So I had asked about my relationship on here about 2 months ago and was basically asking why my girlfriend had been distant and how I should deal with her grandmother's death. I gave her plenty of space and was kind and understanding.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-811429.html

Anyways, it is 2 months later and we are still together and have been stronger than ever! She is also now 5 weeks into her 6 week trip across Europe and we have been texting pretty much every single day. It has been great, minus the not be able to see her. 99% of our conversations have been nothing but positive vibes. So last Thursday (4 days ago), she had brought up the idea of moving in together in September and by then we will have been together for almost 8 months (I like the idea, but I'm hesitant also because it is a big decision) I told her we need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it when she gets home and see if we are ready emotionally and financially. I am trying to be a responsible, mature boyfriend/person to make sure we are doing the right thing.

Here is where it gets weird... We did not speak yesterday, which is okay, she is in Paris right now having the time of her life and I am busy doing my own thing. So I talked to her today and she seemed distant and of course I knew something was up. So I asked and she told me that she has had time to think and she doesn't want to have a relationship anymore and doesn't want to be exclusive. I immediately felt confused because just two days prior was completely normal between us. So I asked where this was coming from and how long she felt this way and she kept her responses short and pretty much vague just basically saying she doesn't want a serious relationship, she had been saying the same thing last time I posted on this website.

So, I am super confused, is it possible she got scared off by the talk of moving in together? I highly doubt she cheated, she is with her family over in Europe. Someone help, please.

I think she preempted you. I think she was thinking that "serious conversation" might have had the "I am hesistant of this relationship because I didn't automatically say yes to moving in." So to preempt you breaking it off with her, she broke it off with you. She might have been, in her own way, testing your relationship with her and how strong it is.

It might be a good thing though. I am thinking that she might be having some issues of her own that she needs to sort out. I think she was distracted enoguh in the early part of the trip that a lot of the issues didn't weigh heavy on her, but when she got to pairs and France she got caught up in the romantic nature of the city and wanted to go with you. You gave her a dose of reality and rationality that she wasn't expecting. You're going to have to play it by ear, still have a talk when she gets back.

I would take this time though to contemplate this relationship and if it should continue on. Don't throw good money after bad. This could be a sign of potential long term issues in the relationship.

Don't panic guy, just continue to be kind and understanding and see what happens next. I think you were wise and honest when you told her of the need to talk about moving in together when she gets back. Shows maturity and rational thinking.

She may just be disappointed but lots of time yet to let the emotional dust settles and see how she feels later, so just be cool, and go along with the program. One of you has to be mature, kind, and understanding and it may as well be YOU.

More will be revealed later.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't panic guy, just continue to be kind and understanding and see what happens next. I think you were wise and honest when you told her of the need to talk about moving in together when she gets back. Shows maturity and rational thinking.

She may just be disappointed but lots of time yet to let the emotional dust settles and see how she feels later, so just be cool, and go along with the program. One of you has to be mature, kind, and understanding and it may as well be YOU.

More will be revealed later.

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Thanks for the post, you have great advice. I remember you commenting on my original post as well. I am trying my best to remain calm and cool, but I am in shock. I had to call my friend and ask for advice because I was that surprised and perplexed. I have to admit I have been kind and understanding the entire summer, but I feel like this is a low-blow and especially through text message. I am not jumping to any conclusions or doing anything rash, I am doing my best to remain patient and see how she replies to my inquiry as to why she is feeling this way out-of-the blue.

That's what new relationships are about my friend, learnibg more about the person you are dealing with, and they you.

And it appears most of the time, since the last post, she has been gone, away. You really need to wait and see what happens when she gets back, (way to early to move in together considering the ups and downs)

So she gets back, you try and date and see where it goes

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And it appears most of the time, since the last post, she has been gone, away. You really need to wait and see what happens when she gets back, (way to early to move in together considering the ups and downs)

So she gets back, you try and date and see where it goes

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After this latest show of emotions from her I agree with you, to move in together would be a mistake. I have to be honest, I feel very emotionally drained from all of it. She stated specifically she doesn't want to be exclusive, as far as I am concerned that means we broke up :/.

