Hi everyone I am new to this forum and I need some advice about my relationship situation I'm going through. I've dated my girlfriend for 5 years she is 23 I am 24, we've been dating ever since the first day of college. We are the first to fall in love and the first to end up in a long relationship. She loves me and everything was doing great and I had thoughts of purposing her later this year. Unfortunately, we've been having some little disagreements about our beliefs and I took it pretty far. The problem is not really that I am Atheist and she is Christian. What went wrong was that I took a debate on religion too far and mocked her belief I regret disrespecting her belief. At first she was OK with me being an Atheist but I know I created the problem. She became frustrated debating and disagreeing so now she just broke up with me but still loves me and talks to me. She told me she wants to date other guys to see what else is out there and also to have fun and take a deep breath from dating me for 5 years. She isn't sure if I am the one to marry. I am shocked this happened and I fully regret any mistake I've committed. So I apologized to her I've already emailed her telling her how I feel and how hard it is, also how much I love her and regret the mistake. How we should really think about our differences and how I could compromise and accept her belief. I am going through so much pain at the moment and its been a week now. I have spoken to her over the phone why she wants to do this and she says she isn't sure if I am the one cause she feels unsure about our relationship. She started talking to other guys at the moment and she is willing to date them. She says she won't do anything physically like kissing or whatever but to find out what other guys are like and explore other personalities. I feel unfair about this and I am not in the right mindset and totally disagree with what she is trying to do. All I can do for now is give her the space and time. She says she will let me know in one month about her decision. She mentioned over the phone and email reply that the chances of getting back together are strong. She told me that if I will be open to get her back after a month of break. But she is still unsure and has the feeling of not fully wanting me but loves me. I am afraid she may not come back to me in a month I feel it is too short but I have a good feeling she may come back to me since she truly loves me and feels my pain and regret. But at the moment I have no clue realistically what could happen and very worried about this cause the 5 years means a lot to me and bonded us very strong. I love her so much she is everything I want regardless our differences but it hurts to see this is happening to me and our relationship coming to an end in a unfair way. So I'd like to find out what you guys say about my situation, any advice or related stories anyone been through. I will be glad to answer any questions so please help.

Atheist-Christian relationships, especially marriage, can be tough. It may be for the best that your relationship is crashing. I'm sure she's been bothered by the differences in your beliefs before, but when you opened your mean and disrespectful mouth, I think that was just all she could take.

To make this work, you'd both have to respect the other's beliefs beyond just paying lip service to it. Sounds like, deep down, you really believe that anyone who could buy into Christianity is irrational/stupid/has a couple of screws loose, so this probably is not going to go so well for you. Alternatively, if she deeply believes that you are going to hell, that's going to be uncomfortable, too.

Have you thought about a wedding? She'd surely want a church wedding with a pastor She may even want pre-marital counseling. Could you handle that and keep your mouth shut?

Have your thought about your kids? Would they get baptized? Would they go to Christian school? Would they be allowed to say their prayers? Would they go to Sunday school or Bible school?

I really do respect your views. You did say you were going to propose to her. Jesus created marriage, so why are you even considering marriage if you don’t believe in God? Maybe you should consider finding a lady with the same non-religious beliefs you have and just live with her. Shacking up is the normal way that people that don’t believe in God go.

Though I can see how the Christian/Atheist situation plays its part in this split I think your GF has been in two minds about your relationship for some time-five years at a young age is a long time and I think she wants to explore life as a single young woman.
You ,however, shouldn't wait around for her to make her mind up,you get on with your life and stay busy doing your own thing.
Go NC and clear your head from the confusion.
Take charge of your own life,let her sort hers out.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Atheist-Christian relationships, especially marriage, can be tough. It may be for the best that your relationship is crashing. I'm sure she's been bothered by the differences in your beliefs before, but when you opened your mean and disrespectful mouth, I think that was just all she could take.

To make this work, you'd both have to respect the other's beliefs beyond just paying lip service to it. Sounds like, deep down, you really believe that anyone who could buy into Christianity is irrational/stupid/has a couple of screws loose, so this probably is not going to go so well for you. Alternatively, if she deeply believes that you are going to hell, that's going to be uncomfortable, too.

