, props for not sending the letter. Very good decision.

If you stick to NC, you don't have to worry about what ifs.

If you bump in to them in public, polite, brief (hi & bye), and completely unavailable for anything else they want to discuss.

OK I understand all these are answers for getting over her. I'm not saying I'm considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? I can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what I at the moment want?

This isn't about avoiding further pain, it is about being able to think straight. The relationship is over and it is over for a reason. If you are doing your own thing and focusing on YOU, then none of this matters.

If she really wants you back, in the FUTURE, when you have both grown and have fresh perspective, then I suppose she will let you know in a straightforward fashion. No contact, or whatever you wish to call it, is really about being able to think straight, and once you can, more often then not, you realize things are better off as they are.

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Originally Posted by loveher4eva

ok i understand all these are answers for getting over her. im not saying im considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? i can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what i at the moment want?

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How many times do you pick up a hot iron before you realize it will burn you every time you pick it up?

If you both want to get back together it shows you do not learn from past mistakes.
Why would it work now? You learned from how miserable you made each other how to make it work.

You cannot turn off feelings with a switch .
But you can love someone and not be able to be with them .
This is where you are now. You need to understand this and keep no contact before you send yourself back to start this pain all over again.

There is no going back. Stay strong and focused on healing.

OK I understand what your saying and trust me I still think nothing will happen between us but I get the feeling from all this advise that you are all certain once its over its over. I know its only a small percentage of the time that this happens but couldn't a split couple talk it over, work it out and be ten times stronger by learning form your past mistakes? I'm not saying I want this to happen and I will stay no contact I'm just saying people can be stronger from these things and some can just be over. And she may have changed her mind towards the end but she was more happy than misserable over the two years.

Couples getting back together and being happy is less than a small percentage.

Out of all the ones I know and know of, there is 0 that have accomplished this out of hundreds and hundreds.

It could happen. I could win the lottery.

I have the better odds.

Hind sight is always 20/20. You can't fix problems of a relationship if you don't know what your own problems are, or even who you are. If the relationship was going to last, usually you stay together an work through the issues. That didn't happen.

Right now it is easy to say that getting back together would be different this time. But nothing has changed. You both need time to grow from this and decide, without the others influence, if this is something you want.

I don't see dealing in what ifs as a useful thing, because what matters most is what IS.

I have also learned after a proper healing, most people don't want to go back, they are enjoying going forward. They seem to have found something better than what they had, which was exactly my case, back in the day.

NC is about healing for the purpose of being able to make better decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just feelings. Really simple, what facts do you have that say she has changed her mind, and wants you back, even though you want HER back? We call that false hope, and it's a distraction for clear gathering of facts.

And speaking of facts, SHE DUMPED YOU, instead of working with you to make things work. It's a fact she just wasn't WILLING, so what has changed? And it's a big red flag, when partners are not willing to work with you, but would rather break up. Then the only FACT that remains is healing, and moving on.

Its obvious to us all just as an aside here that your thoughts and curiosity are very typical to the feelings we all have after we go through a break up and the hurt is still fresh. Will you get another chance? I don't know, I just hope you are healed enough to make a good decision for yourself, IF it does happen.

Most that have healed don't want the exes back, despite all the good memories, intense feelings of the past, or the newfound willingness of an ex to try again. Just me, why get dumped TWICE by the same person???

Hey man. I haven't been on the site in a few months. I know exactly what you are going through. My ex dumped me 6 months ago an started dating some douche bag guy the very next day. I was fairly devastated, didn't eat didn't sleep an broke NC often. Take it from me. Do not do that, even if it is them contacting you. It gets you into this cycle of false hope that things will work out. I have since successfully been in NC for 4 months and feel great. I've accomplished more for myself in this time than I ever dreamed I could in the 2 years I was with her. Also in this time, she Has tried to contact me. But I came to realize after 2 texts she sent that they were petty stupid reasons that made her look dumb and needy. I no longer care about her life because she has no impact on mine. I may not be dating again but I'm coming to find myself perfectly happy all on my own and being only 21 I still have plenty of years to find someone to be with.

If I can sum that up simply, stick to NC and do everything for you. Do not answer her texts or phone calls. Learn from your mistakes in the relationship and then apply what you learn to a new an better relationship that will ultimately come along.

Right now you probably want back what you HAD, simple fact is what you HAD went away when she broke up with you.
My own thread is pretty long if you want to check out some of the pitfalls and heartache I went through. Stay strong hope this helps.

just woke up feeling a little bit better but still thinking about her every second. She text me last night just saying how is your mum. I did not reply. I hate how she could cheat on me and abbandon me and then want me to text her back it just prooves all along how selfish a person she really is. What is her way of thinking by just randomly texting me like that?

Can you block her number?

Don't fall for any attempts she makes to keep you dangling.

Block her number if you can and if not,delete without reading her texts.

Stay strong,move forward-heal.

Well I did delete her number I just know its her because I know her number when I see it. I don't think my phone blocks numbers and I promise you its impossible not to read a text when you get one lol. I did not text back and I doubt I will hear from her again

Well,I hope she doesn't.

And,yes,you can delete without readin-been there, done that.

Good job n o t texting back! :-)

This comes down to YOUR dignity and self respect fella. She lies, cheats, plays you for the fool and thinks she can smile in your face and be sweet and you will fall all over yourself.

Thinking about her as you heal is one thing. Giving her what she wants, is quite another. So think about that, the next time she pops in your head.

Well thanks again for helping me. I am so dissapointed with how she has turned out because I do believe she really did love me and that's the sad thing that she cheated when all the way through the relationship she said that's the one thing she would and could never do because her dad cheated on her mum.I just hope one day she really thinks about how much she has hurt me and I know its wrong but I hope someone hurts her the same way so she can know how I feel.but honestly its not just her I miss it's the child that should have been born in the next few week that we lost and her family that adopted me and most of all the girl who once loved me.

That's a lot of grief to handle,but I believe you have it in you to work your way through it.

One day at the time.

I know I just wish I never had to try let go of all this ah sigh what a mess. She does have a sister lol only joking