Yesterday I was having a discussion with my friends. And one of them said something like this "for guys, sex and love don't come together". I'm pretty sure generally speaking that statement is true, and there are exceptions. But for the most part is it true?

She also said something like "If you're with a really good looking guy, you have to know that even if he loves you, he'll still sleep around" :S (coz that's what happened to her and her cousin or something)

So then what is sex to guys? Just something recreational?

I just don't understand how a guy could love you, yet go sleep with another person.

But women sleep around too, what does THAT mean?

Well I guess we could change the topic to why do people sleep around then? <.<

But for the most part even psychology research has shown that guys look at sex as more of a recreational thing to do, and girl look at it at a more romantic thing. ( I read it from my psychology textbook)

I think even women make love and have sex!
My husband and I were talking about it, sometimes its making love, other times its sex, other times its quickie ;)

Real love is linked so closely to respect and trust that you can't separate them.

If someone really loves you, then they aren't going to cheat on you.

The problem comes with the fact that sex has been linked to romance for so many women, so women convince themselves that they MUST love someone if they're having sex with them, because otherwise they're just being slutty. I think that's also part of the reason that women stay with men that are bad for them.

Guys can separate that a little better, I think, and are able to accept that lust and love are not necessarily the same thing.

I can't quite bring all of my thoughts together on this, so I'd be happy to clarify this through discussion :)

Most Men feel physical atttraction instead of emotional attraction first so if a woman is too easy of course they will jump on the sex .Best thing is to always take things SLOOOOOOW
And get to know someone really well before getting intimately involved.

This is something that my husband and I discuss a lot because we have friends that go out and look to get "laid." I don't understand it, but he always will tell me "Everyone has needs, and everyone fulfills those needs differently."

I think Synnen is right, men are better at looking at sex as either love or lust and not as both. Women are more emotional.

I wouldn't say they are absolutely separate for men, but there are probably general differences... and of course when you generalize you are wrong in some cases.

Such as my wife says shell see a handsome guy and maybe check him out, but that alone wouldn't make her want to sleep with him. Whereas a guy can see a gorgeous girl and have a primal urge to want to have sex, even if he's committed and true to another. Doesn't mean he will, it means guys seems to place a lot into visual stimulation.

One comedian said the difference is that women do tend to tie emotions more to sex, where guys sometimes need it so we don't go around murdering people... that there should be a relief valve on their unit that states maximum psi for the safety of all concerned.

Do I know women who need the same release? Every girl I've dated has... but with the exception of the one who threw a book into a wall, breaking a hole in it cause I was late for a "meeting" I think women seem to be better at not going as crazy about it as men.

But look around here and you'll see enough posts from women whose sex drives are stronger than their spouses... so you can't say the drive is necessarily different in terms of strength.

As they say, men r from Mars.. women from Venus... so difference in thoughts bound to happen... whatever it is... all women and men need to accept the fact that a way to man's heart is through his willy... and a way to woman's heart is love and emotions first and then sex... if both men and women realize this... world will be a better place to live... phew!

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Originally Posted by diya

..all women and men need to accept the fact that a way to man's heart is thru his willy....

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Are you serious or are you joking?

I have to go with what Synen said so well.

All generalizations are wrong some of the time. No generaliztions are right all of the time. Some generalizations are right some of the time. So what, really, is the point of debating them? If it's the particular motives, choices and actions of particular people in specific situations that really matters (which it usually is, when it comes right down to it), why not just deal with them on a case-by-case basis?

Generalizations are useful in formulating public policy, but largely irrelevant as a factor in individual behavior, especially in intimate relationships. Nevertheless, I will admit they have a certain value as a stimulus to recreational debate, so I don't want to be a grinch and spoil anybody's fun. Carry on.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Real love is linked so closely to respect and trust that you can't separate them.

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This is a generalization that is as close to universally valid as they get, I'd say. Good one, Syn!

On reflection, it does carry the hidden message that real love is not so indestructible as it may seem. Respect and trust are relatively easy to damage or destroy, so what's left of love after they're gone? You don't have to follow the Relationships forum very long to know that the answer is "Nothing much of value, except the lesson learned".

Ah, but when one BUILDS respect and trust, they're not as feeble as a house of cards, and not as easy to knock down.

Trust and respect take TIME. One needs to EARN them. The trust of one month is NOT the trust of one year. What one does in that time is how one shows whether they are worthy of trust and respect.

Sex and love are separate for both genders. You can love without sex, and you can have sex without love. Sex is usually better when there's also love, but not always. Love isn't necessarily affected either way by sex.

The difference in what we see from the two genders is just a matter of publicity... men usually talk about it, women usually don't. You can see the reason for this difference just by looking at the language... there are a lot of words indicating a person with lots of sexual experience. There are considerably more words with that meaning that refer to women than to men, and most of the ones referring to women have gotten a negative connotation attached, while men have neutral or positive connotations: Women are loose, men are Casanova. Nobody wants to be thought of as sluts, but most people don't mind being called a lady-killer.

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Originally Posted by kaitou

Yesterday i was having a discussion with my friends. And one of them said something like this "for guys, sex and love don't come together". I'm pretty sure generally speaking that statement is true, and there are exceptions. But for the most part is it true?

She also said something like "If you're with a really good looking guy, you have to know that even if he loves you, he'll still sleep around" :S (coz that's what happened to her and her cousin or something)

So then what is sex to guys? Just something recreational?

I just don't understand how a guy could love you, yet go sleep with another person.

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The thing about 'taking things slow', 'if s/hes good s/he won't cheat', etc is overrated.

Making love and having sex is part of nature and it all comes down to satisfaction.
It's that little thing you do shows how much you love a person, NOT have you or have you not had sex with that person OR how many times do you have sex/make love.

Temptation is everywhere. Decency could also mean sooner or later it will still break IF
Chemistry between two people should run thin one of these days. I prefer someone with self-control to someone who is decent.

I was in a long term relationship without sex. I thought... this is it,a sign that he deserves my everything because he's waited for years - when I thought I was ready to give 'it all'...
He turned his back on me and HINTED he'd already found someone new because he waited too long (and you wonder why the hell he had to wait till now to tell me... why not a year ago or sooner). He broke it off immediately,on the spot!!

I just think its tragic to pin sex on top of the chart.
X

I personally think or have thought that sex and love do come together. I'm such a woman in that regard! I think that's one of the reasons I have been caught out in left field in some situations. I took more meaning to the sex than she did.

I think sex and having love is important! But I do feel now since the break up like sleeping around! Its not going to happen though as I have more dignity than the devil in my right ear.

It just depends on the person I think.
If you love someone then its very special you do together and they would never sleep around and you will know when you find the one. Be careful not to let guys talk you into it.
The guy that loves you will wait and make your first time perfect and you will never fotget it.
The people that sleep around are the ones that have just sex without love.
But sec should be somethnig you only do with the one you love and that's something very special you do as in loving each other.