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All right so I was seeing this girl for about 3 months. We've known each other for 3 years though. During those 3 months things were going amazingly. We were crazy about each other and were never out of touch. We hung out only about twice a week because she was really busy with school. I was always the one who initiated us hanging out. Every time we were together we couldn't be happier. Just being near each other was the best feeling in the world for us and she told me that she "hasn't felt this good with anyone else". She was in a 2 and a half year relationship before, they broke up. Then she dated another guy for a few months before he cheated on her. She she started really talking to me again. I had always liked this girl but she was never available and when she finally was, she came to me. She said that she had always had a crush on me and that she really liked me. She used to joke about me playing hard to get but in reality I just didn't believe that she finally was interested in me...

Then things went downhill. We were supposed to hang out on the weekend and I got a text saying "I'm sorry but I just really haven't been feeling it lately. Im sure you could tell". The past week she had been really distant and she admitted that. She doesn't know how she lost feelings for me, but it just... happened and she wished she knew why. I asked her if there was another guy and she said no. I thought she was lying and she said "you know I have never/would never lie to you. I really dont know how this happened". I think I know how though. I gave her too much of me at once and she lost interest. She probably liked the challenge of a chase because guys are always all over her and I made things too easy for her by being too available. She said she needed time/space to think so I gave that to her.

It's been 3 weeks since this whole thing happened and we still talk/text a little bit, but not nearly as much anymore. We decided last week that we were going to go back to square one and if things get better we would take things slower next time. (I wanted a relationship w/her but she wasn't ready and I kind of pushed her a little bit) I just have no idea where to go from here. Our senior prom is next weekend and neither of us are going. I was thinking of asking her to see a movie or something since we both have no plans for next weekend. I don't think asking her to come over to watch a movie w/me would be the best idea because when we used to do that we were always cuddling/kissing and she might feel threatened/intimidated. I know for a fact though that if I did get her in that type of setting, she would want to kiss me and that 'spark' would get re-lit. A movie somewhere else is prob a better idea though. We saw Dear John on our first date and it would prob bring back old memories.

I asked her if she even liked me anymore and she said she did, but it doesn't seem like it. She waits until later at night to text me if I don't text her first and it drives me crazy when she gives me one word responses... Either she's making ME chase her or she's just still confused. Idk she's impossible to read. The only time I see her anymore is during passing periods at school. I was making a joke about wanting to see Letters to Juliet because it's like Dear John and she said "lets watch dear john!" and when I asked how we would do that she said "idk". Does she want to start hanging out little by little again or what? I miss her so much and just want her back. I can't stop thinking about her and it's driving me crazy not knowing what's going on/what to do about it. What should I do?

You better back up guy, she may be a bit burned out on relationships, and just wants to do the have fun being friends thing. Can you blame her? From a really long relationship to a failed one that had to hurt, since it was about cheating to you. That's an awful lot to heal from and get over.

That's why you have to back up, and understand what she has been through, and not apply any pressure to for what you want, more of her time.

I don't think its about you at all, but about her, so don't take her being distant personally, as she is probably coping with a lot of feelings.

She may not be ready for a boyfriend, when what she really wants is a close friend to get her through this hard time.

I suspect you both to be quite young from the school reference, so how old are you both??

That's exactly how my boyfriend and I were at the time. We knew each other for 3 years, and dated exactly for 3 months.

I can see why you're hurt. Knowing someone and liking them for that long is good. But what's hard is letting them go for the time being and giving them space.

After most girls make a decision to break up, they want to stick to that decision for at least a month or so. I'm just speaking on my perspective.

We take it as a time to think. She's been in many long and real relationships, and maybe she just wants a break from it all.

As crazy as this sounds, girls like to let loose for a change. To feel the single life. It's amazing.

She's probably not ready for a boyfriend at the moment. And you need to respect that from her. Calling her and asking her to hang out doesn't really help anything. It shows that you are desprate for her and that you'll do anything to make it work. If I were you, I'd just wait. Don't talk to her for a couple of weeks... she might start to miss you. After that, casually start up a conversation with her. Don't go into the conversation about being with her. Just ask her how she's been. She'll be surprised.

First heart break is hard. I know from experience. But when they don't show the same feelings after a certain amount of time, it's just time to move on. Relationships are about working together. No one should be the controller.

I'm guessing you're about 18 just like I am. We're still young. Get out there and live your life.

You'll meet the right one for you when you're least expecting it.

Good luck!

"Never waste your time on something that dosen't need you anymore."

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I suspect you both to be quite young from the school reference, so how old are you both???

