So here I sit at work - browsing the Internet for a definitive answer, but I have come to realize there is no definitive answer to my question.

Here is the background:

All is fine and well in my life - great boyfriend of 4 years, great family and a few great friends (which I have done on purpose). My grandfather is admitted to hospital for a routine surgery, expected to recover and be released the following day - this did not happen. He fell ill and Doctors did not know what was wrong - the stress enveloped the family. I grew anxious and one evening I snapped at my boyfriend when it was not deserved. The next day my boyfriend and I are discussing how he is not ready to be married or own a home. Shock! We had been talking about those topics regularly and nothing had been mentioned until then. I was upset and felt lost. I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't know if they wanted to be married. But it wasn't over - We spent 4 hours on the phone that night. My eyes swollen from crying - he called three times after we hung up to make sure I was all right. Before he hung up he said "I love you so much and I don't want to lose you. It doesn't have to end now, we can work on things." I was comforted.
The next day I try calling him, texting him etc and he does not reply until 5:30pm. He states that he will be coming to my house to talk. He arrived (this being the next day) - we talked. I stated that its unfair for him to expect me to end something if he is the one that wants it - I honestly didn't expect the following answer - he says "I'm unhappy". So long story short he wanted us to be over - I begged him to give me one month to prove that things will change (During a later conversation he had expressed some issues and concerns, which I admitted were valid concerns). So here we are a week and a half later. I found it VERY hard to give him his space and found myself wanting to tell him about the things I was willing to do. What plagues me is how can someone love you so much, show no signs of a faltering relationship and not even 24hrs later tell you its over - and have to be coerced into "thinking" about things?

Anyway, we decided that we would set a boundary - I was struggling with the fact that I did not know where his head was at and how long it would take him to call. So, from Monday (Sept 17, 07) we decided that he would call sometime next week. So right now, we are not together and I fear that we will never be together again.

I need some help on staying positive and keeping myself stress free until we do talk again. What if he tells me its over? Any advice?

Well, this is not what you want to hear. But ASSUME THAT IT IS OVER. It sounds like the reality of the future is not something you boyfriend is willing to deal with. Usually when someone is confused, or wary, or scared, it is NOT A GOOD SIGN.

There is of course some hope, but be very careful. Honestly, someone does not decide in the span of 24hrs that it is over. They have felt this way for sometime, and have either hoped they would feel differently, or were afraid to deal with the situation.

I think you'll be less stressed if you ASSUME IT'S OVER. That way you don't keep waiting and guessing what he'll do.

And what were the things that he was upset about, i.e. "valid concerns"? I think he is afraid to commit his whole life just yet. And if that's what you want soon or now, you might be barking up the wrong tree.

He just doesn't sound ready and you don't want to stay with someone who is CONFUSED. And KEEP GIVING HIM SPACE. NO CALLS, TEXTS, EMAILS. Nothing. He deosn't exist.

--Cali

To keep things short but logical.

On multiple occasions these concerns were expressed to me:

- When I get home from work I like to get into my PJ's and do nothing. I say nothing because now that I look back on things, the things I said I was "busy" doing weren't significant at all.
- He said I often used a "tone" when speaking to him - my mother has been telling me this for years. Its not what I say its how I say it.
- I act cold and reserved in front of people sometimes - the expression on my face makes me look as if I don't want to be there (in that situation would rather be somewhere else).
- I was not brought up in an affectionate home and find it difficult to express myself physically - I would rather show them with gifts and words.

To address these issues I have made appointments to see a psychologist. I am going for my 2nd session today and plan on going until these issues are resolved.

I can understand that it would be frustrating to re-iterate these issues to someone and not have them listen, but I tried to explain to him that self realization and change is a hard thing to do and accept. I used the analogy of a heart attack patient. He/she may have been told for years that their lifestyle needed to change - its not until after the heart attack that they open their eyes and realize the change needs to occur now. This is what has happened to me - I never realized it until he broke things off. I am trying to change these things, and I know they will... I just can't make sense of his actions. Why "I love you and don't want to lose you, we can work on things" and then 24hrs later its over?

I have not text'd him, called him or sent him any e-mails since our agreement to not talk till he calls next week. Will this space do him any good? Should I hope for the best? How can I stay positive but prepare myself for the end?

I guess what pains me the most is thinking about not being with him - I am unsure how to proceed, and coping methods. It has been so long since I have been without anyone that I am unsure what to do.

