Hey All,

Just stopping by to gripe a little so I do not break my NC. I would say its been about 8 weeks so far that me and my ex girl are broken up. She called my cousin because he got engaged and she also called my grandmother to say hi and all. We also have a few mutual friends that I still keep in touch with and hang out. The other day I found out that she asks how I am doing and all nothing more just asks for a update to make sure I'm still breathing. This is were it gets interesting. She also told them she would like to call me but she said that I'm so in love with her and attached to her I wouldn't be able to stand to talk to her and not have her. She also told them that I loved her so much more than she could ever love me and that I need her. She went on how she was my everything. OMG you don't know how bad I wanted to call her on the spot and flip out on her. I mean she's going out doing what she has to do FINE! Were not together but why is she talking all this garbage?? What did I do?? I don't call her I don't text her I don't email her. I don't get it. To top it all off she calls my cousin and ask how I'm doing so his answer is great and she starts laughing and is like yea sure. My grandmother the same thing she say's he's doing great and she's don't believe it. She thinks she's gods gift to men I don't get it. I feel like she never cared about me especially with this cocky attitude. I just don't know but I had to vent to get this all out so I don't break NC, cause she won't ever she just wants to talk how I'm sooo in need of her...

Any thought??

I guess she is in denial and this is her way of coping with the breakup. Why does it bother you so much. It is probably wishful thinking on her part, but was the split amicable, did you both agree to split up ?

I think there is more to this story then meets the eye :) (or lips)

She's just trolling for a reaction from you. Don't take the bait.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tickle

I guess she is in denial and this is her way of coping with the breakup. Why does it bother you so much. It is probably wishful thinking on her part, but was the split amicable, did you both agree to split up ?

I think there is more to this story then meets the eye :) (or lips)

---

Well I just felt like she didn't want to be with me no more and one day we had a small figth and I was like what gives do you no want to be with me or something? She was like of course I do after going back and forth she said you no what no I don't think its working we have different beliefs that are to different. I wanted to try to make it work but it was over at that point. We were 3 hours from home so we spent the next 3 hours driving home when we got to her house we hugged kissed and I left and that was the last time I saw her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

She's just trolling for a reaction from you. Don't take the bait.

---

I kind of lost it not to her but I did get a little upset and told her friend what's her problem? Her friend told me she don't even trust her when it comes to loyalty she had a friendship with a girl for 10 yrs the my ex met a new friend and bang never talked to her again or anything. No tears never any upset atitude that's it she's just COLD!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

Well I just felt like she didnt want to be with me no more and one day we had a small figth and I was like what gives do u no want to be with me or something?? She was like of course I do after going back and forth she said you no what no I dont think its working we have different beliefs that are to different. I wanted to try to make it work but it was over at that point. We were 3 hours from home so we spent the next 3 hours driving home when we got to her house we hugged kissed and I left and that was the last time i saw her.




I kind of lost it not to her but I did get a little upset and told her friend whats her problem?? Her friend told me she dont even trust her when it comes to loyalty she had a friendship with a girl for 10 yrs the my ex met a new friend and bang never talked to her again or anything. no tears never any upset atitude thats it shes just COLD!

---

That's my thought of her!

Just stick to your guns and keep on doing what you've been doing. She'll get the idea out of her head sooner or later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Just stick to your guns and keep on doing what you've been doing. She'll get the idea out of her head sooner or later.

---

You I hear that its just sad how after 3 years this is the way things worked out and this is what she really thinks and believes.

How is she abusing you? She is playing games with you and members of your family. Guess that could be some kind of emotional abuse. You do not have to listen to any of it. When you family tells you, stop them right away and say, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS." Then stick to it. In fact, you can go as far as informing your family and friends that talking about you, behind your back to this woman, is a breach of your personal confidentiality. They do not need to be telling tales about you to her. Once they stop feeding that beast information, she will give up.

