After a year of relationship I discovered he lied and cheated on me. But I know he loved me. He is from Cuba, I hear that Cuban guys often act like that. I forgave him inside myself, but he thinks I am still broken and he doesn't get in touch, as I think he has some respect and wants me to move on. Let's me to move on. He told me this is his style of live and he likes his freedom. Can I call him to talk to him? It has been a week now and I really would like to understand better. Should I wait a little bit longer, call him now or just forget about him forever? We were very close emotionally.
It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. Is it worth it?

He lied to you and cheated on you,he told you this is his way,I know a cuban man and I can tell you,that's not a cultural thing,it's a cheating lying your ex boyfriend thing!

He likes his freedom and has told you so,he has made no contact,I would guess because he wants you out of his life.

YOU feel you had a good emotional connection,he felt the need to cheat and lie.

Your hurt now,stay no contact,it's the most quick and best route to recovering.

Don't contact because your hurt,it will only make you needy and desperate.

No contact is for you,to empower you..

He'll be feeling guilty on his act... you just try to back on the track.. just you are the one who can bring him back nobody can't brought him back expect you.

I don't think you should call him nor attempt a friendship-you may think you have moved on,but I think you need longer to heal from the breakup.

He lied and he cheated,let him go live life according to his lifestyle and busy yourself living your own life.

Stay no contact and read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for good advice on getting over a breakup.

I know that all what you say make sense. I guess maybe it was me who was really attached. But when he was with me, he was there 100%. I never had any suspicions, we were planning holidays together etc. I just can't understand why somebody can live a life like that.

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Originally Posted by bfolta27

I know that all what you say make sense. I guess maybe it was me who was really attached. But when he was with me, he was there 100%. i never had any suspicions, we were planning holidays together etc. I just can't understand why somebody can live a life like that.

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I don't mean to be flippant but sometimes that's the way it goes.

I understand your hurt and confused, but there are nice guys out there who will treat you right...

Take time to recover from this,learn from it.

I guess I will learn a lot. Thank you for your contribution. It is so much better to hear advice from outside, rather then from your own emotions and feelings. In these situations, unfortunatelly, they let people down. Thank you again, All the best.

You're very welcome.
Take good care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by bfolta27

I guess I will learn a lot. Thank you for your contribution. it is so much better to hear advice from outside, rather then from your own emotions and feelings. In these situations, unfortunatelly, they let people down. Thank you again, All the best.

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amicon suggested reading the relationship stickies,there is really helpful advice in there,and I also recommend reading them.

As much as you think you loved him, don't you think you deserve someone who loves you that much? Unconditionally, completely, from-the-heart, shout-it-from-the-rooftops, your one-and-only, committed, dedicated, truly yours ONLY?

You have gotten wonderful advice here - I can't say anything more.

All I can say is you deserve so much more than someone who lies to you, cheats on you, and doesn't care if he breaks your heart.

Hold out for that man.

Best of luck.

Emotions are fickle when you are going through a break up, it seems one moment that all you can or will ever feel is pain and that he must know what he has done... in fact you should ring him and tell him...

Ten minutes later your remembering the good times and the 'emotional connection' you had...

These emotions, although real are misleading follow your self worth and stay away from a guy that would lie and cheat to you.

It's most definitely a NC situation here.

Best of Luck.

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It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. Is it worth it?

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No its not worth making a liar, and a cheater your friend. It only keeps the hurt fresh, and the wounds open.

You can still be friends in the future, after your own healing, and if he has changed his lifestyle. Right now your healing takes priority, over keeping this cheater in your life.

Then you can make better decisions based on facts, and not just emotions, and hurt feelings.

After he cheated on my and lied to me, we broke up. He called me to ask if I was OK, saying he was worried. I told him how hard it is, what an arsehole he is and that I will go over it soon. Then I regreted what I have said( Why, oh, why, did I regret?? ) and I texted him that "I have always had great time with you and I will miss it a lot. I always loved you. Don't be such an arsehole again :-)" I know I have made a mistake. Can I fix it? How do I get my pride back? Can I still let him know that he is a cheap bastard? I feel like he thinks I am pretty OK with what happened after my last text. Any advice? Please!

Go back and start no contact again.

Nc is hard,and we do slip up,but you can gain ground again by realising it made no difference to him and start again.

There is a great stickie by friend4u in the relatonship thread,there's quite a few actually.

I suggest you make a cup of tea,sit down and read them,by the end you will be pointing at the computer screen and shouting oh my god,that's me!

Start No Contact again and try harder to keep it intact this time.

Its your healing at stake here, and only you are responsible for it. Not him, no matter what he does, or says.

You go back to NC,you stick with it and that will allow you to get your pride and selfrespect back.

It doesn't matter what he thinks,its about you and how you handle your own healing now.
Stay strong.

Exactly, it doesn't matter what he thinks the way you can get yourself respect is to start being selfish.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing. You need to start forgetting about him and what he thinks and start caring and listening to yourself. You are what is important here! Not him.

Start NC again, as everyone has said. It is the road to being happy again in yourself.

Best of Luck.

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Originally Posted by bfolta27

After a year of relationship I discovered he lied and cheated on me. But I know he loved me. He is from Cuba, I hear that Cuban guys often act like that. I forgave him inside myself, but he thinks I am still broken and he doesn't get in touch, as I think he has some respect and wants me to move on. let's me to move on. He told me this is his style of live and he likes his freedom. Can I call him to talk to him? It has been a week now and I really would like to understand better. Should i wait a little bit longer, call him now or just forget about him forever? We were very close emotionally.
It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. is it worth it?

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This guy did you wrong!! I don't think you even understand it you spend too much time thinking of what he feels! You need to take a break and think that you are not the reason for all this:HE IS.
He is Guilty!He should be the one wondering what YOU think of him.
He cheated on you and now wants to know if you're OK? What the hell was he thinking about when he did this?That it would make you feel good?You know this does not make sense.
So take a break please calm yourself use your brain!
I know it is hard but please use your brain not your broken heart.
Don't contact him.

It is so terribly hard. Thousands of thoughts going through your head. He promised "forever", he was so affectionate and loving. I know that he has been through s in his life, he is almost 40 now and I am just 27. He feels like I have life in front of me and I guess he used to get jelaous about it. But I never let him feel that way. We had such a wonderful time, but I grew suspicious after he spent less and less time with me, not picking up his phone etc. I can't believe he carried those two relationships at the same time with such perfection! I hate him so much but the same time love him to death. I don't want to go back, I know there is so much more for me waiting in the future, but it feels I wasn't ready for this break up, I wasn't ready for him to cheat and lie all the time. I am so heartbroken, I wish he could feel me, at least for a while. I will do my best to stick to NC rule. I need to be strong. You are all fantastic and helped me so much! Thank you,

Don't tell yourself you'll do your best, tell yourself you'll do it.

You may fall off the wagon again and there is no shame in that but without belief in yourself you'll have learned nothing from this.

That's all it can be now, a learning experience.

Best of Luck.