I have read many posts by others and My post must be making some of you rack your brains out. It seems like my question is very similar to many out there. One thing I find myself doing that is different then others though is this - I am taking the time to admit my faults and I am seeing someone to help me fix them. If things don't work out with my ex I want to ensure that the things that have caused problems in past relationships (Yes my last one and the one before) are gone and out of my life. I guess this site is merely for me to feel better and vent.

But I do have concerns - I want to have a family and be married. I am 25 and feel as though these past 4 yrs have done nothing but set me back. I have read that it can take up to 3 yrs to be fully over someone - But this totally screws up my timeline now.

Life is a be-atch isn't it. You have a LOT going on in your own life. Take a breath, and give yourself some time to let the emotional dust settle. Your letting the emotions overule real life, and that's not good or healthy for you. You are pushing your own agenda (very selfish at this point) instead of relating, and talking and LISTENING. Slow down a bit and get a little grip with reality. Take care of family businesss first. Then cry on your boyfriends shoulder. Life is only overwhelming if you don't slow down!! Ithink you ned to stop being so hard headed in what you want, and be a lot more understanding to the ones around you.

I have taken care of the family business first - and to be completely clear, I really have tried to focus on my grandfather the most - but under the circumstances it was difficult. My grandfather is now out of hospital and recovering quite well - now I can focus on me, this is why I am becoming overwhelmed with emotion. You say to cry on my boyfriends shoulder later, fact is, I don't have his shoulder to cry on - we are not together.

I don't quite understand how I am being selfish and hard headed. Everything that has been expressed to me is being dealt with. I am not inconsiderate of the ones around me, in fact each day my grandfather was ill, I was there by his side as much as I could - each night between 5-8pm I sat there and talked with him, as those were his visiting hours. I am the one that has chosen to do something about my issues and have sought help - I could have very well not done anything. Instead I am facing them head on. When I get overwhelmed with emotions I do breathing exercises and think positively - I don't know what else I can do..

I suppose I am using this site as an outlet and looking for some conversation - something to peak ideas, help me through the NC stage, which by the way we are on day 3 with TOTAL NC. There were a couple days last week where we did not talk as well, but there was a lapse in my judgment on Sunday and Monday and a few rash e-mails (we all do it at some point I have been told). So responses are welcome - they are comforting and help me better understand things from another persons point of view (Which I sometimes have a hard time seeing unless stated).

Thanks.

Your situation sounds very siilar to mine, and this site does help... I'd say (and it's too easy to say) your NC plan is the best bet, sounds like you're being very logical and sensible with everything, and the questions your raising are so valid in your situation, anyone would feel the same. People often bring blame into a break up when they need to validate their feelings towards someone, and somewhat unnecessarily- it takes two to make a relationship work after all - so don't be too hard on yourself. The counselling will do you the world of good whatever the outcome - you should be very proud of yourself for recognizing that you need to go. I'm going as well and it's hard, but so good.
As for coping methods, I've found that every day doing something FOR YOU that is distracting and calming helps, even if it's only for an hour - it gives your mind and heart a rest. Read a good book or watch a funny DVD - it sounds trite but it just makes the days a bit easier. Set aside that time for a break from it all.
Hope is dangerous, best to just be still at the moment, don't put too much pressure on yourself to feel anything either way. Deal with each day as it comes, no contact gives you the space you need as well remember. Leave him alone, he may come back and he may not but until you feel more at ease you won't be able to give this another go.

I have been reading about your situation and found it to be similar as well - I think most break ups between different individuals seem to be similar. They seem to go through the same motions of ups and downs, highs and lows.

As for him "coming back" we have set a boundary from our last discussion. We both agreed that a timeline to sit down and talk was most appropriate. He stated that he would call me at some point next week to discuss things. My therapist has instilled in me that focusing on the negatives can be catastrophic right now and being positive is the best thing to do. She tried to express that there are two situations to every story and that being the worst that could happen (Us not getting back together) and the best (Us getting back together) - she also reminded me that there is everything in between there as well. SO this is what I am trying to remember each time my emotions start to run. Right now, I just find it comforting to read and have responses about the situation.

One thing that has not been answered is - how can someone say "I Love you so much and don't want to lose you" and not even 24hrs later end things - this is what confuses me.

On a side note, why are people viewing my question but not commenting?

Yeah it is good, it's helpful to read other's perspectives on stuff.

The fact he said he'd call to discuss things is good - it shows he recognises the need to talk things through, which is a great start I think. My ex only ever wants to talk about TV and the weather at the moment... so frustrating.