You keep that No Contact in place. Do not rise to her baiting, rise above her and keep the higher ground to yourself. She wants you to call and rant. If you do that, she wins!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

How is she abusing you? She is playing games with you and members of your family. Guess that could be some kind of emotional abuse. You do not have to listen to any of it. When you family tells you, stop them right away and say, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS." Then stick to it. In fact, you can go as far as informing your family and friends that talking about you, behind your back to this woman, is a breach of your personal confidentiality. They do not need to be telling tales about you to her. Once they stop feeding that beast information, she will give up.

You keep that No Contact in place. Do not rise to her baiting, rise above her and keep the higher ground to yourself. She wants you to call and rant. If you do that, she wins!

---

Ya that makes sense, But it makes me wonder could she serious believe that. Does she believe I'm going to die without her. That Im so in love with her I can't deal with it. I just do not know anymore.

Yes, she seriously believes this. She is too much into herself to know anything else. Used to call those kind of females as having as "goddess complex" - the world circles around them and every man in her orbit. Good thing you are done with her, that would have a tough relationship to fulfill.

Chris, just keep up with the NC, and don't worry about who she talks to or what she asks. They all know she is crazy and that you are better off without her. She is just bored with herself and does not know what else to do right now.. It is no longer your problem, too bad it took three years of your valuable time to experience one with a complex as big as her's.

I hope you find the woman you deserve, just give yourself time and get to know other women who are not so self-serving.

Good luck and keep us posted on your healing progress. You sound like you're doing pretty good except for being angry at her communicating with others. She is still alive and will talk to anyone who will listen, but it should not bother you that much anymore.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chery

Chris, just keep up with the NC, and don't worry about who she talks to or what she asks. They all know she is crazy and that you are better off without her. She is just bored with herself and does not know what else to do right now.. It is no longer your problem, too bad it took three years of your valuable time to experience one with a complex as big as her's.

I hope you find the woman you deserve, just give yourself time and get to know other women who are not so self-serving.

Good luck and keep us posted on your healing progress. You sound like you're doing pretty good except for being angry at her communicating with others. She is still alive and will talk to anyone who will listen,, but it should not bother you that much anymore.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

---

Hey Funny thing she really will talk to anyone who will listen that is sooo true that's exactly her lol. I am definitely doing well just hit ruff patches sometimes like the holidays now and I find out what she's saying. O well point is I agree with u

Sounds to me like an inferiority complex in which she needs to reaffirm her (percieved)superiority over you. If you treat her as insignificant it hurts her worse than if you told her off. Maintain total no contact. It is exactly what she does not want.You are lucky to have gotten away from this one.

Send a message back via your mutual friends that says

Evidently she is the one N0T over me just LOOK at the obsession that she can't stop talking about me after I have had N0 CONTACT with her all this time!

That should nip it in the bud!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

Hey All,

Just stopping by to gripe a little so I do not break my NC. I would say its been about 8 weeks so far that me and my ex girl are broken up. She called my cousin because he got engaged and she also called my grandmother to say hi and all. We also have a few mutual friends that I still keep in touch with and hang out. The other day I found out that she asks how I am doing and all nothing more just asks for a update to make sure im still breathing. This is were it gets interesting. She also told them she would like to call me but she said that im so in love with her and attached to her I wouldn't be able to stand to talk to her and not have her. She also told them that I loved her so much more than she could ever love me and that I need her. She went on how she was my everything. OMG you don't no how bad I wanted to call her on the spot and flip out on her. I mean she's going out doing what she has to do FINE! were not together but why is she talking all this garbage????? what did i do??? I don't call her I don't text her I don't email her. I don't get it. To top it all off she calls my cousin and ask how I'm doing so his answer is great and she starts laughing and is like yea sure. My grandmother the same thing she say's hes doing great and she's don't believe it. She thinks she's gods gift to men I don't get it. I feel like she never cared about me especially with this cocky attitude. I just don't know but I had to vent to get this all out so I don't break NC, cause she wont ever she just wants to talk how I'm sooo in need of her...

Any thought???

