Ok, I'm 20 years old and I can't seem to let go of my ex (34 years old), we met online and for about 2 months spoke like 24/7 and when we met, she stayed with me for 3 weeks. It started of great, we were both madly in love with each other, and everything was fine. I was so serious about her, I proposed and she said yes. But after the first week and a half of her staying with me, we started arguing a lot, mostly about her spending a lot of time speaking to guys she met on online games. And things fell apart from there, we started having petty arguments, and things just weren't going well so we decided to spilt...

After a week of leaving me she was telling me how she had fallen in love with one of the guys she was speaking to online, andf that she wasn't 'In love' with me anymore. I was totally heart broken.
And now its been about a months, we still speak occasionally online, but it always ends up in arguments. The thing is deep down, from the start I knew this woman wasn't going to be the one, but for some reason she got inside me, and now even after a month I still can't let her go. I still think about her all the time, and e-mail her and stuff, and we do speak, but she's always telling me to leave her alone, but then sometimes she's like doesn't. And I want to, I really do, I just can't bring myself to cut her out. >.<

Can someone please help me make some sense of this, why can't I let this woman go, why can't I just move on like all other normal people do?

No, normal people don't move on.. it takes a long time.. more than a month. The best advice I can give to you is to not contact her, try to do other things such as a hobby. You're always going to think of her but keeping yourself busy will cut down the amount of thoughts about her.

You sure moved really fast with this female and basically went to far with a stranger. It will take time but you will move on.

OK well ask yourself these questions, is it really worth spending time and energy onsomeone who wants nothing to do with you?(I got that from her telling you to stop speaking to her)do you want to be with someone who is in love with someone else? And by what you say she did, it really seems immature for a 34 year old?? But I know what it feels like to love someone so much in so little time and then all of a sudden it gets all messed up and breaks out with arguments. And then all of a sudden they lose feelings. I can tll you this for a face, you can't get over her because you still talk to her. The best and most acurate way to get rid of feelings to me is to stop all communication. At leased until your over her. Its hard but it works. You'll think about her more and more and all of a sudden one day itl just start going away, all your thoughts and stuff like that. But the fact is, she got your heart and played with it and then doesn't want anythign to do with you. And if she has the guts to tell you she fell in love with another person then I really dontknwo why your talking to her now, yes you love her but no, you shouldn't have to go through that. No one deserves that. And if you guys always end up talking and then arguing maybe thast a sign that you shouldn't talk anymore... just a thought. Well hope I gave a little bit of good advice lol good luck!

This lady sounds as though she didn't portray her REAL self to you online
And you unfortunately are suffering the consequences of her deceit.

This online dating stuff is really just talking to strangers online.
You never "really" know how a person is or how well you're going to get along with a person until you come face to face with the person.

Try doing some things that you enjoy to help you get your mind off her.
The fact that she wasn't who she appeared to be online should be a good enough reason to let her go and find someone else who will treat you nice and fairly.

I wish you all the best in the future.

I know your all right, I do need to just stop talking to her. And AkaeTrue - 'This lady sounds as though she didn't portray her REAL self to you online' Your absolutely right, she didn't.

I want to thank all of you for taking the time out and helping, means a lot when your depressed to know that there are people willing to help. Thank you all so much. Good luck in your lives! =)

Just give it time trust me, it's been 6 months since my ex broke up with me and it's getting better every day. Although I still have days where I'm depressed but it's not every day like before.

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Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

This lady sounds as though she didn't portray her REAL self to you online
And you unfortunately are suffering the consequences of her deceit.

This online dating stuff is really just talking to strangers online.
You never "really" know how a person is or how well you're going to get along with a person until you come face to face with the person.

Try doing some things that you enjoy to help you get your mind off her.
The fact that she wasn't who she appeared to be online should be a good enough reason to let her go and find someone else who will treat you nice and fairly.

I wish you all the best in the future.

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talaniman agrees: Hard to know if those online dates are for real or not.

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Those are my thoughts exactly!:)

She sounds no good for you at all and I think you may now be fantasizing that she is somebody who she is not. She was clearly not honest with you on many levels. At the beginning of a relationship one always shows one's best side...
You are now remembering that one side which you fell in love with.
Recall the arguments and her betrayal of your trust via the internet.
You are now feeling jealous and rejected. Neither are nice. Be aware that that is what is making you upset - jealousy and rejection. They are completley normal reactions. They are why you now want her back, not because you want her, but because you don't want to feel alone, rejected and jealous. She will be feeling great about herself having the attention of 2 men so do yourself a favour and realise that she was wrong for you (which you always knew) and don't contact her again.
Be glad that you did not get any more emeshed within a codependent relationship.
Pat yourself on the back for getting out.
I wish you well

What really gets to me is she said she loved me. We used to spend so much time talking to each other stuff, and as soon as we split, like a week after she's telling me she's in love with someone else? The fact that she got over me in such little time is what really hurts at the moment.

