My boyfriend and I have met back early in the year in January and then he broke up with me end of March to beg me to come back to him in June.

We got back together in July and we used to have the best sex ever... I have never had an orgasm with any of my partners before. He said that I am the best sex he ever had... We had some amazing passionate time in the beginning... later on he started to come up with all these excuses, such as; I am tire, my tummy hurts, ate too much of food, too drunk, want to sleep, or the most horrible excuse is that he claims that we fight too much...
If for instance we had a fight, he won't have sex with me for a month after that...

Does any of you think my boyfriend is cheating on me, sleeping with anyone else? I mean is that a reason for a man to stop wanting his woman? Or do you think he has someone else in his mind and heart who he wants to be with? The funny part is that he is moving in to live with me and my daughter. By the way he loves my daughter...

I really need experts help. People who have been in this before.

I forgot to mention that my boyfriend is 32 and I just turned 30...
I am very good looking and attractive woman that lots of men would dream of having me... he is a good looking man too.

There must be sth 'wrong' with him... So Conmunicate with him to know his thoughts.

When you say wrong, how would you define "wrong".
Every time I try to converse him about it, he gets angry and mad at me and starts a stupid fight...

Your boyfriend is not cheating on you is just that his spirit does not like both of you to be fighting. So I advice you to stop fighting with him even if he offend u.. try it will work out! Good luck.

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Originally Posted by isuhe

ur boyfriend is not cheating on u is just that his spirit does not like both of u to be fighting. so i advice u to stop fighting with him even if he offend u..try it wil work out! gud luck.

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Thank you so much for the answer...
I knew at some stage that he is probably only annoyed by the little fights and my distrust to him sometimes... but even when we are no fighting he is not trying to initiate any intimacy between us... how long does he need to get over the fights?

It sounds like there's two issues here. He withholds sex from you as a form of punishment after you fight. Second, his desire for intimacy has dwindled in general. I believe that any form of punishment like the silent treatment, cold shoulder, withdrawal from intimacy is manipulative and controlling. If you have a disagreement shouldn't you talk it out and work through your differences? He may feel like he is failing in the relationship based on the bickering so it might be in your best interest to try and approach him differently when you're upset. It's also imperative that you make it clear that you won't tolerate abuse and will walk if you two can't improve upon your communication.

Random thought, maybe he has ED and doesn't know how to tell you.

Edit: that could explain why he uses fights as an excuse to not have sex... it gives him time to deal with (his hypothetical) ED that he's possibly trying to deal with on his own.

Another Edit: have you asked him straight up how he feels about you and how you fit into his life right now? I don't particularly see an indication that he's trying to punish you by withholding sex & intimacy. Just ask him why he doesn't feel so tender and loving, but in a neutral & curious way, not in a demanding tone. Focus on seeing his side and talking about his problems, and hopefully he will reciprocate the effort.

You and I can make suppositions all day, but the best way to resolve this is to ask him what's in his heart and work it out with him. If he blows your question off, remember to keep a supportive attitude, don't make emotional demands, and don't let the conversation get frustrated... but don't let him blow you off with a weak excuse either ("we fight too much") because there are more factors to the equation than that. Let him know you're there for him and willing to listen, then actually listen, and then share your side. Find a way to open him up by observing how his emotions work.

here2assist, I see a handful of logical fallacies in your response based on assumptions on both his and her behavior.

Why did he break up with you?
I think he uses sex to get back at you and that is just immature. If he says you two fight too much, why is he moving in with you? Do you want all that mess around your kid?
Maybe he has a piece on the side maybe not, but he would not be moving in with me and my child. Good sex is not worth all that drama.

From my point of view, there's not a lot of evidence to say that he is withholding sex as a form of punishment. He seems to be making a lot of excuses, fights being one of them. The real question to ask is "Why is he making excuses?" It could be any reason: cheating, he fell out of love, ED, etc.
You need to ask him, not us, because we don't know.

Edit: We don't know the complete nature of the relationship, or what bad habits either of you have, so I feel it's premature to villainize this guy. We don't know what he's going through.

If for instance we had a fight, he wont have sex with me for a month after that...
That is withholding sex when he is mad. That is control and it's childish.
If he has ed he needs to talk about it with her. She has a child and is bringing this man into her home. She needs to clear up this stuff before he moves in. Why subject a child to all of this frustration.

I'd like to say that you don't know that for certain (that he is in fact holding on to anger for that long and denying intimacy). I'm waiting for what more information the original poster can provide.

But I'm also not disagreeing on the possibility. My focus is on getting to the truth and ameliorating the situation.

I only posted what she said. That statement was from her post. You can go back and read it.

I find it illogical to assume that anger is his motivation when it was not expressly stated.

"If for instance we had a fight, he wont have sex with me for a month after that..."
She said that, I didn't. What do you think that statement means?

It means he wouldn't have sex with her after a fight, it doesn't say why. Maybe it makes him feel closed off, maybe it's harder for him to open back up to her after a fight. Maybe he's angry and trying to control her. Who knows?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

That is withholding sex when he is mad. That is control and it's childish.

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This is what I was referring to. I'd like to stop hijacking this lady's thread.

Then stop. You started it

I used to be, not as much now, a bit jealous from his Facebook friends who appear to be all females and his phone always in pocket and am not allowed to see or know anything about his "private life". He thinks he has the right to keep his own private life away from me... he claims that it is not my damn business what he talks about with his female friends... that's what made me more jealous and doubtful.. and he used to get frustrated from my distrust to him... while he says that he has never done anything wrong to me... never cheated... JUST A COMMON SENSE QUESTION: WHY ON EARTH A BOYFRIEND WOULD ADMIT TO HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE CHEATED ON HER? TO PROVE ME RIGHT? I THINK THAT WOULD BE AN ANGEL TO DO SO... OR AN IDIOT...

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Originally Posted by Mercurian

Random thought, maybe he has ED and doesn't know how to tell you.

Edit: that could explain why he uses fights as an excuse to not have sex... it gives him time to deal with (his hypothetical) ED that he's possibly trying to deal with on his own.

Another Edit: have you asked him straight up how he feels about you and how you fit into his life right now? I don't particularly see an indication that he's trying to punish you by withholding sex & intimacy. Just ask him why he doesn't feel so tender and loving, but in a neutral & curious way, not in a demanding tone. Focus on seeing his side and talking about his problems, and hopefully he will reciprocate the effort.

You and I can make suppositions all day, but the best way to resolve this is to ask him what's in his heart and work it out with him. If he blows your question off, remember to keep a supportive attitude, don't make emotional demands, and don't let the conversation get frustrated... but don't let him blow you off with a weak excuse either ("we fight too much") because there are more factors to the equation than that. Let him know you're there for him and willing to listen, then actually listen, and then share your side. Find a way to open him up by observing how his emotions work.

here2assist, I see a handful of logical fallacies in your response based on assumptions on both his and her behavior.

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Regardless of how I ask him, he will never give me the right answer... he will keep saying; we had too many fights and the less you fight with me the more and more you attract me... so am playing the quiet not sex demanding person now in the past few days and waiting to see how long it will last... Believe me I tried but he is the most close person that I ever come to know... He is very close to himself... but he used to say that I am the best sex he always dreamt of having...