---

She is an insecure little girl and goading you to get you to call her and breakdown and flip her out. Women are 10 times better than us at emotional control. She is trying to make herself feel better. A secure individual feels no need to bash the other person because they are secure with their own position in life. Don't let it frustrate you, realize she is still a bit angry about the breakup and has to use passive aggressiveness to get back at you. It's classic. Has happened to me before. Listen, if you really want to show her how much of a good guy you are than laugh those things off. When your friends mention it then say "haha, well if that makes her feel better". Don't respond negatively at all, in fact say you're happy she's doing well. Make it look like it doesn't even faze you. Do not call her as you would be playing right into her game. Be strong. You're doing well and the fact you are keeping NC is driving her to do these ridiculous and childish things. Cheers!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

Hey Funny thing she really will talk to anyone who will listen that is sooo true thats exactly her lol. I am definatly doing well just hit ruff patches sometimes like the holidays now and I find out what shes saying. O well point is i agree with u

---

Thanks hon. Next time you can click on the orange button and 'rate this answer', then agree with our help that way.

Glad I could help.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_20.gif

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cerisa

Sounds to me like an inferiority complex in which she needs to reaffirm her (percieved)superiority over you. If you treat her as insignificant it hurts her worse than if you told her off. Maintain total no contact. It is exactly what she does not want.You are lucky to have gotten away from this one.

---

Question I have her on my myspace account and she has me now that this is going on would I look like a dummy or look weak if I removed her now.?

Everyone is saying to take her out of everything and I have not this makes me want to.

Remove her! You would not look like a dummy or a weak person - it would be a smart move.

Take her out! She has no power to use you if you don't let her.

You should tell your family to stop answering her calls and tell your mutual friends that you don't want to know anything about what is going on with her or anything that she says. Or, you can just let her sit on her high horse and think whatever she wants, and just make yourself laugh at the ridiculous things that she is saying. It's almost funny the things that you find out about a person after you are no longer together with them... because you are able to look at the stupid things they do and say without any bias. So either tell your family to stop communicating with her or just kick back and laugh at her. Don't waste a minute of your time on her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

question I have her on my myspace account and she has me now that this is going on would I look like a dummy or look weak if i removed her now.???

---

Chris
I would definitely remove her like the others have said , it will show you are not hanging on to her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Chris
I would definately remove her like the others have said , it will show you are not hanging on to her.

---

OK I think your all right the only reason I have not removed her yet was because I feel once I do that its definitely over and there's no more chances of getting her back... Does this sound dumb??

First off I got to give you a TON of props for not calling her after that. I know I'd flip out, but it goes to show your strength of character to not have called.

From my view point you are inside her head. She obviously insulted you or said that you cannot get over her because she is angry that you have not called her, she's pissed about that:).

What I am learning is that some girls can't take being ingnored, they may not be wanting you again, but they sure as heck want you to want them. You, my man, are giving it to her good with the N/C. Some girls don't care if you don't call and they move on, your girls cares and I could not imagine a better way to keep getting at her than NOT CALLING, especially if she thinks you will have heard what she said. She may have said it to get you to call, but you know your betterthan that, you've already proved it.

Good on you man.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BMI

First off I gotta give you a TON of props for not calling her after that. I know I'd flip out, but it goes to show your strength of character to not have called.

From my view point you are inside her head. She obviously insulted you or said that you cannot get over her b/c she is angry that you have not called her, she's pissed about that:).

What I am learning is that some girls can't take being ingnored, they may not be wanting you again, but they sure as heck want you to want them. You, my man, are giving it to her good with the N/C. Some girls don't care if you don't call and they move on, your girls cares and I could not imagine a better way to keep getting at her than NOT CALLING, especially if she thinks you will have heard what she said. She may have said it to get you to call, but you know your betterthan that, you've already proved it.

Good on you man.

---

Ya it took a lot not to call ill tell you that. Now I just need to make the next move and cut her off everything I'm just not sure if that cuts all ties and if that's right?? Will that cut my ties with her or if its meant to be it just will be?

That's a question I have been debating for the last little while. My girl was jabbing me kind of like yours is, It got to me and so I deleted every possible way to communicate with her saveher phone number. I went 3 months and was slowly getting over it until I had a moment and called her, NOW she is on my MSN and we talk once and a while.