Have you thought about a wedding? She'd surely want a church wedding with a pastor She may even want pre-marital counseling. Could you handle that and keep your mouth shut?

Have your thought about your kids? Would they get baptized? Would they go to Christian school? Would they be allowed to say their prayers? Would they go to Sunday school or Bible school?

I really do respect your views. You did say you were going to propose to her. Jesus created marriage, so why are you even considering marriage if you don’t believe in God? Maybe you should consider finding a lady with the same non-religious beliefs you have and just live with her. Shacking up is the normal way that people that don’t believe in God go.

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Well yes we have thought about our kids and how this would work out and to be honest I'm fine if she wants them to grow up Christian, it does not matter to me since I am a non believer. As the children grow they will learn the two sides and they will have a choice whether to be christian or not. Well I promised a marriage because she believes in it and I want to make her happy regardless if I do not believe it. To me its more important to make her happy and feel right to be with me or at least ready. So yes I will give her a wedding and all that just to be fair.

I thought about finding a lady with the same beliefs along ago before this happened, I was talking to other girls not dating or anything but I found out by comparing them with my girlfriend. I thought about it and my girlfriend really stands out cause of her personality, intelligent, dedicated lady, and very caring women. I like the way she treats me and everything so I decided not to go on finding another women cause I do not want to go the same process. Waste more time plus I am not in the right mindset to do so. I know this is hard but do you think its OK if I at least wait for an answer later?

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Originally Posted by amicon

Though I can see how the Christian/Atheist situation plays its part in this split I think your GF has been in two minds about your relationship for some time-five years at a young age is a long time and I think she wants to explore life as a single young woman.
You ,however, shouldnt wait around for her to make her mind up,you get on with your life and stay busy doing your own thing.
Go NC and clear your head from the confusion.
Take charge of your own life,let her sort hers out.

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Well I am giving her the chance so she could think about it and I will see how far this goes. I know you could easily say that I should not wait and just move on. But its hard the emotions, my love for her, takes over and I truly lover her too much so it's extremely hard to fall apart, she became a part of me like a second pumping heart, something special I look up too and think about you know. I don't know if you ever experienced a long relationship before like 5 or more years and it was going strong and all of sudden it starts to collapse at the wrong time of your life. Its very enduring painful right now and I have no clue what to do but just think about and wait for her to decide, I want her to fully confirm her decision making and make sure I am the one for her. I am not calling her texting her emailing her or anything just going to give it a shot and let her be till her heart starts feeling the love again.

Sounds like you've already decided how you're going to handle the situation. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Sounds like you've already decided how you're going to handle the situation. Good luck!

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My girlfriend called me yesterday at night out of the blew and I wasn't aware it was her thinking it would be one of my friends. She called to say she misses me and she kind of already feels the need to come back to me. I told her about the situation on how I agree with taking a one month break so she could figure things out. If I would've gotten her back now I think it's a little early cause her mixed feelings may come back and start the same repetition. At the same time she is encouraging me to date other girls but I that's not what I feel, I am not in the same position as her so that kind of hurts me but I just tell her that its not on my mind at the moment and how I am just ready for her when she makes it up 100% about getting back together. I would like to know if I did the right thing here, also if she ever calls back again sometime in the week should I pick up and talk right away or let her be and I call the next day? I do not want to seem desperate even though I am worried about what could happen after a month but hopefully things turn out very good.

Your posts wreak of desperation so not picking up if she calls probably won't get any point across. I'm thinking this has nothing to do with religion at all. She wants to "test the waters" and see what else is out there, so she's using this "break" as a way to go do whatever she wants. If she doesn't find anything better, she'll come back to you. I don't want to sound mean, but she's walking ALL OVER YOU. I know you love her and everything, but what girlfriend tells their boyfriend to go date other girls and see what else is out there? She probably already knew you'd say you weren't going to date other girls but she said that to make it look "fair".

