So I have been seeing this woman for about 3 months now, we will call her M. I met her at school, I am 25 by the way, a junior in college and her and I are in the same program. We have said the I love you's and we both care for each other greatly. It is the first relationship I have had in a very long time where I feel 100% comfortable and can be myself, not too mention we are always laughing and having a great time with each other. Long story short, I am very happy with her and I can see a serious future with her.

Now, the issue is that since the semester is over at school, she has moved back home for the summer (about 60 miles south of where I live), but will be back this fall. She has been back home for about a week or so and I have noticed she is acting a little bit different (being distant, not returning some texts, etc.). I confronted her about it not too long ago on the phone and she basically said that she has a lot on her plate with family stuff (her grandma is probably going soon) and she is also leaving for Europe for 6 weeks on June 9th. She is also now juggling a job down there and she has admitted to me that she feels very overwhelmed and she also admitted to me that she needs to "work on herself". I understand everything that is going on and am being very supportive, but I find myself getting frustrated and anxious because I am not sure where her and I stand. The reason I say this is because she tells me she can't give me 100% right now and I am not sure if that is fair to me. I don't want to break up with her and she doesn't want to break up either, what do you think I should do? I should also mention we went from seeing each other every single day to now only once a week, its been an adjustment.

I think you need to relax and not be needy, but be supportive. When you text her, send something positive about your day or be empathetic about what she is going through. She does sound stressed and overloaded. An insecure and maybe hyper-texting boyfriend is not what she wants or needs right now. Do you talk by phone or Skype?

First of all you both rushed this relationship to the "I love you" stage way before you knew each other well enough. I bet my current partner and I didn't say that until after a year because we wanted to know each other and if we could be in love. It's been almost 5 years and we are married now. Others might disagree with me but rushing a relationship before you know the person can doom the relationship.

Second piece of advice would be clingy and possessive behaviors are not attractive to anyone. And you are on the borderline of those. She sounds like she's being honest so appreciate the honesty and be supportive. Otherwise you will push her away. She's leaving for 6 weeks and I seriously doubt that you will be her focus in Europe. You need to fill your time with other activities, friends, and how about a job.

This is why you don't throw out the I love you bomb before you actually know the person. One other thing - spending every single day with someone isn't healthy. You still need your friends and activities because if you don't keep those things, once your quick I love you person is gone then you're left alone with nothing.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I think you need to relax and not be needy, but be supportive. When you text her, send something positive about your day or be empathetic about what she is going through. She does sound stressed and overloaded. An insecure and maybe hyper-texting boyfriend is not what she wants or needs right now. Do you talk by phone or Skype?

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We usually talk on the phone at night

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

First of all you both rushed this relationship to the "I love you" stage way before you knew each other well enough. I bet my current partner and I didn't say that until after a year because we wanted to know each other and if we could be in love. It's been almost 5 years and we are married now. Others might disagree with me but rushing a relationship before you know the person can doom the relationship.

Second piece of advice would be clingy and possessive behaviors are not attractive to anyone. And you are on the borderline of those. She sounds like she's being honest so appreciate the honesty and be supportive. Otherwise you will push her away. She's leaving for 6 weeks and I seriously doubt that you will be her focus in Europe. You need to fill your time with other activities, friends, and how about a job.

This is why you don't throw out the I love you bomb before you actually know the person. One other thing - spending every single day with someone isn't healthy. You still need your friends and activities because if you don't keep those things, once your quick I love you person is gone then you're left alone with nothing.

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While I have never said I love you so quick with someone, the relationship has felt pretty natural and doesn't feel like we rushed things.

Secondly, I am definitely a firm believer in being independent and having a life outside of the relationship (friends, job, etc.) I guess it just kind of hit me when she moved and may have just been caught up in the excitement of a new relationship

Wow. You do sound like you recognize things well. Now what to do next? Be supportive. Realize she's not giving up Europe for you and that's okay. And you go have some fun. Don't waste this summer. And when she returns from Europe ask her if she wants to get together or wait for school to start and accept her answer.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

We usually talk on the phone at night



While I have never said I love you so quick with someone, the relationship has felt pretty natural and doesn't feel like we rushed things.

Secondly, I am definitely a firm believer in being independent and having a life outside of the relationship (friends, job, etc.) I guess it just kind of hit me when she moved and may have just been caught up in the excitement of a new relationship

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You can't keep yourself busy without her for the summer? You know she has a lot on her plate so why not just enjoy your life, and be cool and let absence make the heart grow fonder?

I mean it's pretty gross to be that insecure after only 3 months. Distance is a big adjustment, that's true, but you do have a life that you enjoy without her right? So enjoy it, and she will be back sooner than you think.

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I find myself getting frustrated and anxious because I am not sure where her and I stand.

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That's your own insecurity, which is disgusting when out of control

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The reason I say this is because she tells me she can't give me 100% right now and I am not sure if that is fair to me.

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You know her schedule, talk almost every night, and its unfair? Why? Not enough for you? Now that's just insecure and quite selfish! Relax and be less demanding, and more supportive, and understanding. She will probably appreciate you better for being mature about this.

Family, friends, work, and you are not happy with talking every night. You sound very needy and insecure. If you are so demanding, (already "confronted her) these actions may chase her away. If you do not allow her, space and her own time, there will be no relationship

I forgot to mention one last detail and this has happened to me in the past, it is something called "Relationship Anxiety" and apparently I get it whenever I am in one. I am not sure why because in every other facet of my life I am pretty well-rounded and confident. It may have something to do with growing up with an emotionally unstable father, but I do not know. I am thinking of speaking to someone professional about it.

One thing both my wife and I noticed about each other is that when we get home and around our families we change. Nothing really substantial but noticeable. We kind of revert to how we were before we moved out. It is a place where we know how we can act. If you sat down and thought about it, you would probably see it in yourself when you go home.

