So here is the story.
I've been dating this girl for 5 and a half years now. We've broken up twice before, once when she first go to college (she dumped me) and another over a year ago (by me) that last for all of a month. So the past couple of months or so have been rough for her. She just graduated college and she's extremely stressed and nervous about what is going to happen in her life and what she's doing. We went to school at different places, about an hour and a half apart and would see each other most weekends. So with all of this stress going on in her life she's been very on edge and we've been arguing a lot, some times about nothing at all.
So flash forward to last Thursday. I understood we were having our problems and needed to work through them, so I texted her after she went to bed and told her to try and make it up a little early to me on Friday because I had something planned. Well the next morning I got woken up to a text that was clearly meant for someone else. It said "so and so has something planned for me on friday :/ he isn't going to make this easy". To which I immediately replied to and was like what the hell? She spent the next 30 minutes denying it, telling me it was the morning and that she meant to send something else. I told her that I wasn't stupid and knew she wanted to break up and if she was going to do it, then just do it now and save the drive up here. She of course refuted and told me that we weren't going to break up this weekend, we just needed to work things out.
So she comes up on Friday and acts like nothing is wrong, meanwhile I've been worrying about this the past two days. She asks what I want to do and I immediately say talk. So we get to talking and she was like I'm still in love with you, I want to be with you, I want to work things out, but I don't think that they can. (kind of messed up huh?) To which I say, that's bs, if you wanted to work things out then we would. So she left and I've been a mess ever since, food turns to ash in my mouth, sleep doesn't come, I'm constantly anxious about what she is doing and who she is with.
This breakup is kind of taking the same path that it did the first time she broke up with me. She's in a major transition in her life and can't deal with things. She's going out to party with her friends all the time (which scares the crap out of me considering who a couple of her friends are). I'm afraid of the person who she's going to become. We've been each others first and only and she always told me how special she thought that was and really loved how that was so. She also repeatedly told me how I was the ONE and how she knew it and never wanted to be with anyone else, I even talked to someone who is our mutual friend and she said this to them when I broke up with her for like a month.
So its been a little over a week now and I started nc yesterday. I had been texting her and her responding basically asking questions like, is there no hope for us anymore? And telling her that it seemed like this was not affecting her at all. She's replied that she does love me and miss me very much and that this wasn't about being with other people and that is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She's also said though that she thinks this is the best for us right now and in the long run and that we should make these decisions on our own (I'm about to go into law school). Basically, I'm just terrified that she is going to turn into one of the girls who just sleeps with whoever looks at them the right way, I know she's not that kind of person.
The thing is, she's never been able to be 100% honest with me, she's been telling my friends the same things she's telling me, but I heard the other day from a mutual friend who talked to her that she doesn't know if she wants to be with other people or not. (which I guess is better than definitely wanting to be with other people) Which to me makes what she has told me insincere and a lie.
Last time we broke up I stopped contacting her and after maybe two months she started to contact me again and tell me how much she misses me and still loves me and how stupid she was and what a mistake she made and we got back together over the next months. Basically, I thought that this girl was the one. I could be completely myself around her and she was without a doubt my best friend as well. The thought of her being with someone else makes me want to hurl myself onto the freeway. I also told her that we could never be friends and that she could not be in my life or me in hers if she wanted to be with other people seeing as there is no way I would ever be able to be OK with that. She's also said through email that if we can work on things separately and be together someday that would be wonderful because she really does love me, but that she can't predict the future and can't give me any guarantees.
So here we go, day two of no contact, I'm terrified that we may never be together again but at the same time I'm slowly coming to the realization that maybe I shouldn't be holding out hope for this. My birthday is coming up pretty soon too and I know that at the very least she'll text me and say happy birthday or give me a call or something. So my questions are what should I be doing in the mean time? Should I hold out hope? What should I say if she says happy birthday to me? Should I get back together with her if she wants to?