She's playing you like a fiddle my friend. You need to stop thinking about her for a second and think about YOU. What do YOU want out of a relationship? Do YOU really want to be with someone who strings you along, someone who tells you she isn't sure she wants to marry you? Think about what your wants and needs are. Don't let her walk all over you and concentrate on yourself right now. If I were you I would say you want the whole rest of the month to play out. You don't have to date other girls, but go do stuff that makes you happy as an individual and do some self reflection.

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Originally Posted by jmooney527

Your posts wreak of desperation so not picking up if she calls probably won't get any point across. I'm thinking this has nothing to do with religion at all. She wants to "test the waters" and see what else is out there, so she's using this "break" as a way to go do whatever she wants. If she doesn't find anything better, she'll come back to you. I don't want to sound mean, but she's walking ALL OVER YOU. I know you love her and everything, but what girlfriend tells their boyfriend to go date other girls and see what else is out there? She probably already knew you'd say you weren't going to date other girls but she said that to make it look "fair".

She's playing you like a fiddle my friend. You need to stop thinking about her for a second and think about YOU. What do YOU want out of a relationship? Do YOU really want to be with someone who strings you along, someone who tells you she isn't sure she wants to marry you? Think about what your wants and needs are. Don't let her walk all over you and concentrate on yourself right now. If I were you I would say you want the whole rest of the month to play out. You don't have to date other girls, but go do stuff that makes you happy as an individual and do some self reflection.

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Its been 3 days so far but technically a week since she went on vacation with her family last week. Yes I agree it isn't about religion anymore its more of what you stated her testing the waters. The thing is I felt this same way she did beginning of last year. I wasn't sure about marrying her and stuff but she was ready for me. I went through sometime to think about it spoke to other girls but not date during that time and I managed to get out of this situation and felt happy I decided to come back to her. So I am ready for her now but will need to wait since she is feeling the same so I guess it takes time and yes I will try not to think about her too much and let her figure things out. At the moment I will not jump to conclusions and will let it flow the way it is.

Meanwhile you make sure your own life goes on-dont put everything on hold. Keep busy don't let this stop you from having a life.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Meanwhile you make sure your own life goes on-dont put everything on hold. Keep busy don't let this stop you from having a life.

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Yeah your right at the beginning couple days ago it was so hard man but I let my emotion out and I've never been so badly hurt like this but thanks for the confidence I hit the gym Monday through Friday so that helps me a lot and of course got my friends I will chilling with on the weekends for now.

You see,in spite of the hurt and pain, we have to get on with our lives-it's our only option.

Spending time with people we like and vice-versa is a great thing so enjoy your friends .
You take care now.

I would be doing my thing, whether she came back, or not.

Your handling this the right way.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be doing my thing, whether she came back, or not.

Your handling this the right way.

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Yeah I know I am doing the best I could at the moment so in case she calls back I will talk to her without emotions and just have a simple mutual conversation.

I went to the gym and lifted weights. Then later in the day I guess I had my last emotional feeling of crying hard, and right after I finished crying couple hours later the pain started calming down. All I have now is just my heart pumping pretty hard. Still confused but feel better and I don't cry or feel hurt when I see pictures of my girl now. Very weird feeling I have now like if nothing went wrong and everything is just fine. I believe it has to do with lifting weights which produces endorphins, it gave my spirit an immediate lift. So I will keep going pumping iron. I still love my girl even though I feel this way very strange feeling first time going through this. Has anyone experienced something like this after 3 days of pain?

I guess you've cried yourself out for now-and the gym's helping you so stick with that. Watching comedies and reading books that amuse you also help.
Laughter is a great cure.

