Hi I've been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years! We broke up Monday two weeks ago! We broke up because we fight a lot but both love and care for each other dearley! Well so he tells me! He didn't contact me for the whole 2 weeks not even a text but eventually Monday he did contact me I didn't answer the phone but text him later that evening asking him what did he want! He replied saying that he had seen a photo of me and realised he made a big mistake letting me go! I said that we could be friends and he text back saying that he counts me as his family that he would never turn his back on me and would like if we didn't rule out getting back together in the future!I guess I was playing hard 2 get and just said to him that we weren't meant to be together but we could still be friends! Later that night he asked me if I missed sleeping with him I told him the truth that I did and he agreed!we got talking and he said could we meet and keep each other happy that way I said no that wed never move on that way and he said that hed like if we could do that, that hed hate going out looking for someone new!I said so you don't want to be with anyone else only me and he replied you got it in one!we ended up meeting last night and sleeping together!he told me he was sorry that he ever let me go! And today nothing not even a text message! Was he using me or am I reading too much in to it

How long hs it been since he's text or called you? If he just came to sleep with you then there's a problem there but there might be an explanation find out before you get to upset!

Go with your gut feeling. You know him better than any of us. Do you feel like he is just using you? Do his actions make you believe that he Truly misses YOU and wants to get back together? The fact that you're asking this questions makes me think you feel used...


If so, then he wants to have his cake and eat it to. It doesn't work that way. Sex without strings is OK when it's mutual, but not when one person wants more but is too insecure to let on. You can either keep having sex with him, and keep your feelings to yourself and wait until he breaks things off for good, because he's dating somebody new. That wouldn't feel very good at all.

Or you can get real about this. Sort it out. If this guy is using you and it's affecting you emotionally, it's got the potential to end in tears – yours – unless you walk away now. Be strong and mean it, surely he'd still be in a relationship with you if that's what he wanted. So no begging him back. It's as simple as thanks but no thanks. Stay strong girl!

He's saying that he doesn't want anybody else only me though! I dropped him home at 11 last night and haven't heard anything since! So should I talk to him about it or just cut contact or stay friends or what! I know he does love me

Did he say this after or before you slept together? Either way, it doesn't matter. Words and just words. Actions on the other hand speak way louder.

I wouldn't contact him if I were you. Continue on with your life. As of right now, you aren't back together, so treat this as a break up.

You need to ask yourself what do YOU want in all of this? It's not only about what he wants. This has all been about what he wants, you've given him so much power right now it's not even funny. Do you really want to be with someone that you're constantly arguing with, or someone that leaves you guessing how they truly feel about you?

IF he does contact you again for sex I would seriously kick him to the curb.

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Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

Did he say this after or before you slept together? Actions speak louder than words. Don't contact him. Wait and see what he does. Until then, continue on with your life. As of right now, you aren't back together, so treat this as a break up.

IF he does contact you again for sex I would seriously kick him to the curb.

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After he said that he wouldn't give up on us that he would never turn his back on me that he loves me more than anything!


I must also admit that it was me that suggested meeting not him!I no now it was a really stupid thing to do but I guess I just missed him

What do you want. Getting back together him because you miss him isn't good enough.

You both sound very young, in order for this to work a second time around the two of you need to figure out together what went wrong so that you can work as a team to make sure it does not happen again.. Do you really think things would be any different the second time around?

OK I spoke too soon he just text me asking how I was and how was my day!I do love him and I do want to be with him but at the same time I don't want to go back to all the fighting! I think I always blamed him for all the fighting but maybe I was wrong too!

Like I already said. You need to figure out together what went wrong and work as a team to ensure that it doesn't happen again. If you're mature enough to be having sex you should be mature enough to have a serious talk with each other.

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Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

Like I already said. You need to figure out together what went wrong and work as a team to ensure that it doesn't happen again. If you're mature enough to be having sex you should be mature enough to have a serious talk with eachother.

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You your right!maybe I should just leave it lie and wait and see until we meet again!?

No he isn't using you, you both are using each other. Congrats, you are friends with benefits, by mutual consent.

Stop having sex with him and see how much he "misses" you.