I don't think she really loved you in the first place, especially in the short time you guys were together. And if she did love you she already was preparing herself for the breakup with you. That's why she has moved on so fast.

She wasn't being honest with you dude... not about who she was nor how she felt about you.
For you it seems like it was a short amount of time, but if you look at it from an outsiders point of view (me)... I see that she never really cared in the first place.
Perhaps she was using you... Sure sounds that way to me.
I don't want to sound cheesy, but you put your heart into it and hers was never there.
I feel for you because I had guys do that to me before in the past...
I forgot about them though and have a really nice husband now...
The same will happen for you too (except a wife that is - LOL).

Time to start thinking about you now... no more her - OK

Much luck to you...

You have just learned a very valuable life lessons:
1-People can say I love you and not mean it.
2-It takes time to get to really know someone well enough to know if they are truthful.
3-It takes knowing yourself, to know if you are truthful.
4-Moving to fast in a relationship is not good.

Don't forget
The internet is full of users and predators and you have to be cautious.

She probably has HUGE needs which she mistakes for love.
I have had the very same thing happen to me. You were duped.
She will love the fact that you are now jealous and take comfort from the fact that you are now a 'spare comfort blanket' a possible back up plan...
Ignore the woman. She is no good - and emotionally very immature.

I don't know if you read my last post but the jist was, I was in love with this older woman I met on the net, we met and was togther for a short amount of time, and when we split a week later she was telling me she was 'in love' with another guy.

Well its been 6-7 weeks now since she's left and to be hounest I don't feel better at all, I tried to cut her out, and I have done, succsessfully. But what I can't get out of my head is if she loved me as much as she says she did why hasn't she even tried to contact me? Im not the kind of person to get close to people, and I was so stupid letting this woman inside me.
To be hounest right now, I'm feelling pretty fed up with life, and I'm really struggling to find reasons not to end it for myself. I got absolutely nothing going, no real friends, no proper family, I'm pretty much alone and lonely, and I've been like that most of my life, and I'm tired of it now. And it depresses me even more to knowing that the only way I can even try and find some sort of comfort is by telling people over the internet. Im sitting here, semi drunk, crying like a fool, and telling people I don't know, that I'm thinking about killing myself, lol how ing sad I'm I

Hi there... take it easy on yourself... and remember the person who make you cry then he/she does not love you... if she really loves you she would not break up with you and get a new boyfriend that easy... I am sorry to say so but she was having fun and she did not take this relationship seriously... therefore; you should think o fit that way too... it was an experience and I assume you are young -since I do not know how old are you- so you have your life a head of you so do not stop at this point and picture it as if it's the end of the world... life goes on for her, for you, for everyone... so stop thinking negatively and go a head with your like... I think what you miss is not her but the feeling she used to give you... Life is so precious to end it not for this silly reason but for any other reason no matter what it is... I f you do not know how precious it is ask someone who is dying, and you will know how lucky you are for still alive & healthy... GOD created us for a purpose... I used to be like you feeling lonely and do not have close friends either but I learned to be a good company to myself... do not convince me that you will manage to make sincere friends while you are sitting there drunk crying for old B****... Cheer up.. go out explore & open up to good things in life and you will regret wasting all that time on crying for her...

Take care of yourself & am there for you...

Ms. Redrose

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Originally Posted by Zell

I dunno if you read my last post but the jist was, i was in love with this older woman i met on the net, we met and was togther for a short amount of time, and when we split a week later she was telling me she was 'in love' with another guy.

Well its been 6-7 weeks now since shes left and to be hounest i don't feel better at all, i tried to cut her out, and i have done, succsessfully. But what i can't get out of my head is if she loved me as much as she says she did why hasn't she even tried to contact me?

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But she didn't love you as much as she said. She lied.

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Originally Posted by Zell

Im not the kind of person to get close to people, and i was so stupid letting this woman inside me. ?

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Why exactly does that make you stupid? I mean really now I know it sucks to get burned but that doesn't equate to stupidity. I've been burned many times. TRILLIONS of other humans have been burned. It sucks to be sure, but it doesn't make you stupid. But if you can take something from it and grow as a person then the pain has some kind of meaning. Real growth as a human usaully has to involve some pain. You can't move forward without learning some life lessons the hard way.

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Originally Posted by Zell

to be hounest right now, im feelling pretty fed up with life, and im really struggling to find reasons not to end it for myself.