Goodness, break up ASAP. Your relationship will absolutely not be a fullfilling marriage. You believe in nothing. She has faith (although it is being torn by the decisions to be with you). To even say, oh well we will teach the kids both and let them decide is absolutely ridiculous. What is this? A competition to see if the kids will become atheist or christian? Give me a break. You are young and you care about one thing right now.. your relationship. And that's fine, don't get me wrong, but you can't even begin to imagine the life you are going to attempt to lead with children involved. This relationship was doomed for failure the second you both met and your religious views were so far jaded. This is a big lesson to her for not making the right decision and dating you and now she has to pay the consequences for her decisions. If she doesn't break up with you and actually does decide to marry you, there will be tons of heartache and problems. (no offense). I've dated a girl for over 8 years and it didn't work out, and albeit there were no religious issues, I can see very clearly now the huge obstacles that were in front of us. 5 years is nothing more than a big cord that needs to be cut... no one wants to cut the cord, you need her, she needs you, your brains need their fix, but no one wants to severe the cord. Go meet a girl who you can enjoy without changing who you are, you will never live up to her standards, and I hope she never gives up hers to attempt to make something work (again no offense).

That is very deep man you made me think the negative way but like I said before I will just be patient and not worry too much about this so far I feel OK. I will take this break and have some time to think about it.

This has nothing to do with the relationship but I've been have some mix feelings on my belief to be honest. I don't know like I do kind of believe there is something out there like supernatural being or thing that touches us but sometimes get confused so I would say I'm more agnostic. I've spoken to my girl about this before the break up and she was surprised and actually felt pretty happy for me. But that doesn't bring any conclusion on how this relationship will end like. I am 80% sure she will come back but I will wait how I will feel by the end of the month. I have a lot of thinking to do about this.


I have one question, lets assume by the end of the month she comes back to me. How should I handle this situation? I am just curious for example should I ask her about her experience during the break or like what she learned from it. I would like to know. I know this is too early but I am just curious.

Generally speaking,and with a realistic warning that very few people do get back together,you'd need to start communicating honestly and would both have to be dedicated to putting a lot of work into the relationship.

Unless all previous issues are sorted out you'll break up again.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Generally speaking,and with a realistic warning that very few people do get back together,you'd need to start communicating honestly and would both have to be dedicated to putting a lot of work into the relationship.

Unless all previous issues are sorted out you'll break up again.

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Makes sense thanks for the advice.

You're welcome,have a nice,busy day!

So far everything is great, not feeling pain and not thinking about her. Just doing my thing and back on track like if nothing happened. My girlfriend called last night while I was asleep, I ended up just having a simple conversation like what I did through out the day and what she been up too. She asked me how I feel about the break up and I told her I think it's a good idea because she needs her space and some time to think about herself. Then she said she wanted to end this break up and come back but in my mind I was like its too early so I told her take some time and go have some fun. I'd like to know what you guys think about my situation. Did I do the right thing? I do not want to get her back right away cause she might have mixed feelings in my opinion.

One way to clear the air and get everyone's feelings out in the open, is to talk about it. Being a good listener is what YOU need at this time, because you have questions. Assuming, and presuming will not give you facts.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

One way to clear the air and get everyones feelings out in the open, is to talk about it. Being a good listener is what YOU need at this time, because you have questions. Assuming, and presuming will not give you facts.

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After she told me about how she wanted to end the break up I was not sure so I told her about how we could start slow and willing to be committed in a relationship but I tried not to go too deep with it. The reason to end the break up was cause she misses me already. Does that help? Btw she told me to call her today since I have a job interview so she wanted to know how I did. Should I talk to her about the relationship. What exactly should I ask her or do? I am not sure about what to say at the moment.

Well we spoke on the phone just talked positively about what happened so I did not mention anything about the relationship so I kept it short and just left doing her thing. She said she was going to call me back but I will try not to pick up this time not sure if I should do that but I want her to think about this and hopefully she will miss me more and realize what she is doing is a mistake. So I'm still using the NC method it's working out fine.

