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    Jacksongarland's Avatar
    Jacksongarland Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 3, 2013, 01:21 AM
    I'm worried about my girlfriend. What do I do?
    Iím in an online/long distance relationship. She and I have been friends for a while but only recently started dating on Friday of last week. Friday, and Saturday we spent most of the day talking to each other online and we spoke Sunday after she got off work. That evening she said she had to go somewhere and she gave me her number so I could text her which I did. We each exchanged about 3 texts before she stopped replying. I figured she was busy so I waited until about 10:00 pm to text her back, and didnít get a reply. This worried me because even if her phone had died or something like that she would normally be home at this time and I would have seen her get online.

    I texted her Monday morning at 2:00 am right before I went to bed saying I was worried and for her to text me and let me know she was OK. I didnít get a reply so I did the same thing Monday night before I went to bed. Tuesday I decided to call and I got a recording from the phone company saying the person wasnít available to take my call and they would be notified but there wasnít a voicemail. I tried texting again and I got an error text saying the number was invalid. I tried looking the number up and one site said it was an invalid number and on another site it gave me a possible town of residence but said it was a LAN line, not a cell phone which I thought was pretty weird. I tried texting again to see if it would send me the same message but it didnít.

    Iíve tried to find other ways of contacting her or finding her social media profiles but havenít been able to find any other than an old mylife.com profile which didnít have any useful information on it other than a different town than the other site gave me. I would like to think that the phone bill and internet bill just didnít get paid but Iím pretty sure she has the money to pay them because sheís been saving up to buy a house and move. I just canít help thinking something has happened to her. She hasnít been online on any of the sites that I know she goes on, or on skype which really isnít like her, and Iím pretty sure if nothing was wrong she would have found a way to contact me somehow since she does have my number.

    Do you have any advice? (Also Iíve tried looking up all info I can on her and there is hardly any that I can find)
    tiggerella's Avatar
    tiggerella Posts: 184, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Oct 3, 2013, 07:00 AM
    So let me be clear on this: Did you actually meet her face-to-face when you said you had "dated" on Friday, or was that also long-distance/over the net?

    Just taking what you posted at face value, this sounds very much like someone who met someone on Sunday, and just doesn't want to go through any drama by confronting you to tell you so...

    I'm speaking from two forms of experience here.

    The first is my own personal experience, as I went out on a date with a guy in college, went home for spring break with him
    promising we would go out to a movie when we both got back on campus - and didn't speak to him again until 25 years later, when he located me online and 'fessed up that he had discovered, while home for spring break, that his ex was pregnant with his kid He purposefully avoided me for 18 months on campus rather than go through the drama of telling me what had happened and letting us part as friends. (Needless to say, I ended up in therapy over it, thinking I had done something too horrible for words.)

    The second experience comes through my son, who had married his high school sweetheart, was working two jobs to support them while she was finishing college, and had her stop answering his texts and phone calls while she was at a party and he was working. It took her a couple of weeks of not talking to him before she 'fessed up that she was having an affair with a guy she knew who was at that party. Needless to say, she's his ex-wife now, as that wasn't the only man she had slept with while he worked.

    There IS also the possibility that something off may have happened at the place she went to on Sunday, but since it's now Thursday and you haven't seen anything reporting her missing per her parents, her friends, or her co-workers...

    Yeah, the little voice in my head is screaming "Avoidance" here. How you handle it is up to you, but past experience has taught me that, if they're trying that hard and there's no reports stating something bad happened, it's time to write them off and move on. You might have thought of her as your girlfriend, but she may have changed her mind.
    Jacksongarland's Avatar
    Jacksongarland Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 3, 2013, 09:08 AM
    No we have never met face to face. Ive been in a situation where my ex avoided me and that really doesn't seem like something my current girlfriend would do, it's completley out of her nature to go through such lengths just to avoid talking to me. Or to suddenly meet someone new and stop texting so soon just for that reason.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #4

    Oct 3, 2013, 09:18 AM
    After reading this, it seems to me like she is just avoiding you. I was thinking this the whole time I was reading but then when I got to the fact that it seems as if the number has been cancelled... well... that is pretty much it for me. I mean, IF something happened to her, why is the number cancelled now? She didn't get hurt and then call the phone company to cancel the number. You know what I mean?

    I would just let this go. Since you have nobody else to contact to find out about her, what can you really do? Assume she chickened out, and just let it go.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #5

    Oct 3, 2013, 12:20 PM
    It may be just me but it creeps me out when people who have never met act like they are in a serious relationship and behave like you did. Possessive, clingy, and stalking behaviors are not attractive. She is allowed to have friends, do stuff on her time, and take a break talking to you.

    The best thing you could do is find someone in your own town that you can actually meet in person and learn what it is to have a relationship.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #6

    Oct 3, 2013, 12:31 PM
    I think Oliver is right. You talk as though you have a personal relationship, not an electronic one. It is difficult to imagine establishing enough of a relationship the way you are doing it, to think that either of you is obligated to the other as to your whereabouts and activities.

    Shouldn't those types of things- activities- be done in person?

    On the other hand, I do realize that there was a connection made, online and texting, that has left you with some confidence that should something major go wrong, she would get in touch with you.

    But, you have gone to such extremes to find her and investigate all available avenues to find her. Perhaps there is something about you that, should this relationship actually been in person, and she didn't want to contact you, would you have shown up at her home? Her workplace?

    It is dangerous territory to become so bent on locating a person that you have no reason to locate. She chooses not to contact you, and you can't let it go.

    Unless you have reason to be worried- i.e. she has a life threatening illness, or is suicidal, or had been completely dependent upon you for keeping her life together, then there is no reason on earth why you should consider her fair game in this stalking stuff.

    Like you, I can't imagine what the reason could possibly be as to why she suddenly stop communicating, other than, she doesn't need a reason.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,215, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #7

    Oct 3, 2013, 01:32 PM
    You may think you know this person, but you don't, and the fact she has disappeared without a trace is a hint to stop this pursuit and worry, and chalk it up as an experience. The online romance(?) is over.

    Talaniman Rule- Never give your heart to a person you have never met.

    Chatting and texting is not dating.
    Jacksongarland's Avatar
    Jacksongarland Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 3, 2013, 02:31 PM
    This is really confusing me because you all seem to think she's doing this "to avoid me" and although its true we have never met we were best friends before we started dating. And lets say she was just doing this to avoid me... why would she give me her phone number right before deciding to do so? I'm not being possessive or clingy, if she wants time away from me ill respect that if she decides that she doesn't want to be with me anymore ill respect that too. Im just thinking that it would be a little weird for her to go completely off the grid just to avoid me because doing so means she is avoiding everyone else she interacts with too. She also has plans on moving here to my town (which she had before she even met me)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,890, Reputation: 5430
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #9

    Oct 3, 2013, 03:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacksongarland View Post
    This is really confusing me because you all seem to think shes doing this "to avoid me"
    I got creeped out just reading your first post and the lengths you have gone to to connect with her again. My opinion is that she has severed contact with you for whatever reason. And you aren't "dating." And your ex avoided you?
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #10

    Oct 3, 2013, 03:22 PM
    I think she's doing it to avoid you because I believe that she thought about it after you both became "official" and she might have realized she made a mistake... but now she doesn't know what to do about it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,215, Reputation: 10853
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    #11

    Oct 3, 2013, 03:25 PM
    Relax and keep living your real life and see if you learn more later, but above all don't panic and speculate the worst. It's a mystery that won't be solved soon, or by rash impulsive actions.

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