I have been with my BF for 7 months now (officially). Before that we had been dating for 2months and were intimate with each other. I was just getting out of a relationship when I met him and even cheated on my now ex. I was going through the worst time in my life (I had 5 close people pass away in two months) and my new guy was the only person who was able to keep my head above water. I fell in love with him because of this but neither of us wanted the title of Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and I didn't tell him how I felt because I thought it might scare him.

He ended up sleeping with another girl twice while we were dating. I found out and this destroyed me. I don't understand how he could sleep with 2 girls at the same time. We weren't officially exclusive but the thought of any other man disgusted me. After I found out I asked him how could he do this to someone who loves him? He said I should have told him I loved him. He feels bad for sleeping with someone else but at the same time feels like what he did was not cheating so I should be able to get past it. He also said he had no feelings for her what so ever and that he was trying to prove to himself that he wasn't in love with me, by being able to sleep with someone else. But how could he do this to me knowing what I was already going through?

After we both realized we loved each other we decided to become a couple. Since then he has been an awesome BF and I know he is faithful. Why can't I get over this other girl? It eats at me day and night. We even fought so bad about it that we broke up for a few weeks. I go in stages where it hurts overwhelmingly and then sometimes it feels OK. It wasn't cheating, I know he won't cheat now.. so how do I forgive him? I love him so much but at the same time resent him for hurting me. I have been cheated on a lot which I'm thinking is part of my insecurity, and I have also cheated a lot which I've heard can make you insecure about your own partner cheating. I think he is the one for me. I'm soooo sick of letting something from 7 months ago ruin my days and negatively impact my relationship now. Help!!

How could he do this, you ask?
The same way you cheated with him on your ex. I'm sorry you're hurting... but what goes round, usually comes round.

If you all love each other I hope it works out.

You were just dating, no commitments?? I am missing what there is to get over. And there is nothing for you to forgive, so why do you feel a need to forgive him.

I feel this is something you are going to have to either accept ( not forgive) and either move on with this relationship or move on to someone else

I definitely want to move on with this relationship. I don't know why it bothers me so much.. I assumed he would have no need to be with another girl and figured we were in the process of building a relationship so why would he risk hurting it. I guess my question is HOW do you let something go?

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Originally Posted by girl

I definitely want to move on with this relationship. I don't know why it bothers me so much..I assumed he would have no need to be with another girl and figured we were in the process of building a relationship so why would he risk hurting it. I guess my question is HOW do you let something go?

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You have too. You all weren't "officially" together so he didn't cheat. But now young lady you said you cheated on your ex with this guy? Right? I'm not passing judgment but do you think he ever thinks that you cheated on your boyfriend when you were in an "official relationship" Don't burn your bridges with this guy, because he really didn't cheat... He hasn't thrown that in your face... has he?

You have a lot of baggage from the past to unpack and that will take time, and a lot of it.

Unfortunately it will be harder being with someone who keeps the wounds open, even if not intentionally, than if you were single, or unattached. Its about working on yourself and a proper healing, and getting over the past.

It will take time but, for now, think twice before you act, or speak, especially during high emotions, and learn to truly forgive yourself, and make the right adjustments, to forgive others. It's a process, NOT something that will happen overnight, and without a lot of practice.

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Originally Posted by girly101

He ended up sleeping with another girl twice while we were dating....We weren't officially exclusive....so how do I forgive him?

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Forgive him for what? You were friends. He was your emotional rock, not your exclusive boyfriend. He did nothing disloyal to you.

You two weren't exclusive. And you can't change his past.

And he can't change yours. By the way, while you are giving him a hard time about HIS past, does he ever mention YOUR'S?

You said " We weren't officially exclusive but the thought of any other man disgusted me. " But you HAVE cheated before? This makes no sense to me.

You will absolutely ruin this relationship by letting the past dictate your present. It will drive you crazy, and he will just run.

Since the relationship began, has he ever given you any reason to believe that he has been unfaithful to you? If not, get on with.

It sounds like he deserves a break. Surprise him.

Good luck to you, and especially to him.

I agree with all the other replies here, you have nothing to forgive and certainly no right to sit in judgement over it considering you say you cheated on your ex with him, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

How do you let go, well you let go, forget it. Its insignificant, keep it alive at your peril.

Build a bridge get over it and take a much needed step into womanhood.

You blame the loss of someone for your unfaithfullness? I think that's a big cop out. You knew what you were doing. Those people you were grieving for probably wouldn't approve. I think you had your mind set on
Sleeping with this guy and you saw your chance.

I hope the guy you left has moved on and found a wonderful woman, who will treat him the way he needs to be treated.

Losing someone is terrible, but don't disrespect them by using them as an excuse for your mistakes.

This relationship began with some trust issues. I think he did not show any dishonest to you after you two got together. You need to let the past go and try to build the relationship of u two.

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Originally Posted by sackings_pepsi

This relationship began with some trust issues. I think he did not show any dishonest to you after you two got together. you need to let the past go and try to build the relationship of u two.

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It began with her having a boyfriend... she sees this other guy and the hormones start raging so she sneaks around and sleeps with him , while she is still with the boyfriend.