My Ex spoke to me on IM on Thursday just finding out how I was doing. I just told her about how I got a new job (Thursday had an interview for this new job and got it the same day) well she said she was very proud she sent me couple smiley faces and congratulating me and saying she was proud of me. Then Friday she called me at night out of the blew not realizing it was her, while I was in my room organizing things. We spoke on the phone for almost 20 minutes. Which seem pretty long just talked about what she did and the typical conversation you know. She talked about what if we did not have kids then tried to change it to say what if I did not have kids with a wife. That to me is an obvious clue that she really misses me. And how she is going out on a lady's night on Saturday at some club. I encouraged her to go and have fun and enjoy. She mentioned that she thought about coming over and surprising me earlier in the day. And she said that this space is not working out for her. I wasn't so sure what to tell her but I said its OK I understand and that maybe we should meet up face to face and talk about this or just have more time to think about it. She said yeah I will let you know in person and see what's up. So I assume she really misses me so bad and that she is having a very hard time with this space. I am not sure how to approach this but is it OK to meet up sometime later in the week, in case she tells me. Is it a good idea? Or should we just wait till the end of the month. It's been a week now since she broke up with me. And the reverse is happening to me, she is contacting me.

Congratulations on your new job! It seems she is in complete charge of how this is to be handled and that's not fair in my book.
Why don't you suggest a time and place to meet up for this talk-do you really want to wait around for another three weeks or so while she calls all the shots?

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Originally Posted by amicon

Congratulations on your new job! It seems she is in complete charge of how this is to be handled and that's not fair in my book.
Why dont you suggest a time and place to meet up for this talk-do you really want to wait around for another three weeks or so while she calls all the shots?

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Thanks very much, right now I am undecided about this situation. I feel we should talk soon and talk about this relationship deep to the roots. How much time should I give her? One week? I am just afraid she is not ready to talk since she has these mixed emotions. She is not only unsure about me, she is unsure about life in general, she wants to break up but doesn't know if she'll find anyone so she needs someone on the side while she explores. She is being very indecisive. So maybe I should let her know to meet up next weekend? I'm thinking about meeting up with her on Sunday Jan. 17th. That's a week from now is that OK?

You know,its about you and your feelings as well-being more or less told to hang around and wait for somebody else to see if something,or someone better comes around,is not a good place to be. You're her backup plan and that's not a good place to be either.
You need to make your own mind up how much longer you are willing to wait.
Personally,I would never put up with this. If someone isn't willing to talk,here and now,that's it.
That's not being selfish,that's respecting oneself.

I think it is natural for people to contemplate what being with another person would be like, especially when you have been together for so long. She might just need some space and reflection time and may want to come back to you and realise what she is missing out on.

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Originally Posted by kiera90

I think it is natural for people to contemplate what being with another person would be like, especially when you have been together for so long. She might just need some space and reflection time and may want to come back to you and realise what she is missing out on.

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Right I understand her situation because I was in the same position before. I managed to get out of it and happily went back to my girlfriend. I am giving all the space possible, but she keeps contacting me every other day or so. So far she gave me a call and told me she will be coming over and spend some little time so I will take her out to eat for lunch. But she is still taking the break she told me and that she said maybe not a month more like two more weeks.

She called me at 3 am Sunday morning when she was getting out of the club with her friends. She said I love you and miss you. She told me that she was trying to come over and just spend a little time with me. So I let her do that. Well she came over today not to come back with me but just cause she misses me and loves me. We are still broken up. She mentioned that maybe she won't do a month anymore, instead two more weeks. We went out, I took her out to eat and just hang out for a little bit, she came over my house afterwards and stayed at my house for a while. Watched TV and she decided to take a nap with me in bed so we took a nap for like 2 hours. No kissing or anything. She just kissed me on the cheek twice once during watching TV and another when she left. So I was surprised she did not literally come back with me. So I took it slow and not put any pressure. Just acted normal like usual and treated her with respect like always. What do you think about this situation. Would this moment mean that there's possibilities of coming back together? I am just a little confused, we had a good time hanging out.

I really think you should tell her that she needs to make her mind up. She's got you waiting around in limbo and how many more weeks of that are you going to put up with?

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Originally Posted by amicon

I really think you should tell her that she needs to make her mind up. She's got you waiting around in limbo and how many more weeks of that are you going to put up with?