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Stop right there before we get to the rest, are you telling me this woman was worth your life? Are you honestly suggesting that a woman who lied to you then dumped you for another person is such a valuable person that the only way you will be happy is to not continue on? That doesn't make any sense. It also gives this lying whore way too much credit which she deserves none of.

Now if you are serious about these thoughts then you need to get a therapist immediately, because I think these thoughts stem from something deeper then this situation.

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Originally Posted by Zell

i got absolutly nothing going, no real friends, no proper family, im pretty much alone and lonely, and i've been like that most of my life, and im tired of it now. And it depresses me even more to knowing that the only way i can even try and find some sort of comfort is by telling people over the internet. Im sitting here, semi drunk, crying like a fool, and telling poeple i don't know, that im thinking about killing myself, lol how ing sad im i

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Well first thing you have to do is quit drinking. I don't have to tell you alcohol is a depressant so you have to quit drinking that. Second start doing some things for yourself like working out or following up on some projects you've been putting off. If there are none find something that interests even if it's only short term. Also watch some comedy movies or stand up comedians. There can be some laughter and happiness in you life but you have to put it there. If you focus on the pain you get more pain, If you focus on happiness and put some of it your life you'll get some. Right now you are putting depressing thoughts and following it up with depressants which only make it worse.

Ultimate Fighting Championships. Bring it skell ! I will post my new signature at 12 midnight 1st Sep uk time.

Zell what Chuff wrote there. Makes perfect sense. You can take a lot from this relationship, better to learn and grow, which you will do in time. Stay busy and enjoy life!

Right after reading a few posts and after a few events in my life, I want to know... Is love real? I posted on a users question:

'I think love really can just dissaper. After all, love is something we glorify as something specail from the heart, when really its just chemicals in the brain. At the end of a day, Love is just an over-used word to describe a greater amount of feelings for someone then normal. And the word 'love' is mostly used to gain something.'

I've been Burned badly twice now, so I'm just wondering if love really is real or if its just my wounds that make me think this? To be hounest I do truly believe it is impossible for love to be real, how can one word describe so many emotions and feelings? And if it is real, then how comes so many people have the ability to turn it of so quickly? (once again going on peoples posts and personal experience)

Can't wait to hear your opinions oon this :)

I reckon 'love' is for real!!

I totally think that LOVE IS REAL!! I'm still in love with my ex and it is as real now as it was when I fell in love with him 7 years ago. If I had to bet money on it I would say he still love me too but he had things in life he had to figure out.

I have been through a few good relationships, and yes love is real, sometimes it doesn't last, but its real.

Hello.

I agree the word Love is used way to easy by most people. That doesn't mean it isn't real it just means many people don't understand it and or have not given a relationship the time it takes for Love to grow. I think you will find that most people use the word Love when its really Lust. Lust is strong and powerfully at first then with time fades, where Love grows with time. The amount of time is different for everyone.

Because Love is a way of life it is always changing, it should be growing stronger but in some cases people grow apart. That doesn't mean it wasn't true Love but things happen and what people need in life will change and if you don't change together you grow apart.

Dennis777

Don't know if you read my last few posts but the jist was, I was in love with this older woman I met on the net, we met and was togther for a short amount of time, and when we split a week later she was telling me she was 'in love' with another guy.

6-7 weeks after we split we were still speaking online, but I think the only reason she spoke to me is because she knew how much it was killing me. But I started the NC and it was going well for like 3 weeks, she was msg'in me and I was ignoring her, and then one day, for some stupid reason I replyed... I know I shot myself in the foot. But she was telling me how she was really un-happy at the moment, and how her life wasn't going well for her. And I broke and started to comfort her >.<

And now all the feelings I had for this woman are back and its killing me now. I was starting to feel like me again and then this happens.
What should I do, because I'm so confused at the moment, and I need some help please..

Sorry to hear all those feelings came back...
All you can really do is start no contact again...
It may not be so painful the second time around.
Use what it feels like after you're in contact with her as a reminder
Of why you shouldn't be doing so...
Best wishes...
We're here friend if you need to just talk or get things off your chest.

BTW, sounds like she was using you a little bit to dump her emotions on...
Not Nice... You don't need that...

Don't be a puppet on strings. In this case its real life and you have control over the puppeteer. Use your control wisely and stick to NC. Confusion is what your ex is, get rid of it and your feel so much better.

Love may be thrown around to sparingly, But real love is real.
For example if you have children you love them unconditionaly, it don't matter what they do, you can't stop loving them. I think that love grows you can fall in love with someone
For all the reasons , attraction, having fun togeather, a lot in common you feel a connection.
But the real deep love comes after a long time with someone.
When you feel like the person is a part of you. When they are hurting you feel their pain,
You wish you could take the pain for them. When after all the romantic bliss slows down
And you still miss the person, when you go through not only great times but very hard times and it makes you feel even more bonded.
This is real .