Have you thought about asking him to go to counselling with you? Just a thought...

Its funny - I did. When we first broke things off I told him I wanted 1 month to prove to him that things would be different - this is when he told me he would think about things (Almost 2 weeks ago). During one of conversations last week I asked him to go to counselling with me - the typical "I'll think about it." However; IF we do get back together I will be requesting that he come to one of my sessions.

Its funny, during our conversation on Monday we had some good chit chat - some and mostly none of if was about our relationship. He said that he just snapped and got mad and wants to make sure his feelings are true. But... When I needed someone to talk to about my grandfather, he was there and called - this is what confuses me. I KNOW he still cares and cannot, not love me - I mean, we were together 4 years. Maybe I am just blind to reality...

What your going through is a tough thing to handle. You doing good so far, above all else... NO CONTACT it will drastically help you heal. You need to forget about him for now, he is confused. You will fall into that trap of confusion... it sounds like you have some family issues. Spend time with them to help you stop thinking about him. Another big thing to STOP doing... don't wonder if he is missing you, if you two may get back together, this time is for YOU! As for your timeline... don't worry about that, it will all come to you. Be patient, you may be trying to rush or force this relationship subconsciously due to your strong desire to be settled down.

This place is great to vent, and learn... there are many, many people here that can guide you... good luck!

Thanks for your reply - I don't believe I am forcing things due to wanting to be settled down. Through my counseling I have come to realize that me "settling" down was a feeling induced by MANY others around me getting married - I felt like it was something I HAD to do, and soon. After going through all of this I definitely feel I was jumping the gun - I should be able to handle emotional situations if I am going to be married.

My family issues were my grandfather being ill - those issues are no longer "issues" per say. My time was consumed by his illness - now I am overwhelmed.

Everyone's timeline is different... that is what makes everyone of the billions of people on this planet unique. Don't feel you have to do something because everyone else around you is doing it or it is what "society wants"... its all about you and when you are ready. You will know... it will come to you... be patient.

One thing that I have learned about family... they are always there for you no matter what. Lean on them a little bit to relieve yourself somewhat. I'm sure that they see you being overwhelmed and are just waiting for you to lean on them a bit. All will be fine... take it day by day, one step at a time...

I was afraid to lean on them during the time my grandfather was in the hospital - I felt like they didn't need the added stress and neither did my grandfather. He didn't need to be worrying about me. My mom has voiced that my ex's timing was bad and that the family didn't need the added stress...

Why is no one responding to my topic?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

One thing that has not been answered is - how can someone say "I Love you so much and don't want to lose you" and not even 24hrs later end things - this is what confuses me.

On a side note, why are people viewing my question but not commenting?

---

Hi farfrmnormal, That seems to be one of the most asked questions on the site. My ex told me he couldn't ever imagine his life without me and even made love to me the day before he left me for another woman. He seemed so genuine and loving I would've never guessed he was planning to leave me. I still 2 months later go over and over that day in my head trying to see if their were any signs he wasn't being honest but I can't find any.

I get these feelings of nervousness sometimes throughout the day - almost as if he is going to call and then doesn't. I don't know...

Any new comments?

Did you live with your boyfriend?

No, we never lived together, however; we do have some mutual possessions that we acquired when we had planned to move in together.

Right now, this proverb is what gets me through the day:

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect."

On a side note I am on day 4 of NC - I am curious, should I be the one to break the silence and say I can't wait any longer and move on or should I wait until the date we set for next week to talk?

In my opinion... you are doing GREAT! Don't beat up yourself or consume your whole day thinking about him (I know it's hard). Find some shopping or other activities to keep you busy. If a man were to tell me that he doesn't want to lose me and then turns around and says its over... that would mean another woman. It sounds like he wants his cake, milk and another snack too.(I hope not in your situation). We, here at AMHD, ARE your shoulder to cry on. We may even offer a tissue for you :)
I would say... just leave him alone... keep up with the NC. If you try to contact it may push him away more, but if you keep up the NC it may make him realize what he's missing.

Good luck to you! And remember... we are here for you 24hrs a day... :)

With regards to "another woman" he didn't really have time to meet anyone. Right up until the night before we broke up, he was always with me. The only thing that it could possibly be is he has made a new encounter with a female online who is encouraging this break up - saying "You don't need her" or "You can do better then her" etc. But I don't want to think about that right now - thing is, its VERY uncharacteristic for him to not be calling.

So Should I take the upper hand and end things? Or wait till our talk?

Here is my 2 cents.