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well when she called me at 3 am Sunday she sounded like she missed me so much and talked to me the way she used to all lovely and caring. But during the conversation I told her are you sure you want to come over. I wasn't sure if she was just coming over to visit cause she misses me or she was actually coming over to come back to me all the way. Well during the conversation she mentioned I am coming over but we are still broken up, did not say it like that but yeah. So that's why I did not want to go fast and kiss her or beg her to come back cause she had boundaries. When she showed those boundaries it kind of hurt me. I tried to do the best I could and made her feel happy. I am happy she came over we had a good time and I respected her in every way by not putting any pressure. While we were eating and finished she said its to cold outside to walk to the car so I told her to stay here and wait inside while I bring the car to the front. While I got up she stared at me with a smile for a good while. I know that was pretty random but I just think that was a moment where she really thought about me and how I treated her right there. I don't want to force her you know, I rather make her think and miss me, so she could come back to me with full love. She even mentioned about if I'd like to come with her to the club next weekend or so I was like yes of course I would. So I wasn't sure. I was pretty scared in way cause If I did make a move she would've dissed me. That's just my opinion. Of course I don't want to wait but the only reason is to win her back, so far the no contact method is working great.

No contact method working great... you're a funny guy.

You're her emotional tampon for lack of a better term. She gets to weem herself off you because you're hooked and she knows it. A good little puppy...

You might consider getting out of this potentially damaging situation. I mean what are you getting out of it… sounds like more pain, frustration, and BS. Your approach is typical… play the pushover nice guy and she'll come crawling back. Maybe you need to let her know that you are no longer a couple and as “not a couple” you need to move on with your life. Cut it off and see if she comes back. If not… well you have your answer. Yes, it's tough. But you're just putting yourself through punishment now. Think about it.

It'll be interesting to see if she blows you off for the 'club date' for the coming weekend. IF you actually still go... I bet you get the 'friend' treatment.

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Originally Posted by Imabadman

No contact method working great... you're a funny guy.

You're her emotional tampon for lack of a better term. She gets to weem herself off of you because you’re hooked and she knows it. A good little puppy...

You might consider getting out of this potentially damaging situation. I mean what are you getting out of it… sounds like more pain, frustration, and BS. Your approach is typical… play the pushover nice guy and she’ll come crawling back. Maybe you need to let her know that you are no longer a couple and as “not a couple” you need to move on with your life. Cut it off and see if she comes back. If not… well you have your answer. Yes, it’s tough. But you’re just putting yourself through punishment now. Think about it.

It'll be interesting to see if she blows you off for the 'club date' for the coming weekend. IF you actually still go... I bet you get the 'friend' treatment.

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Yeah I thought about it and I am prepared for either answer. She comes back I will be happy and I will make her happier. She decides to leave me cool all I have to do is pack up and head down to MIAMI and have a blast with my boys. So I am being patient, I love her and I know she is doing a mistake. As a matter fact I texted her today just said I love you and I miss you... She texted back couple hours later she said "I miss you and love you too!!!! I feel so stupid 4 this, u r such a good guy!!! I love you!" then called me at midnight, I did not pick up the first time. 10 minutes later called again I picked up she was worried about me and was just making sure everythings OK. So I am pretty confident everything will be OK but won't jump into conclusions.

Good luck man. Hope it works out for you.

Just wanted to share what happened Friday 15th. I was just coming home from work and all of sudden I hear the door bell ring. It was my girlfriend. She came over around 3pm. She decided to stay at my house all day. So I was just cool with her and just talked. She got into my bed and I was just sitting on my chair using the laptop. While she was in bed she asked me "I want to tell you something can you come over here?" I went to her while she was laying in my bed and sat down next to her. She pulled me and gave me a kiss on my lips. Eventually she made out with me. At first I was like what is happening, so unexpected. So she told me to get in bed and lay down with me. I did and we cuddled and made out. We were almost about to make love but I did not have any protection. So it did not happen. She wanted to make love so bad and was going crazy with me kissing me making out everything. I felt confused for a minute and asked her what's going on thought you needed the break. She was like is it OK if we do this while on break? Can we make love while we are in break? I was so uncomfortable for a minute. So I told her no we can't I don't have any protection and I feel you could hurt me or hurt yourself. So she pulled my hand and put it right inside of her (her private) so I used my hand instead. After having a little fun in bed we took a long nap together. I told her whatever she is doing please do not play with my heart, I asked her why she wanted to do this and she said "I miss you and I love you, I won't hurt you baby". She cancelled the reservation for our date and decided to hang out with me. I took her out since she wanted to eat. We went to Loehmanns retail store cause there was a sale so she wanted to look and chill with me. After we went to this restaurant had some beer and food and had a pretty good time. She did hold my hand the whole day while we were out. Just like if we were in our normal relationship. Came back home around 10pm. She had to leave since she has work early in the morning. Before she left I asked her so what are we now? Still doing the break? She said "yes I need more time, she asked me are you ok? are you ok with what happened today its ok if your not please let me know" I told her I'm fine just confused but I will let you have more time, and kissed me on my lips and said I love you.