Lust is tricky, and usually don't last after the beginning romantic bliss.
You start to feel yourself pulling away, wondering what you saw in this person.
They don't seem as attractive as at first, they may even seem ugly now.
You see who they really are and you don't like it.

I don't know if you read my last posts but the jist was, I was in love with this older woman I met on the net, we met and was togther for a short amount of time, and when we split a week later she was telling me she was 'in love' with another guy.

its been about 10 weeks now since we split and at first we kept in contact, but we always ended up arguing. So I decided to do the NC thing, and it worked for about 3 weeks until I caved in a responded. Now a week after breaking it, her new Boyfriend sends me a message telling me I'm sad, and that I need to get a life. And I kind of switched and went nuts and msg'ed her and we had a big argument, where I pretty much told her I that I hate her, and that I wished she never walked into my life. Which is what I really do feel, I despise this woman with a passion now.

But the thing is, I've deleted her of everything, and yet, I FEEL BAD =( I have no idea why and its really pissing me off because I've done nothing wrong, yet I'm feeling so upset at the moment. I feel like msg'in her and saying I'm sorry and that I didn't mean it. Why can't I just walk away?? I want to so bad, and I feel this is it, this is my best opportunity to do it. But I just don't want to end it on a big argument. What should I do??

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Originally Posted by Zell

I dunno if you read my last posts but the jist was, i was in love with this older woman i met on the net, we met and was togther for a short amount of time, and when we split a week later she was telling me she was 'in love' with another guy.

its been about 10 weeks now since we split and at first we kept in contact, but we always ended up arguing. So i decided to do the NC thing, and it worked for about 3 weeks until i caved in a responded. now a week after breaking it, her new Boyfriend sends me a msg telling me im sad, and that i need to get a life. and i kinda switched and went nuts and and msg'ed her and we had a big argument, where i pretty much told her i that i hate her, and that i wished she never walked into my life. Which is what i really do feel, i despise this woman with a passion now.

But the thing is, i've deleted her of everything, and yet, I FEEL BAD =( i have no idea why and its really pissing me off because i've done nothing wrong, yet im feeling so upset at the moment. I feel like msg'in her and saying im sorry and that i didn't mean it. why can't i just walk away???? i want to so bad, and i feel this is it, this is my best oppertunity to do it. but i just don't want to end it on a big argument. What should i do?????

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Walk away... there seems to be way too much drama in this relationship. Just move on.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I feel like I owe her an apology...

Walk away. You owe her nothing, just as she owes you nothing. Sounds like you got in too deep, too fast. Happens to the best of us. Just shake it off and move on. Good luck.

My guess is that you are not a bad guy. You try to do right by people and you generally hate letting someone think that there are bad feelings or that you despise them. If I'm right that's why you feel that you owe her an apology.

But you don't. You don't owe her anything. She hasn't been your girlfriend for a long time You don't owe her an explanation for anything that you do in your life just like she does not owe you an explanation for anything that she does in her life.

Keep walking away. This woman sounds like a serious drama mama.

WHY?

You were in LOVE....
Love can happen quick, slow, for the right reasons, for the wrong reasons.
Now, it's OVER. REALLY OVER. But the loving feelings take time to fade as we realize that it was not real... or right!

So, with time and silence you will love again.

It's like breaking a bone. You don't expect to walk the next day! The doc says it will take 9 weeks....And we accept that! Well, in your case it will take at least 3-5 months...(maybe less) then you will be healed.
NC is your life now.

And then you will have a new life later.

I have how to post for breakups you can reference if you need.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Start healing NOW.

CHEERS

Ok, I'm not bragging, but I stopped talking to my ex a few months back, I did the whole NC thing. And an hour ago she msg'ed me telling me that she missed me and that she's broken up with the guy she's was with, and she wants to know if there's any hope of us ever getting back together!!

NC Worked! There is hope after all!

Pity I'm over the B***H now though =)

Thanks to everyone on this site that replyed to my posts and advised me to walk away and to do the NC.
I went through some bad moments, and the people on this site really helped me, so thank you all.
I feel so good now :D

Lol ego boosT! ;] congrats for the healing. What's your plans now?

How long were you together? And congrtas. Enjoy this lol.

Congrats! :) :)
And yeah, details please, as Crushedovernover suggested above.
We need to know how long you stayed in NC, etc, so we can learnnnnnnnnnnn.

I am NC over 10 weeks now. Woo :)

I'm going on a almost 2 months not quite where jiser is but I'm trucking..