Here's the thing, sometimes I wonder whether calling her was the right move, but at the same time I wonder if I have a shot at her in the future, that's the problem we all face. IF you go N/C you will heal and eventually be over it, if you go back than it will take longer to heal and you may hurt yourself even worse BUT you MAY, one day get her back. It all depends on what your willing to do for it, how important she is to you and so on.

I mean, if my ex-girl posted a pic with her and a new man I would be hurt, but It was me who made the decision to re-open these possibilities, just makesure you can handle whatever comes your way IF you do call her. Just be PREPARED!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BMI

Thats a question I have been debating for the last little while. My girl was jabbing me kinda like yours is, It got to me and so I deleted every possible way to communicate with her saveher phone number. I went 3 months and was slowly getting over it until I had a moment and called her, NOW she is on my MSN and we talk once and a while.

Here's the thing, sometimes i wonder whether calling her was the right move, but at the same time i wonder if i have a shot at her in the future, thats the problem we all face. IF you go N/C you will heal and eventually be over it, if you go back than it will take longer to heal and you may hurt urself even worse BUT you MAY, one day get her back. It all depends on what your willing to do for it, how important she is to you and so on.

I mean, if my ex-girl posted a pic with her and a new man I would be hurt, but It was me who made the decision to re-open these possibilities, just makesure you can handle whatever comes your way IF you do call her. Just be PREPARED!

---

No CALLing will not happen that's a fact!

With myspace I am just getting to the point were I check her account every so often to see if there are any changes or things like that. I really want opinion of who thinks I should remove her from my list and who thinks I shoudnt?? If I do remove her does it ruin any chances of getting back wwith her or does it make things worse for our relationship or better..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

If I do remove her does it ruin any chances of getting back wwith her or does it make things worse for our relationship or better..

---

Just remove her. MySpace creates too much problems anyway. It makes you inclined to check her page. Besides, if you guys didn't get back together, it's not because you removed her on MySpace, it's because she's a biotch that didn't know she had someone good and let him go.

Yeah, also tell your family to stop taking her calls. They should be on your side. And as for mutual friends... yikes... I know how you feel there. My aunt is my ex's boss. And it eats me alive to hear things. Thankfully, my aunt doesn't tell me crap. So tell your mutual friends not to talk about it.

Good luck.

This sounds true

Okie all, So I actually removed her she's gone off mypage now I guess the last issue is the fact that I have made friends with a lot of her friends and we still stay togethor when she's not around of course. So not sure how this is going to make her react but if she gets mad and has her friends not stay with me anymore then that's just the way it has to be. Then I will move forward in a different part of my life. Not sure why I made such a big deal out of this but in a small little way it kind of feels good. Just hope it was the right choice.

Basically just keep up the no contact. She actually has herself convinced of what she is saying or just likes to lie about things. Either way going back with her ( or even talking with her) will only dredge up old feelings and make YOUR stress levels go up.

Well that's why I removed her from my contact and my myspace . I think I'm going to even start deleting the email address she has on my email account no need for me to store her things were I got to see them ever dam day!

That was moving forward...

There used to be a song I liked a lot where the lady sang: "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, and send him on his way".. It's an oldie, but it stuck to me for some reason. This also can apply to guys.. just use your favorite shampoo. - or even find another shampoo that will not remind you of the relationship with her. Any effort you make to adjust your life and lose those memories is helpful in cases like this.

I promise, within time, you'll get better and better at it and start enjoying your life again.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

I lost a lot of my friends because of this relationship so that's my biggest thing cause when I'm with other buddies or family I feel great I don't think about her its when I'm alone or when I wake up in the moening I do the most thinking . Even the weekend she always goes out sometimes I wonder who she's with. But the truth is I had the thought of us breaking up for the longest time I was just scared of being alone

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chris28

I lost alot of my friends because of this relationship so thats my biggest thing cause when im with other buddies or family I feel great i dont think about her its when im alone or when i wake up in the moening i do the most thinking . Even the weekend she always goes out sometimes i wonder who shes with. But the truth is I had the thought of us breaking up for the longest time I was just scared of being alone

---

At least you are being honest with yourself. Being alone can be good if used constructively. Rearrange your room, buy something new for the place, even move the bed to another location - as long as it's not the same as when she was there... that will also make it easier.