Let me know what you think about this... At first I thought she was coming back with me but it came the other way around. I am definitely confused about this right now. She was very affectionate with me while she still wants the break to me this does not make any sense. I don't know let me know what you think. Thanks

Having gone through the whole dealing with a Christian ex girlfriend with my last situation I have a few comments to offer. My situation was not me an atheist, her a Christian. I am a Christian, but she comes from the family of what I call "Kool Aid Drinker Christian" I don't think I need to elaborate there. We got into one minor disagreement about religion, she broke up with me.

First of all, if her being a Christian is what is really keeping you guys apart, why did she want to have sex with you? Truly devout Christians do not believe in sex before marriage. So for starters it's a bit hypocritical for her to base the break up on difference in religion when she is obviously going against a Christian value right there. (For the record, I am a Christian but I think it's OK to have sex before marriage in a fully committed relationship if you truly and completely love the person - that's just me).

2nd. My ex went through the whole us breaking up, to us talking again, then being friends, and that leading to sexual stuff again. Won't go into too much detail, but it was similar to what you described. Doing the whole deal just short of sex, because I would not go that far while broken up - plus the whole religious sex/no-sex conflict previously. Everything was great, but she also did the "this doesn't mean we're back together" and "this doesn't change anything" bull-honky too. In the end she believed that I manipulated her and that our relationship must've been all physical based.

3rd. If she wants a break, that means no sex, oral, making out, NOTHING. That's what breaking up is. She is getting the physical connection from you without having to commit to you because you are ALLOWING her to. She is doing exactly what she told she would do, exploring what else is out there.

I strongly recommend you get yourself out of this situation. You don't have to be a jerk to her or anything, be nice and casual and just start making yourself unavailable. You definitely need to stop the physical stuff though, because it's going to eventually lead to resentment either towards her because she won't make up her mind, or her towards you for making her make a rash decision while she can't make up her damn mind. I think that's all I got for you bud, just my two cents from experience.

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Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue

Having gone through the whole dealing with a Christian ex girlfriend with my last situation I have a few comments to offer. My situation was not me an atheist, her a Christian. I am a Christian, but she comes from the family of what I call "Kool Aid Drinker Christian" I don't think I need to elaborate there. We got into one minor disagreement about religion, she broke up with me.

First of all, if her being a Christian is what is really keeping you guys apart, why did she want to have sex with you? Truely devout Christians do not believe in sex before marriage. So for starters it's a bit hypocritical for her to base the break up on difference in religion when she is obviously going against a Christian value right there. (For the record, I am a Christian but I think it's ok to have sex before marriage in a fully committed relationship if you truely and completely love the person - that's just me).

2nd. My ex went through the whole us breaking up, to us talking again, then being friends, and that leading to sexual stuff again. Won't go into too much detail, but it was similar to what you described. Doing the whole deal just short of sex, because I would not go that far while broken up - plus the whole religious sex/no-sex conflict previously. Everything was great, but she also did the "this doesn't mean we're back together" and "this doesn't change anything" bull-honky too. In the end she believed that i manipulated her and that our relationship must've been all physical based.

3rd. If she wants a break, that means no sex, oral, making out, NOTHING. That's what breaking up is. She is getting the physical connection from you without having to commit to you because you are ALLOWING her to. She is doing exactly what she told she would do, exploring what else is out there.

