I'll try to make the story short. I am 4 weeks away from having a baby. I was in a 3 year relationship to someone I thought loved and wanted a family with me. During the time I found out I was pregnant my bfriend at the time was visiting his hometown country cambodia. He was there for a month and at first seemed excited and happy, but when he returned home he confessed to meeting a (19-year old) girl and she made him happy and that he hasn't been happy with the relationship for a while and that he was just staying with me because he felt bad for me ); He pretty much cheated, because he told me he kissed her. After that he told me to get an abortion if I wasn't ready, not to give it up for adoption. That he would take care of him. Which really pisses me off. Well I decided to leave and keep my baby. I thought he would come running back and fight to get me back. But he never did. The entire pregnancy he was out running around clubbing and hooking up with other girls. He told me that he didn't want to be with me, but that he would "help" me out and not to worry about money. He would contact me to hang out and just be friends. But I just couldn't. We were together for 3 years and he wanted me to have his baby so bad. I would think he wanted to get back with me when he would call me up and even say he's sorry and wants to make it up to me, but doesn't want to be with me? I've been so stressed this whole pregnancy. Not emotionaly supportive of me or this pregnancy at all. It's like he doesn't even realize it. He confused and messed with my head. He would tell me that he wants to buy a house and a car for me?

:o Even harder yet, he went back to cambodia again for another 6 weeks. No phone call to check and see how I'm doing, and I just found out that he is planning on bringing her over to the states. He either got engaged to this chick or married her over there. He told me to move on that he doesn't have feelings for me and that he feels bad but there is nothing he can do about it. All he cares about is bringing this girl over here. More so than his unborn son. It TEARS me up inside. How quickly he can just move on. And why rush into some other girl that might be just using him as a free ticket to the U.S. And he claims that she knows about me having his baby. If he really cared so much about her, why was he messing around with other girls. It just makes no sense to me. He even had the nerve to ask me when my due date was? How am I suppose to deal with this. This whole time I thought maybe he would come around. I'm not planning on calling him for the birth. I don't want him there. Does this guy deserve a chance to be a father. I really think he's way of thinking is to just be there financially not emotionally. In his mind what he is doing is right? Sorry to whine about this. I just need some other people's insight to my situation. What would you do. I feel so alone in this. My family has got me through this whole situation. I'm scared to see what happens after the baby is here. It would be so much easier. If he wants me to move on than just stay out of my life and your son's. Sorry this was such a long post.

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If he really cared so much about her, why was he messing around with other girls. It just makes no sense to me.

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His actions are crystal clear. Can't say if it's a culture thing but for sure he feels entitled to do whatever he wants. You should be glad you are not going to be married to this cheater. Move on but make sure he supports his child.

You were together for three years. He wants you both to be friends. He asked you when your due date was. He told you that he didn't want to be with you but that he would help you out and told you not to worry about money. He wants to buy you a house and a car. He didn't phone to see how you were doing because he has offered his help and you pushed him away. He is not a mind reader. Tell him what you want. Try to accept that you are not going to be a couple though. He will be your child's father even if there is only friendship between you. Relationships don't end, they just change. Let this man be your friend, he sounds very responsible to me.

I think he is trying to be supportive, he is offering to help. You can't dismiss that, babies need an awful lot of stuff. Let him help. And remember, he's a guy... It doesn't usually register with the guys until the baby is actually there, even then it might still take a few month, even a few years. But he will have a child with you and it will register eventually. For the child's sake, I say accept his help and his offer of friendship. If you still care about him, try caring enough to let him get on with his own life. And let him help you.

"How am I suppose to deal with this?"

Like a grown up. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Financial help is going to become very, very important here.

Think about your baby, due very soon, and try to deal with the stress and the way you feel. All this is being communicated to your baby. If you want your baby to be health and happy work on making yourself healthy and happy.

Sorry to hear you're having such a bad time, I went through pregnancy alone too so I know how you must be feeling. You say you can't understand why he moved on so quickly, the reason for this is that he had already emotionally left this relationship, any feelings that had been there were long gone.

If I met a man who had left a woman carrying his child, I'd run a mile! Feel sorry for her, a leopard never changes his spots.

Believe me the only thing you need from this loser is child maintenance. Let go, be strong for your baby and be happy that he has shown his true colours so soon. X

There is a reason marriage is suggested first, then making babies afterwards and sadly, now you see one of the bigger reasons. If I were you, I would be taking into account the poor judgement in this and use it as a big wake up call that you need to be more aware, more grounded in reality and lose any naïve little girl stuff as fast as possible. While its really regrettable that he cannot step up to the plate, where was the birth control in this? An unplanned out of wedlock child is the mistake of both partners, not just his.