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We're both 18, senior year of high school. I think you're right though. If I was in a relationship for that long, broke up, was with another guy and got cheated on I'd be a little wary to start something up again too. She's the not the type of girl that parties or goes out with friends though. At all. She has maybe 2 or 3 friends that she actually hangs out with and those friends really only hang out w/her when they're not out partying or w/e. She's told me that she wishes she was less anti-social. She gets along great w/everyone at school, but on the weekends she either babysits, stays home, or does things w/her family. The weird thing is that non of that bothers me at all. I see her as the perfect girl for me and the first time I met her 3 years ago I knew she was what I wanted.

So when I finally had her, I went too strong. Understandable? Idk. When she told me that she didn't really want a relationship it made me think that maybe she didn't really like me as much as she said she did, but when I asked her about it after she said she lost interest she said that she meant everything she said. She WAS crazy about me. Maybe it scared her how much she really liked me? I love everything about her, and every time one of my friends points out some really hot looking girl I just can't see them being comparable to her. It's like my mind has made itself up and has decided that no one else is even worth looking at. Sure she has SOME faults, but those are also what contributes to her being perfect for me.

High School is basically over. We were both in a bunch of AP (college level) courses, and now that the AP tests are over we don't really get any homework. Now she isn't overwhelmed with school anymore but the problem is I'm kind of out of the mix right now. We used to talk about how excited we were about APs being over so we could spend more time together, but now they're over and things are just up in the air.

My mind has been racing for the past month and I've realized all of the things I did wrong and just wish I could go back and do things differently. I can't help but think she's texting other guys (even though she probably isn't.) My mind is just focused on what she could be doing besides thinking about the situation. Before she really started talking to me 3 months ago, she told me that she really didn't want to see any guys her senior year... Until she started talking to me. I don't think we could let something this good just slip away.

I feel you. Its rough when are feelings are so strong, and what we want seems so close, yet so far away. Really hard to control isn't it.

I can't tell you how to deal with your frustration, but I know you should enjoy what you have for what it is. Just keep it real in your own mind, as we can't control others, or the feelings we have, but we can control how we deal with the situation we find ourself in.

When you know what the score is, its easier to find a solution based on facts, and not just feelings. Just back up a bit, and give yourself some time to face those facts.

Do you think she still has feelings for me? I mean, after all the good times we shared and having her just say she needs time/space to think, I can't see how her feelings could just disappear. I texted her last night at like 930 because I couldn't take it anymore (prob not the best idea). She responded 3 hrs later and we talked for a little bit. Haven't heard from her at all today though. Im just not used to this

Sure I can see her having feelings, but I doubt if they are romantic ones, just because that's not what she needs.

I really think if you had a better balance in your life with friends, or activities other than her, you would see things a lot more clearly.

I just think her friendship could be rewarding if you could forget the romance and be friends, but that takes a lot of adjustments emotionally. If you are not prepared for that, then best to back off.

Not all friendships that have strong attractions lead to romance, and accepting that can help lower your high expectations enough to be a friend.

Sometimes we realize that the things that are said to keep us around, may not be what was meant, and we just take it that wrong way, and that's when we get carried away, and see more into things than what they really are. Balance your life with other things you enjoy, and gain a better perspective on things.

I was seeing this girl for about 3 months and things were going amazingly. We were crazy about each other and fell for each other very hard, very quick. She had a boyfriend for 2.5 yrs, broke up w/him after he went to college, was w/another guy for 4 months before he cheated on her, and then she came to me. I had always liked this girl through high school and we were friends at school for 3 years before we started "seeing eachother". We were never an official couple because she was never ready, but I always pushed it on her a little bit.

We were never out of touch. Always texting when we weren't together and she didn't have a problem w/it. After 3 months though things got weird. She got very distant and didn't feel like hanging out anymore. I got a text right before we were supposed to hang out saying "Im sorry but I just haven't been feeling it lately." I immediately panicked and started begging/pleading for her not to end it like this because it would be a waste to ruin what we had and all that. Now that I look at the texts I sent her a month ago, I'm just embarrassed. I know why she was put off. I gave her too much of me at once and I was too available for her. I realized this after she said she needed some "space". It has been a month since we hung out, but we've been texting a little bit during that time.(mostly initiated by me). The past week it has been me texting her first so I decided to go no contact for a little bit. It's been 2 days and have heard nothing. I still see her at school and stop by her locker on my way to one of my classes but that's it.

A week or 2 ago I asked "do you even like me anymore?" and she replied "yes". But when I see/talk to her at school it doesn't seem like it. She always used to smile when I talked to her and now its nothing. I miss her SO much and just want her back. I love this girl. She's all I've been thinking about the month even when I've been busy. I've realized what I did wrong and I just want another shot w/her. She said that she always had a crush on me throughout high school (we're seniors now) and I always did too. This is the girl of my dreams. I can't even look at another girl w/out comparing them to her and none of them come even close.

