Lol, Good morning on this wonderful Friday. I had to vent to someone, and I sent a PM to a friend but think venting to you guys would also help me greatly. My relationship is hitting a serious rut as of late. All my fiancé does is work and homework, which I understand but can't help but feel neglected. We spend no quality time together, we live with each other but she doesn't get off work until 6 and by the time she gets home it's usually 6:30. Then the two little girls are with us until 7 when they get a bath, once their done, it's 7:30 and we get dressed to go to the gym at 8. We get back from the gym at around 9 or so. Then she starts on her homework which takes her until close to midnight at times and then she immediately wants to go to bed. Every other weekend we don't have the girls, so that's usually our weekend to do things together. Well now she has to work. She told them her availability is only until 4pm on the weekends. Saturday they have her working until 5:15, then she has a ton of homework she says, so once again no quality time. So I held out hope for Sunday, now she has to work Sunday as well. I feel like I am being patient as it is and understanding, but it's been this way for a month and a half. I don't mean to sound like a pig, but our sex life has all but STOPPED! It's to the point where I have to schedule in advance for it, and even then it gets canceled most times.

I know I am in the wrong here, but hear me out. I'm not making life difficult for her or even bringing this stuff up. Actually it's quite the opposite, she texted me this morning saying "I'm sorry I feel like I don't have time for anything. and you've been so patient, thank you for that." But it is still really frustrating and I'm getting to the point where I am at a complete loss with what to do or how to handle this. I know some of you might say, just deal with it but it is quite difficult. I'm trying to do what I can to ease the load that she is handling but I can only do so much. I am currently, picking the girls up from day care, feeding them, doing their homework with them and taking the oldest to her tee ball practice and being the assistant coach on the team.

Been there Rome, been EXACTLY where you're at... it is hard. Don't really know what to say but good luck. Takes patience and a lot of it. I assume summertime means she isn't taking classes? If that is so, hopefully you can get some quality time in together. No doubt she is stressed out to the max, so luckily she has you to be such a good support system.

Carry on... :cool:

Thanks KC, and I hope she has the summer off but I don't know because they are online courses. At least after this semester she only takes one class and the work load is easier. Sadly that is 4-5 weeks away. I know she is really stressed out, which is why I vented here instead of telling her because I didn't want to seem selfish and add to her stress level.

As frustrating as it is, keep doing it. She needs the help and support, and so do the kids. Been there myself many times. The good news, it will pass as do all glitches that life throws at us.

Geez, I feel like you already know what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway, Cope with this situation in a positive way, no matter how hard it may seem, and reap the benefits of helping your partner, through this difficult time.

Consider this a cyber slap on the back, for doing the right thing by yourself. Great rant

"Carry on"/ by KCTIGER!

Thanks Tal, it really means a lot to know that I have learned so much from this site and the people on it. She is an art major so they have her doing tons of drawings, which take a lot of time and stress her out. So I figured vent to my friends on her, make her life easier whatever way possible. I help her out as much as I can, she is currently taking an English class and struggles writing, as she says. So I proof read her material before she submits it to help her out a little bit more.


Thanks guys!

You are doing so great, Rome. You are such a wonderful man to her, and offer such great support to her as well. Things will start to mellow out with her busyness but in the meantime, keep doing what you are doing, and by the way, you are not wrong at all for feeling the way you are feeling. It can be frustrating sometimes when you don't have enough quality time together, but you will, especially once you two are married. You have your whole lives together in front of you :-)

Awl thanks Starlite, I know we have our whole lives ahead of us and that is really exciting. I guess, as bad as it sounds, I almost feel unappreciated in a way. Which I know isn't the case, but the disconnection helps feed the monster of it. Like last night, I went out and got her fruit because she had been craving it, when I came home I cut it all up for her and made her coffee because I knew it would be a late night with her homework.

I am right there with you Rome minus the kids. My wife works and goes to school. Here job just laid off 600 people so she is working some much over time to make up for all the people gone in her department. Then she gets home and it is homework homework homework.

I was lucky last month was my birthday or I probably wouldn't have had sex since Feb. She just doesn't have time or energy. It rather sucks but I understand and the semester is almost over.

The worst part is she is so busy and Im really not that busy. Then she gets mad at me for watching TV. We have been having stupid arguments and that is not helping at all. I understand it would drive me crazy if I was that busy and she wasn't but I finished college years ago and my job didn't lay off 600 people. I got a copy of Rosetta stone to learn some different languages but have yet to use it because she needs the computer all the time and that's fine.

