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    martinjakson12's Avatar
    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Feb 3, 2019, 05:52 AM
    Not having friends at school am a weirdo
    So am the same guy that have asked this question https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ml#post3827993 but am much better right now my whole problem was because . I was masturbuting every single day and watching porno. Its just stupid and then I have stopped all that from 5 days so far and am feeling a lot better but now I want to talk about a problem having it in my life and hope that someone could help me.Now all what I have been doing in the past was sitting down on my PC playing games and just watching yeah that thing . And at school I wasn't talking to anyone like I was sitting alone and not talking or having friends at school at all.Now after I stopped watching and sitting on my PC. I want to change my life with people could you guys imagine I was sitting in my home doing nothing for more than 3 years now not going out with anyone just staying on my PC. So now I have 2 people from my school that sends me home-works daily yeah I also forgot to say that I stopped going to school for 2 month until now . I will be going school again next week but I don't want to go and stay alone again because I want to change to the better not going back again like be for . So am asking you guys what should I say to this 2 persons they are girls by the way in my class I want to send them a message saying that could we open a new page of friendship I know I was a weirdo but trust me I have changed . Something among those lines just to make them feel better about me .My goal now is to start talking to them on instagram for this week until I go to school so when I go I don't feel like I got no one I want to talk to them until we be friends or semi- friends so when I go there they will start talking to me and laugh etc.. Am a guy that have a shyness from social I don't know what its called like I feel shy when I am with others and that is a problem from me so what could I write to them now anything that will make them feel better about me . Thanks to all of you that are willing to help me with this problem and sorry for my bad english
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Feb 3, 2019, 10:27 AM
    Clearly guy you need to LEARN to speak face to face with these girls, and broaden that to everyone, not just girls. This is how you build social skills that enhance your confidence, and stand on your own two feet without the cover of that darned electronic communications and social media so popular with today's youth.

    Put the computer away for 30 days, and go make friends. You have much wasted time in this regard to make up for. There is no instant success, and many disappointments and confusion, but that's the whole point is learning to deal with real people in real time and get used to handling yourself.

    Sometimes you don't have to say anything, just be there for the opportunity to learn about people. For that you have to UNisolate yourself and get back into the mix. The only message to the girls sending you homework, is a heartfelt thanks, and a token of your gratitude. Please save the rest of the rap for in person.

    When you get back to school, look around and join a club or two. It's a great way to open the door of opportunity to interact with people just like you. I had to spend lunch breaks in a freaking library through school, to keep my grades up for all those clubs and activities after school. That's how I learned the difference between shy and lonely, and quiet and alone. It's just the level of being busy doing your own thing.

    So get busy for REAL.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #3

    Feb 3, 2019, 10:31 AM
    Use "I" statements: "I have finally realized I was hurting myself by not going to school. I know I must do the required work so I can graduate. May I ask you for your encouragement and your help?" ----- or something like that.
    martinjakson12's Avatar
    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Feb 3, 2019, 12:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by @[URL="https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/talaniman.html"
    talaniman[/URL]]Clearly guy you need to LEARN to speak face to face with these girls, and broaden that to everyone, not just girls. This is how you build social skills that enhance your confidence, and stand on your own two feet without the cover of that darned electronic communications and social media so popular with today's youth.

    Put the computer away for 30 days, and go make friends. You have much wasted time in this regard to make up for. There is no instant success, and many disappointments and confusion, but that's the whole point is learning to deal with real people in real time and get used to handling yourself.

    Sometimes you don't have to say anything, just be there for the opportunity to learn about people. For that you have to UNisolate yourself and get back into the mix. The only message to the girls sending you homework, is a heartfelt thanks, and a token of your gratitude. Please save the rest of the rap for in person.

    When you get back to school, look around and join a club or two. It's a great way to open the door of opportunity to interact with people just like you. I had to spend lunch breaks in a freaking library through school, to keep my grades up for all those clubs and activities after school. That's how I learned the difference between shy and lonely, and quiet and alone. It's just the level of being busy doing your own thing.

    So get busy for REAL.
    @talaniman huge thanks to you , your answer made me think about myself more and more but problem is am thinking now of how am going to talk with them now and they know that I am that guy that stays away and doesn't talk to us.like am thinking of way to start talking with them on that day when I go but I can't I feel that am going to sit like before and do nothing but looking at them and never talking. Any suggestions on what should I do I really in need of your answer right now
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Feb 3, 2019, 02:40 PM
    Reread what I wrote as I add along with the words of appreciation for their help (In person of course) with paying attention, and LISTENING to the response you get. Aren't you curious as to them as a person? Of course so ask questions. Don't be so wrapped up in your own feelings you forget to pay attention to others, and most times less is more. What I mean is don't try to force a conversation, or impress for a favorable view of yourself by others. That's usually has the opposite effect.