Good luck to you.

I have definitely leaned my lesson! We were texting away having a laugh and he said I feel sleepy so I said goodnight no goodnight message back! This was Thursday night text him to say hi on Friday and no reply and have heard nothing since! Now I know I was definitely used! I'm so confused as to why he did this I did nothing to him

You have a lot to learn about people, as they will do what you let them do.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have a lot to learn about people, as they will do what you let them do.

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So what do I do? I so confused

Stop believing sex and words equate love, and expecting he feels the same as you. By rights you should never have slept With him after the break up. Is he using you? Or are you letting him?

In your original post it sounded like you said he mentioned being friends with benefits. we got talking and he said could we meet and keep each other happy that way
To me he is saying lets just sleep together but no strings attatched. That's exactly what you gave him. Why should he contact you? Your there when he wants you there. You need to stop that. Don't give him that part of you. If you can sit down and talk things through and figure out where all the fighting is coming from then maybe you can go there again. At this point I think your being used. Your not strong enough to walk away because you still have feelings so you keep letting him control you with this out of the blue texting that keeps you hanging on. You take the control in your hands. You stop the contact. If he comes to you then its conversation only. If not then so long to him.

I will definitely stop the contact! I don't want to be used and definitely won't b making the same mistake again! All my friends say treat them mean keep them keen? Does that actually work?

Sound like a control game to me, I prefer true love and romance, through working together, because loyalty and honesty have their own rewards.

Who has time for these games?

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Originally Posted by orlae

i will definately stop the contact! i dont want to be used and definately wont b making the same mistake again! all my friends say treat them mean keep them keen? does that actually work?

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Don't listen to what your friends say. Listen to what your head and heart say. You don't treat them one way expecting opposite results. That's not the way it works. You treat them in a mature way and with respect and hope for the same in return. If not then that choice is yours to make. Continue on or move on.

But al I want is respect! I just don't know what to do to get some respect from him?

When you don't get the respect you deserve you stop association with that person!

I think right now he needs to mature a bit before he learns respect. From the sounds of it neither will happen.

Yea listen to what all of them had been saying.Why would he want a relationship with you if your there to open your legs that's good enough for a kind of guy like that. Have some ethics and some self respect, you should not even give any one the permission to be making love with you unless they deserve it. He doesn't deserve it not even close, after you two broke up he just lost all the Privilege, and you need him to know that. You 2 can't be friends yet cause you still have all your emotions, and that would make you do stupid things like what you did. You will believe on all the sweet words he will say cause you are Vulnerable at this stage of time. Give yourself some healing time and things will go better.

I agree with everything all of ye said and I now know what to do! Cut al contact with him but I'm just so upset after 3 years and he does this to me! It really hurts

I know how you feel, I lived with my ex for almost 1 year I did everything for her, sacrifice everything I had and stop contact with everyone I know cause she didn't like the people I hang out with even my cozens. Then one day when out of town to do some business and she just text me and ended it. No explanation just that, I know how you feel now I am trying to start over but its hard cause my heart says she is the only happiness. But listen to this people they have been through this and they know what to do. That's what I'm doing just be strong and know that you have people here to help you get through it. Its hard at first but it will get better.

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

i know how you feel, i lived with my ex for almost 1 year i did everything for her, sacrifice everything i had and stop contact with everyone i know cause she didnt like the people i hang out with even my cozens. then one day when out of town to do some business and she just txt me and ended it. No explanation just that, i know how you feel now i am trying to start over but its hard cause my heart says she is the only happiness. But listen to this people they have been through this and they know what to do. Thats what i'm doing just be strong and know that you have people here to help you get through it. its hard at first but it will get better.