It's not like I come home sit in front of the TV with a beer in one hand and my other hand down my pants like Al Bundy. I do whatever house work needs to be done when I get home. It is not that much because it is only the two of us. I go to the Gym in the morning because I know I won't go after work plus it is just empty in the morning so I get done faster. She hasn't had time to go to the gym so I think that is making her mad also.

Sorry Rome didn't mean to Hi-jack your thread but I have held this in so long that I feel much better letting it out.

Ha ha no problem Spit, maybe this will turn into a nice venting thread. I know how you feel about the stupid arguments! We have been having them as of late as well. I can't even remember what half of them are about. We are definitely in the same position because she complains that I have all the free time, which I don't. I clean up, do dishes, make dinner at times(not the best cook), get the girls ready the best I can, make her coffee when she needs it, mow the lawn, fix the vehicles and any other household chores that need to be done. When I finally relax, I watch some TV or play some Xbox. I also see your point about your sex life as well. The last time, that I can remember was on our over night stay in Atlantic City. Once we got back, shut down. It got to the point where I would have to ask, and then it's not fun for me and makes me feel even worse if she says "no"

Hey you... great post... and such a real problem for most relationships.

As normal, I agree with the others... but have one question... Is there any way you could do the gym in the mornings? That would give you that solid hour of together time..

So what do you do? I have been here too and it created a lot of resentment. I don't think I handled it right but I felt like I was be taking advantage of. I mean come on, if I loved someone but was so busy, I would at least make time, you can always make time.

Dude are you kidding me!! AC was the last time for me too!! We went to Harrahs for my birthday. I really didn't want to go but she loves the Red Door spa so I got her a day there while I gambled. Weekend was great but once we got back it was all over. 2 weeks ago I made her go to the spa in Philly (well actually a suburb of Philly) she loves just so she could relax.

I have to admit it has been hard but I never thought marriage would be easy. But I now understand what everyone talks about on here about how you have to work at a relationship.

She is not a morning person ha ha, I could do the gym in the mornings as I used to but we get up at around 6:30 every morning to get the girls ready for school.


I wish we could do the gym in the morning.

Ha ha I agree Spit, it is a lot of work, but well worth it I think. I'm hoping I don't have to wait until my birthday for the next round(it's in August ha ha) Once we got done in AC, it was Easter and man, it all was over. The whole time together was GONE! Back to the school work.

And inertia, the best way to deal with it, which I am trying is to be understanding that there is a lot of their plate. They might not even realize how you are feeling because they are so distracted by everything.

I try to put myself in her shoes. I know if I have that rare stressful day at work then come home and have a bunch of things to fix around the house I am in a bad mood. Now she has to do that everyday except school work with a deadline so that is even more stressful. I don't want to add to her stress by saying make time for me.

That's my point Spit, I know she is under A LOT of stress and making myself sound selfish and needy is only going to add to it and fuel a possible argument. So I'll just take the licks now and wait for the storm to pass, hopefully sooner than later

Yeah that is what I am doing. My problem is I like to argue with people and sometimes when I should just say yes, no, OK, I start to argue with her and that makes everything worse so I keep that in mind when she gets upset.

Yep, exactly! I am what some people might call "confrontational when it comes to certain things. I also sometimes have a tough time conveying my point to someone without sounding demanding.

Rome dear a little something to brighten your day "Alles hat ein ende, nur die wurst hat zwei".

Do you need a translation?

This too shall pass. Her school work won't last forever, even though I'm sure it feels that way.

I remember all too well when hubby started a new job. He had to go to 2 training courses each month, 1 week each, out of town, in winter while I was pregnant, for 6 months.

I was miserable, stuck at home, fat, retaining water, lonely, hormonal, you name it! But telling him wasn't an option. I knew that he felt horrible that he was gone half the month, adding to that wasn't going to help either one of us, he had to do it and I had to suck it up! :)

I have an idea to spice things up a bit, hope it's doable and to your liking.

Her next day off, when she doesn't have too much on her plate, get a sitter, rent a nice hotel room, go, order room service, strawberries covered in chocolate, feed each other in the tub, drink wine and just enjoy each other. Sound good? Sound doable? Do it!

In the meantime, you're doing what needs to be done, you're a great guy, so chin up, look forward, there is an end in sight!

The only days off she has are during the week when I am working. We did the hotel room thing 2 weeks ago before Easter and even then it was stressful because she had to worry about school still. I am starting to feel better because of this thread to be honest, I guess I just needed the outlet?

Its hard waiting for the end of the semester, and things get back to normal. Until next semester.