"Does this guy deserve a chance to be a father" -- its too late, you already granted him fatherhood by becoming pregnant by him. The question is what sort of relationship will he have with his child, which is up to him. I would hope you see enough here in your own post to limit your involvement with this man to just things about the child. For the sake of your unborn child I hope you learn two important things -- to insist in his financial support of the child and to learn to act civil to him at all times as he is the baby's father. There is no greater burden to place on a child than that. Don't make the child pay for your mistake.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I hope once my baby is here all of my concerns about his role will be more clear. I'm tired of contacting him about everything. If he was so supportive and really wanted to be apart of his child's life than he wouldn't be off running around planning an engagement which will take a lot of time and money for this girl to become a US Citizen. I don't know how he's going to handle it. He doesn't have a "REAL" job. Lives in a house his mom's house and pays for everything in cash. Doesn't pay taxes. But that isn't my problem anymore. I wish I would have seen this coming. The best way for me to remain strong and happy is to have no contact with him. It's up to him.

Others have said it, but I'll say it again because I'm not sure you're hearing it. You need to get court-ordered child support. It's not just about what's easiest and most comfortable for you. If you let him skate completely it will come back to haunt your child in the future. It's important for your child that you get him legally on the record as the father and legally obligated to support his child financially. He may try to blow it off and escape the obligation, but at least you will be able to face your child and tell them that you did everything YOU could.

I defenitly hear it. I'm planning on filing for support as soon as possible. I'm also in the process of hiring a lawyer. Does anyone have a suggestions on what questions to ask a lawyer. I want full custody. I know they handle support and visitation seperatly... Even though he claims he will give me money each month I really can't go on his word because who knows if he'll run back and forth to 3rd world countries. He doesn't understand why I'm filing for it. Hello this is America and this is how things work over here.

I am truly sorry for everything you are going through. I'm sure you feel like you are mourning his loss and you may even feel guilty because you chose this man to be your child's father. The truth is though, a father is someone who is actually there to love and raise this child, and he very clearly has no intention to do so. He should be ashamed. I'm disgusted with his behavior and I do not agree in the slightest that he is "trying to be supportive" and responsible. You don't try, you do it or you don't.

This may not be your dream come true scenario but I will say it because I think it needs to be considered for the sake of the child. I think that this innocent little baby is entitled to a mom and dad who love, want and can raise this child under one roof. Someone who sees this baby as a true blessing and cannot have one of their own. I'm not saying for one moment that you don't love your baby, or that you don't want it. I'm saying that we have to be bigger than our wants. We have to think of what is best for him/her and being raised in a stable two parent environment is the most loving thing you can ever do. What I'm saying is I think you need to seriously consider adoption.

This guy is such a selfish little turd, not giving you or his child any serious consideration, he may agree to it in the end. I know he says he will willingly give you financial assistance but apparently he is not a man of his word since he also told you he wanted a baby with you and hence changed his mind.

I know this suggestion is a hard pill to swallow, and believe me, I know it would be the hardest thing in the world. I went through this myself. My daughter suffered immensely for my selfishness. I praise you for not having an abortion, you are a wonderful person. Raising this child without a father and having this guy pop up every now and again cause he's bored or feeling guilty for a little while and only coming around to give you money will make it more painful for your child. Eventually, if he marries this girl and has children with her, your child may wonder why he didn't want him/her.

I wish you and your child the best...

If you want a family you've got to start it with a marriage. No matter what the PC crowd and the main street press tell you in this day and age a family starts at the wedding ceremony. It can grow and change from there. Please remember that in the future.

Congratulations on being strong enough and smart enough to deliver the baby and not be blinded into risking your health through an abortion. I have a friend who just had one about 2 months ago and I don't know the exact details but now she can't have children. Ever. That was done by a licensed doctor in the United States. She is miserable, so be proud of yourself that you didn't put yourself in that position.

While your situation isn't ideal, you've got a lot to be proud of and happy about.

First of all. I know this might catch people of guard or might not agree with me. Your first mistake was letting him go back to his hometown without you! My wife's family is from another country, and there is no way I would let her go to another country by herself. Even if it was with family. I would be there right by her side. I will tell you why. When there is distance. When there is other things going on. The chanches of somebody not coming back at all, or what happened to you. I fear that. Now people from other countries. Their cultures are different. They have a totally different way of thinking and living life. That is a fact. I am not blaming you. It is his decisions that he made. I think your better off without him and that your child and yourself and your family would be best to raise this little baby. As far as you whining and crying and going about that is why we are here is to be able to listen, let you vent, and also give some advice. My advice. Since this situation did happen. Do not ever ever need to contact him again. Also I would like to add there are cultures or families or people in other countries. When people who have already been living in the states or canada. What they do or would like to do is go back to their own country and get married to the person they want to help get into the country. That is it. I am not saying this is the case but you never know.