Sadly, yes she has dumped you, as quickly, and impulsively as she wanted to move in with you. I guess she didn't like your mature approach to wait and talk of it in person. Or it was a ploy to make an excuse to dump you.

Doesn't matter though does it? You are dumped and of course in shock, so take a break from the drama, and let your own dust settle, so you can make adjustments to your thinking, and keep YOUR dignity, and self respect. Something she apparently has no concern for in my opinion.

When you get dumped you deal with your own feelings, and not the event that causes them. It's easier after you come out of shock, and have NOT made a fool of yourself for love.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

Thanks for the post, you have great advice. I remember you commenting on my original post as well. I am trying my best to remain calm and cool, but I am in shock. I had to call my friend and ask for advice because I was that surprised and perplexed. I have to admit I have been kind and understanding the entire summer, but I feel like this is a low-blow and especially through text message. I am not jumping to any conclusions or doing anything rash, I am doing my best to remain patient and see how she replies to my inquiry as to why she is feeling this way out-of-the blue.

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You actually put your foot in your mouth with your text reply to her query about moving in together. Texting or telephone conversations are not the place to discuss life changing decisions.

Instead of mentioning a "serious conversation" when she gets back, you should have told her it was an amazing suggestion, and you would not be confused and wondering as you are now.

You need to understand women a lot better then you do. I absolutely know where she is coming from on this. You had better backtrack and make her feel more positive, if you still have the chance to do so. And why in heck would you bring up cheating !

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Originally Posted by tickle

You actually put your foot in your mouth with your text reply to her query about moving in together. Texting or telephone conversations are not the place to discuss life changing decisions.

Instead of mentioning a "serious conversation" when she gets back, you should have told her it was an amazing suggestion, and you would not be confused and wondering as you are now.

You need to understand women a lot better then you do. I absolutely know where she is coming from on this. You had better backtrack and make her feel more positive, if you still have the chance to do so. And why in heck would you bring up cheating !

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When she brought up the idea of moving in together I said I loved the idea but we need to talk about it and I never mentioned the idea of cheating to her, I'm asking on this site cause I'm so confused

You guys seem to go from hot to cold very quickly. A small action, a word, or a gesture leads from bliss and harmony to breakup and sadness. With the emotional roller coasters you two get on there seems to be a lack of stability in your relationship and that is caused by some reason. I will let the others advise on what has caused the lack of stability. But I will tell you when you are in a relationship that doesn’t have drastic emotional peaks and valleys it’s so much better. I know in my current relationship we do that by putting the other person first. I don’t know from all that I read and all that I remember of your original post there seems to be a lack of realness in the relationship and in both of you. Drama is not the way to go, regardless of who is causing the drama or what the drama is about.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

When she brought up the idea of moving in together I said I loved the idea but we need to talk about it and I never mentioned the idea of cheating to her, I'm asking on this site cause I'm so confused

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Just a quick update, she text me earlier today saying she is deeply sorry for getting ahead of herself and there is no excuse for how she acted and that she has fallen so in love with me. She asked me if we could see how things are when she gets back... and I basically replied with a "no problem". What else could I say (rhetorical)? I am not one to doing anything rash, but I now have my guard up and I am going to do my best to keep busy and try not to dwell on it.

You all are just masking what appears to be a bigger issue or a total lack of meaningful communication. You shouldn't make any big moves until this is fixed.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

Just a quick update, she text me earlier today saying she is deeply sorry for getting ahead of herself and there is no excuse for how she acted and that she has fallen so in love with me. She asked me if we could see how things are when she gets back... and I basically replied with a "no problem". What else could I say (rhetorical)? I am not one to doing anything rash, but I now have my guard up and I am going to do my best to keep busy and try not to dwell on it.