You both have completely different "goals" for this relationship. You want marriage and a home and a family and he does not. So you have to decide if you want to wait around for him to decide he wants those things and understand that he may decide that he wants those things BUT not with you

As for your question on how someone could decide so quickly to end a relationship... well you are only seeing the result. In my experience when people want to break up they are unhappy for a loooooong time before they actually end it. They want to see if it will get better or be sure that its really the relationship itself that is making them unhappy. I guarantee that your boyfriend has been unhappy for at least a month if not longer. When people want to break up they are good at hiding their misery.

If you stay in this relationship I think that you are going to become frustrated and angry because you are not "on your timeline". You will begin to lash out at him because he does not want to get married just yet and your relationship will become a powder keg. Or you will become so angry and frustrated that you end up inadvertently bullying him into marrying you.

I feel that the timeline you have is wasteful. Why do you want to get married so young? 25 is REALLY young. You have your entire life ahead of you why rush into now? You are going to grow and change so much over the next few years that you will not even recognize yourself when you're on the verge of 30 believe me. I think you are putting undue pressure on yourself to live out the perfect life plan. Life doesn't work that way. Things happen wrenches get thrown into the cogs of our life. Everything cannot be planned and calculated. Who wants to live a life like that anyway? Part of the joy of life is living in the moment and riding the waves when they come.

FFN

Agree with Glinda's second paragraph.

In your posts , you mention you snapped at him, though he did not deserve it, your mother mentioned your tone or way of saying things, and your therapist said to be positive. Perhaps the root of things is the way you communicate with him.

There's a book by Gary Chapman, I think, on the languages of love.
From what I remember on words
Kindness, requets, encouragement
Not judgement, criticism, or demands
And tone and body language are just as important.

I've had my share of screwups, no one is perfect. I don't mean for this to come off harsh, best of luck.




Grace and Peace

I appreciate your comments - as for my "timeline" did I not mention in a later post that after speaking with my therapist and going through all of this I have realize marriage was something I wanted because everyone else was doing it and I felt like I was being left out by being the last one to get married? So yes, the timeline I had was useless - but he now knows that I am not ready, so I hope that he could feel comfortable in himself with the fact that neither of us are ready. I don't feel that I will lash out at him if things do work out, simply because I have realized a lot of things about myself in the last two weeks that I would never have, had the break up not occurred. You mentioned he may want to be married, but not with me - On the Sunday before we broke up, he said he wanted to be married to me - he just didn't know when.

Right now I feel lost because Even though we spent a lot of time apart during our relationship, I knew he was still there. Now, its as if I am sitting on the fence not knowing where his head is at - whether he wants to be with me or not. He said he wanted to think about things - I get that and respect it, hence me not contacting him since our discussion to have NC for two weeks. His Facebook still has pictures of us both on there (one even says "One day the tux will be for our wedding") and he treated me like a queen up until the day of the breakup. He is not on my Facebook, but on my moms - I requested him as a friend and he would not re-add me. Its just not adding up for me - this is unlike him to not contact me for as long as it has been. Before, he was the one contacting me 10 or more times a day, where I was the one saying I felt ambushed with all of the phone calls - now, it has been two weeks and he doesn't even show the desire to see me. He was always a VERY emotional person, and now he seems cold and reserved - almost as if something has TOLD him to act the way he is.

As for my tone and body language - this was not a regular occurrence as everyone can have both every once and a while. But on that note, I am working with my therapist to improve body language and to think before I speak. I did respect him, just as much as he respected me - and respected in the past tense. As for my communication with him, it was done in the best way I knew how. He was always the type to walk away from the problems rather then deal with them head on. Whenever we would have a discussion and he didn't like what he was hearing he would walk away and never deal with things. So my communication was done in a way I was sure he would listen - but now that I look back, perhaps he was not and he was not respecting my difficulties?

But my question still remains - do I let him have his space, and wait till he calls OR do I take the upper hand and end things for good?

If you feel that you are done with this then I would end the relationship. However to do so simply to gain the upper hand is silly. Regardless of who breaks up with who YOU are still the one who did not expect it so therefore you will suffer the most emotional and you still will bear that pain. There is no upper hand here.

As for him saying he wants to marry you honestly it is meaningless. I've had no less then 6 girlfriends be in relationships where a guy has said that he plans on marrying her one day and they break up and an engagement never happens. Its easy to say its hard to follow through.