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You I hope so! I did everything for him too tried the best I could wit him! I thought he was my best friend as well my boyf!he even counted me as his family! So weird how a couple so close can get to this

Try wasting ten years, cause that is exactly what I did. Consider yourself lucky it was only a year. Now I am sorting through years and years of data, and it is a daily struggle. My ex and I tried the friends with benefits thing, only I thought he wanted to be with me, I did it to hold on to him, he did it for a piece of free a$$. Now 15 months have passed, and he is getting married in a few months to someone he barely knew, and although I have tough days now, I am really glad I dodged that bullet. We had many breakups, he always initiating, and then he would beg me back. This last time, he abandoned me during a recovery of a very serious surgery, and treated me like a piece of trash. I will never fully get over that betrayal. But life goes on, I am single, trying to reestablish my life, trying to make sure that nothing or no one will ever control my life the way I let this toxic relationship did. Take it from me, let it go.

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Originally Posted by notsogreat

Try wasting ten years, cause that is exactly what I did. Consider yourself lucky it was only a year. Now I am sorting thru years and years of data, and it is a daily struggle. My ex and I tried the friends with benefits thing, only I thought he wanted to be with me, I did it to hold on to him, he did it for a piece of free a$$. Now 15 months have passed, and he is getting married in a few months to someone he barely knew, and although I have tough days now, I am really glad I dodged that bullet. We had many breakups, he always initiating, and then he would beg me back. This last time, he abandoned me during a recovery of a very serious surgery, and treated me like a piece of trash. I will never fully get over that betrayal. But life goes on, I am single, trying to reestablish my life, trying to make sure that nothing or noone will ever control my life the way I let this toxic relationship did. Take it from me, let it go.

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Well it was 3 years!but you 10 years must be so much harder! How did you cope at the start? I have lost interest in everything I have this knot in my stomach the whole time find it hard to breath and get panicky especially at work! I'm dreading work tomorrow! All I can think about is how badly he has treated me after everything we have been through! I thought he loved me it hurts so much

Herd 4m my ex on Friday! Text me to let me know he got a new job that he will be moving an hour and a half away! Said he wanted to let me know where he is so if I ever need him hed only be a hour and a half away and that he hopes that I'm OK! I text him back and wished him luck with the job! He told me that I can come visit him anytime I want. We chatted all that night and all the next day and he didn't once initiate sex! So what do ye think? Is this a good or bad thing

Tell him good luck on the move and the job. It was nice to catch up. But you will no longer be needing him.

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we chatted all that night and all the next day and he didn't once initiate sex! So what do ye think? Is this a good or bad thing

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I think its very bad, that you still have that false hope he will give you love, and respect, and that you believe anything he says, and are willing to be his booty call.

How did that work for you before?? Don't let it happen again, so stop the chit chat and disappear from his life, and get yours moving without him.

It's the perfect chance to move on. He is moving away. Cut the contact now and it will be easier. You have less chances of running in to him now.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think its very bad, that you still have that false hope he will give you love, and respect, and that you believe anything he says, and are willing to be his booty call.

How did that work for you before??? Don't let it happen again, so stop the chit chat and disappear from his life, and get yours moving without him.

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No I am not willing to be his booty call at all! I have more respect for myself than that now! I just thought it was a good thing that he didn't text me for sex! He just told me where he would be if I ever needed him! He didn't say anything about sex in the 2 days we were texting! We just talked as if we were friends! I don't have false hope of getting back together but I would like to be friends! Is that not possible?

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Originally Posted by orlae

no i am not willing to be his booty call at all! i have more respect for myself than that now! i just thought it was a good thing that he didnt text me for sex! he just told me where he would be if i ever needed him! he didnt say anything about sex in the 2 days we were texting! we just talked as if we were friends! i dont have false hope of getting back together but i would like to be friends! is that not possible?

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No its not possible. Maybe 6 months or a year down the road. Maybe never. At this point its not possible. There are to many fresh feelings involved.

Not if you can't keep your legs closed to him. Since you can't seem to control yourself around him, then you must not be over him. Just because he didn't mention sex, that's what his invitation to visit him implies, so take your time to recover, and what's the hurry to have him as a friend?

Only after you have recovered can you be friends, and only after you can keep your legs closed will you have respect. No telling how long that will take.

I can't see you healing, and having self respect, or he respecting you, while sex is involved. NO WAY!!