Joe

I do agree with you. Though I can't change the past, I do wish more people would have advised me to not let him go alone. He even told me I should have went with him. The reason why I didn't go was because of work. I have a job where I can't be taken 3 weeks vacation at one time. Unlike him. He can work and do what he pleases because he works for his mom. He came back a totally different person. The second time around I just knew he was returning to see her again. When I confronted him about it he told me that he's not going to marry her. And I hear two different stories about it. Who knows how long it will take for her to come to the states. I don't want her around my son. She is the reason why he no longer has feelings for me. Someone new and someone he can better relate to. He knew I was pregnant when he got involved with her. He's back into his old roots. His english isn't really good and I don't want to put my son in that environment. It's unstable. Like night and day.
One more thing... I'm tired of trying to make him responsible. By him saying "call me if you need anything" just let's me decide if he sees him or not. I have never called if I needed anything. If he wants to be apart of raising him he should be more direct with his wishes, BUT HE'S NOT. What does that say. He is not being responsible at all. Why would this change once the baby is here. He will still be like okay see you later. Let me know if you need anything. LOSER

It looks like the reality and responsibility of being a father scared the hell out of him, so he went running. It happens a lot, too much for my tastes. From here on out, that baby comes first. None of this stress over him being with another woman, or what he is doing with his life. He is living it because he chooses to, whether it is the wrong way or not. Don't worry about him, unless he is going to help provide for your baby for the next 18 years. As much as it may hurt, try to keep it civil with him, no matter how angry you will or may be at him.

And the real reason he no longer has feelings for you (other than the obvious concern) is because of the choice HE made. A person CHOOSES their actions, if they leave the blame on someone else, that just shows how weak they are and how scared they are of admitting a wrong doing.

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She is the reason why he no longer has feelings for me.

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No she isn't. Don't shift the blame , put it where it belongs, On Him. He made his choices and has found a new female, just like you, to lie on and cheat on. Just wait and see. That's who he is. And I bet you weren't the first female to believe in him only to be jerked around later, you just don't know about her. You should know how this new girl feels and what she is in for, so why hate her?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

No she isn't. Don't shift the blame , put it where it belongs, On Him. He made his choices and has found a new female, just like you, to lie on and cheat on. just wait and see. That's who he is. And I bet you weren't the first female to believe in him only to be jerked around later, you just don't know about her. You should know how this new girl feels and what she is in for, so why hate her?

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I was his first. His first girlfriend/real relationship, first um you know, everything. It just bothers me how he claims to be so happy with this new girl. I just don't understand why she would want to get involved with him. I loved him for him and he told everyone he wanted to find out if she really likes him. HIGH SCHOOL STUFF. He's 25 years old. If this girl really knows about me having his baby and doesn't care, likely she is just using him. What foreigner wouldn't want to be living here. And they believe differently over there. His real father in cambodia has a couple wives and babies all over the place. So he really never had any father role in his life. This is probably no big deal to her. But here I go again. He probably will never change, so why do I bother. I just hope karma comes back to him.

Like I said culture has a big part to play with his actions and decisions. It is up to you if you allow this to happen or not. I say raise the baby on your own and he can go off and have children elsewhere. You and your child is better off.

I congradulate you for not letting him take you down and going along with having the baby it is hard to be a single mom but everyone makes it all you need to concentrate on is the wonderful inocent child you are going to have you need to keep your mind set because when the baby is here your child will depend on you for all of your support and I would suggest child support cause guys will say they will pay but nin the end you are on your own unless you put your foot down good luck and I wish the best for you

You poor thing, how much you are going through and your little baby too, I know it is hard but no matter how many pople tell us that we are wrong that we are making a mistake , we keep going , we think that we will make them change, and nope they don't change , I have two babies, and I love them so much , they are my best friends, and I remember with the first one I wanted her only for me, I didn't want anyone around her not even my hubby , it might happen the same to you, later I learnt to share them , but ;let me tell you something , when you have this baby and you see her little eyes you will say to yourself , I can do it on my own, keep on walking , with your chin up, your friends and family will be ALWAYS by your side , and who cares what the rest of the people say not one of them puts food on your table, Be a mom and Dad but be the best and learn, learn from your mistakes , your baby is noit the mistake, he is a blessing but the way you got him is the mistake, Do not suffer and I will pray for you tonight and as Taliman says , GOOD FOR YOU that you didn't marry that CHEATER.
All my support to you new mom and welcome to the club
Love
PIlar

Please everyone pray for me. It's all out of my hands. I know I need to be strong. I have about 3 weeks left in the pregnancy and I have gotten stronger. I know I can do this on my own. I just worry too much about his actions and how they will effect me and my son in the future. I wish I could see it. I know it's false hope to think he might change his mind after seeing his baby. How will that affect my feelings. So many say it takes the baby to physically be here for guys to accept it. That it's not real to them until they see him. But to me... it's too late. Where were you while I was providing life. Here I go again sounding like a journal entry. Thanks for all for listening. Why do men cheat during pregnancy. Why did he have to wait till I was pregnant to decide he was unhappy.

Honestly, myself personally as soon as my wife and I found out we were having our little baby. In my heart, mind, spirit. I felt a connection and new it was real immediately. I guess not all men are the same.

Yes, you may think it is out of your hands. It is not really out of your hands. You as a mother have decisions to make to make sure this baby your having gets the best chanch in life, and to be honest. It probably be best without this guy.

I am praying for you and your little one and your family. I do believe God will take care of everything. Remember though be strong, patient and any kind of rough road I do believe creates strength in a person and it is all in how we handle it and look at it which will effect the out come of everything as well. May God bless you and your family.

Joe