You have to stop focusing on the past and everything that he said before. Too often in these situations women or men will pull out everything romantic or loving their partner said and say well here it shows that he really did love me or need me and this is what they mean. No it is what they meant. Peoples feelings can change. In my last serious relationship my boyfriend and I talked about getting married all the time and how we could see being married to one another etc. When we broke up he said to me "I could see you as my wife and I know it would work but I can't be with you anymore". So saying you want to marry someone does not always mean its going to happen.

You are hanging on to insignificant things such as pictures on Facebook which mean nothing. My cousin dumped her boyfriend and there are still pictures of him on her myspace and Facebook yet she has no feelings for him. Its small it's a straw its substantial proof of how he truly feels.

I get what you are saying - I don't want to be hanging on to straws. I am not doing anything drastic by contacting him, leaving him notes on his windshield or anything of the like - right now I am giving him his space. I have learned a lot of the past two weeks about myself. The things I need to work on to make "me" a better person. Right now I need to focus on me, but am finding it hard. I suppose in a way it's a blessing not having friends around for a "shoulder to cry on" that way I am not getting false responses like "Oh how dare he" and "He's an ". On the other hand I wish there were - I have been leaning on my mom for a lot of help.

As for the upper hand - I suppose I should have worded things differently. I don't want the upper hand per say, I just don't want to look like the fool who waited for him to tell me it was finally over - as I fear this is what he might say next week.

My therapist says focus on the positives just as much as the negatives - OK, he could want to continue the relationship, but he could also want out - how do I prepare for both?

Give him the space he says he needs. Meanwhile spend time catching up with those "great friends" you mention in your post. Keep in mind that, any potential spouse, if they're wise, will carefully observe how they respond to stressful situations, i.e. your grandfather's illness. While I am sorry for your grandfather, as I'm sure he is too, your "snapping at him undeserved" may have made him reconsider the whole thing. I know I would if I were in his shoes. Did you ever apologize to him and maybe try to make it up to him somehow? I think he needs reassurance that you're not going to snap and go off the deep end every time something stressful happens. If your life is really as rosy as your thread suggests, then I'd think that you'd be able to handle stress in a constructive manner.

IMO I believe in preparing for the worst. While it can be negative I feel that it prepares you for it to go either way. That way if he comes back and says Sorry its over you are ready and if he says I love you lets work it out then you will be happy. I think that you have to evaluate both situations. How would you feel if he said lets keep this going. What would you need from him in order to feel secure that this wouldn't happen again? Do you really, honestly, truly want to continue with the relationship. As for him not coming back I would evaluate how it would make you feel and imagine the steps you would need to take in order to pick yourself up and move forward. I guess the idea is to have plan either way.

As for not looking the fool - love makes fools of us all. It sometimes feels as if there is no escape from that. My question to you is what does your gut say. Ignore the head and the heart what does your women's intuition really tell you. I can tell you when the guy who I mentioned before broke up with me I felt it coming. All of a sudden one day I was obsessed with the thought of ending it with him and I talked myself out of it as did all my girlfriends. Then a few weeks later I got that charming sentiment from him. So what does your little voice tell you?

Also - do you think that you are going to be able to fully work on yourself while in a relationship? Not just with him but with anyone?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

I have read many posts by others and My post must be making some of you rack your brains out. It seems like my question is very similar to many out there. One thing I find myself doing that is different then others though is this - I am taking the time to admit my faults and I am seeing someone to help me fix them. If things don't work out with my ex I want to ensure that the things that have caused problems in past relationships (Yes my last one and the one before) are gone and out of my life. I guess this site is merely for me to feel better and vent.

But I do have concerns - I want to have a family and be married. I am 25 and feel as though these past 4 yrs have done nothing but set me back. I have read that it can take up to 3 yrs to be fully over someone - But this totally screws up my timeline now.

---

Fret not. I didn't get married until I was almost 35. Now, 9 years later I have a wife, a home and 2 beautiful daughters to show for it. Be patient and take your time ; you won't regret it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Also - do you think that you are going to be able to fully work on yourself while in a relationship? Not just with him but with anyone?

---

I do believe that I will be able to work on myself - I am seeking help for that and to be honest, the help is too expensive not to do something about it. A relationship is give and take and I find I am able to express myself more in a relationship because it opens up more avenues for me. I have learned a lot about the roots of my problems and some of them cannot be fixed unless I am surrounded by those who I am forced to open up to and show my emotions.

I am not worried about finding a mate that I will marry - I just THOUGHT I had a timeline, which I now know through this whole experience that my timeline was useless.