I strongly recommend you get yourself out of this situation. You don't have to be a jerk to her or anything, be nice and casual and just start making yourself unavailable. You definitely need to stop the physical stuff though, because it's going to eventually lead to resentment either towards her because she won't make up her mind, or her towards you for making her make a rash decision while she can't make up her damn mind. I think that's all I got for ya bud, just my two cents from experience.

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I spoke to her on the phone and she explained everything. She said she felt scared about our relationship after 5 years and she felt like she was missing out the fun being single hanging out with her friends partying you name it. So she told me before planning to get married with me and have a family she wanted to make sure she could get all of this out of her system before marrying me or moving to the next stage (party life or just having fun) I knew that's where she was coming so I understood her situation. I have no choice but to let her do her thing. She also told me she won't do anything out there like explore sexually or physically with people, just socially and get this single party life out of her system. She is a devoted Christian but yes I understand where you are coming from and she only had sex with me period. So I believe her that she will not do anything stupid. I thought about what you told me and I did have that in mind. I do feel guilty for doing this with her and it does bother me but since she spoke to me about her situation it did help me understand more about her. So she just wants to have fun before getting real serious with me. She is still giving me couple of weeks like two or three more weeks so far. I told her the truth about what happened with sexual and I said its not a good idea to do this while we are on our break, and we should take this break seriously so she can discover herself and spoil her life with fun since she never had it all her life. So again I am letting her have the fun and when she is ready she will let me know. I know this will not take so long cause I already know who she is and her personality, her way of thinking. So I do have confidence she will do OK and she will come back to me cause she told me she wants to have a family with me she wants to marry me but not now. What do you think about this conversation I had with her.

In all honesty, I think she is playing you for a fool. I don't mean that to be condescending towards you, because I've been this same fool because I was wearing rose colored glasses because I was totally in love with her. I try to give advice on here based on what I've experienced first hand.

I know that you totally trust her and have this picture of who she is. I had this same thought about my ex. When we broke up she said that she wanted to be around "people who love God" (because apparently I'm a Satan worshiper or something - It would be hard to find anybody nobler or with a more clear concept of right and wrong than me, what can I say product of good parenting... ) because somehow she felt her life was on the wrong track. We didn't talk for a week or so and then I called her just to see what she was up to and she was telling me how when she went to a girlfriend's pre-wedding party it turned into like an all-night bar hop in a town 30 miles over and she got so wasted that her friends had to help her home and she puked all over the bathroom floor when she got home (she never did anything remotely close to this when we were together). Yeah... that totally sounds like hanging out with people who love God. BULLSH**. Whether she went out and fooled with other dudes, I highly doubt it... but I don't know, and to be honest really don't care. In fact, I wish she would have because it would have been so much easier for me to replace this image of her as an Angel in my mind with her as a total whore. I just feel that she's feeding you this same bullsh**.

What she is telling you is that she doesn't feel like she can have fun WITH YOU?? What is that all about? Loving couples love spending time with each other, and have all kinds of fun. She should feel like she can go out with her girlfriends while still being together with you - If she did truly love you. Needing to have fun and be single is BS. Sounds like she just got comfortable with you and doesn't want it anymore but she's afraid to cut you off completely because then she's in unknown territory. Bottom line is she could still be together with you and go out with her girlfriends and even talk to other guys if she is only interested in just meeting new friends and personalities on a total platonic level. She doesn't want that because she will totally go to a romantic level with a new guy that she meets the second she finds somebody who catches her eye. Since she's on a break with you, if she does fool around with some dude she's not a cheating whore in her mind.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, it's just that over the past 6 months I've gained this incredible sixth sense of spotting BULLSH** from girls ;) So all in all, I guess my final advice is to keep contact to an absolute minimum, if not completely instituting NC. I think that you need to start preparing yourself for that fact that it is over completely and start moving on. If she does tell you it's over then you're already a good ways into the healing process. If she comes back to you and wants to get back together, then you can make that decision from a much better position emotionally for yourself.