They start "casually" seeing each other. This guy doesn't want to be exclusive with only one woman and he hasn't asked her to be. He sleeps with other girls.

The only trust issues I see are the ones he should have with her. She is the one who slept around and cheated on the first boyfriend. I believe if I were the present boyfriend... I would be the one who had trust issues... :confused:

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

You blame the loss of someone for your unfaithfullness? I think that's a big cop out. You knew what you were doing. Those people you were grieving for probably wouldn't approve. I think you had your mind set on
sleeping with this guy and you saw your chance.

I hope the guy you left has moved on and found a wonderful woman, who will treat him the way he needs to be treated.

Losing someone is terrible, but don't disrespect them by using them as an excuse for your mistakes.

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Im not using their deaths as an excuse of cheating on my original Bf. I meant that during this hard time my new boyfriend was the one who was there for me and helped me tremendously. I had been considering leaving my ex for almost a year but was not brave enough to do it.

It took you almost a year and cheating to decide to leave him, and now you are upset because the guy you cheated with slept with someone else? Were you disgusted when you slept with him and you had a boy friend?
I think you have a lot of issues and you probably should not be with anyone right now. Your anger makes no sense at all.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It took you almost a year and cheating to decide to leave him, and now you are upset because the guy you cheated with slept with someone else? Were you disgusted when you slept with him and you had a boy friend?
I think you have a lot of issues and you probably should not be with anyone right now. Your anger makes no sense at all.

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You need to read back over your post and read them as if you were reading someone else's... I think you need to wise up and leave the past alone or you'll lose the present boyfriend and the ex won't have you back... Tough words... but true. You have no right to be ticked at him. At least he didn't sneak behind your back and do it!

I think your upset because he slept with 2 other girls while the two of you were intimate but wasn't official. And I think before you become intimate with someone you should ask questions but you didn't. You thought he was only exclusion with you and as you see that wasn't the case. And how could you say to him "how can you cheat on someone you love?" He didn't cheat and at the time love wasn't even a factor. The two of you was just getting to know one another?

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Originally Posted by liz28

I think your upset because he slept with 2 other girls while the two of you were intimate but wasn't offical. And i think before you become intimate with someone you should ask questions but you didn't. You thought he was only exclusion with you and as you see that wasn't the case. And how could you say to him "how can you cheat on someone you love?" He didn't cheat and at the time love wasn't even a factor. The two of you was just getting to know one another?

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Ouch Liz... You are so right... :cool:

I am going through this right now. Good luck with letting go. I personally think you deserve better that's why its so painful. Some people would consider it cheating.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 1 year. The start to our relationship was rocky because when we were just dating he slept with another girl. It hurt me but we weren't exclusive so I chose to get over it and we chose to become official after he realized how much I really cared for him. Everything has been awesome until recently. That girl he slept with a year ago was married, and my boyfriend didn't know that. But he found out and the girls husband has been threatening him and has been trying to hook up with me every time I see him out at the bar and my boyfriend is not around. The last time the husband saw me out and did his usual routine of trying to dance with me and trying to kiss me, then the wife comes up to me later that night and tells me that her and my boyfriend hooked up again 6 months ago. I could not believe my ears! I talked to my boyfriend about it and he swears it's a lie. He is getting upset that he has been lied about and doesn't know what to do to help me believe him. I do believe him, but I've been hurt in the past and can't quite move on from this because I don't undersatnd how a girl could want to hurt me like that? I feel bad because when I talk to him about it he feels like he is being accused of something and he has no control over this. He has no explanation because he says it flat out did not happen, so how could he have anything to explain? He promises me he hasn't seen or talked to that girl since last year. I never got the feeling that he hooked up with her or anything like that, but now that she has put that in my head I don't know what to do. I trust my boyfriend and love him so much, but this is eating me up inside. I can't stop thinking about the 2 of them together :( I was so happy with him, he's an amazing boyfriend and I don't want to break up with him over something that might not be true, but I'm not one to stand for being cheated on either. Pleeeaasse give me some advice!
? T year.

It sounds like the married woman, is playing games with you. Perhaps out of jealousy. Perhaps to get back at your boyfriend for something, perhaps to keep her husband confused, perhaps to just be a bit*h. Your problem isn't with her.

The married woman's husband, continues to hit on you, and that may have something to do with his wife wanting to hurt you, because she sees this (I presume) while you are in the club. By the way, why do you continue to go to that club, and when you are there, is your boyfriend with you?

Anyway, the married woman's husband, is not your problem. (unless you continue to allow him to do what he does).

I would believe your boyfriend, only because he ended his fling over a year go. Why would he risk losing your trust, ruining your relationship, and causing all kinds of hardship, over this married woman, and her husband, who both sound like a couple of whaco's to me.

You have no reason not to trust your boyfriend, over the married woman. Who is more credible. I don't get the impression that your boyfriend has been seeing her, or you would have seen signs of this long before now. That the married woman had an affair in the first place, hiding the fact she was married, and then is married to a jerk, and tries to cause drama by throwing garbage in your face, is the last person I would trust.

You and your boyfriend would do well to avoid the club that they frequent, and find somewhere else to go. You need to stop this unwanted attention from the husband, and stop the opportunities for all four of you to play mind games with each other. Just go somewhere else.