    A simple thank you is enough I feel, or an explanation of your own actions may be as sufficient. A simple acknowledgement as small as hello, how you doing, is often enough to start any interaction, and when it's not don't be discouraged. Stop thinking about you and your own fears and insecurities and just do the human you. At least you will find out what works and what doesn't as nothing works for everyone.

    Just get up off your scaredy a$$ and say THANKS! Don't THEY deserve that?
    martinjakson12's Avatar
    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Feb 3, 2019, 03:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    Reread what I wrote as I add along with the words of appreciation for their help (In person of course) with paying attention, and LISTENING to the response you get. Aren't you curious as to them as a person? Of course so ask questions. Don't be so wrapped up in your own feelings you forget to pay attention to others, and most times less is more. What I mean is don't try to force a conversation, or impress for a favorable view of yourself by others. That's usually has the opposite effect.

    A simple thank you is enough I feel, or an explanation of your own actions may be as sufficient. A simple acknowledgement as small as hello, how you doing, is often enough to start any interaction, and when it's not don't be discouraged. Stop thinking about you and your own fears and insecurities and just do the human you. At least you will find out what works and what doesn't as nothing works for everyone.

    Just get up off your scaredy a$$ and say THANKS! Don't THEY deserve that?

    Thanks again your advice are much appreciated but 1 last thing so I can be sure that I won't be scared and get my a$$ as you said xd. All what worries me right now on what to say like.If they tell me hey welcome back to school which I highly doubt that they will but if they did then I will just tell them thanks and after that what nothing. They will group together and will go to somewhere else and I will be left alone same as before I can't even explain what I really want to do but I will try to.I want to challenge myself in the first day I go I want all of my class say that I have changed from like before when I was alone and not talking to the normal talking guy. I really wanted to send them a message telling them that I am coming to school after 1 week and I hope that we can create a friendship I know I was weird and alone before but that has changed from this moment. And I wanted to group them in a group and message them all asking them questions like "sup , how's everything doing with u", "what did you do yesterday" and maybe keep sending funny memes so they can laugh and I can get Comfortable with them so when I go I feel that I already got friends waiting for me at school and there is nothing that I could fear about. But I don't know if this is the right way to do it but this way I could feel more Comfortable with but I would love to hear your advice because you know better than me in this thing.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #7

    Feb 3, 2019, 03:31 PM
    You want a fancy return to school hire a band. Why can't you just be cool and take one day at a time. Take baby steps until you get comfortable guy. Is there a reason why you just sit like a lonely lump when the group moves away?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #8

    Feb 3, 2019, 04:11 PM
    Tell them you missed them and are back for good. Then do what you said: "asking them questions like 'sup , how's everything doing with u', 'what did you do yesterday' and maybe keep sending funny memes so they can laugh and I can get Comfortable with them."
    martinjakson12's Avatar
    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Feb 3, 2019, 04:30 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    You want a fancy return to school hire a band. Why can't you just be cool and take one day at a time. Take baby steps until you get comfortable guy. Is there a reason why you just sit like a lonely lump when the group moves away?
    You are right but problem is I guess its me because a lot of times before I stopped going to school I used to stay with them when they are grouping and going together but I was just not talking to anyone just staying there doing nothing between them and I can remember that 1 day.One of those 2 girls that I have talked to you about came to me and grabbed my hand because they where playing football and I don't like to play football and she said why you don't want to play with us I said I don't like playing football then she grabbed my hand and told me to come play with them and I did.Now am sure from the (inside of me) that if I tried to be friendly with them they will accept it because I am a different person in home and in school.In home with my family I make everyone laugh and have fun with my family but outside in school am not. Am 100% sure if I can make them my friends I will be there best friend for sure but problem now is how to get them to that (best friend) part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl
    Tell them you missed them and are back for good. Then do what you said: "asking them questions like 'sup , how's everything doing with u', 'what did you do yesterday' and maybe keep sending funny memes so they can laugh and I can get Comfortable with them."
    But do you think that is a good way to approach them to make them my friends because that will make me think less about that day. I know it may sound dumb that I keep thinking about that day on what will I do , what will I say but really all what I am doing from now until I go to school is thinking on how things is going to work . I said I could send them messages because that will make me feel more confident about myself when I am there and I know that they already know me. I just need someone to push that day with me if they can do it like by talking to me and laughing with me then I will start talking without a problem.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #10

    Feb 4, 2019, 06:44 AM
    I think you ask a lot of those friends who helped you stay abreast of your homework, and showed you kindness and understanding when you were in school. Now you want them to be your crutch when you return from your self exile? Yeah you are overthinking this, and are selfishly asking for more of them, because of your own fear and insecurities. That ain't good since you are just frightening yourself needlessly.

    Man up and deal with this maturely. It would seem if gratitude was your attitude for what these girls have already shown you, then thanking them would add to your courage instead of plotting, planning and conniving to get even more from them. Frankly guy while I get returning someplace after an absence, I do NOT understand the absence in the first place, nor your parents even going along with it.

