Check out some similar questions!

kimma78 · Jun 5, 2009, 12:44 PM

I am really hoping that someone can help me fix myself. I am in a relationship with a great guy. Here is the situation. He has a friend who lives very far away and only comes home like once a year. When he comes home they like to spend time together and I am all for that. Last year they went out of town on a Friday and I did not meet up with them until Saturday night. We talked and I had some stuff to do on Saturday and it wasn't until I called to confirm that I was coming that he informed me that there was an old classmate there that happened to be a girl. Come to find out she had been there Friday night as well. When I got there I let it go and had a good time. But it has bothered me because I felt like if I had not went there would I ever had known? And why wasn't I told? Well I try to let it go but this friend is coming again this year and they have plans to do things and I am not included. Is it so wrong of me to want to be included? I respect the fact that he needs his guy time but my thoughts are if they are going out and there is going to be other people around why shouldn't I be able to come too? If you have not already figured it out I am an overly jealous person. I have pretty much driven this man away already but this was the final straw for him. I just have to know how to not be so jealous.
Help please.

kctiger · Jun 5, 2009, 12:45 PM

So, he needs your permission to hang out around another girl?

spitvenom · Jun 5, 2009, 12:50 PM

Aside from his friend that comes in once a year. How often does he hang out with his friends that live near by without?

slapshot_oi · Jun 5, 2009, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by kimma78

Well I try to let it go but this friend is coming again this year and they have plans to do things and I am not included. Is it so wrong of me to want to be included? I respect the fact that he needs his guy time but my thoughts are if they are going out and there is going to be other people around why shouldn't I be able to come too?
Help please.

... did you read anything that you wrote?

Don't kid yourself, you don't respect his guy time.

kimma78 · Jun 5, 2009, 01:00 PM

I know that I have issues - I just don't know how to fix them. So this is more about me wanting to know how to get over my jealousy then anything. I really don't think that he would EVER hurt me. Not in a million years BUT that does not stop me from worrying about it.

kctiger · Jun 5, 2009, 01:03 PM

What do you have going on? I mean, when he goes out, do you do your own thing or do you just sit there and wait for him to get home? Relationships are about sharing, and not dependence.

spitvenom · Jun 5, 2009, 01:05 PM

You can't let that control you. If he goes out with his friends go out with your friends. If you are sitting in the house by yourself watching a rerun of some stupid show you have seen over and over again while he is out of course your jealously is going to consume you.

If you go out with your friends sure you will probably think about him but you have enough things to distract you that you won't be jealous.

But really you say you trust him but jealousy has everything to do with not having trust.

kimma78 · Jun 5, 2009, 01:11 PM

We are both divorced. We do not really do much of anything other than work, hang out with each other and hang out with our kids. Last year I sat home on Friday night while he was out, maybe that is part of the problem. I should have went out and had a good time? Because otherwise that is what I do, sit home and worry. I know myself if I was going out with friends I would invite him to come with. It is just the kind of person that I am. He is my best friend and I have more fun with him around. I always thought that we felt the same about that.
We have had a lot of issues and it all comes down to the fact that I find trusting very hard. I am the type of person to always think the worst.
I know how it is - he is jealous at times as well and I think that it is stupid and he is worrying about nothing because I love him. Now why I can't convince myself of that I am not sure.

spitvenom · Jun 5, 2009, 01:19 PM

My wife was my best friend before we started to date and she is still my best friend. We do everything together but there are times we don't do things together. Do we miss each other when we are not together of course. But neither one of us gets jealous. Because we know we are going to see each other in a few hours.

makapuu · Jun 5, 2009, 01:55 PM

The best advice I can give is to ask your boyfriend to be respectful of your feelings. I think you have a valid reason to be jealous when you find out that your boyfriend left town with another woman. If your boyfriend cares about you, he'll try to help you understand his relationship with this friend.
It sounds like you have met this "other woman". What did you think of their relationship?

My bf's ex-gf used to ignore me. She would try to hang all over him at parties with me right there. She would even want to go out with him "as friends" without me. She was either in denial that she lost him, or she didn't respect my relationship with him. I was mad at her more than with my boyfriend.

kimma78 · Jun 5, 2009, 02:04 PM

She has a boyfriend and seems nice. I guess what really bothers me is that we don't do much of anything as far as going out because we are divorced, have kids and money is usually an issue. So now that he has the oppurtunity to go out and he does not want to take me with. They were never a couple so that does not worry me at all.

makapuu · Jun 5, 2009, 03:15 PM

That's so familiar. My boyfriend and his ex-gf used to go out and do expensive things, and she usually paid for it all, so I couldn't blame my boyfriend for being tempted to go out with her once we started dating. It seemed to me that she is the type that can't stand to be alone, or be seen without a guy, so she'll take anyone.

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 03:36 PM

Two things stand out,

1) You need more responsibility for your own happiness.
Then you wouldn't be as dependent on him, or jealous of his guy time.
2) You don't feel he includes you when he does have a good time with his friends.
I wouldn't be jealous, I would be mad, he is going off with a female, friend, or not, without you.

Guy time is one thing, but with a female, this is not guy time, nor is it acceptable.

It is uncaring, and darn selfish. You may have personal issue to deal with, but also bad behavior on his part.