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Oh for heavens sake, you are your own worst enemy in communication, sheesh. What 'guard up'. You love her too, do you not? You replied 'no problem? ' Do something rash, or never be in a loving relationship. Let yourself go, explore the unknown... where no man has gone before.

If if I was involved with you and your communication skills, and I am seriously considering the two of you are well matched, I would drop you like a hot potato !

I am 72 and single and I am telling you, I do a LOT better then this !

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

You all are just masking what appears to be a bigger issue or a total lack of meaningful communication. You shouldn't make any big moves until this is fixed.

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You are sitting on the fence, obviously for lack of a suitable answer when, and I mean this meaningfully, you usually come up with some of the best!

You don't fix something that is not broken, but our OP manages to break it every time. I am out of here !

big hug Oliver !

An entire turn in a relationship can hang on an inflection of voice, an eyebrow, a hesitance...
She asked about moving in. No matter how you hash and rehash your response, it was a big deal to her. Many women want relationships to progress in an orderly manner, each step cementing more of the committment.
We can't know exactly what you said, how you said it, nor what her instant reaction was. So it's all moot.
Glad she's not so freaked out now.

But I do want to say that if the vast importance of her (ill-timed) question wasn't totally obvious to you, then you are in for more rocky roads ahead!
Is there anything wrong with mapping out some of your future together? Nope. When she gets back.
It's not etched in stone anyway, but for many women, the nesters, the ones with the primeval instinct to know whether or not she has a mate for life or not, it's soothing.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

An entire turn in a relationship can hang on an inflection of voice, an eyebrow, a hesitance...
She asked about moving in. No matter how you hash and rehash your response, it was a big deal to her. Many women want relationships to progress in an orderly manner, each step cementing more of the committment.
We can't know exactly what you said, how you said it, nor what her instant reaction was. So it's all moot.
Glad she's not so freaked out now.


for many women, the nesters, the ones with the primeval instinct to know whether or not she has a mate for life or not, it's soothing.

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Totally agree, but this guy doesn't get it. He doesn't even know what she is all about even after eight months into the relationship. It isn't all on him though, they are both grasping at straws. Makes me wonder what their sex life is like and that is really a deal breaker as far as I am concerned. Yes I know, it all has to meld together or it doesn't work.

I totally agree with you both and tried to slap you with a greenie but apparently I have green'ied you too much.

This relationship is like it's from the bizarro world.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Totally agree, but this guy doesn't get it. He doesn't even know what she is all about even after eight months into the relationship. It isn't all on him though, they are both grasping at straws. Makes me wonder what their sex life is like and that is really a deal breaker as far as I am concerned. Yes I know, it all has to meld together or it doesn't work.

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Seriously? You wonder what our sex life is about? I didn't realize I was speaking to the foremost experts in relationships in the entire solar system lol. And for your information, best sex we have both ever both had. And we have been dating for almost 5 months, not 8 reread the post. And also for your information I do get it and I do understand. She is a 21 year old woman who is trying to grasp her own emotions between dating me and doing her own thing, which I respect 100000%. Futhermore, I know I am not perfect, but I also know I am an understanding, kind person who has done nothing but try to understand her point of view to make sure I am doing the right in this relationship. I am 25 and excuse me if I havent had a serious relationship since highschool, I dont have all the answers but I am sure as hell trying my best. And I know for a FACT that I love this girl. I came on this site for unbiased advice, not to read condescending remarks from folks such as yourselves.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

Seriously? You wonder what our sex life is about? I didn't realize I was speaking to the foremost experts in relationships in the entire solar system lol. And for your information, best sex we have ever had.

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Thank you for the affirmation. Solar system. Best sex ever. Then guy hold onto EVERYTHING with this wonderful girl and when she comes back to you, give her a BIG BUG and tell her you missed her IN SO MANY WAYS AND MEAN IT IN YR HEART

Wow. Sad dude. Not going to invest now.