Well it was 3 years!but you 10 years must be so much harder! How did you cope at the start? I have lost interest in everything I have this knot in my stomach the whole time find it hard to breath and get panicky especially at work! I'm dreading work tomorrow! All I can think about is how badly he has treated me after everything we have been through! I thought he loved me it hurts so much


I had such a difficult time at the start, I was numb to say the least for months, I would go to work and not be able to concentrate, just staring at my computer not noticing hours have passed. I am still not over this. But compared to how I felt in the beginning, I am sooo much better. I now look forward to my future, I know the breakup was in the best interest for me after all, and although it still stings, (especially with me having to see him at times, since we share a Godson but we don't speak at all),I really feel like I dodged a heck of a bullet. He is set to be married this August, he left me for a mutual friend, (Double zinger), so I see them both around, but yet, I will never allow myself to feel like I did during and after the initial breakup, I deserve better, and one day I will find it.
Let your ex move on. No contact really is the best way to go. You can sort through your grief without any interruption from him. He may have not mentioned sex to you when you last spoke, but believe me, He would bring it up again. My ex could not believe when I told him I would not be his booty call any longer, he resorted to begging. It was truly pathetic, that he thought I would belittle myself any longer for him. Take it from me, let him go.

Thank you for sharing that with me! Thanks for all of yer advise! I am definitely going to go no contact from now on! I've realised that I don't need him in my life anymore! It will be difficult but I need to move on

OK people please do not kill me!I have got myself in to a situation again! I stayed with no contact for a while which was OK. Until he started texting me again. He owes me 200euro so I decided 2 text him back asking him would he leave the money somewhere! He started asking me could we please be friends that he knows we had our tough times but he would still like to be in contact when I said no he started saying that I was a bad bi**h after everything we've been through so I felt bad and agreed we could be friends that we would see how things go! For a while it was great we were getting on really well I never met him or anything it was just texting now and again until getting my money back of him started to be a problem! 1st he was supposed to be coming home 1 weekend said he would give it to me then, got a message the sat night before saying he wouldn't be home but would I call for it Monday! Monday came heard nothing from him so I text him he made up this excuse that he had football training with his new club that evening so I said fine leave the money with your mam and il collect it some evening,he wouldn't hear of it he then said he promises thurs hed give it to me, again heard nothing from him so I text him again said he was busy all day,I got so pissed at this stage I just wanted rid of him so I thought the only way for him to leave me alone was to tell him I am with someone else and to leave me alone that didn't even work he still wanted to be friends I told him no that that was it and to leave the money with his mom so I said perfect, went 2 his mams and he had only left 50e with her. I went mad at him then asking where was d rest he said he was short but he would give me the rest Sunday!he text me on fri night asking about this new man I had asked if I slept wit him and was it serious,then he started asking me would I get back with him!Sunday came and me and a few friends went to the beach its about 10 minutes away from him,I text him asking when will I collect the money that I really need it and no reply I rang him and no reply!later walking up the street who was walking towards me with al his friends. He seen me and he looked the other way pretending not to see me! But my friends all seen him looking back at me after we had passed!when I went home that evening my sister had seen him driving around with this girl the weekend before and they looked like the were together.I rang him yesterday I confronted him about this girl saying how dare he ask me to get back with me when he was with this girl he admitted that he was with her twice but they are not in a relationship yet I found out of his parents that they haven't seen him in weeks that they don't know where he is staying I confronted him about that too and he admitted he stayed at her house last weekend!this is obviously a relationship!I told him that I wanted a clean break that I want2 get on with my life that he has been messing me around all along trying to get this money off him!I also admitted to him that I couldn't stand the fact of him being with someone else that I would prefer not to know.I then told him the truth that I woznt seeing anybody else but this is a clean break for me now! He got thick and hung up the phone but text me later last night saying we could be excellent friends that he will always love so I gave him an ultimatium either we give it one last good go of it or it's a clean break for both of us that I'm not doing in between! He said to leave it saying that his choice never mattered the last few months but that he is grand now but only because of his new job and house so I said fine that that was his choice but mine is to make a clean break of it and get on with my life!I then rang him and made him promise never 2 contact me again so he got thick again said fine and hung up the phone

Now stick with the NC and start moving on so you can heal.

Forget being friends-forever.

He is a jerk.