Oh yes, extremely hard ha ha but I know that adding to her stress level will only make things worse. The best thing I can do for her and I is to let it roll and try to be a supportive and understanding fiancé that she needs right now

My wife is happy that I am doing all the cooking. I grew up in my grandma's restaurant so I have been cooking since I was 10. I try to make her something that she loves at least once a week and if that means cooking fish (I HATE THE SMELL OF COOKED SEAFOOD) then I do it for her. You know if you have asked me 5 years ago if you were married and didn't have sex for over a month what would you do My answer without hesitation would be LEAVE. Funny how we grow up.

Quote:

---

You know if you have asked me 5 years ago if you were married and didn't have sex for over a month what would you do My answer without hesitation would be LEAVE. Funny how we grow up.

---

Ain't that the truth?

It's amazing what you learn to accept, what you get accustomed to.

We've had our dry spells, all couples do. I've been with hubby for 19 years, heck, if we didn't have problems I'd be surprised.

The key is getting through the tough times, they never last forever. In the end your relationship will be stronger because you hung in.

Wow, that sounds so grown up. What the heck is happening to me? ;)

EXACTLY! That really is too funny. That was my answer too, people would say "once you get married, sex is gone" I would say "and so would I be."

I can't cook at all, but I am a good coffee maker. I try to start her morning off right everyday, I get her food ready and also pour her coffee as well as get the girls food done for her.

Ha ha! I know, I'm 22 and I'm realizing that a relationship isn't always rainbows and butterflies, you have to work for it. Sometimes it's going to rain and when you think it can't get any worse, it rains harder, but I'll still stand through the rain because I know she's worth it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ha ha! I know, I'm 22 and I'm realizing that a relationship isn't always rainbows and butterflies, you have to work for it. Sometimes it's going to rain and when you think it can't get any worse, it rains harder, but I'll still stand through the rain because I know she's worth it.

---

You're only 22! Wow! I put you at late 20's early 30's, you've got a good head on your shoulders for 22.

Oops, now all the 22 year olds are going to give me crap. Bring it on! :D

Ha ha! I've been through a lot in my short amount of years that forced my hands at growing up quicker than most. I had a life threatening disease when I was 12 and when I pulled through, I knew I needed to live life to the fullest and not waste time. That became my driving force behind setting goals and accomplishing them quickly. Then at 17, I lost my best friend in a car accident, and just compounded my belief that life is short. So I have a career, a wonderful fiancé and 2 great kid(well step kids but I don't see them that way)

Quote:

---

So I have a career, a wonderful fiancé and 2 great kid(well step kids but I don't see them that way)

---

Because you love them they are your kids. I believe there's much more to being a parent then just supplying the DNA. :)

I too grew up pretty quick because of crap that happened. I didn't have a life threatening disease, just a lot of really bad life altering events. I really could have turned out a lot differently, somehow I found my way here and I like it.

I often wonder what kind of person I'd be if I hadn't suffered through the things in my past. Better? Worse? I guess I'll never know. You play the cards your dealt, and I play to win! :)

Your kids are lucky to have you, so is your fiancé. You'll get through this, because you want to. It really is as simple as that. Go figure. ;)

Ha ha I know! Alten you made things so much better, you're right if you want to get through something, you will. How is it that simple lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ha ha I know! Alten you made things so much better, you're right if you want to get through something, you will. How is it that simple lol

---

It just is. :cool:

Now you have the key to life, use it wisely grasshopper! :D

Geez, Rome now you have jinxed me. My wife read this darn rant and she is withholding sex until I draw her a nice bath, cook her a nice meal, massage her feet... and take out the garbage!! Now what? Should I just leave??

Too late, she locked the front door, is the window a good option?

We settled things, how do I look in this apron??

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

We settled things, how do I look in this apron???

---

Pictures! I want pictures! :D

I guess this discussion has already gone in another direction.

But I wanted to say a few things. First off, you're doing really well Rome. The fact that she texts you by acknowledging that you are in deed very patient with her is a very good sign. Just keep supporting her.

I'm not sure how much longer she has until she graduates, but this is one of the reasons strict parents tell us not to date while we're still in school. School takes up a lot of time and some people also have to work to keep up with bills. This is the decision that the two of you made. You believe that you will find a balance, but you should also be aware that some things, especially school has to take priority.

I know it sucks that you don't get to spend time together, but it will get better. Why don't you meet her during her lunch breaks on the weekends?

I am planning on meeting her for lunch breaks this coming weekend and also have a lot of work to do on her Jeep. Her muffler was messed up by her ex before we met and I am finally going to fix it since we have some nice weather and I got a welder.


Also Tal, the window would have been a good option! I bet the apron looks great on you! Tell me it's flower print too!

I've got a few aprons that I think would suit Tal. Take your pick Tal. :)

Attachment 18983

Attachment 18984

Attachment 18985

Have you been stalking me Alten, that's my body in the last apron!

And my apron in the first picture.