I had never been through many stressful situations in my life - dealing with my grandfather was probably the first time I had ever been faced with the possibility of a loved one dying. My mom was stressed and was angry with me - he walked in during a heated argument and that's when I was rude to him. I did apologize for it and have made it VERY clear that I am doing all that I can to be a better person - not just for him, but for me as well. Hence the therapy.

As for hanging out with the "great friends" some are mutual and I have decided to not "hang" out with them as I know I will be tempted to ask them for information and I don't feel its fair to put that on them. The others, are long time friends and live out of town, spending time with them is not that easy. So now I search for new things to do, to occupy my thoughts.

As for my gut - I didn't have a gut feeling before he said he wanted time to think - right now I don't feel like I am prepared to end it - but wonder if it would be easier.

I am not expecting him to see me as miraculously changed overnight - I just wanted to prove to him over the course of 1 month that things in me have changed.

Wow. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I see so much of my own situation in yours, except you seem to be in the earlier stages of what I went through.

I promise you that no contact is the best thing. If you have properly told him that you do love him, and for this reason you are going to move on and let him go, then you've done enough. Say it once and say it cleanly/clearly, and then move on.

Don't say things like, “I will wait for the rest of my life,” or “I can't live without you” or “no one else will be you” or anything that may prolong his returning to you because you've secured him into thinking that you really are NOTHING without him.

You have to be strong, independent, and show that you are mature; these are all the things that are attractive in a woman. Someone who has a mature love is far more attractive to a lover than someone who has a childish schoolgirl fantasy they cry for. You have to show that you are something worthwhile (and this is only showing the truth). You can tell him, as someone advised to me, that you cannot be friends because you truly loved him, thus it is difficult for you to lessen what you feel. But tell him that in time, when you are ready, maybe you can be friends again. Let him know the love is there, but also let him know (without saying directly) that the love will not sit there locked in a tower for him.

During this waiting game, you seriously have to move on. You never grow if you stick around in the past. You never ever grow when you are holding on. You have to move forward, because that is the only place to go. This means your job is to improve instead of wasting time getting unhealthy or obsessed. Please go to the gym, please focus on work, please save your money so you can buy that dream home, please read and become smarter, and please have a wonderful social life! Do everything it takes to shine brighter. This will only boost your confidence up again (and you need to bring it up because it's down in the gutter right now). This will also make mutual friends tell him only positive things about you. Be careful to not say anything negative or even feel negative when you are around people he knows (or people in general). Be positive and I promise that things will turn out better than you had planned. I swear they will; because either you will get him or you will get something that you could not even dream up yourself.

In a way, I think, this breakup is your curse and blessing at the same time. I think it'll only improve your quality as a person because it's giving you time alone to work on you…

You know to be honest - I have realized this because every time I think about it I cry. I am not a social person, and when I was my friends were here with me. Now, that they have moved on with their lives and moved to different cities we don't hang out - so I find it very hard to meet people. If I had someone to occupy my time this NC time may be easier.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

You know to be honest - I have realized this because every time I think about it I cry. I am not a social person, and when I was my friends were here with me. Now, that they have moved on with their lives and moved to different cities we don't hang out - so I find it very hard to meet people. If I had someone to occupy my time this NC time may be easier.

---

Do you have any hobbies or anything that you've wanted to pick up? After my last breakup I went ballistic with new hobbies. I learned and picked up so many different things. You will meet loads of people just trying something new. I took classes and would end up going out for coffee or a drink with people after class and it was fun and it made me feel good.

I am looking into taking some kick boxing classes - that may lead to more things. I live in a fairly small city that caters to the elderly lol - But kick boxing is first on my agenda. My hockey season starts in about a month or so.

Well there you go! That's at least a start. I personally believe the less down time you have the better during situations like this.

Anyone who you're friendly with at work who you might be able to go get dinner with or grab an afterwork drink or a weekend cup of coffee?

I wish I could say there were - I recently started a new job. The part that sucks about it is that is isolates me from the general public (I used to work retail) and now I work a desk job. I have my own office and rarely have contact with other people at my work. I suppose I don't know them well enough. Tonight I am hoping to meet with some friends to occupy my time. Its just getting through until we have the chance to talk again is all I need.

You also have all of us to talk to anytime you need it. There is pretty much always someone around on these boards.

Its still a new job it takes time. I know it took quite a few months at my last job for people to warm up to me and start inviting me out after work. Do you have a breakroom? I know in most places in the morning the breakroom is jam packed full of everyone and people usually chat.