You'll also make new friends.. ones that care about you and not the relationships you have had or will have in the future. So... get out and get out of that 'lonely zone'.

Hey Chris, this was EXACTLY like my situation only for the fact that it was Facebook not myspace (same deal). Hopefully she does not take you deleting her as a response to what she said about you, but even so I agree with the move.

Sites like myspace and Facebook are the DEVIL whenit comes to ex's, you don't want to know what she is doing or whom she speaks to, that's why I deleted my girl, to save me from going insane.

From my own situation it was the rightmove, I mean you still have her number and she still has yours. If anything you have removed the "easy" way out, which is just send a message via the internet, this will make her call you if she has something to say.

Overall I think your in a good position, its hard to NC I know, but you still have the ability to contact her and she can contact you as well, so if something will eventually happen you have the ability to let it. So you should not worry about whether this was the right choice or not, you really have not lost anything, only gained. I would notbe surprisedif she contacts you in some way to confront you deleting her, that's what mine did, if shedoes you know she cares:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BMI

Hey Chris, this was EXACTLY like my situation only for the fact that it was facebook not myspace (same deal). Hopefully she does not take u deleting her as a response to what she said about you, but even so I agree with the move.

Sites like myspace and facebook are the DEVIL whenit comes to ex's, you don't want to know what she is doing or whom she speaks to, thats why i deleted my girl, to save me from going insane.

From my own situation it was the rightmove, i mean you still have her number and she still has yours. If anything you have removed the "easy" way out, which is just send a message via the internet, this will make her call you if she has something to say.

Overall I think ur in a good position, its hard to NC i know, but you still have the ability to contact her and she can contact you as well, so if something will eventually happen you have the ability to let it. So you should not worry about whether this was the right choice or not, you really have not lost anything, only gained. I would notbe surprisedif she contacts you in some way to confront you deleting her, thats what mine did, if shedoes you know she cares:)

---

Yea I no about face book same concept See I found myself checking it all the time to see if she's talking to new guys what she's up to and so on. So I always wanted to keep it but every time I saw new pics or even old ones it made me upset. So instead of keeping this up I figured after all that was said and done its time. I called a month ago when I found out she was having surgey she didn't have much to say. She did ask if I was dating and how I was doing but I kind of got the cold shoulder like she was akward or something to talk to me. So why should I keep hurting myself my looking at her myspace when who knows what she's thinking only think I no is that she broke up with me its her choice. And that I must move on now.

YOu got it Chris. I'm still in shock at how similar this is to my situation. I was on Facebook for days and days tracing every single wall post and new guy she added, I had to delete my account cause I was obsessed. I too also called her after a month and she was very cold to me, that's when I decieded to leave Facebook.

You can check out my story on this site, basically it the thinking and situation that will happenif you do deceide to call her again, for now though I'd let it be and start healing, then you can re-assess your feelings after some time.

Hey So my granmother just called me and she finished the story about my my ex told her when she called. She forgot to mention that when anna my ex call she asked my grandmother if she heard the news so she said no what , she then goes on he didn't tell you he's going skiing with MY FRIENDS, I can't go cause I have a party so they invited him. But of course they asked me if I was OK with it cause if I said no they said they would not take him.

Now I no even that she told my grandmother not to mention to me that she called, how could someone's own family member not mention something like this to them. So now I'm even more happy that I cut her off my myspace and kept the NC.

Why would she say something like this is she didn't care what I did or was doinng??

Because it bothers the heck out of her that you are not there, begging like a dog for a bone, for her favors. It REALLY bothers her. Not so much because she wants you back but for the fact that she is a goddess. Your Grandmother should just hang up the phone next time she calls - your Grandma does not need that drama queen either.