My goal is to get her back. I NEED her back. I can't go on w/out knowing what we would have become. But I was too clingy.. How do I let her know that I have changed? We saw Dear John on our first date. She's babysitting next weekend and the weekend after that so I was thinking of asking her to see another movie like that when she isn't babysitting. We graduate in 3 weeks by the way. This was my first real relationship and I have learned so much from it. I just want her to know that so I can have another shot. SHE came to ME 4 months ago and I played hard to get. When she finally had me, I made things too easy for her and she lost interest. I get it. I annoyed her w/my constant attention toward her and I have learned from this. What do I do? Is it too late for the no contact rule to work in my favor?

You guys had the Honeymoon period and it sounds like she's made her mind up that it didn't or wouldn't work out.

Sorry Bud but trying to push yourself on her anymore is going to push her away even further.

Stop the texting and let dead dogs lye , you'll look so much better in her eyes than if you keep badgering her. THEN if down the track she feels she can try again let her be the one to initiate it. Don't hold your breath though.

Why don't you go strict NC, and see what happens. She may come back, or you will heal, and move on, and be happy looking for your SECOND relationship.

Idk. I can't help but think of her as the one that got away... I shouldn't have said I "need" her, but I do WANT her. Badly. It hurts not knowing what she is thinking/IF she is thinking about us, but I can't control that. I eve told her "I can't force you to feel the same way about me again, but I hope you do." There's no doubt I will always have feelings for this girl, but right now I just feel rejected. It's like letting a dog sniff a cookie and then taking it away from him right away. She didn't WANT to tease me, but she did. It would help if she could at least communicate w/me on what she thinks went wrong so I could at least have some closure, but I don't even have that. I'm still just... nowhere. In this "break". Idk what to even call it anymore, but I'd like us to still remain friends. I care about her too much to cut her out of my life.

Don't ever be friends with an Ex if you still want them. Be honest with yourself , you just want to be friends so you have some form of contact , and that my friend is the worst thing you can do at the moment.

Because all that does is give you false hope that you may be able to change her mind etc.

It's hard I know , but sometimes you won't get closure from them. So you need to do it yourself. Remember once she's your Ex , even though you may think differently , she has no responsibility to give you anything. She's already done that by stating she wants to breakup.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Remember once she's your Ex , even though you may think differently , she has no responsibility to give you anything. She's already done that by stating she wants to breakup.

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That is where Im lost. She hasn't told me anything. She just said she needed space so I gave it to her. She never said it was even a break, but just time to think. She promised me that she would tell me when she figured things out but I think she forgot about that. Right now I feel like Im on the backburner. She's not the most social person meaning she doesn't really "hang out" with anyone besides one or 2 close friends to go shopping... Maybe she'll realize how boring her life is w/out me because she honestly does nothing besides babysit, do homework (we graduate in 3 weeks), and go shopping. She doesn't party at all, which I like since I don't either, but she's extremely desirable and all the guys were telling me how lucky I was. I still see her as the perfect girl for me, but I'm just going to go w/the flow for now. I can't force anything.

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Originally Posted by ClinicallyFrustrated

(we graduate in 3 weeks)

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Is either of you going away to college? If that's the case, getting back together would be a terrible idea.

You said, "I feel like Im on the backburner." Not only were you on the backburner, but you've been cooled off and have been poured into a container and put at the back of the refrigerator on the bottom shelf.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is either of you going away to college? If that's the case, getting back together would be a terrible idea.

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I am staying in the city and she is going somewhere 180miles away. Its only a 1.2hr train ride away. We would always talk about visiting each other since we won't be that far from each other and the school Im going to has 3-day weekends... every weekend (awesome right?). So that was the plan, and the reason why we felt that this could still work. Now... idk. Weird situation and I still have no idea what's exactly going on in her head.

What's wrong with clingy dude?


I fix appliances, honestly, words don't always get everybody paid.

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Weird situation and I still have no idea what's exactly going on in her head.

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Then go by what's in YOUR head! Find out what that is and make a better plan, that ends the confusion.

I just want to know how do you come to the conclusion that she wanted to break up with you over one "I am feeling text?" Maybe she really wasn't feeling well.

I think this girl had a lot of baggage and you feel hard for this girl too quick for my taste. In a relationship you don't have to spend every moment with that person and everyone needs there space.

When you say things like "I need this girl badly or I want this girl" these are red flags to me. This relationship only lasted 3 months and relationships comes with no guarantees of lasting. However, you said you learn from this relationship so at least you can apply what you learnt to the next relationship. Right now, your next life lesson is to learn how to let go then move on. Are you willing to learn?

Relationships always start with your feelings.

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Originally Posted by rapedcustomer

relationships always start with your feelings.

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