    Obviously I don't think much of your approach or line of thinking as it's a futile thing to manipulate others into being your friend, as well as weird, and even borders on despicable. Please don't go there and just relax and take the day as it comes. Try at least to do the right thing the right way and I think to that end you have gotten some good suggestions.

    Maybe you should talk to your school counsellor, or a trusted adult (PARENTS?) about your insecurities and low self esteem since I see your real issue is acting on your fears rather than facing them maturely.
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    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Feb 4, 2019, 07:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    I think you ask a lot of those friends who helped you stay abreast of your homework, and showed you kindness and understanding when you were in school. Now you want them to be your crutch when you return from your self exile? Yeah you are overthinking this, and are selfishly asking for more of them, because of your own fear and insecurities. That ain't good since you are just frightening yourself needlessly.

    Man up and deal with this maturely. It would seem if gratitude was your attitude for what these girls have already shown you, then thanking them would add to your courage instead of plotting, planning and conniving to get even more from them. Frankly guy while I get returning someplace after an absence, I do NOT understand the absence in the first place, nor your parents even going along with it.

    Obviously I don't think much of your approach or line of thinking as it's a futile thing to manipulate others into being your friend, as well as weird, and even borders on despicable. Please don't go there and just relax and take the day as it comes. Try at least to do the right thing the right way and I think to that end you have gotten some good suggestions.

    Maybe you should talk to your school counsellor, or a trusted adult (PARENTS?) about your insecurities and low self esteem since I see your real issue is acting on your fears rather than facing them maturely.
    Well yeah but after being lonely and not talking to them all of this years and then returning to school and trying to make them friends is the hard part for me because they will look at me like am a weird guy. I know that I should thank them and appreciate there help for me but that won't do anything more than just them saying "no problem".

    So that's why I want to message them and trying to get them to know me more so we could start our first way of friendship so then when I am there I could start talking and sitting with them without being worried about what should I say what should I do etc...

    All am asking now is this is the right way to do it because for me I feel it is and if it wasn't what should I do just go there and thank them for helping me with my homeworks and then they will just keep going with the group and I can't do anything but if I start talking to them I could try to make them laugh or talk with them about anything just to make them feel that I am a normal guy and not a weirdo.

    idk but still i need more advice from you and please know that i just want to have people to talk with and go out with because as you know sitting on my pc for more than 8 hours everyday not doing or making anything is boring.And btw i have talked with my father about this and he said you should go there and make some friends and he told me to forget about anything that has happened before.

    So that's why if I can show them that I have changed to the good and try to talk with them. Maybe then it won't be difficult to me to face them face to face when I go there.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #12

    Feb 4, 2019, 08:30 AM
    Harshness Warning
    My suggestion is you stop looking for ways to make people like you, because what you ask is impossible in the first place, and doesn't pass the smell test of a human being trying to do the right thing, or even trying to be a good human. Why can you not just accept the reaction of these friends, and go from there rather that plotting on them and manipulating them for MORE. Heck you have not even done your part yet and express your gratitude for what has already been given freely.

    Why do you insist on being the worst you can be? Obviously your selfishness blinds you to the obvious that they helped you because wanted to, yet you cannot reciprocate that honor? Well go ahead and call them and be honest and tell them of your fears and you need their help again to get through that dreaded first day back.

    Accept their response to that and keep it real. Show them this thread if you have the courage to be honest with them as you are not with yourself. Your father gave you good advice so heed it.
    martinjakson12's Avatar
    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Feb 4, 2019, 01:12 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    My suggestion is you stop looking for ways to make people like you, because what you ask is impossible in the first place, and doesn't pass the smell test of a human being trying to do the right thing, or even trying to be a good human. Why can you not just accept the reaction of these friends, and go from there rather that plotting on them and manipulating them for MORE. Heck you have not even done your part yet and express your gratitude for what has already been given freely.

    Why do you insist on being the worst you can be? Obviously your selfishness blinds you to the obvious that they helped you because wanted to, yet you cannot reciprocate that honor? Well go ahead and call them and be honest and tell them of your fears and you need their help again to get through that dreaded first day back.

    Accept their response to that and keep it real. Show them this thread if you have the courage to be honest with them as you are not with yourself. Your father gave you good advice so heed it.
    All right I have decided after what you said that am going to write up a sum of my problem and I will try to minimize it to keep it short and simple and I will ask them if they can help me with that but being a man like me asking 2 girls in my class to help me with this problem I guess it doesn't sound right to me but I don't know maybe because am a weirdo again but thanks for helping me out throw out this days +REP I will talk with 1 of them that I think that she will for sure help me because she is friendly and not like the other one and I will see what she will say to me . Thanks again for your help @talaniman
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #14

    Feb 5, 2019, 08:02 AM
    Good luck guy, I wish you the best. Can you please let us know how it went?
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    martinjakson12 Posts: 19, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Feb 5, 2019, 04:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    Good luck guy, I wish you the best. Can you please let us know how it went?

    For sure man I will update this thread once I do any prog

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