That being said, she's probably pretty overwhelmed with what's going on around her home, with her family and life as a whole. Is there any reason why she wouldn't be truthful with you? Step back and give her a little room. IT doesn't mean that it's over, it just means that it's summer. Life gets crazy. Come back to it in the fall. The problem now is not letting your own feelings get bruised by her at this moment. The rational mind knows, but does the emotional. That is the key here.

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One thing both my wife and I noticed about each other is that when we get home and around our families we change. Nothing really substantial but noticeable. We kind of revert to how we were before we moved out. It is a place where we know how we can act. If you sat down and thought about it, you would probably see it in yourself when you go home.

That being said, she's probably pretty overwhelmed with what's going on around her home, with her family and life as a whole. Is there any reason why she wouldn't be truthful with you? Step back and give her a little room. IT doesn't mean that it's over, it just means that it's summer. Life gets crazy. Come back to it in the fall. The problem now is not letting your own feelings get bruised by her at this moment. The rational mind knows, but does the emotional. That is the key here.

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No, she has never given me one reason to doubt her or distrust her.

I would ditch the label. Relationship Anxiety runs the gauntlet from normal to extreme, someone who stays in a dungeon counting gold or building ships in bottles and never goes out.

It's normal enough to feel jealous and hurt when a love isn't around enough, regardless of how anyone defines 'enough.' Heck, I feel hurt when I pat and cuddle my cat and she suddenly goes outside and doesn't come back til 2 am. When I was married to a real live person, I was hurt that he was a workaholic and we never had a vacation.

So admit it and deal with it directly! You do wish she weren't going to Europe. You are worried that she will meet new guys at work. You wonder if her grandmother's health is as important to all this working on herself as she says. But you have to keep all this from her. It's OK to joke ("Can I shrink down to the size of a phone and be with you wherever you go?") but not 'confront.' 'Confront????' Really. Sorry, that's a turn off. Of course I don't know how you expressed it, but you do sound like you have a controlled sense of resentment.

Why aren't YOU working this summer? If you were busy, you'd know how it feels to have to engage in inane chit chat every night for no good reason other than it's some sort of requirement of love. UGH

You need to learn from your relationships or they are going to follow the same path each time. Clingy and needy drive people away. It might be cute and semi tolerable in the beginning, but at some point she's going to require space. Loving someone isn't demanding they be in your presence 24/7 or on the phone with you nonstop. Loving someone is trusting that person regardless of what they are doing, including going to Europe. If what you are doing in this relationship isn't working then change your behaviors. I truly hope you are not sitting around the house saying "She hasn't called me in 8 minutes. She hasn't called me in 9 minutes. She hasn't called me in 10 minutes." That's no way to live. I haven't talked to my spouse since we said good night last night and we even work at the same company. And that's okay. You need to find a way to make it okay too.

I appreciate everyone's advice, thank you. I think the best thing to do is give her space and be supportive and also keep myself busy and focus on my goals and what I have to do this summer.

Exactly... And learn from this so you can be a better partner.

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Originally Posted by HandxStands

I appreciate everyone's advice, thank you. I think the best thing to do is give her space and be supportive and also keep myself busy and focus on my goals and what I have to do this summer.

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You have been given very good advice here.

I only want to add that, while being supportive and giving her the space she needs, may also mean the end of the relationship. She could be letting you down easy, or skirting the issue as to not hurt you. We see all the time where confusion mixed with feelings mixed with expectations mixed with reality can sometimes cause this sort of limbo place you are in now. Many times, it means the distance between you, will become more, not less.

Just be prepared and adjust your expectations accordingly, to what you have already seen happening, since school ended.

But, I wholeheartedly agree that living your life without worrying about what will happen, is the key here. Keep up with your activities, your friends, your social life, etc. Enjoy your summer.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

You have been given very good advice here.

I only want to add that, while being supportive and giving her the space she needs, may also mean the end of the relationship. She could be letting you down easy, or skirting the issue as to not hurt you. We see all the time where confusion mixed with feelings mixed with expectations mixed with reality can sometimes cause this sort of limbo place you are in now. Many times, it means the distance between you, will become more, not less.

Just be prepared and adjust your expectations accordingly, to what you have already seen happening, since school ended.

But, I wholeheartedly agree that living your life without worrying about what will happen, is the key here. Keep up with your activities, your friends, your social life, etc. Enjoy your summer.

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I actually do not think we are going to end things, call it gut instinct. But when I last spoke to her on the phone we had decided to finish the conversation in person and decide what is best for us.

Just recently, things ended with a guy I had been with for 2 years. I will say this... what the ladies above have mentioned about being too clingy, needy, insecure and full of anxiety FITS HIM TO A "T" and also has driven me batty. These types of traits can IMO lead you to make hasty, impulsive, erratic decisions in the relationship.

As much as I love this man... and still do... there are fewer things that can drive me insane than having to reassure a man that he is the one, that I still love him, that there's no one else, explaining why I haven't called him back in xyz minutes... why things aren't the same as they were in the beginning, etc... IT created a darkness in an otherwise good relationship. Please get a hold of these traits now and fill yourself with a life worth living. She AND you will appreciate that you both have fulfilling lives with each other and OUTSIDE of each other. Blessings.

I just recently put up a post on here describing my situation with my 3 month relationship and some advice. I just found out this morning that my girlfriends grandmother just passed away and she seems OK but she also seems closed off and it maybe hasn't hit her yet. I don't want to seem needy here but should I just give her some space now? I've already sent my condolences out to her and her family.

(spicywings, at least 2 of the responses were from men)

Yes, leave her alone. She knows how to reach you.